“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels

Some people spend their entire lives dreaming about starting a family. I had a friend in high school who already had a list of baby names saved on her phone and who would scroll through nursery inspiration on Pinterest in her free time. And being a parent can be a beautiful thing! Plus, if you’re going to bring kids into the world, you better be excited about it.

But having children definitely isn’t for everyone, and if it’s not for you, it’s important to figure that out. Middle-aged adults who never started families have recently been opening up on Reddit about what it’s like to be childfree, so we’ve gathered some of their most insightful responses below. Enjoy scrolling through, whether you love your kids more than anything else in the world or you always knew that being a parent wasn’t for you. And keep reading to find a conversation with Sweta Upadhyay of the Child-Free Blog!

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“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels For a while, I was a fence-sitter. It wasn’t until 30 that I realized it was even a *choice* and not an inevitability. In U.S. culture, marriage and children are a common life script. It took time for me to acknowledge that that script isn’t a good fit for me, and it didn’t solidify until my late 30s.

For a while it was money and security, as well as environmental concerns and overpopulation. But it was also simply a lack of real desire to be a parent.

I’ve often wished we could live multiple lives so that we can try all the things, but in this life I don’t really want children. That was hard for me to grapple with in some ways because I was blessed with great parents and my mother was a fantastically caring role model. But, my biggest reason for thinking about parenthood was fear of regret. That’s not enough.

Parents should really *want* their children. This is a whole other human being you’re bringing into this world. They deserve to be wanted and loved and properly cared for. You’re responsible for them, and it might not turn out roses. Parental anxiety doesn’t magically dissipate after 18 years, either. For the rest of your life, you are a parent.

There are also a lot of physical things that can go wrong with pregnancy, especially the pregnant person—which are not talked about enough. Our society holds a very rose-colored glasses view of pregnancy as glowing and natural. It really messes with people’s bodies, not to mention post-partum mental health.

A lot of folks will argue that not having children is selfish. This is puzzling, because those same folks will say in the next breath that having children ensures you won’t die lonely. If you *need* to be a parent because that feels like your destiny and you are full of love, that’s one thing, but if you’re having children to safeguard your own future… now THAT is selfish. Not to mention the resources impact on the planet, etc etc.

If you are unhappy, parenthood won’t fix it.
If you are lonely, parenthood won’t fix it.
If you’re following a life script in a daze, trying to check all the right boxes, take a moment to examine your reasons.
If you want to be a parent, that’s great. Best of love and luck.

It’s possible to live a comfortable life full of love, while doing what you want, while taking time to give back to your community, while staying open and curious and generally living a good life, without adding parenthood into the mix.

Jendolyn872 , Ingo Joseph Report

Final score:

79points

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels

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