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It takes new experiences and other people's input to understand how your life experiences fit into the context of society as a whole. What you grew up thinking was ‘normal’ might be anything but, for good or for ill. In some cases, the events that happened to you can be so bizarre or traumatic that they can require years of therapy and healing to come to terms with them. Other times, it might be society that has normalized toxic behaviors and approaches.
Some internet users vented their frustrations and opened up about their painful pasts in a thread in the AskReddit online community. They shared the things that they realized were really messed up about their families and society overall, only when they got older. Scroll down to read the stories we’ve collected for you, Pandas.
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#1
Punishing children under 10 for showing up to school late when they rely on their parents/siblings to get them there.
RELATED:
#2
My Grandma got married at 16 to my Grandfather who was 8 years older than her. She had 6 kids by the time she was 22. The family romanticized their relationship my whole life, but her dying words were “at least I don’t have to deal with HIM anymore” and the truth about him being an abusive piece of s**t for 60+ years surfaced after she passed. It’s a sad reality for many women from her generation.
#3
Dads being looked down on for playing with, hugging or kissing their sons.
Dad’s getting the cops called on them for watching/playing with their daughter at the park without their wife there as well.
Mothers having to go back to work early or at night to keep food on the table.
Jessica SpeLangm 17 hours ago
It really is a shame that fathers who actually want to spend time with their children, boys or girls, are still looked down on for doing just that. If we made this a normal thing, then maybe we wouldn't have a lot of the behavior issues we do now with the younger generations (those 30 and younger).
When you’re a child, your experiences with life and other people are very limited. It’s only when you start going to school, hanging out with your friends, going over to their place, and having sleepovers that you get a ton more context about how others live. When you get that additional information, you can then start comparing how you’re raised and how your parents behave around you.
In some cases, you’ll realize that you have it pretty good or that there are lot of similarities between you and your friends. Other times, you’ll be envious of your friends because they have more freedom or support. Often, this will be the result of the parenting style that your and other kids’ parents have embraced.
Authoritative parents, for example, offer a balanced approach: they set out clear rules and expectations, but they also communicate openly, take their kids’ feelings into account, and give them love and support.
These parents’ children grow up to be well-adjusted, confident, and independent adults who are socially competent and do well in academics. However, children raised by guardians who embody authoritarian, permissive, or uninvolved (aka neglectful) parenting styles typically don’t do as well in life.
#4
America. When I grew up I thought it was the best country in the world, and that everyone flourished! Not so much...
#5
Knowing what mood your parent was in by their footsteps when they came home and making a plan accordingly.
#6
Denying a student's request to use the bathroom during class really makes me reflect on how wrong it is to withhold a basic human right.
Authoritarian parents tend to set very strict rules at home and they expect their children to follow their every command, which restricts their growth as independent individuals. These households are less nurturing and focus on high expectations.
Meanwhile, permissive parents are the opposite. They give their kids plenty of love, warmth, and support, but they do this at the cost of many (if not all) rules and expectations. These parents typically see their children as friends rather than, well, their kids to be looked after and raised with care.
However, it’s uninvolved parenting that potentially does the most harm. These parents are barely involved in their kids’ lives whether due to work, lifestyle, mental health issues, etc. So, their kids are generally left to fend for themselves, with very little support and few guidelines for what (not) to do. This lack of nurture and discipline leads to children developing problems with social relationships, emotional regulation, and academic achievements, though they may also grow to be more resilient and self-sufficient as a result.
#7
That my parents would feed me peanuts to get out of parties. I have a nut allergy.
I didn’t know it was messed up until I told a therapist and the look on her face I was like ohhhh not normal.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 23 hours ago
That's abusive and dangerous. I hope they did not do anything more.
#8
The fact that the US is as big as it is but we only have a 2 party system, whereas other countries that are MUCH smaller have multiple political parties. We are ALL being played from all sides.
troufaki13 22 hours ago
Don't get fooled. Even if we have more than two political parties, it's always the same two that are in power.
#9
I thought all parents were on their best behavior and pretending to be good people in public and that when they got home they were all angry and violent. I learned I was wrong in my early 20s and couldn't process the concept that not everyone's parents were faking their kindness. It still sometimes feels mind-blowing thinking about how so many parents are actually kind and loving towards their kids. It made me really happy learning that some kids actually get to enjoy happy childhoods.
Verywell Mind explains that uninvolved parenting can lead to kids displaying deficits in cognition, attachment, emotional skills, and social skills. Furthermore, due to a severe lack of boundaries at home, they might not learn appropriate behaviors at school and in public, so they might misbehave more than others.
Generally, children raised by uninvolved parents can be more anxious and stressed, emotionally withdrawn, have an increased risk of substance abuse, and be afraid of becoming dependent on other people.
What are some things that you’ve personally experienced or seen in society or your family life that you now realize were far from ‘normal’? What did you do once you realized this? If you’d like to open up a bit about this, feel free to do so in the comments.
#10
Regressive taxes on the poor while the rich get breaks.
StumblingThroughLife 19 hours ago
I can't see this changing anytime soon - unless populations go 'Vive la révolution on their greedy arses.
#11
War. That it exists to begin with. And it’s still going on in the day and age. So disturbing to have zero control to help others.
#12
Fat shaming. My parents would always tell my siblings and I that getting fat is a no go in our family and we should always stay away from people who are overweight. One of my brothers was overweight but not in an unhealthy way. He was just a big guy which was genetically given from my mom side (two of my uncles were also big with good muscle built). I don't know what you call it but my brother had that gene going on. Throughout our entire childhood, my parents will belittle my brother and make him starve to "lose" weight. My parents went as far to have myself and my little brother make fun of him for being "fat" when he wasn't. As we grew older, we eventually start telling our parents off for their toxic behavior. So whenever my parents try to fat shame us, we fat shame them when the opportunity strikes.
And for those who are curious, my brothers and I have a tight relationship now. After enduring so much emotional, mental, and physical abuse from our parents; we got professional help to learn to cope with our feelings better and hang out together when we have the chance.
Shark queen 🦈🦈🦈 20 hours ago (edited)
I'm glad you all stuck together and tell your parents I think they might lose some weight.
#13
Religion. As I grew up I was shocked seeing what many people do in the name of God.
#14
Cat calling or honking at young girls on the street.
Say No to Downvoting 22 hours ago (edited)
I was 12 when I first got a honk and a “Nice tits!” from a passing car. I thought it was just something women had to deal with from badly behaved men.
#15
Being told I had to be nice to the boy that continually asked me out/gave me romantic gifts even though I rejected him politely for years.
From 5th grade (10years old) until sophomore year of highschool (15 years old) this boy asked me out and gave me unwanted gifts and poems for every holiday and school dance. All the teachers and my classmates knew it was going to happen. Literally every adult in my life told me I had to be polite when I turned him down. I didn't have to accept his gifts or go out with him, but I had to consider his feelings when letting him down.
Years later after surviving an abusive relationship, my therapist pointed out how no one considered my feelings back then. And that perhaps, living a third of my life being told I needed to care more about a boy's feelings than my own, worped my perception of my own feelings being valid and that I had a right to speak up for myself.
Feathered Dinosaur 19 hours ago
Don't teach your daughters to be polite about rejection, because she might hurt the man's feelings and he might become violent. You know what, these men still become stalkers or violent, no matter how polite. Teach your SONS better
#16
An informal part of freshman orientation at my high school included the older girls warning the new ones about which male teachers to avoid being alone with.
Relatedly, the art teacher advised us all to wear shorts under our uniform skirts so boys couldn't upskirt us in the stairwells, and there was a nun who roamed the halls during her free periods to pop into other classes and make the teacher stop what they were doing and have all the girls stand up so she could examine the lengths of our skirts.
The school eventually shut down because the teachers kept getting arrested, but that took a decade after I graduated.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 23 hours ago
Teachers kept getting arrested? Who was constantly hiring these nonces?
#17
Capitalism.
Social media and the way it commodifies literally every human interaction for "likes".
The creation of art with the prime intention of making profit.
#18
Food insecurity. My parents would wait until we were full to take seconds and sometimes even a first portion. I realized later that they didn’t want us to experience feeling hungry as children.
#19
Most of my highschool friends had boyfriends in their mid to late 20s. And then also how acceptable that was to most of the adults around me.
#20
A Kid (in 5th grade) crying and sobbing after he got 94% on his exam. Said his parents needed him to get 96% or up (which is a high A from where I used to live) or else he’d be beaten. The teacher couldn’t really do anything
I didn’t realize how messed up it was until years later when I moved countries.
Feathered Dinosaur 19 hours ago
I hope teachers nowadays would call CPS... Although that would probably only make the parents sneakier about the abuse
#21
Alcoholism. Like I didn't see anything wrong with my dad drinking every day, because he was a chill drunk, until I was much much older and realised that no, drinking everyday is not normal.
#22
Too many pets. It can be all cute and fun as a kid, but then you grow up and realize your mom is a hoarder and the house is a biohazard.
Clown fish 21 hours ago
It's fine having a lot of pets as long as they are cleaned and taken care of and have their flea, worm and other treatments done
#23
How soul crushing and disparaging it is to work a full-time job and 2 part-time jobs just to keep your family from becoming homeless. And being poor or working-class and trying to figure out ways to keep off the government radar the way rich people do because being taxed for the $300 you made cleaning offices at night after your factory job could mean the difference between choosing between heat or electricity and being able to afford both that month.
My dad worked in the auto industry and was like a machine when he would get laid off of work. He would take whatever s**t temp job he could just to keep us afloat. I've had a few "lean" moments in my life that were nowhere near as desperate as his were and I hope to Christ I'm never in his shoes.
Uncle Schmickle 19 hours ago
That's a violation of human rights. I assume this is in the USA ? Pitifully low wages forces people into this situation.
#24
Talking about marriage with a 15 -19 year old. Getting teased that I was an old maid at 21 years old. 21! Religious communities are wild.
#25
Grown men being interested in teenage girls and telling them the reason is because they're so "unusually mature for their age.".
#26
Hitting animals as punishment for bad behaviour. My parents were extremely abusive towards any and all animals we had when I was a kid. I vividly remember when one of my dogs had nipped at my 1 year old nephew for pulling on the dogs tail, my dad's reaction was to boot the dog as hard as he could down a set of stairs and into a steel door, then punching the dog before sending it off to his crate for the rest of the day. This was just one of hundreds of incidents like that. It took me years of unlearning that behaviour, I cry when I think back to how my beloved pets were treated by my parents and even by myself before I realized how awful that was.
#27
Having children you can't afford.
So many people, including my own parents, blame the government or billionaires or the low minimum wage or etc, when the reality is you are the person at fault if you can't afford toys or clothes for your kids.
Uncle Schmickle 19 hours ago
Yes to this one. Some people just keep having kids when they know they can't afford to. Whether it's driven by religious ideology or whatever. The world is already over populated, so please don't add to the problem.
#28
Hitting or screaming at your partner. Until I was almost an adult, I thought a good relationship meant having someone who you could direct all your anger at. They'd do the same to you, and you'd still love each other. I looked forward to that connection with someone else. I thought the biggest issue in my parents' marriage was how they held violence against each other, and they'd be happier if they just accepted how things are.
It took a while to undo that thinking. I still struggle not to associate love with violence or the forgiveness of it.
#29
Eating frozen food because my mom would lock up the kitchen so I couldn’t eat.
#30
Someone trying to pay me to cut off my hair when I was younger because they wanted to buy "authentic native American hair.".
Note: this post originally had 75 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
What do you think ?
Lost Panda 23 hours ago
I have a feeling I'm going to get blasted for this, but one thing I always felt was: Just because your parents didn't help you emotionally, doesn't make them bad. They are human too, they have their mental health to worry about as well. As much as you say they mess with your mental health, you are messing with their's as well. This is not okaying abuse or anything like that, but I just feel that people should also think about how the parent(s) are also trying their best in this world. Sorry mom and dad for my past transgressions XD
Jessica SpeLangm 16 hours ago (edited)
#33 was the worst one for me. The dad booting animals and punching them. I'm shocked the animal lived long enough to be in a crate. If it had been me, I would have booted my dad and shoved him in a crate, assuming I was big and strong enough to do that. But my dad wasn't an abuser of animals. He may not have loved them like me, but he would NEVER do this s**t to an animal.
Ron Man 15 hours ago
Most of these have nothing to do with childhood and everything to do with people passive aggressively complaining about life today. If you don't like life today, change it. Nothing changes unless someone wanting it to be different starts doing things differently. Or keep complaining and feel like a victim and let the world you don't like roll over you.
Simon Chen 22 minutes ago
Much easier to cry about how awful life is nowadays
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 23 hours ago
I have a feeling I'm going to get blasted for this, but one thing I always felt was: Just because your parents didn't help you emotionally, doesn't make them bad. They are human too, they have their mental health to worry about as well. As much as you say they mess with your mental health, you are messing with their's as well. This is not okaying abuse or anything like that, but I just feel that people should also think about how the parent(s) are also trying their best in this world. Sorry mom and dad for my past transgressions XD
Jessica SpeLangm 16 hours ago (edited)
#33 was the worst one for me. The dad booting animals and punching them. I'm shocked the animal lived long enough to be in a crate. If it had been me, I would have booted my dad and shoved him in a crate, assuming I was big and strong enough to do that. But my dad wasn't an abuser of animals. He may not have loved them like me, but he would NEVER do this s**t to an animal.
Ron Man 15 hours ago
Most of these have nothing to do with childhood and everything to do with people passive aggressively complaining about life today. If you don't like life today, change it. Nothing changes unless someone wanting it to be different starts doing things differently. Or keep complaining and feel like a victim and let the world you don't like roll over you.
Simon Chen 22 minutes ago
Much easier to cry about how awful life is nowadays
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