The “overbearing mother-in-law” is such a tired trope, that just encountering it in a story might make some eyes roll. However, it’s even worse for those who have to deal with one in their real lives.

One woman’s last straw was when her husband decided to get a paternity test just to placate his overbearing and suspicious mother. Realizing that she could no longer take being in this unsupportive relationship, she decided to end the marriage. She later shared an update after confronting her husband about the entire situation.

It’s pretty normal to expect that your partner will support you from hostile in-laws

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But one woman ended up looking for ways to end the relationship when her husband wanted a paternity test

Image credits: National Cancer Institute (not the actual photo)

Image credits: SituationFluid6098

Image credits: RF._.studio (not the actual photo)

OP shared an update on what happened when she confronted her husband

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Image credits: SituationFluid6098

In-laws often don’t even see just how invasive their actions might be

Image credits: Rene Asmussen (not the actual photo)

It’s an unfortunate truth that many parents simply do not accept the person that their own child has chosen to marry. It’s always good to have a little skepticism, as love can be blinding, but studies show that the dominant emotions tend to be dominated by mistrust. Similarly, the parents will often feel jealous, as they perceive that their child (despite being an adult) has “replaced” them with someone else. The parents are mostly to blame in this situation, as they often struggle to accept that their “child” is fully grown, independent, and capable of making choices.

Infantilizing them, in a very literal sense, might feel normal to a parent since they have no doubt tried to protect their child in the past. However, as OP’s story demonstrates, it’s very easy to take one’s own personal biases and fears too far and project them onto innocent people. In a healthy relationship, your partner does their utmost to protect you from horrible-in-laws. While it’s true that OP’s husband no doubt had to deal with this unhinged woman a lot longer than OP, he has clearly not set any boundaries at this point and his unwillingness to do so is surprising.

While we don’t know exactly what the husband’s relationship is like with his parents, his inability to be a husband (and father) first and son second might lead him to be only the latter. OP describes her marriage as “crowded,” which is a great metaphor. While it’s too much to assume that a person is separated from their family as soon as they marry, OP’s husband has no boundaries. Perhaps because he is not the direct victim of this woman, he can’t even see just how overbearing and invasive she is.

A partner should always try to hear out their spouse’s concerns

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Of course, there isn’t really a good explanation for why he regularly ignores his wife’s direct requests to do something about it. Regardless of the subject, who wants to be married to a person who blows off your concerns? This is one of the main traps of dealing with a parent-child relationship. The bond and shared experiences often make both parties blind to their actions. People let relatives get away with things they would find unacceptable elsewhere. The result is often failed marriages and a lack of lessons learned. That being said, normally, if the parent is just a downright bad person, the child will often be able to limit or cut them off effectively.

Because the question is not about the husband taking a paternity test, it’s him going to such insulting lengths just to please his mother, who will no doubt find something new to complain about. This is no doubt why OP decided to end the marriage because there were no signs that the MIL would get off her case, with the exception of her passing. The ultimate resolution of counseling could work, but only if the husband is receptive and ready to cut ties with his mother. He might change, but it seems pretty unlikely that she will see the error of her ways. Instead, no doubt, she will turn this entire encounter against OP and never, ever let up. If you want to see an example of how a spouse should handle a horrible MIL, Bored Panda has got you covered, check out our story about a woman whose MIL wanted to take her baby.

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