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Ok, we know. There’s a 99,9% chance that something like this has never even remotely crossed your mind. But let’s think about it for a second. The tradition of Santa Claus delivering a Christmas lump of coal to naughty kids has unclear origins, but the theories are all pretty ancient. One of the most popular ones claims that since coal was so commonly used to heat homes, it was easy for Santa to take a piece from the house itself and give it to those kids who caused a little too much trouble that year.

But now? How many homes still use these dark rocks to find some cozy warmth during the harshest winters? We’re not saying it completely disappeared, but Santa Claus would have to come up with some lump of coal alternatives, that’s for sure.

Most Christmas traditions don’t have this problem of anachronism — as long as trees, good food, and ugly sweaters exist — but when it comes to coal, Santa Claus should have adjusted his punishment methods at a certain point. This whole debate was born by an AskReddit post we found that honestly blew our minds for how random but, at the same time, relevant it was.

Is it possible for Santa’s lump of coal to have been updated for the modern era? What if Santa Claus has moved on from this old-fashioned tradition? Or if he decided that the only way to keep up with the times was to get rid of the coal altogether? So many questions that Redditors tried to find a logical answer to. After a careful reading, we collected them all here because the world deserves to know what a modern-day lump of coal would look like. You know, just for the sake of it.

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#1

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Coal was a basic necessity of a household. It was’t glamorous, but it was needed. Like the heat bill. A more tangible representation today would be toilet paper.”

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#2

"A frayed iPhone charger that only charges when you hold it in that one position."

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#3

"Well, the thing about a "lump of coal" was it was a largely useless/worthless thing (to a kid at least) and very inexpensive (it was bought by the ton, so one lump didn't cost much) that parents already had lying around the house.

So, we're looking for a pretty good-sized thing of very little value that is basically useless to a kid and cheap/free for the parents to unload. It still has to technically be useful (like the coal for creating heat) otherwise you could just wrap up trash, but that wouldn't really be a gift.

Now, there's a chance this won't work because people often don't keep one lying around anymore, but perhaps if you planned ahead it would work. So, with that in mind, I propose the new naughty kid lump-of-coal equivalent be a nice, crisp, fresh copy of the latest telephone book delivered to the house."

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Johnny Helfridge
Johnny Helfridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I haven't had a phone book dropped at my house for at least 7-8 years

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#4

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “The wrong phone charger, a game for a different console, a subscription to something that is free.”

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#5

"Winrar license."

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#6

"500 in game currency coins when the cheapest item is 550."

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#7

"A one year membership to the jelly of the month club."

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#8

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Gold from a Nigerian prince.”

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#9

"$5 gas card. Practical, but totally useless for a kid."

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#10

"A participation trophy."

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Jason Montondo
Jason Montondo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I understand the sentiment of the OP, it doesn't work now because it's already expected

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#11

"Here is a new phone timmy! But it only makes phone calls and texts and the texting is T9!"

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#12

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Slow Wi-Fi.”

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#13

"That U2 album that no one could get rid of on Apple Music."

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#14

"Cassettes."

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#15

"Anti-virus software.

Still useful (as coal would have been) but just a terrible gift, especially for a child."

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#16

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A mini USB cable. Not micro, mini.”

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#17

"Change the Wi-Fi password without telling them."

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#18

"Probably a picture of Santa dabbing."

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#19

"Give ‘em a big helping of thoughts and prayers. Nothing like giving a an undeserving child a generic holiday card with pre-printed thoughts and prayers and just your signature."

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#20

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A piniata full of deviled eggs.”

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#21

"The modern time equivalent would be a gift card of 50 cents. It is a gift, and it is not useless, but you can barely buy gum for that amount and it really shows how bad you have been."

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#22

"Still coal.

And then the parents and grandparents all sit around them in a circle and laugh about how fossil fuel induced global warming is going to kill them when they grow up."

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#23

"1gb mini SD."

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#24

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Nickleback CDs.”

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#25

"The Emoji Movie..."

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TheNightOwl
TheNightOwl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fun Fact: The involuntarily trauma shaking made while watching this actually heats you more than coal.

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#26

"Unskippable 30 second ads on every youtube video for the year"

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#27

"An avocado that'll never ripen."

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#28

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Lightbulbs.”

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#29

"Earbuds that only work in one ear."

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#30

"Dialup."

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#31

"A old cell phone thats 8 generations old, that is banging around in the junk drawer. No one even has a charger for it anymore because that style plug is obsolete. But no one has the heart to throw it out."

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#32

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “An avacado!”

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#33

"Knock off electronics?"

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#34

"Toys R Us gift cards?"

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#35

"Nokia 5130. Or a book on building a proper resume. I always felt the coal was something useful, but not fun. "Here is something to keep warm, merry Christmas and do better next year.""

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#36

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A Blackberry phone.”

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#37

"Essential oils and a business card."

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#38

"Random A/C adapters and power bricks that you have no idea what they work for. A bundle of outdated cables. VGA... DVI... RCA..."

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Tim
Tim
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You mean my cable drawer? I love those so much, I even made one in each of my work areas at my job.

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#39

"Batteries that only hold 5% charge."

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#40

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A 50-MB memory stick.”

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#41

"One penny. Yes, they can build up over time, but one penny can't buy you a thing."

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#42

"He would not give. He would deny their access to the internet... that'd be a serious punishment for most of today's girls and boys."

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#43

"A catapult."

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#44

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Clean coal.”

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#45

"Habs jerseys."

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#46

"The usb plug for your electrical socket. No ish cable though."

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#47

"Smart phone with no charging port. Once the battery is gone then it's over. Or a PS classic."

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#48

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Spoilers.”

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#49

"AOL CD."

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#50

"Pyramid Scheme products."

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#51

"A floppy disc."

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#52

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A Fortnite gift card that‘s been used already.”

22taylor22 Report

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#53

"Amazon gift card for $1."

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#54

"1-megabit internet service."

DRM_Removal_Bot Report

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#55

"A flip phone."

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#56

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A dial up internet connection.”

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#57

"Punch Out. You don’t have a Wii. The game is awesome though. You start crying."

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#58

"A rusty fidget spinner."

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#59

"Club Penguin membership."

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#60

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “One of those old ‘touch screen’ sudoku games.”

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#61

"Computer virus."

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#62

"A singular beet."

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jenjoyner avatar
Xenon
Xenon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd take that actually, love beets. Off topic, but why are beets and turnips and the like so freaking expensive?? $3.99 for 3 or 4???

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#63

"He'd hide a signal jammer in their bedrooms."

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#64

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Bootlegs of what they asked for (like a bootleg Pokémon toy, a crazy rip off of a movie they asked for, a Soljaboy console instead of an Xbox, etc.)”

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#65

"500 Atoms for Fallout 76."

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#66

"An empty gift card."

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#67

"I mean, coal was still useful then. Imagine being a cold, child, reaching into your stocking Christmas day, and finding coal? Sure, it isn't a present, but you toss it in the fireplace you're standing by because that's where stockings go and get some warmth on a cold Christmas morning.

So, a consumable for a brief period of happiness, that you could already get from your parents most likely?

Your parents change the Wi-Fi password and write the new one on a rock in your stocking. You pull out the rock, enter the new password into your phone and devices, and feel happy for the new password, but also sad that that's all you got."

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#68

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A bricked smartphone, tablet or other electronic device.”

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#69

"YouTube Rewind 2018"

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#70

"Their own Sears store."

Eclectic-Eel Report

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#71

"Asylum films on DVD."

floodlitworld Report

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#72

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “I subscribe to the FilterEasy delivery service. They deliver new air filters on a scheduled basis. They did a video of parents pranking their kids by giving them air filters as early Christmas presents. Their reactions were about what you’d expect.”

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#73

"Dead batteries are basically about as useless to a kid as coal. I propose them."

Fish_823543 Report

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#74

"A dead cell phone that won't take a charge."

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#75

"A build your own solar panel kit."

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#76

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A pair of C batteries.”

the_thou_factor Report

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#77

"Gameboy advance without the screen light attachment."

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#78

"Old Nokia phones."

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#79

"College debt."

hamburgerhase Report

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#80

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “A Zune.”

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#81

"Well, coal was useful as a heat source but he only gave a lump. So it would have to be something useful in today's age but only by a little.

Probably an old iPhone cable, the wide kind only people with the old phones have."

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#82

"CVS receipts."

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tduenkel avatar
Tim
Tim
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can get those by email now. And you get to go to a website and click on all of the coupons that you want applied to your CVS card.

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#83

"Used lottery scratch off tickets, warm outdated soda can."

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#84

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Facebook Portals.”

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#85

"One of those cheap toasters they sell at Walmart perhaps?"

wildbillesq Report

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#86

"Uh oh Johnny, you better be a good boy, so Santa doesn't take away half of your followers."

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#87

"Block buster gift cards."

DreballSenpai Report

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#88

People Wondered What A Modern-Day Santa’s Lump Of Coal Would Be, And We Loved The Answers “Nothing. They’d get absolutely nothing. Their stocking would remain empty and there’s be nothing under the tree.”

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