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There’s a lot we don’t know about people until we spend more time with them. There are a ton of surprising things you can learn about the folks you care about—and human beings in general—when you see how they behave when they let their guard down. It turns out all of us have lots in common, something many of us probably already suspected.

In a viral discussion on the popular r/AskMen online group, men revealed all of the things that they didn’t know about women before they started going out. Their answers were incredibly honest and a great antidote for anyone who’s prone to putting others on a pedestal while dating. Scroll down to read these internet users’ personal experiences.

Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral thread, redditor u/_Red_User_. They were happy to answer our questions and to share their thoughts about proper communication in relationships. Check out their insights as you scroll down.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship - That they often feel obligated to do stuff they don’t want to do by their family, friends and just random people and they feel really guilty if they don’t do those things.

- That they feel a lot of pressure to look and act certain ways. Getting dressed can be really overwhelming sometimes.

- That they are often so critical of themselves that you’d be shocked to hear their inner voice.

- That the shower can never be hot enough.

- That they need way more sleep than us.

- That they care a lot about detail and want to share that detail with you when they debrief the day.

- That they have an insatiable appetite for being held, cuddled, and snuggled.

- That giving them regular orgasms is great for their mood and the relationship in general.

- That a fridge full of food will be somehow calming to them despite the grocery bill being soul crushing to you.

- That their feet are always various levels of cold ranging from corpse-dug-up-from-snowdrift cold to deep-sea-tuna-on-ice cold.

- That the facts of a situation will be interpreted in different ways depending on their feelings at the time.

- That they strangely stay friends with other women who are lowkey mean to them.

- That they remember every f****d up thing you’ve ever done or said.

- That taking the pill can really mess with them.

- That it isn’t enough just to do things for them because they ask you to. You need to want to do it without them having to ask. That’s how they know you care.

TheGameForFools , RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo) Report

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Sven Horlemann
Sven Horlemann
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, too many of them are spot on. And made me giggle. I am sure, there will be an equally fun list about (us) men.

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#2

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship That when they vent, the solution is sometimes just to listen

anon , Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo) Report

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ZGutr
ZGutr
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9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've heard a woman say "my man will always try to fix or solve things for me and usually even before i finish. I don't need his help, just his ear"

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#3

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship Y’all like crime shows too damn much it makes me nervous

XxMJBROWNIIxX , Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo) Report

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The author of the thread, redditor u/_Red_User_, told Bored Panda that the idea to ask the question on Reddit came to them when they were learning new facts about their and their partner’s gender in a relationship.

"I was asking myself what others never knew before," the OP told us, adding that they weren't expecting the discussion to get as much attention as it did.

"I think there are many assumptions about women that are not true in the end. Some of those might scare some men. But in the end, they are true for some women but not all," the redditor said.
#4

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship That taking the pill really is a wild ride and can seriously impact some girls' behavior and wellbeing.

AEnesidem , cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) Report

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James Hall
James Hall
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As can not taking it, or taking any other contraceptives - turns out people who menstruate can have a pretty rough ride; it's well worth taking the time to discuss and understand your partner's needs and how you can help support them, it'll make your lives together much easier!

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#5

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship I learned how much I like being a man. I mean, having a period sounds terrible. Childbirth is something I’m glad I’ll never experience

ragingliberty , Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo) Report

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LilliVB
LilliVB
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes ago, I was talking and teaching to my kid (9yo, boy) about women's anatomy and physiology, so reproductive female organs, menstrual cycle, childbirth and everything. He got really curious about childbirth, so he asked pointed questions about the entire process, how it is possible for a woman to push out a child that was in their belly, what happened to the vagina, etc etc. When I finished my explanation, he looked me in the eyes and dead serious he told me he was happy that he was a male.

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#6

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship The insane cost of feminine hygiene products or makeup. I wonder about the numbers because the production costs can’t be that high.

Also why don’t women’s clothes sizes make any sense at all? It doesn’t seem standardized or rational within a given store/brand let alone across brands on the same clothing type.

I can buy a polo or tee shirt in my size and most of the ones I like, regardless of brand or store, fit me pretty well and about the same.

I had no idea women’s clothing had so much variation.

JCP76 , Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo) Report

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Tobias Reaper
Tobias Reaper
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i am a guy but i think the price of feminine hygiene products are ridiculous they should be much lower price if not free especially for those who cant afford them

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In the thread author's opinion, men and women can sometimes communicate differently, and it's important to embrace and celebrate these differences.

Case in point, redditor u/_Red_User_ pointed out that many men rush to ‘solve’ their partners’ problems when they should instead consider actively listening to them and simply hearing them out.

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“Women sometimes just want to complain, whereas men tend to think logically. If she has a problem, she might expect some [comments like] ‘it’s terrible’ and ‘not your fault’ or something. He instead might think about a solution when she is not interested in solving the issue."

The OP urged all couples to talk to each other, not just about other people. "Don't make assumptions, but talk with each other about issues." The redditor noted that some couples also face social pressure from their friends. However, just because the people around you think a certain way doesn't mean it's the truth.
#7

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship I’ll add something I don’t see that I didn’t understand:

Childhood trauma.

I understand that this can happen to men, but the number of women I’ve had serious relationships with who ended up struggling with severe trauma when they were younger has been eye-opening.

It dictates parts of the relationship you don’t even realize. Certain things you do can set off triggers that you may have never been aware of. You can end up doing damage to someone who you deeply care about by accident. It could be a simple touch when trying to initiate and without appropriate definitions or communication it can be really devastating.

Then, you begin to piece things together:

“Oh, now I get why she used sex to get my attention.”

“Oh, now I understand why this person has no interest in sex”

It’s just something that’s really personal and difficult. Something people don’t realize they’ve dealt with. And then they need to battle through it and try to heal themselves.

It’s just something I didn’t ever deal with as a guy and I’m both selfishly thankful I’m a man and heartbroken these things happen.

swordsman917 , Alex Green (not the actual photo) Report

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BTDubs
BTDubs
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, some estimates are that 97% percent of women are sexually harassed, or abused. So I don't thin OP's statement is that far off sadly.

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#8

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship I had no idea what a pain periods and the cramping and the mood swings were until I married a girl who had a bad week every single month and then menopause….omg! I’m glad I’m a guy.

figsslave , cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) Report

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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l
Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l
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9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a woman; abt 40 years of phys and mental pain, now abt 10 years of menopause-struggle.. 😮‍💨🥴🤒😵

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#9

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship Evidently, you're not supposed to put bras in the dryer. They turn into shrinky d***s. And bras are expensive to replace.

NickTesla2018 , Castorly Stock (not the actual photo) Report

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DarkViolet
DarkViolet
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hell hath no fury like a woman whose favorite over-the-shoulder boulder-holder has been decimated by the washer/dryer.

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“You never know the thoughts and intentions of your partner, so don’t guess but talk,” they told Bored Panda.

According to u/_Red_User_, people should never judge another couple's lifestyle. They explained that, in their opinion, nobody should be forced to do something just because of their gender.

"It's wrong to say women have to work or they have to stay at home. Some women prefer a and some b. And some do both. It’s great if men want to (and can) provide enough money so their partner has no need to work and can spend time with [the] kids. But there shouldn't be a duty to stay at home or be forbidden to work. Equally, the man can stay at home if both [partners] want that."

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#10

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship How much toilet paper they consume. When I was living alone an 8 pack of toilet paper lasted me like a year. Once she moved in I was buying at least an 8 pack a month. You've been warned.

iconoclast63 , Jessica Lewis thepaintedsquare (not the actual photo) Report

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I’ve Seen Things
I’ve Seen Things
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9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think guys forget that women need toilet paper for urination, menstruation, and defecation.

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#11

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship That they can fart, and if they're sitting the right way, it travels forward, up through their labia, and comes out the front side.


This took me a long time to get over learning.

DefinitelyNotMazer , Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo) Report

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A girl
A girl
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did it come up in conversation? I mean, it's true, but I've never mentioned it to anyone..

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#12

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship The amount of hair bands that will appear out of nowhere. They multiply all over the place!

Alert-Athlete , Suman Sreedharan (not the actual photo) Report

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Like it or not, most of us have a public persona (or a few), as well as a private one. We behave slightly differently depending on who we’re interacting with. So we might act one way at the office. We’re someone slightly different in front of our friends. We probably wouldn’t speak to our parents the way we did with our pals or coworkers. And we’re someone else entirely when we’re trying to impress someone.

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However, slowly, we let our guard down around people. It takes time and trust to do so, but we let them in. If they’re special enough, we show them what we’re like when we’re alone, without any pretense.
#13

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship The smell of period blood and it can fall out in clots.

Havib3 , Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo) Report

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Weasel Wise
Weasel Wise
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those aren't blood clots, that's thin layers of our flesh. Yeah, no joke, that's our FLESH. The inner lining of the uterus tears itself off and exits just like the blood. So anytime one of you men or young dudes hear a woman mention menstrual pain, understand that one of her organs is literally tearing a layer off itself every single dàmn month. Then attempt empathy and buy her chocolates or a sandwich.

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#14

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship How much they get “hollered at.” Not sure if it’s universal but def seems to be the case in a big city.

TJ9678 , Eyup Beyhan (not the actual photo) Report

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arthbach
arthbach
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Practically all women have endured this, often from the start of puberty. Men, please, if you hear other men doing this, tell them it's not cool. Tell them it's creepy (especially if they are shouting at younger people). The sort of men who do this aren't the sort who are going to listen when a woman tells them to stop. They will only listen to other men. Be an ally, and correct them.

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#15

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship They can also be slobs and (while the human body and bodily processes aren't gross) they can be just as gross as men.

usernamescifi , Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo) Report

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Natasha Arruda
Natasha Arruda
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom worked as a custodian at my Highschool for years before I even got to the highschool so there were times I'd go and "help" her for a night. The girl's bathroom was always the more disgusting between the two and I have continued to notice that women are gross all through my years of using public bathrooms too. It's worse because we have an extra bodily fluid to make a mess of, as well. Too many women will just toss their used pads and tampons around like they're party favors and So. Many. will try to hover above the toilet cause public restrooms are "gross", which in turn makes them GROSS because now your pee is everywhere. Just. Sit. Down.

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That raw image of what we’re like when nobody’s around can gently shock people, even if they behave similarly in their own private lives. This reaction can be at least partly explained by the expectations that people place on their partners when they first start dating.

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They might start idealizing them and putting them on a pedestal. Focusing on other people’s positive qualities can be a good thing, but it can be very unhealthy if you completely ignore their negative aspects as well. If you hype yourself up over dating someone, you’re not doing yourself any favors.
#16

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship How sentimental they are. Buying flowers is an odd exercise to me since I don’t *get* it, but my partner’s been moved to tears multiple times because of it.

JM1210 , Viktoria Slowikowska (not the actual photo) Report

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Jay
Jay
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this just varies by personality. Lots of men love being given flowers, and lots of women don't get it either

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#17

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship How much they shed

No-Strawberry-5541 , faungg's photos (not the actual photo) Report

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CanadianDimes
CanadianDimes
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the appearance of shedding more really only applies to people (of any gender) with long hair because it’s more noticeable with longer hair. We probably all shed mostly the same amount (unless you have no hair at all), it just isn’t as obvious with short hair.

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#18

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship I remember being shocked that my first girlfriend *also* enjoyed me touching her boobs.

BlitzburghBrian , Victoria Strelka_ph (not the actual photo) Report

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For one, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment because you will eventually realize that they’re not a ‘perfect’ partner or human being (nobody is). On the flip side, you’re also adding a ton of pressure on your date to behave a certain way. It can be very frustrating when you feel forced to live up to someone’s impossibly high expectations. It’s good to have standards, but keep your expectations somewhat realistic!

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Meanwhile, if you want to learn more about your partner, there is no better alternative than open and honest communication. You won’t form a deep connection with them if you’re not willing to talk about the mundane stuff and their quirks, not just exciting global topics and other people.
#19

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship How much what dream they had that night changes their entire day.

thatVisitingHasher , Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo) Report

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Sven Horlemann
Sven Horlemann
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I am married 33 years, and the dreams my wife has (and remembers) are astounding. And crazy. And fun listen to. I cannot compete, I admit.

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#20

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship how long it takes to put on makeup, shower, and get ready to do anything

DM-Me-Your-Feet- , Thirdman (not the actual photo) Report

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ZGutr
ZGutr
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm lucky then. Wife (and daughters) don't own any makeup at all

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#21

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship The white gooy stuff that stains their underwear

_JohnJacob , Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo) Report

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lenka
lenka
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's called discharge. It also changes depending on the time of her menstrual cycle and can indicated when she is ovulating. Sometimes it is clear and stretchy and sometimes it is thick and cloudy.

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The key to good communication is learning to listen to what the other person is telling you. If you’re simply waiting for your turn to speak, you’re doing something wrong.

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For some more surprising things that men learned about women only after they got into relationships, check out Bored Panda’s previous feature.
#22

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship Hair, hair everywhere.

Jack_Marsta , Towfiqu barbhuiya (not the actual photo) Report

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Ace
Ace
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same for long-haired men. I always find my wife's in the bath drain though, although I accept that's at least partially that hers is dark and thick and mine is blond and finer.

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#23

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship I had no idea many women slather on moisturizer over most of their body after every single shower. Still pretty mind blowing tbh.

SmokeySFW , Ron Lach (not the actual photo) Report

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El Dee
El Dee
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's now some research suggesting that over moisturising can in fact encourage your skin to stop producing enough oils, therefore precipitating the need for more moisturising!!

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#24

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship They set alarms for birth control.

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#25

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship Moustaches

anon , Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo) Report

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Natasha Arruda
Natasha Arruda
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have PCOS (I get cysts on my ovaries and it messes with my hormones), if I don't pluck, I somehow end up looking like a Mexican man. Which is weird cause despite having Portuguese background, I don't look anything but white until I have a mustache. 😂

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#26

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship How often I am wrong about basically everything.

jimjimbobim , cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) Report

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Jay
Jay
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminder that this may be funny to joke about but is fundementally toxic.

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#27

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship
How sacred their space is to them. In my apartment I couldn't care less where you put things as long as it makes sense. Hell, I don't even have a set place for where everything goes, and often decide to put things where they make sense at the time I'm putting them away.

But in a woman's apartment, God forbid you put a brush in the comb-drawer.

Scrufftar , Pixabay (not the actual photo) Report

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troufaki13
troufaki13
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It really depends. I have female friends that are very messy and male friends that their home is like ready for an editorial in a magazine. Mine is in the middle.

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#28

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship A women urinates with the power of a water cannon

_Bellerophontes , Miriam Alonso (not the actual photo) Report

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JuniorCJ82
JuniorCJ82
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not all the time, just when we've been forced to or choose to hold it.

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#29

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship Fake eyelashes.
I’m an idiot

NIN-pig , RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo) Report

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Alexandra Nara
Alexandra Nara
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I can't believe too,what artificial hair,nails,bodyparts we use to feel pretty Nowadays this is so average,even some boys demand this standards as a definition of beauty

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#30

30 Men Reveal The Things About Women They Had No Idea About Before They Got Into A Relationship They always want to be doing something. If they’re not they’re making plans for what we’re gunna be doing.

RedSonGamble , Jess Bailey Designs (not the actual photo) Report

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Note: this post originally had 31 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

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