Sometimes parents have to deal with their children who don’t want to come home at a certain designated time. However, it might come back at children when they find out they missed out on something great by doing so. At least this happened to this Redditor, who was staying at his cousin’s when he accidentally noticed that his mom ordered some beach supplies from Amazon and checked her location only to find out that she was in Honolulu, Hawaii on a vacation solo, as he didn’t want to come back home… The teenager asked online, who was a jerk here?

More info: Reddit | M.Ed. Annie Fox

A teenager quarreled with his mom about coming home, got shocked after he checked her location the next day

Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo) 

His parents have shared custody, so on Sunday, his mom texted him to ‘pick clothes’ when coming to stay with her

Image credit: u/Express-Breakfast948

Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy (not the actual photo) 

Image credit: u/Express-Breakfast948

The teenager wanted to know if his mother had any plans, but she told him it didn’t matter as it was her week

Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo) 

The boy preferred to stay with his cousin as they already had plans and he didn’t want to sit at home all day

Missing out on something is not the most pleasant of feelings. In fact, we would love to miss out on this one. Either way, every time we choose one thing, we miss all the other things we could be doing instead. It’s just… not all of them are trips to Hawaii and this boy’s mom knew it!

The livid teen brought it to the Reddit community to decide who was a jerk in this situation, which ended with his mom on a Hawaii trip and him left with no proper vacation. The 16-year-old explained that after their divorce, his parents had shared custody and his mom texted him on Sunday to bring his clothes when coming from his dad’s place.

While the boy inquired why he needed to bring clothes and if his mom had some plans, his mom remained secretive about it and only noted it was her week anyway, so according to her, it did not matter whether she had some plans.

Either way, the teenager was hesitant to go back to his mom’s place. He gave his reasons that he already had plans with his cousins and did not wish to stay home, especially with his room at his mom’s place occupied by his other cousin.

After quarreling back and forth with his mother, the teen stayed at his cousin’s. He was just checking something on Amazon when he noticed some beach supplies delivered to his mom. As he checked the location, the teenager found out his mom was in the middle of Honolulu, Hawaii having a solo vacation that he missed.

Rachel Ehmke for Child Mind Institute listed tips for parents wishing to keep their parent-child relationship strong during the tricky time of teenage years of their children, when kids are doing exciting new things, but they’re also “pushing boundaries (and buttons) and throwing tantrums.” Which is related to the developmental task of asserting their own independence.

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Ehmke also distinguished teenage years as the time when children are beginning to make decisions about things that have real consequences – she listed school, friends, driving, among others. However, as teens are not yet very good at regulating their emotions and tend to be impulsive in their decisions, having a healthy and trusting relationship with their parents is crucial.

The teenager was staying at his cousin’s when he noticed his mom’s order on Amazon

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) 

It was a delivery of beach supplies and checking the location, he figured out his mom was in Honolulu, Hawaii!

Ehmke suggested listening to your children, noting that they are more likely to share when they don’t feel pressured. Similarly, Debbie Pincus for Empowering Parents suggested refusing the urge to quickly judge the teenager according to what you think they should be doing or thinking, but trying to really understand their reasoning by putting yourself in their shoes first and actually listening to what they have to say. In such a way, teenagers can open up instead of feeling that that they have to defend themselves against you.

Another point brought up by Ehmke was showing trust and not being a dictator, as teens naturally want and need to be taken seriously by their parents. Having faith in your kids and showing it will boost their confidence and faith in themselves, making them more likely to rise to the occasion. Finally, even though teens tend to push boundaries, parents still get to set the rules, but they are expected to explain them, to make them reasonable and understandable for their kids.

In order to better understand this specific development of events between the mother and her teenage son, Bored Panda reached out to M.Ed. Annie Fox, who is a tween and teen parenting expert and an award-winning author, and she kindly agreed to share her insights.

Ms. Fox drew attention to communication issues here as “there seems to have been a major breakdown between mom and her son,” and emphasized that “without good communication, it’s impossible to maintain a healthy relationship (the only kind worth having).”

Ms. Fox explained that while she understands “the enjoyment that parents get out of ‘surprising’ their kids with special gifts and/or experiences,” according to her,  in this case, being too mysterious “was a mistake,” because “the son is sixteen years old. Not six!” For this reason, it is natural that “he has his own social life and the right to know what he’s being offered so he can make an informed decision.”

Ms. Fox wondered if the boy’s mother was hurt by his not wanting “to drop everything to be with her without knowing anything about the plans,” as she “‘snapped’ when he started asking questions.”

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“This whole blow-up could have been avoided if mom had simply let her son in on the vacation plans,” Ms. Fox noted and shared her recommendations, as well as hope that after the mother returns “the two of them can have a calm, respectful conversation (without blaming each other or interrupting).”  She elaborated that “It would be a good thing for them to be honest about what went down and what was going on at the time. That way, in the future, they can do a better job of communicating, respecting each other, and getting their needs met.” 

To find more on teen parenting as well as insights for teens by Ms. Annie Fox, please visit Annie Fox’s Blog, Family Confidential podcast, and her website.

Redditors gave their takes on the mama’s trip and overall situation

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