Oh my. I had an absolutely wonderful childhood myself, and it took me many years to realize that one of my friends was not what she made out to be, but a psychopathic narcissist who sees everybody around her as being hers to use and abuse. Nothing was ever her fault. Once, when I demanded that she start paying back the money she had borrowed she retorted that when she borrowed it, she had hoped to pay it back, adding "and it is the intention that counts." NO, was my answer, it is always and only the result that counts! For a moment or two, she actually seemed shaken by that terrible thought, but then quickly regained her composure. I pity her two grown-up daughters.

You cannot forgive - you cannot forget - the abuser is sick and needs the help they will not ask for

Please tell me you have gotten lots of therapy. There's a line for all of us. We can manage our crap to that line and then we need help.

I feel so sorry you had to deal with that sort of accusation. Adult people are fully responsible for themselves, their actions and interactions. What a shame to put it on you.

Oh Ahkilah, you and only you know what it was like to live with your mother. I am sorry that the rest of your family looked away and pretended not to notice anything. I am not related to you, or know you, but all I can say is - all YOU NEED to do is to continue to take care of yourself because that is what you've been doing so far. You should only have one goal in life - to be as happy as you can. "In life, you can only choose your friends." Good luck :)

Continued...sorry..... I babble.... //// .... Anyone who tells you that you need to "forgive" your abuser has no bloody idea what they're talking about. They didn't live in that house, they were not subject to what you are, and if they tell you that you "have" to "forgive", then they are NOT acting in your best interest. I can tell you right now that only YOU know what your best interest really is. /// If you have to, stop talking to them. In time, you need to learn to stop renting them space in your head. Whatever you're feeling is something you have a right to feel. You DO have a right to be angry, and there are some things that can never be forgiven. /// I'm 55. I know where you are, I've been there. Walk away. Make a life that YOU own, and never look back. That is your right.

Remember that DNA does NOT make "family". If you're related to someone that you'd cross the street to avoid, you are fully justified in never talking to them again. /// My mother died in May. She did not cover herself in glory as a parent, to say the least. My father physically abused me, and mentally abused the entire family and she let it happen. Her entire life was a series of bad choices, and while I feel sorry for her and I know where she was coming from, that does not justify what she did - and chose not to do, which is protect me. /// I only found out after the funeral that she always believed that I was lying about my father's abuse, until about ten years ago, when a neighbour told her she'd seen it happening. My godmother, one of Mom's friends, my cousin...they all told me that they would have believed me if I'd told them, but by then I'd been well-trained not to say a word. Call someone a liar often enough, and we learn to shut up. /// You do NOT "owe" your mother a thing.

You stand strong. I am in your boat. After nearly 50 years of that kind of abuse from my parents, I walked away. They do this to this day... just this morning I hear that Mother Dearest was whining to someone about how she has NO IDEA why I won't communicate anymore. And, how she learned that her granddaughter (my oldest girl) died in a car accident from her brother. Yes, that's on me. But, the reason I did not call her was because of the NASTY STUFF she and my father and sister did after my younger daughter was injured severely in Afghanistan... Really, really crappy stuff, that I won't get into here. They pushed me to the edge of suicide. I finally realized that for my own survival, and for the sake of the husband and children who actually DID love me, I had to break that stuff off. Its TOXIC. And like you, there were lots of people who turned a blind eye to the abuse when I was growing up. No one would say or DO anything. It just continued. I'm free now. Like you.

Seems like they're still looking the other way, cowards that should have protected you, stay strong and look after yourself.

Just cut them all out of your life; live YOUR life for YOU. Remember to love yourself - you deserve it! xxxx

Keep in mind you can forgive from a distance and never contact her again. I am sorry you bore this weight alone. I hope you find supportive friends to guide you so you can avoid toxic people in your life.

Your behavior isn’t about forgiving or not forgiving. It’s about protecting yourself from the abuser. If you like, you may forgive me – or not – for over-analyzing your relatives, because I know very well that’s what I’m doing: I don’t think they care whether you forgive your mother, so much as they want an excuse to forgive themselves for abandoning you. If you “forgive” her, they’ll feel that it wasn’t so bad that they abandoned you. Then they’ll feel that they’re forgiven too – not that they’ll ever admit to themselves that this is what it’s all about.

A lot of people make the same mistake you do. It doesn't bloody matter WHY her abusers attack her. It ONLY matters what they did and what they're doing. Stop making excuses for abuse. There is NEVER an excuse to abuse someone, ever. ....///... Her mother's problems are HERS to deal with. Analyzing her is a stupid waste of time.The effect she has had on her child what this is about it. The OP 's experience is the ONLY thing that's relevant here..

I agree with you if understanding that there are mental problems, ie mental illness, or different mental wiring, can make a victim, especially if that victim is the child, move on and stop trying to find what made any particular incident happen has the potential to bring a lot of good. It is simply NOT the victim's fault.

He does see a therapist every week. He has proven to be medication intolerant thus far, but we keep trying when something new comes out.