Alright, who set up a voice recorder in my house? Own up!

🤣🤣 Relatable

Class: * le gasp*

So does the mirror lie or the Photos? o_O

exactly

Who's gonna tell them?

Bed = friend

My kind of gym

I still get upset whenever I think about it xD

Cats: you should have known that you can pet me exactly 3.28 times

Preach oh dog

Good question, we need to ask one

Buuurrrnnn

a whole thesis tbh

Sometimes I just deliberately change the lyrics. I still sing Starbucks lovers when I sing Blank Space

Where can I buy this?

Nah. I'm 41, my mom is still wrong.

One thing I've learned from life is there's snakes in the grass, everywhere. Watch out or you'll get bit.

Husband must have panicked a bit there

the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

Do be me

41 and unmarried. I guess I’m a pile of grave dust by now XD

Me as a teacher

I was at a party and they mentioned the great train robbery of 1963 I said good for them my new cousin in law asked if I supported the robbery, I said well they pulled it off they deserved the money

Good ol' work colleagues xD

Not specific enough

Where's the cat?

Fair mother, doth mine stomach grumble with fervor and I doth crave a sandwich with great urgency.

And my boss never finished high school!

When I see the price of the vinyls that I had and that I sold after having recorded them on crappy audio tapes in the 80's.

Speeking, wirting, I hafe no trooble wis it

44yr old me.

"That depends entirely on what you're about to say next"

.... I feel seen...

I call dibs on being Gambit!!! XP

I want to be cousins with benefits

My biggest weakness is minimum wage

And don’t forget the more crucial part: You DO NOT have to respect these who don’t respect you

Ooooh, yeh..... 144p is a bit high though

🤣🤣 brilliant

Come on, bro.

Nah, downloads of BP pics for me

What is this "self love"? It's not my nose that's the problem, it's my face, body, and personality as a whole.

My friend is 12 minutes younger than me so she always calls me “auntie”

Especially when the longer she talks, the more you realize the guy she’s crushing on is a huge jerk

"It's not my fault you're always wrong" -My lovely sister (who was very much in the wrong)

I remember in kindergarten I asked someone to be my boyfriend thinking it meant a friend that's a boy. It still embarrasses me to this day. (Still friends now and we laugh about it)

Hey come on now