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It takes new experiences and other people's input to understand how your life experiences fit into the context of society as a whole. What you grew up thinking was ‘normal’ might be anything but, for good or for ill. In some cases, the events that happened to you can be so bizarre or traumatic that they can require years of therapy and healing to come to terms with them. Other times, it might be society that has normalized toxic behaviors and approaches.

Some internet users vented their frustrations and opened up about their painful pasts in a thread in the AskReddit online community. They shared the things that they realized were really messed up about their families and society overall, only when they got older. Scroll down to read the stories we’ve collected for you, Pandas.

#1

Child covering ears while sitting on a couch, as an adult gestures nearby, illustrating a messed-up situation. Punishing children under 10 for showing up to school late when they rely on their parents/siblings to get them there.

agizzy23 , jet-po / freepik Report

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sbj
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being smacked at school most mornings when I was 5yo because I wasn't wearing the correct under garments, this was at a Catholic school in England 1970's, and I never told my parents

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    #2

    An older woman in a striped shirt looking thoughtful, standing indoors near a bookshelf. My Grandma got married at 16 to my Grandfather who was 8 years older than her. She had 6 kids by the time she was 22. The family romanticized their relationship my whole life, but her dying words were “at least I don’t have to deal with HIM anymore” and the truth about him being an abusive piece of s**t for 60+ years surfaced after she passed. It’s a sad reality for many women from her generation.

    resinker , freepik Report

    #3

    Father and young child playing with blocks on the floor, highlighting the innocence of childhood before realizing complex issues. Dads being looked down on for playing with, hugging or kissing their sons.

    Dad’s getting the cops called on them for watching/playing with their daughter at the park without their wife there as well.

    Mothers having to go back to work early or at night to keep food on the table.

    comfortablynumb15 , freepik Report

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    Kirk Littlefield
    Community Member
    1 hour ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    When you’re a child, your experiences with life and other people are very limited. It’s only when you start going to school, hanging out with your friends, going over to their place, and having sleepovers that you get a ton more context about how others live. When you get that additional information, you can then start comparing how you’re raised and how your parents behave around you.

    In some cases, you’ll realize that you have it pretty good or that there are lot of similarities between you and your friends. Other times, you’ll be envious of your friends because they have more freedom or support. Often, this will be the result of the parenting style that your and other kids’ parents have embraced.

    Authoritative parents, for example, offer a balanced approach: they set out clear rules and expectations, but they also communicate openly, take their kids’ feelings into account, and give them love and support.

    These parents’ children grow up to be well-adjusted, confident, and independent adults who are socially competent and do well in academics. However, children raised by guardians who embody authoritarian, permissive, or uninvolved (aka neglectful) parenting styles typically don’t do as well in life.

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    #4

    Child at a picnic, eating and looking thoughtful, representing realizations as they age about what was once overlooked. That my parents would feed me peanuts to get out of parties. I have a nut allergy.

    I didn’t know it was messed up until I told a therapist and the look on her face I was like ohhhh not normal.

    Worried_Cheesecake80 , westend61 / Envato Report

    #5

    Child covering ears as parents argue, highlighting realization of family issues when older. I thought all parents were on their best behavior and pretending to be good people in public and that when they got home they were all angry and violent. I learned I was wrong in my early 20s and couldn't process the concept that not everyone's parents were faking their kindness. It still sometimes feels mind-blowing thinking about how so many parents are actually kind and loving towards their kids. It made me really happy learning that some kids actually get to enjoy happy childhoods.

    Dense-Shame-334 , seventyfour / freepik Report

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    #6

    A person walks on a dirt road towards a massive cloud of smoke and fire, representing realization of chaos. War. That it exists to begin with. And it’s still going on in the day and age. So disturbing to have zero control to help others.

    Laurawaterfront , herosnow442 / freepik Report

    Authoritarian parents tend to set very strict rules at home and they expect their children to follow their every command, which restricts their growth as independent individuals. These households are less nurturing and focus on high expectations.

    Meanwhile, permissive parents are the opposite. They give their kids plenty of love, warmth, and support, but they do this at the cost of many (if not all) rules and expectations. These parents typically see their children as friends rather than, well, their kids to be looked after and raised with care.

    However, it’s uninvolved parenting that potentially does the most harm. These parents are barely involved in their kids’ lives whether due to work, lifestyle, mental health issues, etc. So, their kids are generally left to fend for themselves, with very little support and few guidelines for what (not) to do. This lack of nurture and discipline leads to children developing problems with social relationships, emotional regulation, and academic achievements, though they may also grow to be more resilient and self-sufficient as a result.

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    #7

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) Regressive taxes on the poor while the rich get breaks.

    Quix66 , wayhomestudio Report

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    StumblingThroughLife
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't see this changing anytime soon - unless populations go 'Vive la révolution on their greedy arses.

    #8

    Hand on a car steering wheel, a realization moment about driving habits as an adult. Cat calling or honking at young girls on the street.

    srslyfancy , denisapolka / freepik Report

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    Say No to Downvoting
    Community Member
    5 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was 12 when I first got a honk and a “Nice tits!” from a passing car. I thought it was just something women had to deal with from badly behaved men.

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    #9

    Older couple in a contemplative conversation, connected to realization of past issues. Knowing what mood your parent was in by their footsteps when they came home and making a plan accordingly.

    Ruffleafewfeathers , zinkevych / freepik Report

    Verywell Mind explains that uninvolved parenting can lead to kids displaying deficits in cognition, attachment, emotional skills, and social skills. Furthermore, due to a severe lack of boundaries at home, they might not learn appropriate behaviors at school and in public, so they might misbehave more than others.

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    Generally, children raised by uninvolved parents can be more anxious and stressed, emotionally withdrawn, have an increased risk of substance abuse, and be afraid of becoming dependent on other people.

    What are some things that you’ve personally experienced or seen in society or your family life that you now realize were far from ‘normal’? What did you do once you realized this? If you’d like to open up a bit about this, feel free to do so in the comments.

    #10

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) Capitalism.

    Social media and the way it commodifies literally every human interaction for "likes".

    The creation of art with the prime intention of making profit.

    pure_stardust , freepik Report

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    Fellfromthemoon
    Community Member
    59 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dude, the first author who lived on what his pen earned lived in the sixteenth century. His name is Erasmus of Rotterdam. Artists painting for money are among us even longer. Pro photographers and filmographers? They exist from the day these methods were engineered.

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    #11

    A young couple shares a tender moment on a scooter in a park, surrounded by greenery. Most of my highschool friends had boyfriends in their mid to late 20s. And then also how acceptable that was to most of the adults around me.

    sailorsleepycat , freepik Report

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    Phoenix
    Community Member
    57 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This! Although illegal, no one stopped 14 or 15 yr old girls from dating 20+ yr olds. Not even our parents. I was one of the girls and I didn't know for a very long time how wrong it actually was.

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    #12

    Person in a plaid shirt sitting on the floor with beer bottles, reflecting on things not realized as messed up until older. Alcoholism. Like I didn't see anything wrong with my dad drinking every day, because he was a chill drunk, until I was much much older and realised that no, drinking everyday is not normal.

    yourbigsister123 , jcomp / freepik Report

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always annoying to see the assumption repeated, that drinking some alcool every day, or most days, is the same as being an alcoholic. Not true, not true at all.

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    #13

    Man angrily confronting woman, highlighting a situation that seemed normal but is messed up when viewed with maturity. Hitting or screaming at your partner. Until I was almost an adult, I thought a good relationship meant having someone who you could direct all your anger at. They'd do the same to you, and you'd still love each other. I looked forward to that connection with someone else. I thought the biggest issue in my parents' marriage was how they held violence against each other, and they'd be happier if they just accepted how things are.

    It took a while to undo that thinking. I still struggle not to associate love with violence or the forgiveness of it.

    TeamWaffleStomp , freepik Report

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    #14

    Two schoolgirls in uniform, holding folders, standing and smiling at each other in a room with a bookshelf. An informal part of freshman orientation at my high school included the older girls warning the new ones about which male teachers to avoid being alone with.

    Relatedly, the art teacher advised us all to wear shorts under our uniform skirts so boys couldn't upskirt us in the stairwells, and there was a nun who roamed the halls during her free periods to pop into other classes and make the teacher stop what they were doing and have all the girls stand up so she could examine the lengths of our skirts.

    The school eventually shut down because the teachers kept getting arrested, but that took a decade after I graduated.

    everylastlight , freepik Report

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    #15

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) America. When I grew up I thought it was the best country in the world, and that everyone flourished! Not so much...

    Pristine-Habit-9632 , pvproductions Report

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    #16

    Man standing outdoors on a sunny day, wearing a light blue t-shirt. Fat shaming. My parents would always tell my siblings and I that getting fat is a no go in our family and we should always stay away from people who are overweight. One of my brothers was overweight but not in an unhealthy way. He was just a big guy which was genetically given from my mom side (two of my uncles were also big with good muscle built). I don't know what you call it but my brother had that gene going on. Throughout our entire childhood, my parents will belittle my brother and make him starve to "lose" weight. My parents went as far to have myself and my little brother make fun of him for being "fat" when he wasn't. As we grew older, we eventually start telling our parents off for their toxic behavior. So whenever my parents try to fat shame us, we fat shame them when the opportunity strikes.

    And for those who are curious, my brothers and I have a tight relationship now. After enduring so much emotional, mental, and physical abuse from our parents; we got professional help to learn to cope with our feelings better and hang out together when we have the chance.

    unforgivablenope , freepik Report

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    Shark queen 🦈🦈🦈
    Community Member
    3 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm glad you all stuck together and tell your parents I think they might lose some weight.

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    #17

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) Being told I had to be nice to the boy that continually asked me out/gave me romantic gifts even though I rejected him politely for years.

    From 5th grade (10years old) until sophomore year of highschool (15 years old) this boy asked me out and gave me unwanted gifts and poems for every holiday and school dance. All the teachers and my classmates knew it was going to happen. Literally every adult in my life told me I had to be polite when I turned him down. I didn't have to accept his gifts or go out with him, but I had to consider his feelings when letting him down.

    Years later after surviving an abusive relationship, my therapist pointed out how no one considered my feelings back then. And that perhaps, living a third of my life being told I needed to care more about a boy's feelings than my own, worped my perception of my own feelings being valid and that I had a right to speak up for myself.

    Great_Error_9602 , freepik Report

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't teach your daughters to be polite about rejection, because she might hurt the man's feelings and he might become violent. You know what, these men still become stalkers or violent, no matter how polite. Teach your SONS better

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    #18

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) Denying a student's request to use the bathroom during class really makes me reflect on how wrong it is to withhold a basic human right.

    deformedcarrot_ , defstock Report

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    Uncle Schmickle
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Totally agree. Basic human right. " OMG I'm having a heart attack " Nope you're not allowed to leave the classroom " Just imagine this scenario if it was a teacher.

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    #19

    A person walking a group of small dogs on a leash, highlighting a busy city sidewalk. Too many pets. It can be all cute and fun as a kid, but then you grow up and realize your mom is a hoarder and the house is a biohazard.

    TobyMcK , EyeEm / freepik Report

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    Clown fish
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's fine having a lot of pets as long as they are cleaned and taken care of and have their flea, worm and other treatments done

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    #20

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) Food insecurity. My parents would wait until we were full to take seconds and sometimes even a first portion. I realized later that they didn’t want us to experience feeling hungry as children.

    Old-College-9360 , EyeEm / freepik Report

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    #21

    Person sitting at a desk looking stressed, highlighting realization of something messed up. How soul crushing and disparaging it is to work a full-time job and 2 part-time jobs just to keep your family from becoming homeless. And being poor or working-class and trying to figure out ways to keep off the government radar the way rich people do because being taxed for the $300 you made cleaning offices at night after your factory job could mean the difference between choosing between heat or electricity and being able to afford both that month.

    My dad worked in the auto industry and was like a machine when he would get laid off of work. He would take whatever s**t temp job he could just to keep us afloat. I've had a few "lean" moments in my life that were nowhere near as desperate as his were and I hope to Christ I'm never in his shoes.

    PunchBeard , freepik Report

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    Uncle Schmickle
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a violation of human rights. I assume this is in the USA ? Pitifully low wages forces people into this situation.

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    #22

    The fact that the US is as big as it is but we only have a 2 party system, whereas other countries that are MUCH smaller have multiple political parties. We are ALL being played from all sides.

    anon Report

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    troufaki13
    Community Member
    5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't get fooled. Even if we have more than two political parties, it's always the same two that are in power.

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    #23

    “What’s Something You Didn’t Realize Was Messed Up Until You Were Older?” (75 Stories) Talking about marriage with a 15 -19 year old. Getting teased that I was an old maid at 21 years old. 21! Religious communities are wild.

    lolalynna , freepic.diller Report

    #24

    Religion. As I grew up I was shocked seeing what many people do in the name of God.

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    #25

    Person in a striped shirt holding scissors and a comb, reflecting on childhood misconceptions. Someone trying to pay me to cut off my hair when I was younger because they wanted to buy "authentic native American hair.".

    LaRaspberries , dolga1987 / freepik Report

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    #26

    Couple embracing at a romantic dinner, man holding a rose and whispering to woman, reflecting on what’s messed up when older. Presenting yourself as someone unrealistically pristine when first dating someone of romantic interest just to make a good impression. This is partly why I really don't get some social media (Facebook, Insta etc.), too.

    Livid_Cloud , freepik Report

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing wrong with being on your best behaviour when first meeting someone. Being aware of your more positive and negative traits and making efforts to change where appropriate is surely a good thing? Pretending to be someone you're not and then reverting to type when you've got your claws into someone is another thing altogether, but yeah, I would try to dress nicely and make sure my hair was tidy, I'd cleaned my teeth and that I didn't smell . Wouldn't everybody?

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    #27

    Young boy studying with a book and notebook, illustrating realizations made as an adult. A Kid (in 5th grade) crying and sobbing after he got 94% on his exam. Said his parents needed him to get 96% or up (which is a high A from where I used to live) or else he’d be beaten. The teacher couldn’t really do anything

    I didn’t realize how messed up it was until years later when I moved countries.

    guinea-pig-lover16 , EyeEm / freepik Report

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope teachers nowadays would call CPS... Although that would probably only make the parents sneakier about the abuse

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    #28

    My body. I started having sciatic pain around 16. At this I learned I was born with an extra vertebra or joint (not sure which, can not get any professionals to agree and I've stopped caring) in my hip area. So, related. Started getting treatment. Had issues and treated it off and on for decades. Things have just gotten worse, I have some disc compression, arthritis, c**p. I'm only 43.

    I don't know that I could've done much to prevent the pain I'm in now, but I wish I'd maybe had a heads up?

    girlwhoweighted Report

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why are you still accepting a partial diagnosis? You should have enough information to understand what's going on and what you can do to at least alleviate the pain. I do hope this isn't just a result of not being able to afford proper medical care.

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    #29

    Schooling, and the way we teach our children


    The way schools work now is just as an assembly line to create more workers


    Carl Sagan once said that all children have an unquenchable thrist for knowledge. But by the time someone has graduated high school the average student just hates learning. .

    Pleasant_Law_5077 Report

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    SirWriteALot
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We need to learn stuff that makes us able to earn a living later on. And learning also means learning about stuff you don't like.

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    #30

    Eating frozen food because my mom would lock up the kitchen so I couldn’t eat.

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    #31

    Parents making children kiss older relatives on the cheek. It was gross and I hated it. I’m so glad some parents don’t force that on their children anymore.

    MioMine78 Report

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents, especially my father gets furious when my 3 year old tells him she doesn't want to be touched by him. He then rounds on me and screams: "Look what all your modern parenting b******t has done to her! She will never let me brush her teeth or strap her into the carseat again and it's your fault! Also the teachers at her preschool will think she was sèxually abused by me if they ever hear her say that!". Yes, he's a piece of work. No, he will only touch her with her permission or in an emergency/to keep her safe. She doesn't want to be touched by her granny often either, she's really not a touchy kind of girl. If he can't respect that, no more granddaughter time for him

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    #32

    Two men playing poker, focused and intense, with chips and cards on the table, illustrating a moment of realization. Parents never being home.

    My mom works a lot so I just figured my friends had similar situations- single parent grind and all. But no most were just alcoholic gambling addicts that lived at the casinos and preferred pretending like their child didn't exist.

    Scary prevalent in Vegas.

    HunyBuns , master1305 / freepik Report

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    #33

    Hitting animals as punishment for bad behaviour. My parents were extremely abusive towards any and all animals we had when I was a kid. I vividly remember when one of my dogs had nipped at my 1 year old nephew for pulling on the dogs tail, my dad's reaction was to boot the dog as hard as he could down a set of stairs and into a steel door, then punching the dog before sending it off to his crate for the rest of the day. This was just one of hundreds of incidents like that. It took me years of unlearning that behaviour, I cry when I think back to how my beloved pets were treated by my parents and even by myself before I realized how awful that was.

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    #34

    That our neighbours heard my dad plaster me across the walls of our house.He was never a drinker or d**g addict,just had a filthy temper and dirty secrets of his own making (at least 1 other family)

    I used to wonder why nobody came to help me so assumed it was because they couldn't hear the carry-on.

    New people bought the house next door.Turns out the walls weren't so thick after all ....

    Normal_Animal_5843 Report

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    #35

    Becoming my mother's close confidante about her affair with someone other than my father, her husband. She told me the affair was my fault.

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    #36

    A child listening to an adult in a classroom, illustrating something you didn’t realize was messed up until older. Schools ignoring kid drama till a fight starts then blames it on them when they are aware the kids don't get along.

    Pretty much you see a problem but do nothing about it because "that kid isn't part of my class and it's not my problem". Not every kid will "snitch" cuz of fear. Only when the media gets involved, a school will throw down and act like they care about their students as if the school had real professionals.

    It's why a lot of us hated school cuz almost every staff was fake AF. (I say almost cuz some teachers were genuinely cool but just seem like they have no power at all).

    Renanina , freepik Report

    #37

    Physical discipline by adults to children. It's just abuse. All I learned from a spanking is to fear my Mother coming down the hall. It took me a long time to forgive her but I will never forget.

    TrishPanda18 Report

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. And I can tell everyone who wants to chime in with "but it didn't do any harm to meet!"... yes, it probably did you a lot of harm, stunted your emotional maturation and ability to deal with negative feelings. If you're all good then it's DESPITE being spanked. You were lucky you were resilient enough, congratulations

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    #38

    The Bible.

    anon Report

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    Uncle Schmickle
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now in my '70s, I realise there's lots of good stuff in it, but as a child / teenager, it didn't make any sense to me. When discussed with younger people, it should be emphasised that the stories are allegorical and teach important lessons as to how we should lead our lives and treat our fellow human beings ...... and animals.

    #39

    When I was younger, I think kids were not really told the full scope of what "counted" as physical abuse. As a kid, I understood it to mean "Do your parents hit you?", specifically in the form of punches/slaps.

    Which meant that other things -- pushing, shoving, dragging, grabbing, yanking, punching the air directly next to your head -- were considered *toooootally* fine! No big deal!

    blueeyesredlipstick Report

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    #40

    How sexualized Brittney Spears was when she first got famous. As a middle schooler at the time 16 is practically an adult to you but looking back its creepy how she was turned into an object of desire and had fully grown men ogling her.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    TBF I always assume that most record sales (and merchandising etc.) for teen idols are by other teenagers of similar age or younger, so it could be argued that the intention was to look sexy for the target audience.

    #41

    Grown men being interested in teenage girls and telling them the reason is because they're so "unusually mature for their age.".

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grooming. The thing is that teenage girls can be very attractive to men both young and old. It's no good denying it, we don't have an off switch to magically stop finding them attractive as soon as we get over 20, but most adult males simply know that of coure they must not act on it and have enough self-control to not do so.

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    #42

    Turns out its not normal to sell your house and move every 1.5 years. As a kid, it seemed fun and exciting to go somewhere new, but that was actually my mum's undiagnosed bipolar disorder making her move every time she got bored, and she was sending us bankrupt.

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    #43

    Graduate holding diploma, highlighting realization of overlooked issues during adulthood. Paying >70k for a college degree that I’m not even using.

    Dank0cean , freepik Report

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    #44

    A thoughtful family at a table, pondering something they didn’t realize was messed up until older. Having children you can't afford.

    So many people, including my own parents, blame the government or billionaires or the low minimum wage or etc, when the reality is you are the person at fault if you can't afford toys or clothes for your kids.

    TheSkyIsData , bearfotos / freepik Report

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    Uncle Schmickle
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes to this one. Some people just keep having kids when they know they can't afford to. Whether it's driven by religious ideology or whatever. The world is already over populated, so please don't add to the problem.

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    #45

    I was a horrible brother who bullied my younger brother when I should have been protecting and loving him. He's 5 years younger than me. We had a very bad relationship in our young years because he was never taught to respect my personal space. He broke my toys, k*lled my pets, and made my Nintendo nearly unplayable after spilling a Mtn. Dew in it. I was just mean and angry. He was overweight and reclusive and I teased him for it. He would pick his nose and eat the boogers on the school bus and kids would call him names for it. I just went along with it. Had I been a bigger (physically and emotionally) person I would have stood up for him, but I was small minded and physically small so fighting would have been a bad idea.

    I have apologized multiple times but he still holds a grudge and we barely have a relationship. On my last visit he went off on me and told me everything I used to do and how it made him feel. He said I never apologized, despite me doing so multiple times in the last few years. We're both in our 40s now. He is still reclusive, lives with my parents and loves to write and do art. I was making really good money a few years ago and offered to help him move out or do something else with his life. I've given him tons of things to help him with his interests. He's just content where he is.

    I still feel like s**t but I can't do anything else about it.

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    Fellfromthemoon
    Community Member
    1 minute ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Something tells me that it's not really OP's fault, but he was raised to be the scapegoat. Some toys being broken is part of the course, I guess, but loss of pets are definitely over the top. (Maybe those pets were overfed guppies?)

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    #46

    Circumcision. Uncool.

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    Sue User
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Somehow, uncut looks less aggressive. I know thats strong word but that is what i feel.

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    #47

    Social isolation.


    My parents got divorced and moved a few hours from each other. They were codependent on us kids, and very controlling of our time and keeping us near them. I effectively didn't have friends from the second grade until I went to University. 


    I struggled for years to form meaningful or lasting relationships. Still do. Once you're behind on this stuff, it's hard to catch up. Spent my 20s learning things and making mistakes most people did in high school. .

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    #48

    My family dynamic and a lot of neglect I experienced. My mother isolated herself and therefore her children from the entire family. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to not leave the house for days or weeks on end as a kid. Of course, during the school year, I would go to school but otherwise literally never left the house. During the summer, there were no family visits or barbecues or family functions of any kind. As I got older, my mother remarried and almost entirely forgot about me. I couldn’t join any school clubs or activities. Couldn’t play sports. Couldn’t see friends. My entire life was my room, which I wouldn’t leave for literally weeks on end during the summers. I hated my f*****g life and blamed myself for so long but I am realizing now how awful my mother was. I am incredibly resentful and have basically no relationship with her anymore. And, because of her, no relationship with any extended family whatsoever. It’s been lonely.

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    #50

    How self-sufficient I had to be from a young age. My parents both had to work full time and couldn't afford consistent care for me, so I was on my own majority of the time. I was woken up in the morning before my mom left for work and sometimes dinner was made for me, but that was about it other than my parents checking in on me in the evenings.

    It wasn't really their fault entirely, but it's a little messed up how I became a hyper-independent person who is still working on being able to ask or accept help and not feel so fiercely about doing everything myself in my 30's. I catch myself telling childhood stories and it sometimes hits me how screwed up things were even for the 90's.

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    Blue Bunny of Happiness
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, relate to this one. People are shocked that from age 15 I was left home alone at weekends and by the time I was 16 for up to a week at a time. I just thought it was great that my parents trusted me whilst they were out of the country!

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    #51

    Elderly man in a city street, wearing a light jacket, reflecting on things he realized were messed up later in life. Older men hitting on teenage / underage women

    I know this sounds f****d up to say & like everyone knows it’s wrong / weird now days. But at 15yo my mindset was s**t to say the least. I blame it on growing up in a pretty conservative household and small town and the values that placed on me as a woman.

    ANYWHOO - When I was younger I would take it as a compliment when old men would cat call, holler, hit me up on Instagram. I even went out with a guy that was 24 when I was 18. (Come to find out later down the road that he was 28)

    It took that 28 yo man posing as a 24 year old and me realizing later on that he had lied to realize that I was taken advantage of and used. I remember thinking why would he need to lie about 4 years? Like who cares? I now know the difference between those two ages / time periods of life. Was/still is a horrible feeling and time I had went through - but as Duncan Trussel preaches, heartbreak and hurt break the ego and cause the biggest amount of growth. Did it hurt yes? Did I need to learn from that experience for things to come in my future? Absolutely.

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    Sue User
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was with OP until last bit. I fine with moving through emotional pain but this reads as " it was okay because it made you a better person.

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    #52

    My mother would whisper scream at me in public while grabbing my upper arm violently (because I needed to go pee and I didn’t wanna go to the restroom alone). That’s messed up.

    She would frequently hiss at me any time I needed something or had even a slight attitude as a child, “I love you but I don’t like you.” That’s messed up.

    So, pretty much the entirety of my former relationship with the woman who baby trapped my bio father then proceeded to hate me my whole life.

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    #53

    Wasting so much time wanting and dreaming of becoming an adult as a kid so "I could do whatever I wanted like adults" with the complete lack of understanding finances, responsibilities, etc.

    Should have maximized every minute of being a kid.

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    #54

    Scaring/threatening your kids into compliance.

    Seriously, there’s better ways to parent than by traumatizing them over any problem or inconvenience.

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    #55

    Work not understanding that people and their children get sick as well as the immediate push for children to be more independent.

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    #56

    Growing up, I didn't realize how messed up it was that my parents never talked openly about mental health. It was sort of a taboo topic, and seeking therapy or acknowledging mental health struggles was seen as a sign of weakness. As I got older, I came to understand the importance of destigmatizing mental health issues and the value of seeking help when needed. It's something I wish I had recognized earlier to promote a healthier mindset from the start.

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    #57

    How much my parents drank everyday. I thought it was completely normal to drink a 12 pack or a box of wine per night. My parents keep their lives together and are productive people!

    I drank for 6 years and ended up homeless. Been sober a long time now. Alcohol continues to be the biggest wedge in our relationship.

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    #58

    How there couldn't be any alcohol in the house, like if you bought a bottle you drank it in the same day. At least how my parents did it. It was like candy to kids, if they knew it was there, they got to have it.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There was never any alcohol in our house either, except for the plastic container of 'cooking sherry' in the pantry, with a glass right next to it, partaken of by my father, presumably multiple times every day.

    #59

    When I was a kid, my grandparents used to buy a lot of big fancy fireworks for Fourth of July. They used to have me light them because "I could run away the fastest".

    As an adult, after seeing the damage fireworks can do, I am a little horrified they entrusted this task to an elementary school student.

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    #60

    My siblings and I grew up in home where both parents were hoarders. I didn't realize just how bad it was (even though CPS was called once when I was like 12) until I watched the Hoarders show in my late teens.

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    #61

    Bullying didn't used to be a big deal since everyone asumed victims would grow up tougher, or lame but eventually getting their "cold" revenge as adults so it would be nobody else's problem.

    Nowdays, it easilly leads to school shootings and s***ides.

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    #62

    For me, how normal it was to be underage partying with adults you work with and them not thinking twice. Now was an adult, I think it’s kind of weird.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Presumably this is US specific where the general drinking age is 21. In most of the world there's nothing odd about employees from 18 to go out on group events that may include some drinking with their older colleagues.

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    #63

    In the central Indiana region of the US they called green peppers “mangos” for some reason….

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    #64

    That emotional abuse is a thing.

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    #65

    Oh boy. Uhh. My parents being so focused on my high functioning but special needs brother that I was largely left alone until I was like 14 and then at that point I was so resentful I was a huge a*****e to them even though I was the golden child and got really good grades through college and mostly spent more time alone in my room and outside of that I would just be allowed to walk to school by myself or walk like 2 miles to hang out at my friend’s house or walk to our downtown main drag and hang out with people much older than me and then when I could drive I would drive our second car (yes I know) into the city with my friends and then lie about what I was doing and no one seemed to care beyond asking why the mileage was high and then I’d lie again.

    Now I’m executor of their estate and I’m giving my brother anything they leave to me so he can get an apartment. I’m also helping him find a job. Early 2000s were weird.

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    Blue Bunny of Happiness
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents loved me and I would describe my childhood as happy. I now realise how much they left us to raise ourselves and the emotional impact this still has on me. I don’t blame them, that was what they experienced as children too, I just count my blessings about all the good bits.

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    #67

    The human race.

    Taxes.

    Psuedo monopolies.

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    #68

    Dating dudes who were 10+ years older than me when I couldn’t even drink yet 🤢.

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    #69

    What my grandfather (and other other older relatives) used to call Brazil nuts. The 1970s were weird.

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    Uncle Schmickle
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah .... so what ? I assume you're talking about the actual edible nut from Brazil ?

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    #70

    I didn't think my home life whas bad until i started talking to other people (friend's )about the 'silly' thing my dad did.

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    #71

    The normalizing of casual racism among children, and the adults who ignored or even encouraged this behavior. Chinese fire drills. N-----rigging. Polish jokes. And so on. As a half asian kid, none of this seemed offensive until I grew up. I was called Eskimo because I moved from Alaska to a small town.

    The rampant homophobia too. We played a game called " smear the queer" for God's sake.

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    NetworkMan
    Community Member
    5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We used to call the local Chinese Takeaway, the Chinkese. As a child, I thought Chinkese was just a shorter way of saying it, like calling the Fish and Chip Shop the Chippie. It took the very kind and understanding Chinese owner of said Chinese takeaway to explain to me that it was a racist term. I went there all the time, and he knew I had no hate for him, it was just a word I used as did everyone else I knew. Shout out to George, hopefully, you're enjoying your retirement, and you still, without a doubt, make the best damn Chicken and Duck Chow Mein I've ever had.

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    #72

    Pesticides.

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    Sue User
    Community Member
    57 minutes ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live rural. The commercials promoting glychophosphate are unreal. The slogan is " Control weeds not farmers." The again, my older neighbir is upset they banned DDT.

    #73

    Cops. When I bought my condo ~40 years ago, I had an alarm system installed. The guy overseeing the job was an ex-cop. He told me they used to beat up the people they caught because the justice system always let them off. I was stupid, young, naive, and agreed with him. I am **appalled** with my old self, cause now I know ACAB. That was ***long*** before the internet and smart phones.

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    Dave In MD
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Saying ACAB makes me not care what you have to say and assume that you are just lying to get your "ACAB" point across. I would say that you and anyone else that uses that anacronym are bastards.

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    #74

    My parents' relationship.

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    #75

    Taxes, Medicare. Without specifics, I lose 1/3 of my salary to both that really I'll never see.

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    SirWriteALot
    Community Member
    2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Explain how it is messed up to pay taxes so that you can live in a place with roads and running water and power and schools and universities and (the list goes on)