Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Woman Refuses To Skip Her Milestone B-Day After MIL’s Own Party Takes Husband Away
93

Woman Refuses To Skip Her Milestone B-Day After MIL’s Own Party Takes Husband Away

Woman Refuses To Skip Her Milestone B-Day After MIL’s Own Party Takes Husband Away“Ridiculous”: MIL Refuses To Compromise So DIL Can Have A Babysitter For Her 30th BirthdayMIL Won’t Compromise On Her Birthday Plans, Woman Upsets Her By Considering Skipping The PartyHusband Seeks To Appease His Mom So Much, He Would Rather Skip Wife’s Birthday Than HersWoman Turns 30 The Same Week Her MIL Turns 60, Birthday Dinner Drama EnsuesMom Wants To Skip Her MIL’s 60th Birthday So She Can Enjoy Her Own Birthday Dinner InsteadMIL’s Demand For Fancy 60th Forces Woman To Pick Between Family Peace And Her Own BirthdayWoman Left To Sacrifice Her 30th B-Day So Husband Can Attend MIL’s Event Amid Childcare Dilemma“It's My 30th Just As Much As It's Her 60th”: Woman Faces Unfair Choice As Parties Clash
ADVERTISEMENT

Your 30th birthday is a huge milestone. Whether you’ve accomplished all of your professional goals already or you’re just starting to figure out what you’d like to do with your life, you deserve to celebrate reaching 30 years. But unfortunately for one woman, her mother-in-law’s 60th birthday seems to have taken priority.

Below, you’ll find a story that this mom recently posted on Mumsnet, detailing why she’s considering skipping her mother-in-law’s celebration to ensure that she gets to enjoy her own, as well as some of the replies readers left her. 

This mom is excited to celebrate her upcoming 30th birthday

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

But to fully enjoy her own day, she realized that she may need to skip her mother-in-law’s celebration

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT

Image source: anonymoush

The majority of married people find themselves in conflict with an in-law at some point

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

When you get married, your family might suddenly become twice as large as it was before. You can gain a mother and father-in-law, brothers and sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews and perhaps even a couple of pets. And for many of us, these new family members are welcomed additions. The Thanksgiving table will be even more full this year, and you might even become closer to some of your in-laws than your blood relatives.

But sadly, that’s not always the case. Psychologist Terri Apter found throughout her research that a whopping 75% of couples have had conflicts with an in-law. And a 2022 study reported that married women tend to have even more issues with their mothers-in-law than with their own moms. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with in-laws that love you as if you were their own child. And if you’re unlucky, well, you might be better off avoiding them at all costs.

ADVERTISEMENT

But why do so many in-laws choose to make their children’s spouses’ lives so difficult? According to Your Tango, one possibility is that you were not the kind of person that they imagined their child being with. Perhaps you come from a different socioeconomic background, a different culture, practice a different religion or have a different level of education. They might view you as an outsider, rather than a family member.

Another possibility is that you’re too attractive. This may cause the parents to worry that they can’t trust you or that you’ll suddenly decide one day that your spouse isn’t the one for you anymore. And, of course, your in-laws may simply be jealous of you. 

It’s important to set boundaries with challenging in-laws

Image credits: Victoria Strelka_ph (not the actual photo)

If you’re receiving more attention than they are or your spouse has a particularly close relationship with their parents, Mom and Dad might not love the idea of sharing their baby. This jealousy can be escalated into conflicts if the parents don’t approve of how their child is now choosing to spend their time. For example, if Sunday dinners with the parents turns into date nights with their spouse instead, resentment can start building that may come out later down the line. 

ADVERTISEMENT

So what can we do when we’re stuck with in-laws who seem to be determined to make our lives miserable? Choosing Therapy recommends first communicating openly with your partner and explaining the situation to them. Because they love their parents, they might not have noticed how bad their behavior has gotten. 

Remember to have realistic expectations as well. You can’t demand that your 60-year-old mother-in-law completely change her personality, so you have to understand that you won’t get everything you want. But practicing self-care and setting boundaries might help you stay sane.

Resist the temptation to take your in-laws’ behavior personally, and be gentle with yourself. Don’t blame yourself for conflicts that your mother-in-law instigated; just do your best to diffuse situations or remove yourself from them. And if nothing else seems to be working, you might simply need to get some space. Seeing your in-laws twice a year on holidays might be enough.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman is being unreasonable by planning on skipping her MIL’s birthday dinner? Feel free to share, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar drama, we recommend reading this one next!

ADVERTISEMENT

Readers weighed in with their thoughts on the situation, as well as advice on what the mother should do next

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Ic_polls

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Share on Facebook
Adelaide Ross

Adelaide Ross

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

Read less »
Adelaide Ross

Adelaide Ross

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

Ieva Pečiulytė

Ieva Pečiulytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

Read less »

Ieva Pečiulytė

Ieva Pečiulytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

Do you think it's fair for someone to prioritize their own birthday over their in-law's milestone birthday?
Add photo comments
POST
Traveling Lady Railfan
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are SO MANY possible solutions to this 'problem' and yet it's made out to be that there is only one. (Go out for fancy dinner for my birthday or go out for fancy dinner for her birthday). I call this a "manufactured problem". Insisting that YOUR birthday is more important / her insisting that HER birthday is more important makes you BOTH sound like toddlers, so why don't you just have your birthday at McDonald's and you can all have a good time at the playground with your kiddo.

Nina
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Skip MiLs birthday. She doesn't give a damn about her Dil. Hubby can go and make nice, she can have a nice evening to herself when baby goes to sleep. Then OP and hubby can celebrate her birthday together. It'll be in super bad taste if hubby skips OPs birthday in favour of his mum. He'll be in the doghouse forever.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't you find a second babysitter or offer the nanny double pay for the second night?

Paul Rabit
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simple - OP doesn't actually want to go, so she's doing the bare minimum to say she tried.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
Traveling Lady Railfan
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are SO MANY possible solutions to this 'problem' and yet it's made out to be that there is only one. (Go out for fancy dinner for my birthday or go out for fancy dinner for her birthday). I call this a "manufactured problem". Insisting that YOUR birthday is more important / her insisting that HER birthday is more important makes you BOTH sound like toddlers, so why don't you just have your birthday at McDonald's and you can all have a good time at the playground with your kiddo.

Nina
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Skip MiLs birthday. She doesn't give a damn about her Dil. Hubby can go and make nice, she can have a nice evening to herself when baby goes to sleep. Then OP and hubby can celebrate her birthday together. It'll be in super bad taste if hubby skips OPs birthday in favour of his mum. He'll be in the doghouse forever.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't you find a second babysitter or offer the nanny double pay for the second night?

Paul Rabit
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simple - OP doesn't actually want to go, so she's doing the bare minimum to say she tried.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
You May Like
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda