Being a parent is one of the most fulfilling jobs in the world – and one of the toughest. Every parent looks for help wherever they can, but some wind up looking for it in the wrong places. After one woman took to Reddit to complain that her son wasn’t helping her watch her other children while on vacation, she was broadly criticized for trying to force her eldest into an unwanted parental role.

For those of us fortunate enough to have started down the path of parenthood of our own will, the discussion sparked by this story will remind us of a hard but meaningful truth: we chose this path, and nobody is obligated to walk it for us. When someone chooses to walk it with us, that makes their assistance all the more meaningful. Let’s see how this woman’s story unfolded.

Nobody said parenthood is easy, and if they did, they were either lying or neglectful

Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)

This woman expected support after complaining about her son, but received a humbling and critical response instead

Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Unusual_Squash9119

When the woman’s second-oldest son found her post, he started to share details and things got a bit tense

Though many didn’t agree with mom, we did get a good discussion on children’s rights and responsibilities in the family

There is something to see on both sides of this story, but we probably have to start with the key issue. What the author of the post so much as admits to is subjecting her children to adultification. This term covers a few different but interrelated practices, all of which are deeply unfair to the children subjected to them.

One type of adultification is a type of bias present in racially biased court systems. In this case, children/minors from marginalized communities are thought of as adults and have adult motivations and capabilities attributed to them, thereby leading prosecutors, judges and juries to consider them to be more dangerous and more intentionally and consciously criminal or malicious than they might actually be.

The type of adultification on display here is when a child is given the responsibilities of an adult. For younger children, this can seriously hamper their emotional development and wellbeing, as they may develop anxiety and stress and miss out on some key childhood experiences.

Technically, Danny is an adult. However, that doesn’t make him responsible for his child siblings. Even thos commenters more favorable towards the mom tended to agree that while Danny could have helped with the kids, this would have to be the result of a mutual agreement between him and mom, not any natural right that mom has to his time and energy. Furthermore, in the second-eldest son’s defense of Danny, he does mention that Danny is autistic. Disorders on this spectrum can have very different symptoms so we can’t say for sure, but it could also be that this would make Danny unsuitable for childcare or at least make it more difficult for him.

Image credits: Vanessa Loring (not the actual photo)

Most commenters were quick to remind this mother that the children were hers, not her son’s

Some acknowledged that siblings could be expected or asked to help out, but maintained that it was not Danny’s obligation to do so

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