I put a lot of effort into trying to break my female students from the habit of over-apologizing. If they add to a discussion and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to add," I'll stop them there and say, "Don't apologize for contributing. Please just speak your idea."

ashley.unfiltered , Kampus Production / Pexels Report

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As a woman who works in nuclear weapons policy, geopolitics, international security, my favorite thing to do when men want to debate nuclear deterrence theory with me, is to start by complimenting them on their passion for this issue. And it really throws them off because just the idea of their views being connected to emotion really puzzles them.

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When a man takes credit for a woman's idea or a woman's work, I will always call this out, whether that's for me or another woman.

It's not at all unusual for me to turn around and say something along the lines of, "Oh, John, that's a fantastic point and I think it's really relevant in this conversation. I also really enjoyed when Mary brought it up earlier."

ellalowgren , Fox / Pexels Report

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I find in general at work that I'm not interrupted by women in meetings, but I am often interrupted by men. So if I'm interrupted by men, I will then, in turn, interrupt them back, but I will never interrupt another woman when she's speaking. 

This is one that I am pretty feral for, but I will not stop talking if I'm interrupted by a man. I will keep talking until he becomes so uncomfortable that he stops talking, and then when he finally does stop trying to interrupt me, I will finish what I'm saying. But I'll usually say something that's a little bit uncomfortable for him, like, "Oh. Great. Now that you've finished interrupting me, I can finish my point before you continue." I also do this if anyone interrupts another woman that is speaking. I will ask the man to stop interrupting to let her finish her thought before he continues.

ellalowgren , Christina Morillo / Pexels Report

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So I teach a class at a university and the other day I'm walking on campus, going back to my car after class. So I'm on the sidewalk, on the correct side of the sidewalk, only taking up my one little lane, and I'm walking to the car. And sure enough, there's a group of eight young men walking towards me, taking up the entire sidewalk.

None of them are on their phones. They're talking to each other, but they're all looking forward and they just keep walking forward. Nobody moves over there, taking up the entire sidewalk. And I kept walking in my lane and I literally walked into one of them.

strategicclassroom , Lina Kivaka / Pexels Report

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My favorite form of microfeminism is to bulldoze through life acting like I've never even heard of sexism or like I've never received the messaging that I need to play it small in order to avoid upsetting others. You will be shooketh when you realize how well this works because a lot of modern sexism is upheld by women's willingness to censor and shrink themselves in order to avoid being confronted, challenged, or corrected in any way.

Many of us are taught from a young age that the worst thing that you can do is upset or disappoint somebody outside of you. But when you walk into a room with confidence and authority and like God herself sent you and you don't care what anybody thinks about you, you'd be surprised how many people will just fall in line.

Because a lot of people depend on women to take the first step of censoring and shrinking themselves so they don't have to be the jerk and do it for them. In fact, what I've learned in my personal experience is that most people are not willing to confront, correct, or challenge me because I moved through the world in this way.

Because I moved through the world acting like I've never received this messaging. In fact, most people learn pretty quickly that the best way to deal with me is to get out of my way. So go forth. Be oblivious, my loves. You will not be sorry.

thriving_imperfectly , Alexander Suhorucov / Pexels Report

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I like to always notice when people use passive language to describe actions that men have taken against women. So often you'll notice this if someone gets followed home, then they'll just say it like that. My friend got followed home or my friend got harassed at a bar, when, in fact, the unsaid is that a MAN harassed your friend at a bar. A MAN followed your friend home. 

And by taking the man out of the sentence, you are basically just leaving the unsaid that it is a man to be normalized. Because if a woman followed your friend home, that would be the first thing that you said. Like, "Oh my God, a woman followed my friend home. That's so weird."

Like, "Oh, this woman was harassing my friend." And the fact that it's so normalized that we can use the passive tone and know what's happening shouldn't be normal.

fakewriterb***h , lalesh aldarwish / Pexels Report

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Whenever a man calls me like, sweetie or darling or gorgeous, I will call them THAT back.

mamamiaaus , Anna Shvets / Pexels Report

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When I'm in a position to be introducing people who are part of a couple, I always introduce the woman first, talk about her job, and then introduce the man as her husband or boyfriend or whatever.

"Oh, have you met Dr. Jane? And this is her husband, John." That one always earns a smile from the women and kind of a baffled look from the men.

ashley.unfiltered Report

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Not asking women about their relationship status.

I assume women are single by choice in the same way that we assume men are single by choice. I had a grandmother who would grill everyone about their relationship status and it made me cringe, so I vowed that would never ever be me.

justonegursha , Jarritos Mexican Soda / Unsplash Report

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Whenever somebody comes to ask me if they can borrow some big strong boys to do something helpful around the school, I have always made it a point to send them some strong girls. Because usually the job is really fun, everybody wants to do it, and we all know that girls are just as capable of doing any job that a boy can do.

coachlocke Report

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If everyone is on the same level in a meeting, I will ask any follow-up meetings that need to be booked to be booked by a member of the team that is male.

Just because women typically get asked to do it all the time and it's just assumed, so I will go out of my way to ask one of the men on the team to book any follow-up meetings and to make sure that that all happens.

ellalowgren , fauxels / Pexels Report

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I don't give body-specific compliments positively or negatively.

I grew up in a family with a lot of men and this is something that I've actually learned that men do a lot. A lot of times when they see somebody has made improvements to their health, their compliments are like, "You look great, bro, like you look really strong," and so I thought of giving compliments to women in a similar way and saying, "You're really glowing, you look really radiant." Even if they've happened to lose a lot of weight. But I'm not affirming that the weight loss is the thing that made them beautiful, but like that they're beautiful and maybe they happened to lose weight. I don't know. Maybe they changed their skincare. It could be anything.

justonegursha , Bewakoof.com Official / Pexels Report

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If somebody says I have to talk to the board, or I have to talk to the chairperson of the board, or I have to talk to the CEO or CFO or whoever, I will say "Let me know what she says." Always "she." Like, my default is she or her instead of he or him. Obviously, unless I know the person and I know that it's a man. I don't go out of my way to be wrong.

katiewood____ , Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels Report

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On every rental application and lease we've ever had, I've put myself as the primary contact, and every time a real estate or a tradesperson gets in contact and defers to my partner, I make him then re-loop me in.

mamamiaaus , Teddy Yang / pexels Report

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When I'm at work and I am speaking to an owner-level CEO, high-level individual, oftentimes a man, and they will give me no handshake at all.

Literally last week, it was a high level, he shook my husband's hand, but not mine. I called him back to shake my hand and then he did and it was a bad handshake and then I made him redo it.

utterlymolly , fauxels / pexels Report

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I'm a waitress, and my form of microfeminism is every time someone pays a check, I give it to the woman. And then the guy just looks at me all weird.

shoobiedoboop , Ketut Subiyanto / pexels Report

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My favorite form of microfeminism is that when I send an email, let's say to like a CEO, and you have to copy their assistant for scheduling purposes, if the assistant is a female, I will always enter their email address before the CEO's. So if like the CEO was Bob and the assistant is a female named Jane, I'm always going to put Jane and then the CEO. Like nobody probably notices, but it makes me feel like I see you. Another thing that I do, kind of along the same lines, is if I'm emailing a team, I will always address the woman first in the actual email. So I'll be like, "Hey Kathy and Joe."

iamashleychaney , Christina Morillo / Pexels Report

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Playdates. I'm making a point to schedule as much playdate time as possible. A lot of times I'm dealing with other moms. Moms of other children.

But I force the dads to be involved. I'll text them first. I'll email them first. If I run into them, I say, "Hey, here's my number. Let's set something up for our kids."

notsoprodad , Kindel Media / Pexels Report

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If we're in a group and a man and a woman talk at the same time, I am 100 percent going to listen to the woman.

claudde.0 , Brooke Cagle / Pexels Report

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I always use female-identifying language.
So if you're telling me you went to the doctor: "What did she say?"
"Oh, you've been consulting with your lawyer. How did she advise you?"

jenilyn.sua Report

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When I've just had a baby and when people come to my house, like a man and a woman or like relatives or whatever, I will always thrust my baby in the direction of the man first. So I'll be like, "Can you hold my baby while I have a shower or something?"

Because women are always holding babies. We always expect it. So men can get used to it.

mamamiaaus , Anna Shvets / pexels Report

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I literally got comments on when I was printing stuff for my wedding. I always list the woman's name first. In my head I just think of it like we're entering a room and guess what? Ladies first.

justonegursha , Camille Robinson / Pexels Report

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If a woman says something in an email, like they do some research and they have an opinion on something, and I think it's right, but I think more needs to get added, I will say, "I think Jessica's 100 percent right. This is correct." I'll affirm and then continue. But like, if a man says it, I'll just say, "I want to add," and I'll just go into whatever I'm going to add. And I think that part is just important because it's important to like, cement, especially for women, to like, boost confidence and just be like, "Hey, they're f**king right. They're f**king smart and they're f**king right."

katiewood____ Report

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If I compliment a man on his shirt, I love to say, "Ooh, I love that top."

They always look so confused, like, "What, thank you for complimenting me, but also, huh? This is a shirt."

meghatiktoks , Brooke Cagle / Unsplash Report

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Sometimes in the lift, if a man is waiting for me to go, I also stand and wait for him to go.

mamamiaaus , Liliana Drew / Pexels Report

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When I send an email, my natural impulse is to say, "Hey, just checking in."
"Hey, just checking on that brief."

And I always delete the "just" and say, "Hey, checking in. Give me the brief."

mamamiaaus Report

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You know how the art that men like is seen as universal and the art that women like is seen as girly? Well, my form of microfeminism is addressing girly music or TV or movies as the norm, while whatever men like is niche and unknown.

nikitadumptruck Report

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If I'm on an email with a bunch of people who do not outrank each other, obviously, this is like, if there's not a secretary, not an assistant, anything like that, and someone has to send like a calendar invite or a Zoom invite or something like that, I will, um, ask the men in the group to send it, or like a specific man in the group, like, "Hey John, do you mind sending that?"

katiewood____ Report

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If a male and female student in my class either raise their hands at the same time or begin speaking at the same time in the course of a discussion, and this happens a lot, um, I will kind of pause them and say, "Oh, I can only hear one of you at a time."

And I'll ask the female student to go first.

ashley.unfiltered , Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels Report

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Anytime you're being told a story or someone recounts an article or something that happened and doesn't identify the gender of the main character of that story, like: 
"Oh hey, did you see that drunk driver crash into the hospital?" 
"Oh my god, what was his name?" 

"Did you hear about that firefighter that saved three kids?" 
"Oh my god, she sounds incredible, that's great, good for her."

notsoprodad , fauxels / Pexels Report

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This isn't one that I get to engage in anymore, because I left working for the federal government to teach a couple of years ago. But when I did work for Uncle Sam, part of my job had me dealing with minors, and I had to verify parental relationships, confirm parental identity, and get parental consent.

And in cases where the parents were both a man and a woman, I always spoke directly to mom. I also documented her paperwork first on forms and got her signature first.

ashley.unfiltered Report

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I'm a server in a restaurant, and if a man and a woman come in together, and they're like, "We're just gonna split this one thing," when I bring the food out, I put the full plate of food in front of the woman, and I put an empty plate in front of the man. And then I say, "This is for if she decides to share with you. Enjoy your lunch, sweetie."

glitterwrists Report

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