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“You Lost Christmas”: Teacher’s Letter To Parents Makes Them Cancel Christmas For Their 5-Year-Old
Parenting is really not an easy job, no matter how you spin it. Being a parent to a problem child is its own can of worms, so moms and dads have to get pretty creative with how they approach discipline and punishment. And sometimes extreme situations call for, relatively, extreme measures.
A mom went viral on TikTok after sharing how she decided to punish her five year old for her behavior, after getting a long email from her teacher. We reached out to the mom via email and will update the article when she gets back to us.
More info: TikTok
RELATED:
Getting a long email from your kid’s teachers is often not a great sign
Image credits: Ngân Dương (not the actual photo)
So one mom decided that she had to take matters into her own hands
Image credits: melez907
“So I saw this creator that said that you should cancel Christmas for kids who don’t know how to behave. Right?
And I’mma tell you all this. Christmas in my house is canceled. And when I tell you it’s canceled, more specifically, it’s canceled for my five-year-old daughter.
Did I say Christmas is canceled for my five-year-old daughter? Absolutely. It’s canceled for my five-year-old daughter.
My son, he’s 11. He knows Santa Claus is not real. He goes with the flow for his sister. So you already know the vibe. He knows that mommy and daddy buy some stuff. We didn’t tell him that. He’s 11. He figured that out on his own.”
Image credits: melez907
“But you may ask, Mel, why is Christmas canceled for your five-year-old? And I’mma tell you.
I would show you, but I’m not gonna show you the long email that her teacher wrote me and her dad last week about her atrocious behavior in that schoolhouse.
Before this email came in, the teacher, I called the week before, and she told us, and we spoke to Maddie. We spoke to Maddie. We sat down. You know, we are not spankers. We don’t believe in spanking. Do you, raise your kid how you raise your kid. Right? Whatever.
So we talked to Maddie. Maddie, we have Elf on the Shelf. We’re doing Elf on the Shelf, and we’re like, Maddie, this is your Elfie, and all this, and none of that worked.”
Image credits: melez907
“But, baby, after we got that 50-page email letter from her teacher at 5:30 in the morning. God damn it! A teacher sends a parent an email at 5:30 in the morning, you know it is bad.
And that teacher said that Madison is defiant and Madison is this, and Madison is that. And I’m like, oh, what is this? You embarrassing us in school? You doing your own thing. We got something for you, baby.”
Image credits: melez907
“Elfie left. Christmas tree down. If you come to my house, ain’t nothing like Christmas is happening. I tell y’all, my five-year-old, judge how you may, do what you wanna do with this information, is not having Christmas this year. My five-year-old is not having Christmas this year. And that’s just what it is.”
Image credits: melez907
“She ain’t having Christmas at our house. Now, I know my mama. I know my mama might get her stuff, but at our house, she already know there’s no, no Christmas. You lost Christmas. Lost. You lost Christmas. Ain’t no gifts up in this each.”
Image credits: melez907
Child discipline is a tricky question
Every parent, for better or sometimes worse, has their own style of childcare, which does, in turn, influence exactly how they choose to discipline or sometimes not discipline, their offspring. A lot of parental literature is about how to approach situations like this and, in many cases, there aren’t “one size fits all” explanations.
It’s also worth noting that while the mom claims the email was “50 pages,” in a separate video she clarifies that this actually was just an exaggeration for effect. Still, receiving any sort of email from an educator about your kid’s behavior is going to be annoying at best and horrifying at worst. So whatever this mom received, it does look like she was pretty shocked to hear what the teacher had to say.
However, most parents would agree that it’s downright vital to teach a kid the consequences of bad behavior. Some might even argue that this is the primary task of parenting, which supersedes everything else. There is often a fine line between punishing too much and still getting a message across. Some parents struggle to find that line and their kids suffer as a result.
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
This mom’s solution was ingenious, if a bit controversial
This is perhaps why “taking away” Christmas is not a terrible idea. She already says she doesn’t believe in corporal punishment, which is good, it’s an outdated idea. At the same time, she needs Maddie to know that there are consequences for her behavior, even when her mom or dad isn’t around.
So why not use a bit of Christmas magic? “Taking away” Christmas is a solid reminder that one can’t just get away with anything, without actually harming the child. There are still some limitations. For example, there is an entire ethical debate about if someone is “good” because it’s who they are inside or are they just avoiding punishment? Ultimately, it’s working out these details that make parenting a complicated task.
In this case, it would appear that the daughter is still learning that she shouldn’t be a menace because it means no gifts, not because one should just not be a menace. However, it’s still probably for the best to make sure her teachers, now and in the future, aren’t going through hell because of her behavior.
Image credits: Charlie Harris (not the actual photo)
You can watch the full video here
@melez907 Because its so close to Christmas she can’t redeem herself #fypシ #teachersoftiktok #caribbeantiktok #guyana🇬🇾 #christmas #momsoftiktok #momanddaughter ♬ original sound – Mele
Other folks shared their thoughts and stories in the comments
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What do you think ?
MonsterMum 21 hours ago
Five year olds aren't bad, if they behaved , there is a reason. All behaviour is communication and the adults aren't hearing it. I'm amazed that parents can be so cruel to their children.
Wood Carver 21 hours ago
Not only that but a 50 page email about a 5 year old would have made me go ...... This seems unhinged. This should have been "your daughter has had some issues in class here they are." 50 pages feels like a manifesto about not liking your daughter
Load More Replies...
sturmwesen 20 hours ago
All I hear is " you / child embarass us"...So it's not about a child being happy, stable and adjusted but about not embarassing the parent. There is no "why do they act like they do" but only public shaming and trying to save their own face... good job parenting /s
Meowzers! 21 hours ago (edited)
The child is 5. If she's acting like a cun.t at school it's because the parents have done a p1ss poor job of raising her to be a decent human being. I agree that bad behaviour shouldn't be rewarded but the child is only acting in a way she has been raised as being acceptable and now suddenly they're going to punish her because acting like a spoilt brat at school isn't acceptable whereas behaving that way at home obviously is. Talk about confusing the child.
Pittsburgh rare 16 hours ago
You're assuming A LOT about that child upbringing from a TikTok clip
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Melissa Girvan Grant 20 hours ago
I'm not surprised the child is 'misbehaving'. She has a teacher who writes 50 page emails about her at 5.30am and a mother who swallows it whole, makes a post about iocial media, then 'cancels' her xmas. This poor baby has a need, which is clearly not being met. The adults who are supposed to be nurturing her and guiding her are letting her down so much, she will carry all of this into adulthood. The mother and teacher should be ashamed of themselves. All the adults on here that have agreed with the mother on here, without knowing the facts should be ashamd of themselves too.
Rebel Peewee 16 hours ago
Right. The kid was so bad the teacher had no choice but to...write...an email? About a 5 year old? If a 5 year old (a 5 year old?? Huh?? Guess who loves structure and rules and practicing good behavior at school to show how big and smart they are? 99.9% of 5 year olds) is acting terribly, that's an adult problem. They are all failing her horribly and she is acting out of a lack of security and attention.
Load More Replies...
roddy 17 hours ago
If the behavior is that bad, maybe the child needs a professional assessment. There could be developmental issues. Worth ruling out, at least.
Pittsburgh rare 16 hours ago
Had to scroll till the bottom to find some common sense. If it's as bad as she's painting it, they need professional assessment yesterday.
Load More Replies...
Karl der Große 16 hours ago
I taught for 16 years, and it is pretty common to find out that kids who are defiant and disruptive have parents who pull off vindictive punishments like this. The parents put themselves in adversarial relationships, and this is detrimental to finding solutions to behavior problems.
TruthoftheHeart 19 hours ago (edited)
What a terrible mother and terrible teacher, nobody should have that much to complain about about a 5 year old. And 5-year-olds are barely even in school they just started so of course they're not perfectly behaved and everything yet. If a five-year-old doesn't behave you figure out why and work on it with them,don't just instantly Go full nuclear punishment. This lady is not a good mom
MisterE 13 hours ago
There is full day kindergarten, so the girl could be in school for about 7 hours. And I sincerely doubt it was a 50 page email. Huge exageration.
Load More Replies... Anony Mouse 15 hours ago
Please retitle this “Boring tiktok idiot shoves face into camera to get attention”. Actually you can use that title a lot. You’re welcome. Now stop posting this trash.
Nimitz 15 hours ago (edited)
5 years old. Given the emotional maturity of the mom's video, the apple fell straight down. I remember being pretty s****y as a kid, and it was entirely because my parents were both psychopaths and lazy as f**k when it came to teaching me. I became a better person in spite of them, not because of them. You can't attack a kid because you failed to teach them, it doesn't work. "We don't spank" but you're willing to exploit the power dynamic to abuse them in other ways. Just another dirtbag trying to show a kid "who's boss" instead of being a goddamn parent.
Atom Bohr 15 hours ago
If the parents go nuclear like this, I'm not surprised that the kid has problems. If they really wanted to 'take away Christmas', it would have been more age appropriate to give the child just one present and say something along the lines of 'you know santa knows how you behave at school,' then actually work on the behaviour and teach the child that there are degrees to behaviours and going to 100% all the time isn't the answer
Christos Arvanitis 18 hours ago
It all starts at home methinks. I also suspect some bad teacher-parent communication and perhaps a lousy teacher. The kid is only 5. If there are behavioral problems, there is a reason. Did the mother just hear about this for the first time? Or was she ignoring it beforehand. SOmething doesn't add up. Mom seems to enjoy denying her Christmas IMHO
Janelle Collard 15 hours ago
If Maddie has been "bad" all year, she's badly in need of counseling, therapy, some type of help. 5 yr-olds don't go off the rails for no reason.
María Hermida 15 hours ago (edited)
When a five year old misbehaves that much there is a big problem with the adults around her. BIG problems. There are either problems at home or at school (abuse, violence, bullying...) despite what the mother says. I don't believe a word the mother says. She sounds like an idiot: "she's embarrassing us at school". No, she's not embarrassing you, she's trying to tell all of you something is not working. Either YOU, the adults, aren't setting the right limits or the right examples, or somebody is harming that child. Do your f*****g job and find out what's happening.
ZombieMommy 13 hours ago
That is actually terrible advice especially for a small child. They discuss this specifically in parenting classes, cancelling holidays or birthdays are not going to change their behavior but it may make it worse. Little kids can't understand that they are losing Christmas for their behavior a month ago. If she is acting out that badly she needs to see a counselor because something isn't right.
titansterritory 17 hours ago
She's five years old, for goodness sake. I wonder when the last time the Mom had a mature, caring conversation with her daughter? Instead, all I see from this post is a head weaving, take no responsibility for the way her daughter is acting. It all starts at home. Teacher is ridiculous. If you don't have the intellect to help guide and nurture this child, you are a joke of an educator. There is alot of ghetto attitude throughout the mothers post. Poor kid. Just show her the right way instead of posting online. Shame on you mom.
Petra brown 19 hours ago
Actually, there is something that is called positive reinforcement!!! Punishment - especially such a harsh one ... kid is 5 years old for heavens sake - breeds resentment, anger, feeling unloved ... feel free to add more negative s**t -
Bookworm 13 hours ago
So she didn't ask her child about the behavior. Didn't use common sense to go 'what's causing my 5 year old to behave this way?' Didn't go 'I shouldn't traumatize my child without having all the facts.'. No she's only concerned about being embarrassed. No wonder her 11 year old just goes along with her bs. He's just wanting to survive to 18 and get out. I'm sure his sister will soon learn the same lesson. I'm so sick of parents assuming teachers are always correct and truthful and not bothering to even listen to their child. There are legitimate times to defy authority because the authority is wrong. Like denying bathroom breaks.
Tyranamar Suess 3 hours ago
The problem started when she tried to make an imaginary elf be the re-enforcer of bad behavior. This poor kid probably has ADHD or Autism or Some learning disability. But do we find out? No, instead we go nuclear on a 5 year old. This post makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Probably Aoife 13 hours ago
I love how all the people who commented on the TikTok have like the exact same profile photo ',:D
Pittsburgh rare 16 hours ago
There's "normal misbehaving at 5yo" and "spawn of the demon misbehaving". A lot of y'all are quick to put the blame on parents and teachers without knowing what the kid did. Sometimes there's an underlying condition that's no one's fault.
sturmwesen 15 hours ago
Then she should seek a doctor and not punish the child. Punishment only makes sense if the kid knew what they did wrong and could decide against doing so
Load More Replies...
Auntriarch 16 hours ago
Ghastly creature. The mother, I mean. She's storing up some trouble there
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 17 hours ago
Am I the only one who thinks actions should have consequences here or something?
Orysha 16 hours ago
Nope but we have no idea what the little girl did. We know the consequences but not the actions.
Load More Replies...
LaserBrain 19 hours ago
If she lied about the 59 page email, her credibility is out the window in my books.
Trista JW 16 hours ago
It is -extremely- possible for a five-year-old to throw temper tantrums, explode, misbehave and become a regular pain in the @$$ for any reason, including just not liking what's going on at school (homework, kids they don't like being around, having to read, not liking certain subjects,) or just because they don't want to do something. The mother has done the right thing by not letting the kid have a Christmas.
Tabitha 17 hours ago
There’s a reason that bad kids get a lump of coal in their stockings instead of presents. Depriving everyone of Christmas isn’t fair. Making the bad child watch everyone else open their gifts while all they get is a single lump of coal would be more effective.
Elladine DesIsles 13 hours ago
There is no evidence that this is a "bad kid." All we know is that this is a child - a five-year-old child! - who is exhibiting some behaviour problems, including what her teacher terms "defiance." In the US, a five-year-old may well be in kindergarten, her first year of school, which is a huge adjustment in itself. Clearly, there is a problem that needs to be addressed, whether it is developmental, medical, psychiatric, enviromental, or some combination thereof, but that isn't a question of being "bad" for no reason. A five-year-old exhibiting significant behaviour issues needs help, not punishment. She needs professional assessments and supports. And she needs compassion.
Load More Replies...
notlikeyou1971 12 hours ago
I know 2 kids living in the same house. Both were raised the same. 1 kid was really well behaved all the time. I mean NEVER a problem at school or to the parents. The other was basically a terror at school and even worse at home no matter what.The parents tried including counseling. This kid even threw things at the parents and destroyed things in the house. They are family and I was over there more of the time than anyone else and stayed there a lot. This kid didn't care and would brag he ran the house.Im staying with them for a while due to medical issues and some other things and paying them rent so....Let me tell you what they were like as got older,the well behaved one was in honors classes throughout school and is now a lawyer. The problem kid barely graduated and has to work 2 jobs,still lives at home,no they aren't violent but are still rude to the parent, especially because there's only 1 left now, selfish and won't help around the house at all Catch this behavior early.
María Hermida 9 hours ago
Have you spent time at home with them? How do you know both kids are raised the same? Because mum says so? Obviously they aren't.
Load More Replies...
MonsterMum 21 hours ago
Five year olds aren't bad, if they behaved , there is a reason. All behaviour is communication and the adults aren't hearing it. I'm amazed that parents can be so cruel to their children.
Wood Carver 21 hours ago
Not only that but a 50 page email about a 5 year old would have made me go ...... This seems unhinged. This should have been "your daughter has had some issues in class here they are." 50 pages feels like a manifesto about not liking your daughter
Load More Replies... sturmwesen 20 hours ago
All I hear is " you / child embarass us"...So it's not about a child being happy, stable and adjusted but about not embarassing the parent. There is no "why do they act like they do" but only public shaming and trying to save their own face... good job parenting /s
Meowzers! 21 hours ago (edited)
The child is 5. If she's acting like a cun.t at school it's because the parents have done a p1ss poor job of raising her to be a decent human being. I agree that bad behaviour shouldn't be rewarded but the child is only acting in a way she has been raised as being acceptable and now suddenly they're going to punish her because acting like a spoilt brat at school isn't acceptable whereas behaving that way at home obviously is. Talk about confusing the child.
Pittsburgh rare 16 hours ago
You're assuming A LOT about that child upbringing from a TikTok clip
Load More Replies... Melissa Girvan Grant 20 hours ago
I'm not surprised the child is 'misbehaving'. She has a teacher who writes 50 page emails about her at 5.30am and a mother who swallows it whole, makes a post about iocial media, then 'cancels' her xmas. This poor baby has a need, which is clearly not being met. The adults who are supposed to be nurturing her and guiding her are letting her down so much, she will carry all of this into adulthood. The mother and teacher should be ashamed of themselves. All the adults on here that have agreed with the mother on here, without knowing the facts should be ashamd of themselves too.
Rebel Peewee 16 hours ago
Right. The kid was so bad the teacher had no choice but to...write...an email? About a 5 year old? If a 5 year old (a 5 year old?? Huh?? Guess who loves structure and rules and practicing good behavior at school to show how big and smart they are? 99.9% of 5 year olds) is acting terribly, that's an adult problem. They are all failing her horribly and she is acting out of a lack of security and attention.
Load More Replies... roddy 17 hours ago
If the behavior is that bad, maybe the child needs a professional assessment. There could be developmental issues. Worth ruling out, at least.
Pittsburgh rare 16 hours ago
Had to scroll till the bottom to find some common sense. If it's as bad as she's painting it, they need professional assessment yesterday.
Load More Replies... Karl der Große 16 hours ago
I taught for 16 years, and it is pretty common to find out that kids who are defiant and disruptive have parents who pull off vindictive punishments like this. The parents put themselves in adversarial relationships, and this is detrimental to finding solutions to behavior problems.
TruthoftheHeart 19 hours ago (edited)
What a terrible mother and terrible teacher, nobody should have that much to complain about about a 5 year old. And 5-year-olds are barely even in school they just started so of course they're not perfectly behaved and everything yet. If a five-year-old doesn't behave you figure out why and work on it with them,don't just instantly Go full nuclear punishment. This lady is not a good mom
MisterE 13 hours ago
There is full day kindergarten, so the girl could be in school for about 7 hours. And I sincerely doubt it was a 50 page email. Huge exageration.
Load More Replies... Anony Mouse 15 hours ago
Please retitle this “Boring tiktok idiot shoves face into camera to get attention”. Actually you can use that title a lot. You’re welcome. Now stop posting this trash.
Nimitz 15 hours ago (edited)
5 years old. Given the emotional maturity of the mom's video, the apple fell straight down. I remember being pretty s****y as a kid, and it was entirely because my parents were both psychopaths and lazy as f**k when it came to teaching me. I became a better person in spite of them, not because of them. You can't attack a kid because you failed to teach them, it doesn't work. "We don't spank" but you're willing to exploit the power dynamic to abuse them in other ways. Just another dirtbag trying to show a kid "who's boss" instead of being a goddamn parent.
Atom Bohr 15 hours ago
If the parents go nuclear like this, I'm not surprised that the kid has problems. If they really wanted to 'take away Christmas', it would have been more age appropriate to give the child just one present and say something along the lines of 'you know santa knows how you behave at school,' then actually work on the behaviour and teach the child that there are degrees to behaviours and going to 100% all the time isn't the answer
Christos Arvanitis 18 hours ago
It all starts at home methinks. I also suspect some bad teacher-parent communication and perhaps a lousy teacher. The kid is only 5. If there are behavioral problems, there is a reason. Did the mother just hear about this for the first time? Or was she ignoring it beforehand. SOmething doesn't add up. Mom seems to enjoy denying her Christmas IMHO
Janelle Collard 15 hours ago
If Maddie has been "bad" all year, she's badly in need of counseling, therapy, some type of help. 5 yr-olds don't go off the rails for no reason.
María Hermida 15 hours ago (edited)
When a five year old misbehaves that much there is a big problem with the adults around her. BIG problems. There are either problems at home or at school (abuse, violence, bullying...) despite what the mother says. I don't believe a word the mother says. She sounds like an idiot: "she's embarrassing us at school". No, she's not embarrassing you, she's trying to tell all of you something is not working. Either YOU, the adults, aren't setting the right limits or the right examples, or somebody is harming that child. Do your f*****g job and find out what's happening.
ZombieMommy 13 hours ago
That is actually terrible advice especially for a small child. They discuss this specifically in parenting classes, cancelling holidays or birthdays are not going to change their behavior but it may make it worse. Little kids can't understand that they are losing Christmas for their behavior a month ago. If she is acting out that badly she needs to see a counselor because something isn't right.
titansterritory 17 hours ago
She's five years old, for goodness sake. I wonder when the last time the Mom had a mature, caring conversation with her daughter? Instead, all I see from this post is a head weaving, take no responsibility for the way her daughter is acting. It all starts at home. Teacher is ridiculous. If you don't have the intellect to help guide and nurture this child, you are a joke of an educator. There is alot of ghetto attitude throughout the mothers post. Poor kid. Just show her the right way instead of posting online. Shame on you mom.
Petra brown 19 hours ago
Actually, there is something that is called positive reinforcement!!! Punishment - especially such a harsh one ... kid is 5 years old for heavens sake - breeds resentment, anger, feeling unloved ... feel free to add more negative s**t -
Bookworm 13 hours ago
So she didn't ask her child about the behavior. Didn't use common sense to go 'what's causing my 5 year old to behave this way?' Didn't go 'I shouldn't traumatize my child without having all the facts.'. No she's only concerned about being embarrassed. No wonder her 11 year old just goes along with her bs. He's just wanting to survive to 18 and get out. I'm sure his sister will soon learn the same lesson. I'm so sick of parents assuming teachers are always correct and truthful and not bothering to even listen to their child. There are legitimate times to defy authority because the authority is wrong. Like denying bathroom breaks.
Tyranamar Suess 3 hours ago
The problem started when she tried to make an imaginary elf be the re-enforcer of bad behavior. This poor kid probably has ADHD or Autism or Some learning disability. But do we find out? No, instead we go nuclear on a 5 year old. This post makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Probably Aoife 13 hours ago
I love how all the people who commented on the TikTok have like the exact same profile photo ',:D
Pittsburgh rare 16 hours ago
There's "normal misbehaving at 5yo" and "spawn of the demon misbehaving". A lot of y'all are quick to put the blame on parents and teachers without knowing what the kid did. Sometimes there's an underlying condition that's no one's fault.
sturmwesen 15 hours ago
Then she should seek a doctor and not punish the child. Punishment only makes sense if the kid knew what they did wrong and could decide against doing so
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 16 hours ago
Ghastly creature. The mother, I mean. She's storing up some trouble there
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 17 hours ago
Am I the only one who thinks actions should have consequences here or something?
Orysha 16 hours ago
Nope but we have no idea what the little girl did. We know the consequences but not the actions.
Load More Replies... LaserBrain 19 hours ago
If she lied about the 59 page email, her credibility is out the window in my books.
Trista JW 16 hours ago
It is -extremely- possible for a five-year-old to throw temper tantrums, explode, misbehave and become a regular pain in the @$$ for any reason, including just not liking what's going on at school (homework, kids they don't like being around, having to read, not liking certain subjects,) or just because they don't want to do something. The mother has done the right thing by not letting the kid have a Christmas.
Tabitha 17 hours ago
There’s a reason that bad kids get a lump of coal in their stockings instead of presents. Depriving everyone of Christmas isn’t fair. Making the bad child watch everyone else open their gifts while all they get is a single lump of coal would be more effective.
Elladine DesIsles 13 hours ago
There is no evidence that this is a "bad kid." All we know is that this is a child - a five-year-old child! - who is exhibiting some behaviour problems, including what her teacher terms "defiance." In the US, a five-year-old may well be in kindergarten, her first year of school, which is a huge adjustment in itself. Clearly, there is a problem that needs to be addressed, whether it is developmental, medical, psychiatric, enviromental, or some combination thereof, but that isn't a question of being "bad" for no reason. A five-year-old exhibiting significant behaviour issues needs help, not punishment. She needs professional assessments and supports. And she needs compassion.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 12 hours ago
I know 2 kids living in the same house. Both were raised the same. 1 kid was really well behaved all the time. I mean NEVER a problem at school or to the parents. The other was basically a terror at school and even worse at home no matter what.The parents tried including counseling. This kid even threw things at the parents and destroyed things in the house. They are family and I was over there more of the time than anyone else and stayed there a lot. This kid didn't care and would brag he ran the house.Im staying with them for a while due to medical issues and some other things and paying them rent so....Let me tell you what they were like as got older,the well behaved one was in honors classes throughout school and is now a lawyer. The problem kid barely graduated and has to work 2 jobs,still lives at home,no they aren't violent but are still rude to the parent, especially because there's only 1 left now, selfish and won't help around the house at all Catch this behavior early.
María Hermida 9 hours ago
Have you spent time at home with them? How do you know both kids are raised the same? Because mum says so? Obviously they aren't.
Load More Replies... 
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