She doesn't care that she's causing you pain that sends you to the ER at times. Nobody conveniently forgets every single time to NOT put anything dairy in the food and your FIL catches her putting butter in what you brought, b***h got caught! You really should talk to your PCP about allergy testing or a referral to a Rheumatologist which sounds more like what you need.

The commenter who said “it’s not that complicated if you care” hit the nail on the head. Even if it’s just a preference and not a sensitivity or allergy, it is not hard to accommodate someone.

I love the FIL. It's quite rare for these freaky f***abouts to remain married to someone who will stand up to them so blatantly.

Good decision to go NC with MIL: you need to protect yourself.

I might have been tempted to file a police report under intent to commit grievous bodily harm to really put an end to that BS. She deliberately sabotaged the DF meal.

Dated a guy in college who was allergic to one type of nuts. Just to be on the safe side, my mother kept our entire house nut free of ANY kind of nuts for the 18 months we were together. Might be a little overboard but he was never at any risk in our house.

So - not only did OP have to bring food she could eat, she had to set aside a portion of the food she could eat and HIDE it from her MIL because she had a feeling her MIL would tamper with what she brought into the kitchen. Holy cannoli!

My SIL has Celiac's and we've tried a few times to cook for her, but I think our kitchen is just too generally contaminated for her level of sensitivity. Of course we have no issue with her bringing her own dishes since that's the only reasonable option to involve her in family gatherings. The MIL in this story clearly hates OP and is actively trying to harm her.

I am sensitive to the by product produced in dairy from all the c**p we do to ithe animals that create it. Probably. And the cultures we use in this country to make cheese. It is weird af. But I can have dairy from Europe with no problem. American dairy makes me break out in hives and swell up like a worm in a flood. All hail Kerrygold. If she doesn't believe she is causing you harm, you just can't be around her. At least not where food is involved.

My daughter has sensitivities to grains, dairy, and eggs. When she comes to visit, I MAKE SURE she has tasty food that she can eat. Period. Full stop.

I'm so happy the rest of the family is supportive. That's huge. I don't get it. I love cooking and before I cook for anyone for the first time, I ask if they're allergic, dislike, won't eat anything so I can make sure not to make it. I used to know a guy who was allergic to onions but then one of his favorite things was onion rings. I looked up substitutes for onions and used fennel bulb to make mock onion rings. They were good although he couldn't get past the fact they weren't onions. Cooking for you is how I show my love. I won't poison you if I don't like you- I'll just let you starve.

Between my BIL and 2 nieces they have allergies to poultry, nuts and tomatoes. The first holiday my BIL spent with us was the Thanksgiving before he married my Sister, since he can't have poultry or nuts my Mom made him a ham and a bunch of side dishes plus dessert, specifically for him to eat. When he found out, my BIL almost cried and gave Mom a huge hug because he had to eat hot dogs growing up because that was the only safe food to eat during holidays with HIS own family. Even though we were pretty poor Mom ALWAYS made sure that he and my nieces were included every holiday they spent with us. Even if that meant spending extra money for a ham, roast, pork tenderloin and a couple of years bacon wrapped filet mignon, which we actually grilled outside on Thanksgiving and Christmas in 40 F or below weather. My Mom was from the Silent Generation and my siblings and I are Half Boomer and Half Generation X, so being older does not give you a pass for being a douchebag.

This is absolutely 100% a control thing. Well, once we have all accepted the fact that OP's MIL is a f*****g psychopath.

Google #boy mom your brain will hurt after. It's the most unhealthy thing In our society. It' also leads to little girls being treated as less. I had no idea till someone told me. IT'S SICK

I suffer from RA, fibromyalgia and get very achy and puffy from too much dairy. My soon to be xmil used to put heavy cream and full fat dairy in her meals, even after she was told I was sensitive and could not eat a lot. Needless to say I do not go over there anymore. She is also a fat shamer, and puts out mountains of fatty and sugary food while saying that we should watch our weight. Monster!!!

Yeah, so tampering with somebodies food is attempted murder. She could face prison time. What a monster.

Literally the day my MIL, my husband and I made plans to move in with her, she texted me personally asking what my food preferences were. I told her I wasn't too picky but that I don't like onions and have an occasional dairy problem that comes and goes. She makes sure to not put onion in anything, and I let her know when my body is back on its dairy bs. When that happens, she doesn't make any dairy dish until it's passed (usually a week to a month). And if she does, she sets aside a serving without dairy just for me. Hell, she even helped me try to figure out why im having digestive problems (we're still unsure). What OP's MIL is doing is intentional and deplorable. I'm glad she and her husband are going NC.

1. MIL is crazy. 2. This sounds like Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. Get tested. 3. You are your own best advocate. Educate yourself, do your own research and don't take no for an answer. It's hard for people pleasers but it literally comes down to your life.

Maybe you should stay with her for her to watch what her calous behavior does to you and her son. He has to take care of you until the inflammation subsides. Of course she probably wouldn't care. Sounds like there are many issues in that family.

I'm mildly allergic to coriander/cilantro. My reaction is basically hay fever. My family has a collective heart attack every time I have tacos. I have severe allergy to fire and that I carry an EpiPen for. They're everywhere in NC. My nieces and nephews have all learned how to use it and ask if I have it every time we're going to outside. I don't get the lack of empathy for people with non life threatening allergies.

Honestly, I would have contacted an attorney. She's doing this intentionally to cause you harm. I would have told her that last night when you guys heard FIL tell her what does she think she's doing adding butter to the food you brought. It's 100% intentional. I hope FIL divorces her.

When I learned that my daughter's boyfriend at the time couldn't eat any pork product, I immediately looked into making a change in my holiday turkey stuffing. I always used bacon and sausages. I have since learned that it is easy to get both of those things with different meats. Turkey sausage is easy and doesn't even cost more. Turkey and chicken bacon are doable, even if they don't render the same. So I coat the back of the bird with olive oil and kosher salt. Massage it in good and you still get a nice crispy skin. And if you want or need to take the dairy out of mashed potatoes, I have a recipe for that, too, that uses olive oil, roasted garlic, and parsley. Delicious.

MIl is pure evil!! From the beginning she knew dairy made the girl sick,caused her pain and sent her to the ER. She continued to prepare every single meal with dairy anyway. She was vindictive and malicious. We all know she didn't forget anything. She didn't care. Anyway... I can't believe after inviting you over to a dinner claiming to make amends for her horrible behavior she then had the nerve to sneak around and try to poison the DIL by deliberately trying to put butter on her food. I'm glad FIL caught her and that everyone was on their guard in the 1st place. She's not the type of person anymore can trust and is pure evil. She deserves her husband to divorce her as he's threatening to do and now she's going to lose her son . She's going to face some consequences for her actions but if you ask me ( you didn't lol) not enough. She's damn lucky that she wasn't my MIL because she would be facing charges. I wouldn't be as nice or as tolerant as you are because you gave her numerous chances. Even after promising she was not going to do it again and this was a dinner to prove she was sorry and could be trusted,she showed who she really was. I'd show her that she couldn't treat me that way and that I would not take that behavior from her. A nice pair of silver bracelets/ handcuffs, might send her the message along with a police report/record for all to see what kind of person she really is. A b***h!.

My now-ex wife suffered many allergies, some without any apparent provenance. BTW: the divorce wasn't about that, just to get that out of the way! I always took that kind of thing very seriously. Many system failures, ER visits, praying that she wouldn't die. I was already a widower so that kind of stuck with me. Long story short: she suffered from an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder. She still does, but she seems to have found a balance that works for her. I never denigrated her for that, and I'm glad that she found some peace. Your SO is awesome!

With a name like bruh_why_4real, you knew that commenter would be as big as a*****e as the mother-in-law.

MIL is a malicious person. Your update was awesome - I'm glad your husband and the rest of his family stood up to her.

THe last straw - adding butter to YOUR meal deliberately screams pyschopath to me. Just go out to dinner together, if indeed you ever get together at all. And don't sit next to her.

Definitely agree with the no contact here. But I'm bewildered about having Such a serious reaction to dairy And yet NOT seeing a doctor, not being properly tested!! The fact her sister also has severe reactions to certain foods too definitely points towards auto immune issues. I have five plus autoimmune diseases, two are connective tissue diseases. The OP needs to be checked and Treated so she knows best how to control her condition and what on earth it is. Saying dairy is causing a serious flare up of my 'insert diagnosed disease here' is immediately more serious sounding when talking about allergies and people just thought you were being a Karen 😞

I'd call the police and report her for attempted poisoning. Deliberately giving someone a food they're allergic to is a violent act. It's attempted murder in some cases.

She could try goat dairy. Some can tolerate that over cow and sheep oroduce.

Colic babies ran in my family - only with formula fed babies, not the breast fed babies. The colic babies grew up and guess what? They were severely lactose intolerance to dairy milk - painful stomach cramps and diaherra - the same symptoms when they were an colic baby. I took no chances and breastfed both my kids. One day when husbands grandparents were babysitting they threw out my bottles of breast milk and fed my 3 month old regular baby formula - 8 hours of stomach cramps and diaherra. I had 12 months of maturity leave, but I let my husband take over 7 months of it (I make more money), he fed the baby an mix of breast milk and very expensive hypoallergenic cow milk free baby formula.

My sister has a lot of these food sensitivity issues and it has really affected her. It is just not dairy either. Messes with her stomach and back with lots of inflammation. Not fun.

I have severe food allergies that can kill me, and they are not to things most people consider as food allergies, My deathly allergy to Fish, ok lots of people are allergic to some type (all) of fish. My allergy to soy, most people look at me funny when I start asking for allergy books and discover soy bean oil or soy protein, and can't eat this or that, and the one no one believes me on unless they've studied or have had Lyme disease and gotten the same reaction, I am deathly can't breathe allergic to Pork. Look at your sauces how many of them have soy bean oil or soy lethician? What sauces that you don't expect have fish in them? (worstire sauce anyone?

For years, I got horrible diarrhea after eating at my mother's home. It seemed to come out of the blue, but suddenly I would get really sick after eating there. The only thing I could decide was different was she put cucumbers in her salads. I started pulling them out and problem solved. Then in the next few years, I started having similar bouts. At one time, it was at a certain takeout that we frequented at work. I started eliminating items from the food I normally ordered, but to no avail. Within a year I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis that never went in remission for the 2 1/2 years that I suffered from it. Finally had to have surgery to remove colon or it would have killed me. I'm happy to report that I am fine now,but it was a confusing and scary path to my health. Seek medical help as soon as you can afford to. I Hope all goes well for you.

I love cooking & I love my daughter-in-laws (3) one is allergic to lemon, one dislikes eggs & the other one has eating issues (was anorexic, better now) now I confess I forgot once & made a lemon dressing but she asked & I said "oh god I forgot, what about balsamic vinegar instead?" If they dislike something I try to remember & not serve that. I'm allergic to raw egg, so never usually have mayonnaise in the house, but I'll make some if they are coming round to dinner. As a hostess its up to me to provide food that my guests will enjoy

Gives out punishment for seemingly no reason, can't stand criticism, emotionally disregulated... Sounds like a narcissist.

No contacter here. Its been the best, quietest 15 years of my life. I tried to deal with it, change it for years. But when she started that psychotic NPD that she used to do when I was kid on my own young children, line crossed. People who say no contact is dramatic, I would say it's quite the opposite.