MIL’s Shocking Comment Over Baby’s Gender Severs Family Ties
Interview With AuthorParents and grandparents can have different expectations when it comes to the gender of a baby. Some may want a girl, while others might be more keen on having a boy. But most parents would probably say that the most important thing is that the child is healthy and well.
Not the mother-in-law in this recently shared story, though. She wanted a grandson so badly that she had the gall to insult her pregnant DIL in a particularly vile way. Not willing to put up with such behavior, the DIL and her husband had to make a hard decision in order to protect their future children.
The author of this post was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda when we reached out. User u/Worried_Analysis_838 told us more about her relationship with her MIL in the past and whether she thinks keeping contact with her in the future is at all possible. Read our conversation with the pregnant mother below!
A woman found out she was pregnant with a girl, and it made her MIL mad
Image credits: Taisiia Stupak / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The MIL wanted a grandson but chose to express her disappointment in a horrible way
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Worried_Analysis_838
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author tells Bored Panda that she doesn’t see how she could have a relationship with her MIL after this
The Redditor says she decided to share this story one evening when she couldn’t fall asleep. “It was one in the morning when I posted it, and ranting about it and getting it off my chest helped me go to bed.”
u/Worried_Analysis_838 kindly agreed to tell us more details about the relationship between her and her mother-in-law. “My MIL and I were never on the greatest terms, mainly because her son and I got pregnant so young, and she always thought I was ‘stealing her baby,'” the Redditor reveals. “We’ve had our fair share of conflicts, but mainly because she didn’t agree with the way we are raising our firstborn.”
Even with the MIL out of the picture, the young family has a support network they can rely on. “Thankfully, my family is amazing and has been a rock for both of us,” u/Worried_Analysis_838 tells Bored Panda. “My mom and dad adore my fiancé and treat him like one of their own.”
The couple had to mature faster than other people their age — perhaps that’s why they’re so emotionally mature and were able to react to the MIL’s behavior level-headedly. “We had to grow up pretty fast when we had our son, mainly because we were teenagers when we had him,” the Redditor says. “We worked hard without asking for help, and we both have finished college and [provided] for our family.”
As for reconciling with the mother-in-law, u/Worried_Analysis_838 doesn’t really think it’s ever going to be on the table. “I don’t see a possible way for us to have a relationship with [her]. Her comments have just gotten worse over time, and I truly see this situation as the last straw.”
The young mother has some advice for people who might be dealing with difficult in-laws, too. She says it’s best to “shut down the crazy before it turns into psycho.” In other words, setting boundaries.
“Setting clear boundaries and enforcing them makes a huge difference when it comes to overbearing in-laws. At some point, it’s up to them whether they prioritize how they feel about their relationship over how their adult child feels over their own relationship.”
Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Gender disappointment is actually a thing, and even some parents might feel it
A child is a blessing for couples who want kids. And while the gender of a baby doesn’t matter to all parents-to-be, some might be disappointed when they see blue or pink at a gender reveal party. Similarly, the same goes for grandparents.
The phenomenon when a parent or grandparent might not be happy with a baby’s gender is called gender disappointment. Reproductive and Perinatal Health Psychologist Shara Brofman, PsyD, explained to Happiest Baby that it’s quite a common occurrence.
Dr. Brofman explains that it’s not about the child, but it’s about the parents or grandparents and their unfulfilled wishes. “[It’s about] a person’s very specific fantasies and wishes about how they envision their journey as a parent.”
People may feel gender disappointment because of familial or cultural pressures. Others might want to replicate a parent-child relationship they had with their parent or vice versa.
Some parents-to-be or grandparents might worry they won’t connect to the baby if they’re a certain gender. There are also cases where people might have past traumatic experiences like a miscarriage or the loss of a child.
Whatever the reason, these kinds of feelings are valid. “Know that you don’t get to be in a relationship with anyone—including your baby—without some disappointment,” Dr. Brofman explained.
“It’s actually quite normal to have disappointment, and that might manifest in a variety of ways. It just so happens that gender disappointment is a particularly powerful one.”
Disclaimer: the more accurate term would be ‘sex disappointment’ because sex is used to describe physiological characteristics babies get assigned at birth. The term ‘gender’ refers to socially constructed and learned traits and behaviors. Mental health experts use the term ‘gender disappointment’ because it is more widely accepted and easier for the general public to understand.
People were appalled at how a grandma could wish such a thing upon her grandchild
Others shared similar evil mother-in-law stories and how they dealt with their MILs
Poll Question
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*...who is also not responsible for the sex of the baby, since none of the parents have any agency in the question which sperm cell will reach the egg first.
Load More Replies...I laughed at OP's comment that she was excited to FINALLY have a little girl - she is 22!
Well, yes, but she says she was a teen when her son was born, so who knows how many years there were between his birth and this conception?
Load More Replies...My father in-law and his girlfriend are exactly like this to me. They treated me so horribly when I was pregnant and I had a traumatic birth and was in ICU. They both came to the hospital to see my son but didn't even care to see me, they both want me dead I know this. I refuse to be in the same room as them. My fiancé can see his father if he wants to, but I will not go near them , and neither will my son. They can't hide their hatred for me, not even for the sake of my son. So no, he'll not be seeing them too
may you live a very long, happy, healthy life for this comment
Load More Replies...A miscarriage would in fact solve this situation. Unfortunately it's too late for the mil's mother to have one.
Lol. Grandma-in-law could have a really, really late term abortion. She's at least 500 months along now, but I think it might be justified.
Load More Replies...Grandma doesn’t deserve to be in their lives or their children’s lives.
If your son goes to school or a daycare make sure to let them know she is NOT allowed to pick him up. You could have major problems if she gets her hands on him.
Get a restraining order & change the locks on the doors & windows. Tell ALL concerned parties WHY you are doing this & EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID! This Sanctimonious Psycho is NOT above doing everything she can to cause that miscarriage. PROTECT YOURSELF & YOUR NEW BABY GIRL! And for all those who voted " Forgiveable" the 'Miscarriage' statement: GOD HELP ANY SMALL CHILDREN & PREGNANT MOTHERS IN YOUR CARE!
Couldn't agree more - think of all possible scenarios, no matter how far fetched, (crazy & evil know no bounds) & do whatever's necessary to protect your family. If I might add: ask your neighbors if they would be on the lookout for this person; install cameras, both indoors & out,; & use the "record" app on your phone for both phone conversations &, God forbid, if you should have any confrontations in person.
Load More Replies...I struggled to conceive so to me, every single new life that enters into a family is a blessing. It doesn't matter what their gender is or anything else. Just the fact that they exist is a beautiful, wonderful, miracle. She sounds vile!
Wonder what country/ethnicity these people are? Sometimes can be telling with male oriented child comments. Or maybe just a complete batshit crazy b***h who needs cutting off like a tumour.
That crossed my mind too - the 1st part, abt ethnicity. The 2nd part - no doubt abt that.
Load More Replies...OP did well to cut out the gran-grene excuse of a MIL out of her life. Sounds like the miscarraige jab was a veiled threat too. Gran-grene said it was nice knowing her grandson, huh? Well, she'll be happy to know he and his upcoming sister won't get to know her any better than a sh*tty excuse of a miso-granist. Sheesh!!!
It's been a whole month but I need to let you know that "gang-grene" was an excellent pun
Load More Replies...My hand would have slapped her so hard and so fast I would have had no time to think about it. This MIL does'nt need therapy just a tombstone.
Oh yeah it would've been faster than a fluckin cobra, but I prefer to use knuckles 😒 That heinous psycho btch
Load More Replies...My father knew how to be down right hurtful as he was a narcissist but in this instance I believe he just didn't think how it might be heard. My sister was pregnant and had had a miscarriage a 6 months prior to falling pregnant. We were out eating lunch and he said to her it might be better if she had a miscarriage what he actually meant was if there was something wrong with how the baby was developing as it would be unfair to the baby if it was born with a serious issue that would cause it pain. Needless to say that sister was extremely upset. In this instance of the OP I do believe the MIL is a serious a*****e. You do not say such things to an expectant parent. It is never justified even suggesting that the baby will never be born
"Insensitive" - no, she used that deliberately out of spite. This is a toxic relationship that needs severing. And almost guaranteed that granny will suddenly want to meet grandchild right on arrival.
Doesn't deserve to, has no right to, & shouldn't be allowed to since she is really didn't want this precious child to enter the world.
Load More Replies...Who was the pinhead moron who voted MIL's remark was 'insensitive but forgivable'? We like to shake his NECK!
Never feel guilty cutting people like the MIL out of your life. You didn't choose to, they did for you. Be happy, life's too short.
When I started reading the "keep your receipts, you can still..." I genuinely thought it would end with "be proven wrong and have a boy". That escalated quickly.
I thought that too. My dad was sure I was going to be a boy. He was so sure that he already picked out a boys name for me, and insisted on buying blue baby items. My mom was sure I was going to be a girl, and started buying pink things and dolls for me to play with. I'm a girl, and I don't like dolls, or pink, so they both wasted their time. Haha!
Load More Replies...She sounds like my ex father-in-law. When I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd (this was before ultrasound, gender reveal, you know, the dark ages) my father in law was adamant that I "had to have a boy to carry on the family name". What he didn't know was my (now ex) husband had a vasectomy when I was in my first trimester. My FIL was never available when my husband was growing up. He cheated on my MIL (she actually had to walk to the hospital when my husband was born because he had the car, he was with his mistress). I only met him after our first daughter was born, 3 years after we had been married. The first words out of his mouth when he saw her were "When are you having a boy?" He was livid after my second daughter was born and found out his son had a vasectomy. He accused me of having his son castrated. People obsessed with a newborn's gender are sick.
Yes. And people obsessed with "The family name" and "bloodline" are weird. Knowing your family's traditions, heritage, and culture are fine; obsession over these things is not healthy.
Load More Replies...If someone made a threat like that to me, I’d call the police, file for a restraining order, and then change my name and move somewhere she’d never find me. I really and truly hope karma shows up and bites her on the a*s so hard that it becomes infected and falls off. Eff her and her 🐂💩.
I wouldn't give her the power to make me change my name & move away. + OP's supportive family is close by.
Load More Replies...My inner passive aggressive b***h would tell MIL they have fixed the “problem” by saying their daughter will be trans and hope gender reassignment surgery can be done at birth. I’d love to see her face at that! with that small of a mindset it would set her over the edge hopefully on a cliff.
All MIL coments would have earned a FU I don’t need or want that drama in my life. Was not nice knowing her
I love how ALL these types of stories start with.... we let her do everything "to keep the peace" and now we're socked our enabling turned her/him into a worse monster 😱.... 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
(New to this site & apologize if this post appears twice - if so, will delete one - & really would like to know how to make paragraphs. When I typed the post I made paras & when it posted it all ran together - help, pls!) OF COURSE I agree with you & with everybody else on the planet that what she said was vile & she should not be allowed to be part of your family. But, thank goodness she has turned her back on your son. Even if things should "thaw" a bit in the future, I'd never let her be alone with him, much less babysit him . She sounds vindictive enough to make up & tell him terrible lies abt you, your husband, even about your baby. On the outside, infinitesimal, chance that she should apologize, there are apologies & there are apologies. You sometimes hear politicians & other public figures "apologize," after having said something truly egregious, "I'm sorry if anybody was offended by what I said." Or, "I'm sorry if what I said offended anybody." I.e., I said it/believe it/meant it/, but if you took offense that's on you. Then there's, "I'm sorry (THAT, not IF) what I said hurt your feelings," similar, but acknowledging that your feelings are legitimate (even if the apologizing person doesn't agree with them) & that the statement caused pain. (In my MIL's opinion it would be acceptable to follow with, "but it's the truth." The rest of the family has repeatedly called her on it, telling her that not everything she thinks has to be said aloud but .....) But in a real apology, the offender accepts ALL responsibility: for what she did/said; for the hurt she caused; for repercussions (rift in the family); admits that what she did/said was wrong; that it was a terrible thing to do/say; that what she said is not how she truly feels (i.e., doesn't secretly wish for a miscarriage). & Asks for forgiveness, not presuming that what she has said makes everything all right again - some things are unforgivable. And no excuses, rationalizations, or hedging: "But I was so upset ..... ; disappointed..... ; having a bad day."
The stories are from Reddit; are you new to Earth? Ballsy for you to try to call anyone else a loser.
Load More Replies...Technically she's right? And that makes that statement okay? What planet do you live on, dude?!
Load More Replies...*...who is also not responsible for the sex of the baby, since none of the parents have any agency in the question which sperm cell will reach the egg first.
Load More Replies...I laughed at OP's comment that she was excited to FINALLY have a little girl - she is 22!
Well, yes, but she says she was a teen when her son was born, so who knows how many years there were between his birth and this conception?
Load More Replies...My father in-law and his girlfriend are exactly like this to me. They treated me so horribly when I was pregnant and I had a traumatic birth and was in ICU. They both came to the hospital to see my son but didn't even care to see me, they both want me dead I know this. I refuse to be in the same room as them. My fiancé can see his father if he wants to, but I will not go near them , and neither will my son. They can't hide their hatred for me, not even for the sake of my son. So no, he'll not be seeing them too
may you live a very long, happy, healthy life for this comment
Load More Replies...A miscarriage would in fact solve this situation. Unfortunately it's too late for the mil's mother to have one.
Lol. Grandma-in-law could have a really, really late term abortion. She's at least 500 months along now, but I think it might be justified.
Load More Replies...Grandma doesn’t deserve to be in their lives or their children’s lives.
If your son goes to school or a daycare make sure to let them know she is NOT allowed to pick him up. You could have major problems if she gets her hands on him.
Get a restraining order & change the locks on the doors & windows. Tell ALL concerned parties WHY you are doing this & EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID! This Sanctimonious Psycho is NOT above doing everything she can to cause that miscarriage. PROTECT YOURSELF & YOUR NEW BABY GIRL! And for all those who voted " Forgiveable" the 'Miscarriage' statement: GOD HELP ANY SMALL CHILDREN & PREGNANT MOTHERS IN YOUR CARE!
Couldn't agree more - think of all possible scenarios, no matter how far fetched, (crazy & evil know no bounds) & do whatever's necessary to protect your family. If I might add: ask your neighbors if they would be on the lookout for this person; install cameras, both indoors & out,; & use the "record" app on your phone for both phone conversations &, God forbid, if you should have any confrontations in person.
Load More Replies...I struggled to conceive so to me, every single new life that enters into a family is a blessing. It doesn't matter what their gender is or anything else. Just the fact that they exist is a beautiful, wonderful, miracle. She sounds vile!
Wonder what country/ethnicity these people are? Sometimes can be telling with male oriented child comments. Or maybe just a complete batshit crazy b***h who needs cutting off like a tumour.
That crossed my mind too - the 1st part, abt ethnicity. The 2nd part - no doubt abt that.
Load More Replies...OP did well to cut out the gran-grene excuse of a MIL out of her life. Sounds like the miscarraige jab was a veiled threat too. Gran-grene said it was nice knowing her grandson, huh? Well, she'll be happy to know he and his upcoming sister won't get to know her any better than a sh*tty excuse of a miso-granist. Sheesh!!!
It's been a whole month but I need to let you know that "gang-grene" was an excellent pun
Load More Replies...My hand would have slapped her so hard and so fast I would have had no time to think about it. This MIL does'nt need therapy just a tombstone.
Oh yeah it would've been faster than a fluckin cobra, but I prefer to use knuckles 😒 That heinous psycho btch
Load More Replies...My father knew how to be down right hurtful as he was a narcissist but in this instance I believe he just didn't think how it might be heard. My sister was pregnant and had had a miscarriage a 6 months prior to falling pregnant. We were out eating lunch and he said to her it might be better if she had a miscarriage what he actually meant was if there was something wrong with how the baby was developing as it would be unfair to the baby if it was born with a serious issue that would cause it pain. Needless to say that sister was extremely upset. In this instance of the OP I do believe the MIL is a serious a*****e. You do not say such things to an expectant parent. It is never justified even suggesting that the baby will never be born
"Insensitive" - no, she used that deliberately out of spite. This is a toxic relationship that needs severing. And almost guaranteed that granny will suddenly want to meet grandchild right on arrival.
Doesn't deserve to, has no right to, & shouldn't be allowed to since she is really didn't want this precious child to enter the world.
Load More Replies...Who was the pinhead moron who voted MIL's remark was 'insensitive but forgivable'? We like to shake his NECK!
Never feel guilty cutting people like the MIL out of your life. You didn't choose to, they did for you. Be happy, life's too short.
When I started reading the "keep your receipts, you can still..." I genuinely thought it would end with "be proven wrong and have a boy". That escalated quickly.
I thought that too. My dad was sure I was going to be a boy. He was so sure that he already picked out a boys name for me, and insisted on buying blue baby items. My mom was sure I was going to be a girl, and started buying pink things and dolls for me to play with. I'm a girl, and I don't like dolls, or pink, so they both wasted their time. Haha!
Load More Replies...She sounds like my ex father-in-law. When I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd (this was before ultrasound, gender reveal, you know, the dark ages) my father in law was adamant that I "had to have a boy to carry on the family name". What he didn't know was my (now ex) husband had a vasectomy when I was in my first trimester. My FIL was never available when my husband was growing up. He cheated on my MIL (she actually had to walk to the hospital when my husband was born because he had the car, he was with his mistress). I only met him after our first daughter was born, 3 years after we had been married. The first words out of his mouth when he saw her were "When are you having a boy?" He was livid after my second daughter was born and found out his son had a vasectomy. He accused me of having his son castrated. People obsessed with a newborn's gender are sick.
Yes. And people obsessed with "The family name" and "bloodline" are weird. Knowing your family's traditions, heritage, and culture are fine; obsession over these things is not healthy.
Load More Replies...If someone made a threat like that to me, I’d call the police, file for a restraining order, and then change my name and move somewhere she’d never find me. I really and truly hope karma shows up and bites her on the a*s so hard that it becomes infected and falls off. Eff her and her 🐂💩.
I wouldn't give her the power to make me change my name & move away. + OP's supportive family is close by.
Load More Replies...My inner passive aggressive b***h would tell MIL they have fixed the “problem” by saying their daughter will be trans and hope gender reassignment surgery can be done at birth. I’d love to see her face at that! with that small of a mindset it would set her over the edge hopefully on a cliff.
All MIL coments would have earned a FU I don’t need or want that drama in my life. Was not nice knowing her
I love how ALL these types of stories start with.... we let her do everything "to keep the peace" and now we're socked our enabling turned her/him into a worse monster 😱.... 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
(New to this site & apologize if this post appears twice - if so, will delete one - & really would like to know how to make paragraphs. When I typed the post I made paras & when it posted it all ran together - help, pls!) OF COURSE I agree with you & with everybody else on the planet that what she said was vile & she should not be allowed to be part of your family. But, thank goodness she has turned her back on your son. Even if things should "thaw" a bit in the future, I'd never let her be alone with him, much less babysit him . She sounds vindictive enough to make up & tell him terrible lies abt you, your husband, even about your baby. On the outside, infinitesimal, chance that she should apologize, there are apologies & there are apologies. You sometimes hear politicians & other public figures "apologize," after having said something truly egregious, "I'm sorry if anybody was offended by what I said." Or, "I'm sorry if what I said offended anybody." I.e., I said it/believe it/meant it/, but if you took offense that's on you. Then there's, "I'm sorry (THAT, not IF) what I said hurt your feelings," similar, but acknowledging that your feelings are legitimate (even if the apologizing person doesn't agree with them) & that the statement caused pain. (In my MIL's opinion it would be acceptable to follow with, "but it's the truth." The rest of the family has repeatedly called her on it, telling her that not everything she thinks has to be said aloud but .....) But in a real apology, the offender accepts ALL responsibility: for what she did/said; for the hurt she caused; for repercussions (rift in the family); admits that what she did/said was wrong; that it was a terrible thing to do/say; that what she said is not how she truly feels (i.e., doesn't secretly wish for a miscarriage). & Asks for forgiveness, not presuming that what she has said makes everything all right again - some things are unforgivable. And no excuses, rationalizations, or hedging: "But I was so upset ..... ; disappointed..... ; having a bad day."
The stories are from Reddit; are you new to Earth? Ballsy for you to try to call anyone else a loser.
Load More Replies...Technically she's right? And that makes that statement okay? What planet do you live on, dude?!
Load More Replies...
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