Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
User submission
1.3K
Wife’s Ridiculously-Detailed Shopping List For Husband Goes Viral, Starts A Discussion On Male Incompetence
Recently, husband & wife TikTok account Adam x Melinda uploaded a few videos that have sparked a heated debate on the internet.
The clips show Melinda writing out a grocery list that not only named the items she wanted her husband to pick up at the store, but included the prices and a picture of what each item looks like so that Adam wouldn’t get confused. She also hand-drew a map of the store itself, marking the products’ exact locations.
RELATED:
The original video has racked up over 21.2 million views and 2.4 million likes
@adamxmelindaWho found us from this video? 🤣 #marriedlife#couplecomedy#couples#marriedlifehumor#husbandandwife#couple#tutorials#foryou♬ Oh No – Kreepa
Image credits: adamxmelinda
These videos perfectly illustrate what many of us already intuitively know. While more than half of married couples in the United States claim that sharing household chores is “very important” for a successful marriage, when it comes to grocery shopping and cooking, women say they’re the ones usually doing the work.
For instance, in U.S. households consisting of married or cohabiting parents and one or more children under the age of 18, 80% of mothers say they are the ones who usually prepare the meals – the same as the share who say they are the primary grocery shopper, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. Some 71% of moms say they primarily handle both chores.
A few days later, Adam x Melinda released a follow-up
Image credits: adamxmelinda
Around two-in-ten fathers in the same type of household say they are the person who usually prepares the meals (19%) or grocery shops (20%). About one-in-ten (11%) say they normally do both tasks.
However, dads are about twice as likely as moms to say these chores are split equally: 20% of dads say they cook as much as their partner, compared with 10% of moms. The pattern for grocery shopping is very similar: 23% vs. 11%.
Even though Melinda reassured people that the whole thing was a joke
Image credits: adamxmelinda
It’s worth mentioning that over the last 50 years, American women (particularly mothers) have increased the amount of time they spend in paid work, and men (especially fathers) have taken on more obligations at home.
Still, on average, U.S. women spend fewer hours in paid work than men, which might partially explain the gender imbalance in time spent on food prep and grocery shopping.
It has resulted in a discussion on “performative incompetence”
@notwildlin#stitch with @adamxmelinda this is kind of a ramble but hold it♬ original sound – NotWildlin
With the most notable contribution coming from user NotWildlin
Image credits: notwildlin
Here’s what other people said
116Kviews
Share on Facebook What do you think ?
Hufflepuff 4 years ago
Needing to list the aisle numbers and stuff is a bit excessive, however, for certain things, I will send pictures of what I want to whoever is doing the shopping because many things come in different brands, sizes, types, etc. It can be confusing and it's hard to memorize everyone's personal preferences, especially if it's not a weekly purchase.
Beans 4 years ago
That's a good point, especially if its something they're not used to buying
Load More Replies...
13 4 years ago
So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.
Load More Replies...
Cynthia Bonville 4 years ago
So what I understood 30 years ago was this is not called performative incompetence but CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE and I have had co-workers, all men, who do this to avoid work they don't want at a paying job. I understand they used it elsewhere as well. None of those who employed this technique were invested in the work, everyone was proud of the avoidance of work even though it still had to be done and it was important work. It is usually men because boys incidentally figure this out as they are assigned chores and tired parents realize gosh, it is so much easier to do this myself - he does everything else he's supposed to. Girls are not usually allowed to do this, or they simply hide it and don't brag (same way women typically get away with crimes because they don't talk).
Katchen 4 years ago
Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules. Rule Number 1: Don't be good at something that you don't want to do.
Load More Replies... Pat Bond 4 years ago
An article about a joke shopping list ended up in a conversation about performative incompetence based on chores somehow got twisted into a race debate. The OP's must be laughing all the way to the bank with all the clicks.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago (edited)
How does she even want to have sex with this man? Unless your husband has suffered a brain injury, this is beyond ridiculous. Men are not incompetent, they just pretend to be so women take the lion's share of household responsibilities. Funny how they are perfectly competent at work, or with their friends, no? Don't fall for it, ladies. It's a scam, and it is deliberate. There is nothing cute about playing mommy to a full-grown man. Choose men who know how to behave like adults. She should be embarrassed to put what she is willing to settle for on display, with this pathetic arts-and-crafts project for her idiot husband. Just, NO.
Alex Bailey 4 years ago
She said that this was a joke. If it was real then sure. Though I do think it's a personality thing and not a man thing. My sister has done this kind of thing for years to her male partners.
Load More Replies...
Robert T 4 years ago
This is not far short of what I have had to do with my MILs carers. We now have a tickbox list with the name, brand, size and approx. price for everything that she buys regularly. Items are grouped by where they are found in the store. Much easier for her as she only has to tick what she wants (or put a quantity in) and much easier for the carers as it has all the info they could need. Yet still some of them manage to get the wrong things or the wrong sizes - okay sometimes they are out of stock - but they just don't seem to be able to get their head round buying things in a 1 person size.
Troux 4 years ago
These seem like things that can and should be worked out over time for a marriage. Go shopping together and learn each others' brands/tastes. Let each other make a few mistakes and learn what really matters to each other - this could be what brand of milk they like or which parts of the bathroom they are extremely particular about being clean and organized. Don't game each other though, damn...
lara 4 years ago
I NEVER send anyone to the store for items. I sent my husband once for "Morton House Baked Beans." I repeated it several times and then I said ONCE do not get B&M Baked beans, ONLY Morton House. Guess what he came back with.
Gin 4 years ago
Well, repeating it meant he probably got the wrong words stuck in his head. I write it down for my husband but then I also don't care that much if he comes home with the wrong beans - he's the one eating them! Oh, I do love online grocery shopping and having it delivered instead.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 4 years ago
I dont cut and glue, but I usually screencap the items I want (mostly on discount) and message it. Then he gets both a visual and the price. Sometimes with a contingency plan, like "if xx is out, replace with yy". We live almost an hour from the shop and only goes there once a week or so, evertything has to ve right. And it gets very expensive if he dont get guidance as he grabs the first item he sees otherwise.
Rissie 4 years ago
I don't know about this, but there is so much to chose from in a store. If you ask for cereal, and you're not aware Fairy Dust Super Rainbow Sprinkles Gluten Free is a thing and the latest favorite in the household, a visual aid might be helpful in finding it in the sea of boxes. When my kids want something specific and my husband goes to the store, I look it up online and send him the item from the store. Sure, it's a great website and they have close to everything online with every bit of info, unlike many other stores, but still. I think it's helpful. I also don't care if someone gets a somewhat different item and I make the same mistakes if I'm not familiar with an item.
Hufflepuff 4 years ago
Needing to list the aisle numbers and stuff is a bit excessive, however, for certain things, I will send pictures of what I want to whoever is doing the shopping because many things come in different brands, sizes, types, etc. It can be confusing and it's hard to memorize everyone's personal preferences, especially if it's not a weekly purchase.
Beans 4 years ago
That's a good point, especially if its something they're not used to buying
Load More Replies... 13 4 years ago
So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.
Load More Replies... Cynthia Bonville 4 years ago
So what I understood 30 years ago was this is not called performative incompetence but CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE and I have had co-workers, all men, who do this to avoid work they don't want at a paying job. I understand they used it elsewhere as well. None of those who employed this technique were invested in the work, everyone was proud of the avoidance of work even though it still had to be done and it was important work. It is usually men because boys incidentally figure this out as they are assigned chores and tired parents realize gosh, it is so much easier to do this myself - he does everything else he's supposed to. Girls are not usually allowed to do this, or they simply hide it and don't brag (same way women typically get away with crimes because they don't talk).
Katchen 4 years ago
Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules. Rule Number 1: Don't be good at something that you don't want to do.
Load More Replies... Pat Bond 4 years ago
An article about a joke shopping list ended up in a conversation about performative incompetence based on chores somehow got twisted into a race debate. The OP's must be laughing all the way to the bank with all the clicks.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago (edited)
How does she even want to have sex with this man? Unless your husband has suffered a brain injury, this is beyond ridiculous. Men are not incompetent, they just pretend to be so women take the lion's share of household responsibilities. Funny how they are perfectly competent at work, or with their friends, no? Don't fall for it, ladies. It's a scam, and it is deliberate. There is nothing cute about playing mommy to a full-grown man. Choose men who know how to behave like adults. She should be embarrassed to put what she is willing to settle for on display, with this pathetic arts-and-crafts project for her idiot husband. Just, NO.
Alex Bailey 4 years ago
She said that this was a joke. If it was real then sure. Though I do think it's a personality thing and not a man thing. My sister has done this kind of thing for years to her male partners.
Load More Replies... Robert T 4 years ago
This is not far short of what I have had to do with my MILs carers. We now have a tickbox list with the name, brand, size and approx. price for everything that she buys regularly. Items are grouped by where they are found in the store. Much easier for her as she only has to tick what she wants (or put a quantity in) and much easier for the carers as it has all the info they could need. Yet still some of them manage to get the wrong things or the wrong sizes - okay sometimes they are out of stock - but they just don't seem to be able to get their head round buying things in a 1 person size.
Troux 4 years ago
These seem like things that can and should be worked out over time for a marriage. Go shopping together and learn each others' brands/tastes. Let each other make a few mistakes and learn what really matters to each other - this could be what brand of milk they like or which parts of the bathroom they are extremely particular about being clean and organized. Don't game each other though, damn...
lara 4 years ago
I NEVER send anyone to the store for items. I sent my husband once for "Morton House Baked Beans." I repeated it several times and then I said ONCE do not get B&M Baked beans, ONLY Morton House. Guess what he came back with.
Gin 4 years ago
Well, repeating it meant he probably got the wrong words stuck in his head. I write it down for my husband but then I also don't care that much if he comes home with the wrong beans - he's the one eating them! Oh, I do love online grocery shopping and having it delivered instead.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 4 years ago
I dont cut and glue, but I usually screencap the items I want (mostly on discount) and message it. Then he gets both a visual and the price. Sometimes with a contingency plan, like "if xx is out, replace with yy". We live almost an hour from the shop and only goes there once a week or so, evertything has to ve right. And it gets very expensive if he dont get guidance as he grabs the first item he sees otherwise.
Rissie 4 years ago
I don't know about this, but there is so much to chose from in a store. If you ask for cereal, and you're not aware Fairy Dust Super Rainbow Sprinkles Gluten Free is a thing and the latest favorite in the household, a visual aid might be helpful in finding it in the sea of boxes. When my kids want something specific and my husband goes to the store, I look it up online and send him the item from the store. Sure, it's a great website and they have close to everything online with every bit of info, unlike many other stores, but still. I think it's helpful. I also don't care if someone gets a somewhat different item and I make the same mistakes if I'm not familiar with an item.
Related on Bored Panda
35
97