When someone is providing you not only a free meal that accommodates your dietary preferences, BUT IS ALSO providing you FREE CHILD CARE 3X a week - YOU do NOT BITE THAT HAND!!! Now her entitled son and his witch of a wife can find new child care.

People don't seem to understand the concept of boundaries. We each need to set limits on how we allow others to treat us. There is being gracious and then there is allowing others to trod all over us. This lady was gracious for a good while but drew the line at a point when the treatment moved beyond tolerable.

What gets me is the sons complaint that they spent hundreds of dollars for that food. HELLO the mother has been spending hundreds EVERY FREAKING YEAR for her family to have thanksgiving together, how is the blatant abuse of her love and hospitatility not the issue here?

If she can afford to spend hundreds of dollars in a duplicate meal out of spite then she can afford to pay for child care instead of leaching off a woman she clearly has no respect for. Her MIL is simply a servant to her from what I can tell so the MIL is right to put an end to the mistreatment. Certain there is more to all of this because there's always two sides to a story but, in this case, MIL is not the AH.

Am I the only one whose family all bring dishes to Thanksgiving so it's not all on one person to cook? DIL could have brought 1or 2 dishes to supplement the meal that she enjoys and not been a jerk about it. I can understand OPs rude outburst as anyone can lose it during moments of stress, but DILs actions involved intention and forethought, and reveal a lot about her lack of character.

At a time for family, love and reminding yourself of things that you are thankful for, why not behave in a completely inconsiderate fashion and offend the MIL who supports your family for the other 51 weeks of the year? The DIL just sounds like an idiot, I suspect she’d be an idiot of a different variety if she wasn’t bashing her MIL with her veganism. She’d cause an argument in an empty room, she’s entitled and she lacks tact, diplomacy and compassion for others, nice to animals, not nice to humans, what a f*****t! The MIL has done the right thing.

"It's just the way s/he is" is code for "Well, I know (person) is a raging glassbowl, but I don't want to get into the line of fire by standing up to them, so I'll just push you in front to be treated badly instead. Good luck being a target!"

you were so CALM i wouldn’t like to imagine what i would do to her

My family and I are all vegan. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the U.K. However, Christmas is the one time we all get together for a feast. Everyone loves my vegan cooking but I would NEVER force our choices on anyone. In the past, in-laws have brought their own meat course and enjoyed the rest of the vegan fare. Same with my daughter's in-laws. There is always room for compromise. I think this woman's DIL is a fairly new vegan. When you've been vegan for years and years, you do not demand anything. You don't act smug and you don't proselytise. Falling out with close family is just not worth it over lifestyle choices.

I always wonder whether proselytizing vegans like this use soap? It kills millions of bacteria every time they use it. Or are only 'certain' living beings worthy of their consideration. I also wonder whether (& highly doubt) they know the sheer number of ways animal by-products are used in our society. To name just a few: Plastic bags, car and bike tires, many varieties of glues, (including ALL plywood), biofuels, fireworks, fabric softener, shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, white and brown sugar, batteries, chinaware, etc. I'm mostly vegetarian because of the ecological damage caused by factory farms but creatures eating and living off of each other is just Mother Nature doing her thing.

NTA.

NTA

LOL! LOL! The last commenter told her she was an AH then said SHE was vegan! Another sanctimonious and obnoxious vegan to add to the list. If this was only thing that DIL did to upset OP, then yes, it was going over the top. But it's clear from her post that DIL is continuously being snide about a lot of things, and using her children as pawns against their grandmother when she doesn't get her way. I'm shocked that she babysits them FREE all week! DIL and SON both are dickheads for allowing this. I don't suppose they even pay her for feeding them during the day. That's the kind of DIL that I could cheerfully never see again.

The issue was not the food. The issue is the condescension and the fact that she is using this woman for free labour while belittling her.

Hind sight and all but I think I would've said something to the effect of.. I'm thankful that my DIL is going to host and cook her new traditions from now on at her home

I am vegan and I personally really dislike vegans who are like your DIL. They make the rest of us levelheaded, nonjudgmental, self accommodating vegans look bad. Your son is 100% enabling and taking no accountability for his role in her entitled, self-righteous behavior; AND he is using the gkids to bend you to their will when THEY use YOU for childcare 4x/week! The nerve!!!!! I'd be done with both of them. NTA 100%. This vegan supports your decision to throw the ungrateful, patronizing B**** out. Sucks for the kiddos, but they'll realize who their parents are one day.

I am often a guest at the house of a friend. Several of her family are competitive athletes and either vegetarian or vegan. I am not. But when I visit I always take a vegan dish and enjoy the experience of trying new recipes. Most recently the family had a thanksgiving dinner and they made the whole traditional turkey dinner with vegan extras for their guests, even though they don't eat meat. Inclusive and loving. Respect each other!

I have medically diagnosed food allergies to gluten AND dairy. If i get cross contaminated, i am sick for weeks on end. I never expect anyone to go out of thier way on any meal. I kindly ask if it would be OK with the host if i could bring my own meal I prepared, I bring side dishes and desserts everyone can enjoy. I've never once had an issue with my request, which is made in private. I melt when the host/hostess surprises me with a gluten and dairy free dish they found or prepared. Most often, once they know it's medical, I recieve the reaction of, absolutely, please bring your meal. I have a huge Italian family, and I am always touched how they react. Never expect anyone to go out of thier ways for food allergies. Make it known, and please, know it's ok to bring your own little plate. This MIL is NTA.

I've been vegan since 2008, and gotta say: Your daughter-in-law sounds like a nightmare. So sorry this happened...

My best friend is vegan for ethical reasons. That get invited to potlucks and the line because she always makes her own plus more to share. They never preach. You can find ärseháts with any perspective.

The biggest AH here is the son. He brought that woman into this family and as such he needs to help mediate between his wife and mother. He also failed as a father by weaponize his children against their grandparents. That's immature and completely pathetic. He needs to teach his wife to respect boundaries and negotiate with his mother for accommodations

As a vegan I have this problem too when it comes to family gatherings. People think vegan food is just a salad with no protein like tofu or beans. I've been served for christmas dinner/lunch a small bowl of cucumbers and tomatoes as my salad and 1 sweet potato. I'm sorry but how am I going to survive on this? The host wouldn't let me bring my own meal and my husband didn't want to ask her to make quinoa and tofu or something specific for me. So this Christmas I'm making my own food and bringing it in a lunch box because since I can't serve it for everyone and ruin the host's menu, and my husband doesn't agree with asking for what to be made for me, I'm going to do things my way. I already don't like smelling meat or having an appetite to eat with everyone gnawing on flesh around me. Ideally, I would just like to cancel on these type of dinners and not attend at all. My husbands vegetarian and I'm just going to these events to be there for him. His family don't cook proper meals for him

Pissing off your free child care is deeply stupid.

If you have dietary restrictions that's one thing and you should let them know about allergies etc, but she seemed to want to take digs at the MiL about the animal cruelty aspect of it. Why not just offer to visit after dinner? I have a vegan friend and she doesn't shame anyone for HER preferences. She may feel that way but she doesn't hold some kind of protest at her friend's houses when she's there. Just don't go. It's rude to go to anyone's house and complain about the food for any reason. It wasn't like this was the first time and she didn't realize they had turkey. They could make other arrangements. Even if she offered to bring in a different dish just for herself. Otherwise, it's like going to a XMas party and complaining about the decorations. You knew you were going. If it bothers you, why go every year? Just to complain or be a jerk?

Good for her. The son knows exactly how wretched his wife is and does not care who is in his wife's line of fire, so long as it isn't him. If he has to sacrifice his own mom to be his wife's whipping boy, he is going to and not feel an ounce of guilt. The only reason he's mad right now is because he lost his punching bag and slave, and he doesn't want to cope with finding or being the replacement.