“AITA For Losing [It] And Screaming At GF To Get Out Of My House After What Her Stepbrother Did?”
Couples break up for many reasons: infidelity, incompatibility, and constant arguments are just some of the most common reasons. But it’s not often that people break up because their partner’s family member might pose a threat to their younger siblings.
This guy started questioning his girlfriend’s morals after she chose to believe her creepy stepbrother over his 15-year-old sister. The woman saw nothing wrong with the sleazeball coming into the teen’s room to “chat her up.” But her brother was having none of it and prioritized his sister’s well-being and safety.
A couple got into a fight because the GF’s creepy stepbrother tried to “chat up” the BF’s 15 Y.O. sister
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
As she didn’t see anything wrong with it and even tried to blame the girl, the BF unceremoniously kicked them both out
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: White-Whale-9847
Experts advise reporting harassment even if it’s unlikely to go anywhere; at least there’ll be history of the offender’s inappropriate behavior
Image credits: Kaboompics.com/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP and the commenters are right to view the stepbrother’s behavior as a huge red flag. As the experts at Stop It Now! note, inappropriate behavior towards minors doesn’t have to involve any touching. Inappropriately peeking in on a youth or entering their room without permission counts as inappropriate behavior as well.
The Mercer County Advocacy Center explains that adults invading the personal space of minors is not acceptable. They advise grown-ups to take action if they see adults make minors uncomfortable by “ignoring [their] social, emotional or physical boundaries or limits” and refuse to let the minor set their own limits.
The FBI urges parents, teachers, and caregivers to report any adult’s inappropriate behavior towards a child or a minor to the authorities. But, since the OP says he’s from Portugal, individuals may not want to report harassment due to the incompetence of the law.
Or, at least, that’s what the author himself wrote in his update. He believes that the report will probably go nowhere, as the only evidence in the story is word of mouth. Still, he thinks that if the stepbrother ever tries anything like this again, there will be an official record of his past behavior.
Law experts agree; according to MKFM Law, documenting the harassment can be important for future victims. “By documenting multiple incidents over time, patterns can be established, providing a more comprehensive overview of the offender’s behavior,” they claim.
The girlfriend was wrong to invalidate the teen’s experience and words
Image credits: Timur Weber/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The girlfriend in this story tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation by claiming that this wasn’t a big deal. In her eyes, there was no “hard proof” and her stepbrother “ended up doing nothing.” What’s more, she didn’t take her boyfriend’s opinion seriously and tried to deflect the issue and make it about her feelings.
Experts say that deflecting erodes trust and makes open communication difficult. A partner who’s deflecting might change the subject, blame a partner for their own feelings or avoid the issue altogether. Other times, a partner might start acting defensive or playing the victim.
The GF ticked almost all of these boxes when she told OP that he “shouldn’t have raised [his] voice like that and [he] scared her.” She also tried to deflect by redirecting blame to circumstances (“She had been drunk and panicked and hadn’t been thinking clearly”).
The GF also invalidated the 15 Y.O.’s terrible experience by immediately jumping to the conclusion that she was making everything up for attention.
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin explains that validating someone’s feelings doesn’t automatically mean you’re agreeing with them. “We can certainly feel differently, but make the effort to try to understand and empathize with our loved one’s feelings,” she writes.
Martin also notes how invalidation is often a tactic used by abusers. “[They] turn things around and blame the victim and deny or minimize their abusive words or actions.”
“I can’t have a future with her,” the BF wrote in the comments
The commenters sided with the boyfriend, calling the stepbrother a huge walking red flag
Some people even thought the OP didn’t do enough and was acting irresponsibly by getting drunk while a minor was in the house
A couple of days later, the guy posted an update: “I told her, ‘Yes, we’re done'”
Image credits: Alena Darmel/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: White-Whale-9847
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The step brother did this deliberately. He was pointed to the bathroom downstairs but went upstairs. The gf knew as well, SB waited until he thought the brother was drunk to act. I believe the GF has been groomed herself and was aware of his intentions from the start. Its so sick. Even if there wasnt a 15 minor there, why was he poking around upstairs? He had no reason to be where he was, he was perving on his hosts private home spaces at best. He physically prevented the 15 year old from leaving and closed the door. He needs to be badly beaten in a dark alley, repeatedly.
Thank God the litte sis was able to get the door partially opened for them to hear her! OP's ex supposedly advocates for victims of SA and the first thing she did was call that child a liar, she should be ashamed of herself and her rapey brother!
Load More Replies...So he went upstairs in an unfamiliar house after explicitly being told to use the downstairs bathroom? Went INTO the room of a young girl he didn't know, shut the door behind him and refused to leave and tried to prevent her from leaving? Dude I would not only have screamed at him.
Or me n I’m female n a mum head first down there stairs if I’d have caught him !
Load More Replies...The creepy f****r should not be around 15 year old girls. If he thinks his behaviour is acceptable around women, he needs to be taught a very tough lesson.
The OP's basic instincts and reaction are 90% perfect, especially as he was tipsy and blindsided. He's a keeper. I'm so glad the police report was filed.
absolutely no reason to go into her room if it was a mistake he would have left right away. But closing the door behind him and grabbing her when she tried to leave is very telling and if OP wasn't there something would have happened. He showed remarkable restraint I don't think i could have in that situation.
Oh god this brings back memories. Well, a specific one, really. This must have been such a s****y experience for the sister. I'm glad OP had her back, then and now.
I'm sorry it happened to you. I had narrow escapes too, at a similar age (within days of turning 16, this was deliberate, he is a solicitor) and he went on to become a multiple rapist.
Load More Replies...The only thing that is good about this whole situation is that the sister could see she had the support of her family. Her feer and feelings were treated seriously. If she ever feels uneasy in the future with any man (which will probably happen, unfortunately), she's not gonna think she is exaggerating. She now knows how the proper reaction to that kind of situation looks (unlike op ex-gf). Of course, it would be best if she never in her life goes through something like this, but I'm realistic - this is not a woman-friendly world.
I was SA at fourteen and a half years old - without an older brother around to care about me. What you did as an older sibling in throwing everything everyone out and protecting your sister was exactly right. Breaking up with the girlfriend was right. Reporting the stepbrother is absolutely justified - he had no reason for his criminal actions. Actions speak louder than words - your actions demonstrate to your sister that you are to be trusted to watch out for her well-being.
I wanna strangle the ex-gf. She's a traitor to our gender. How dare she not believe a fellow female, terrifed female, without even considering the completely inexcusable actions of her creeper brother. Disgusting!
Woodchipper??? I'd buy a VSI crusher and loan it to OP with a stern warning to use if that creepshow ever shows up!!! Forget pounding sand, I would hope OP pounds his sorry behind into sand instead!!! >:-( At least OP is done with his GF though and hopefully never see that creep again. Just in case though, I'm looking up affordable crushers as we speak (long shot, but definitely would in the event of said scenario)...!
Step brother is oh so lucky. At the minimum I would have hospitalized him and called the police. Maybe the morgue instead. OP has a lot of self control
So police in other countries are about as useful as US police in cases like this.
Yes, the police in Portugal are useless. The only good news is that if the OP beat the c**p out of the stepbrother, there likely wouldnt be anything done about that either.
Load More Replies...pretty sure i would have done something to prevent that guy from ever breeding. don't mess with my family.
That’s sb got away lightly imo as mother with a 23-20 yr old kids if anyone did this to them even the son I’d be doing time ! Even at 60 now I still would end off ! That filthy creep is a pdf totally and I can tell you now he’s done it before ! What a lovely brother you are standing up for your little sister x I’m glad to hear you have left the gf I hope she learns from it and if your father doesn’t unalive him first making the police report will if nothing else give to cops an excuse to look up his record ! Also even where you are I m sure you can do some digging on social media thank you for protecting your sister blessed be I hope your sister is doing ok now being assaulted your own home is a lot to deal with big time x
Encourage a police report. She's not the first underage girl he's assaulted and won't be the last. Better to get it on record, even if nothing comes of it this time. When the next report comes in, it will be easier on the victim
Had an incident similar to this with the bf of my daughter's friend trying to get handsy with my 15 year old daughter. She managed to get upstairs, we had a rec room in the basement, they were chilling playing video games, she told me what happened, I grabbed my then husband's .40 cal, it wasn't loaded, but he didn't need to know that, I also checked to be sure there wasn't a round chambered, I just held it at my side, and told him he needed to leave. He tried to blame my daughter, he tried gaslighting, until he saw the handgun, he flew up the stairs and out the door, never saw him again, never heard anything about it. I never pointed it at him, probably could have handled it better, but I'm a SA survivor, and mama bear mode was engaged.
Thank you for calling out another male for his sexist and dangerous actions; you demonstrated love for your sister.
I didn't even bother reading any of the comments. The stepbrother is a creep going after a 15 yo girl. This guy did the right thing believing and defending his sister and kicking them out.
Hope OP contacts whatever woman's groups his ex-GF volunteers at to let them know that her first impulse is to deny the victim and believe the attackers.
If OP's sister stayed in her bedroom while the partying was going on downstairs, did step-brother already know there was a teenager upstairs? Did his sister tell him OP had a little sister? When he went upstairs, after the downstairs washroom had been pointed out to him, he actually was looking for her - no other reason to go upstairs. But to attack her with other people in the house?!? I didn't get the impression they were completely knee-walking drunk, too far gone to hear screaming or shouting. Girlfriend, in addition to saying there's no proof & the 15-year-old sister could have been trying to get attention, outrageously said "nothing really happened". But 1) he went into the bedroom, 2) little sister told him to get out, 3) instead, he closed the door, 4) when she very bravely tried to get past him to get to the door & open it, he grabbed her. & All that's NOTHING? Fortunately, she was able to get the door open & make enough noise, or shouting, for OP to run up the stairs. So, since OP kept step-brother from getting a chance to accomplish step 5), full-on SA, probably with his hand over the little sister's mouth so she couldn't shout, Girlfriend defends step-brother - "nothing really happened"? She's as disgusting as her pervert "interrupted rapist" step-brother. I have so much admiration for OP (tho I do wish he had kicked the step-brother until he ended up falling down the stairs). So proud of him for not hesitating to believe his little sister - not for 1 second - & for recognizing that the girlfriend was not a decent human being - wouldn't even talk to the step- brother abt what had gone on & & broke up with her. (Liked his dad too - going to have a nice little chat with despicable step-brother's parents.) Making a police report is a good idea - & asking the police to do a background check. Also, it's unbelievable what can be found out by Googling a person's name. The therapy for the sister is a great idea, & whatever agency former-girlfriend works for, counseling victims, should be advised as to what actions she excuses & how far things have to go before she believes "something really happened."
You need to think about not just your sister but also if you stay with girlfriend and have children. Even if he doesn’t act like that sober he’s still a threat if he isn’t sober. We all lose loves and I think this one should be one of those times. With the way girlfriend reacted, you don’t know if he’s done this before and actually assaulted someone and she’s protecting him for that too. If your sister isn’t a priority in this case, girlfriend won’t prioritize her at any time.
I seriously wonder if the ex was giving her step-bro some sort of story about the sister being 'up for it'? She seems to have wanted things dropped/nothing said which seems very strange. Maybe he is abusing her? Definitely needs to be reported to the police cos something really dark is going on in that family....
Im willing to accept her story as is. People, particularly women, have an automatic response to soothe angry people and minimize sexual assault. Its conditioned in us. I hope she can learn from this
Load More Replies...I kept thinking: perhaps he heard a sound upstairs and went to investigate? But then he should inform OP since he lives in the house (oi, what was that sound upstairs?). Perhaps he just intended to talk with the girl? But that doesn't justify him closing the door. Perhaps she looked more like 18-20yo and he didn't know she was 15? But again, he should have accepted her "go away!" and shut the door on his way out. And my brain kept doing these "perhaps" and "but that doesn't explain". And I'm surprised the gf insisted that the sister was overreacting when she, herself, is volunteering as someone who helps SA victims. I mean... she's very likely surrounded by stories of "they don't believe me" and then she acts just as bad. I hate that. I understand why OP is mad at himself for not doing more in the situation. But perhaps that's for the best so that he is not arrested for violence against the brother who can prove the violence when OP can't physically prove the attempted assault.
If it had been me, that POS would have "accidentally" fallen down the stairs.
I'm so thankful he stood up for his little sister. That could have been a negative turning point in her life if he had not.
The step brother did this deliberately. He was pointed to the bathroom downstairs but went upstairs. The gf knew as well, SB waited until he thought the brother was drunk to act. I believe the GF has been groomed herself and was aware of his intentions from the start. Its so sick. Even if there wasnt a 15 minor there, why was he poking around upstairs? He had no reason to be where he was, he was perving on his hosts private home spaces at best. He physically prevented the 15 year old from leaving and closed the door. He needs to be badly beaten in a dark alley, repeatedly.
Thank God the litte sis was able to get the door partially opened for them to hear her! OP's ex supposedly advocates for victims of SA and the first thing she did was call that child a liar, she should be ashamed of herself and her rapey brother!
Load More Replies...So he went upstairs in an unfamiliar house after explicitly being told to use the downstairs bathroom? Went INTO the room of a young girl he didn't know, shut the door behind him and refused to leave and tried to prevent her from leaving? Dude I would not only have screamed at him.
Or me n I’m female n a mum head first down there stairs if I’d have caught him !
Load More Replies...The creepy f****r should not be around 15 year old girls. If he thinks his behaviour is acceptable around women, he needs to be taught a very tough lesson.
The OP's basic instincts and reaction are 90% perfect, especially as he was tipsy and blindsided. He's a keeper. I'm so glad the police report was filed.
absolutely no reason to go into her room if it was a mistake he would have left right away. But closing the door behind him and grabbing her when she tried to leave is very telling and if OP wasn't there something would have happened. He showed remarkable restraint I don't think i could have in that situation.
Oh god this brings back memories. Well, a specific one, really. This must have been such a s****y experience for the sister. I'm glad OP had her back, then and now.
I'm sorry it happened to you. I had narrow escapes too, at a similar age (within days of turning 16, this was deliberate, he is a solicitor) and he went on to become a multiple rapist.
Load More Replies...The only thing that is good about this whole situation is that the sister could see she had the support of her family. Her feer and feelings were treated seriously. If she ever feels uneasy in the future with any man (which will probably happen, unfortunately), she's not gonna think she is exaggerating. She now knows how the proper reaction to that kind of situation looks (unlike op ex-gf). Of course, it would be best if she never in her life goes through something like this, but I'm realistic - this is not a woman-friendly world.
I was SA at fourteen and a half years old - without an older brother around to care about me. What you did as an older sibling in throwing everything everyone out and protecting your sister was exactly right. Breaking up with the girlfriend was right. Reporting the stepbrother is absolutely justified - he had no reason for his criminal actions. Actions speak louder than words - your actions demonstrate to your sister that you are to be trusted to watch out for her well-being.
I wanna strangle the ex-gf. She's a traitor to our gender. How dare she not believe a fellow female, terrifed female, without even considering the completely inexcusable actions of her creeper brother. Disgusting!
Woodchipper??? I'd buy a VSI crusher and loan it to OP with a stern warning to use if that creepshow ever shows up!!! Forget pounding sand, I would hope OP pounds his sorry behind into sand instead!!! >:-( At least OP is done with his GF though and hopefully never see that creep again. Just in case though, I'm looking up affordable crushers as we speak (long shot, but definitely would in the event of said scenario)...!
Step brother is oh so lucky. At the minimum I would have hospitalized him and called the police. Maybe the morgue instead. OP has a lot of self control
So police in other countries are about as useful as US police in cases like this.
Yes, the police in Portugal are useless. The only good news is that if the OP beat the c**p out of the stepbrother, there likely wouldnt be anything done about that either.
Load More Replies...pretty sure i would have done something to prevent that guy from ever breeding. don't mess with my family.
That’s sb got away lightly imo as mother with a 23-20 yr old kids if anyone did this to them even the son I’d be doing time ! Even at 60 now I still would end off ! That filthy creep is a pdf totally and I can tell you now he’s done it before ! What a lovely brother you are standing up for your little sister x I’m glad to hear you have left the gf I hope she learns from it and if your father doesn’t unalive him first making the police report will if nothing else give to cops an excuse to look up his record ! Also even where you are I m sure you can do some digging on social media thank you for protecting your sister blessed be I hope your sister is doing ok now being assaulted your own home is a lot to deal with big time x
Encourage a police report. She's not the first underage girl he's assaulted and won't be the last. Better to get it on record, even if nothing comes of it this time. When the next report comes in, it will be easier on the victim
Had an incident similar to this with the bf of my daughter's friend trying to get handsy with my 15 year old daughter. She managed to get upstairs, we had a rec room in the basement, they were chilling playing video games, she told me what happened, I grabbed my then husband's .40 cal, it wasn't loaded, but he didn't need to know that, I also checked to be sure there wasn't a round chambered, I just held it at my side, and told him he needed to leave. He tried to blame my daughter, he tried gaslighting, until he saw the handgun, he flew up the stairs and out the door, never saw him again, never heard anything about it. I never pointed it at him, probably could have handled it better, but I'm a SA survivor, and mama bear mode was engaged.
Thank you for calling out another male for his sexist and dangerous actions; you demonstrated love for your sister.
I didn't even bother reading any of the comments. The stepbrother is a creep going after a 15 yo girl. This guy did the right thing believing and defending his sister and kicking them out.
Hope OP contacts whatever woman's groups his ex-GF volunteers at to let them know that her first impulse is to deny the victim and believe the attackers.
If OP's sister stayed in her bedroom while the partying was going on downstairs, did step-brother already know there was a teenager upstairs? Did his sister tell him OP had a little sister? When he went upstairs, after the downstairs washroom had been pointed out to him, he actually was looking for her - no other reason to go upstairs. But to attack her with other people in the house?!? I didn't get the impression they were completely knee-walking drunk, too far gone to hear screaming or shouting. Girlfriend, in addition to saying there's no proof & the 15-year-old sister could have been trying to get attention, outrageously said "nothing really happened". But 1) he went into the bedroom, 2) little sister told him to get out, 3) instead, he closed the door, 4) when she very bravely tried to get past him to get to the door & open it, he grabbed her. & All that's NOTHING? Fortunately, she was able to get the door open & make enough noise, or shouting, for OP to run up the stairs. So, since OP kept step-brother from getting a chance to accomplish step 5), full-on SA, probably with his hand over the little sister's mouth so she couldn't shout, Girlfriend defends step-brother - "nothing really happened"? She's as disgusting as her pervert "interrupted rapist" step-brother. I have so much admiration for OP (tho I do wish he had kicked the step-brother until he ended up falling down the stairs). So proud of him for not hesitating to believe his little sister - not for 1 second - & for recognizing that the girlfriend was not a decent human being - wouldn't even talk to the step- brother abt what had gone on & & broke up with her. (Liked his dad too - going to have a nice little chat with despicable step-brother's parents.) Making a police report is a good idea - & asking the police to do a background check. Also, it's unbelievable what can be found out by Googling a person's name. The therapy for the sister is a great idea, & whatever agency former-girlfriend works for, counseling victims, should be advised as to what actions she excuses & how far things have to go before she believes "something really happened."
You need to think about not just your sister but also if you stay with girlfriend and have children. Even if he doesn’t act like that sober he’s still a threat if he isn’t sober. We all lose loves and I think this one should be one of those times. With the way girlfriend reacted, you don’t know if he’s done this before and actually assaulted someone and she’s protecting him for that too. If your sister isn’t a priority in this case, girlfriend won’t prioritize her at any time.
I seriously wonder if the ex was giving her step-bro some sort of story about the sister being 'up for it'? She seems to have wanted things dropped/nothing said which seems very strange. Maybe he is abusing her? Definitely needs to be reported to the police cos something really dark is going on in that family....
Im willing to accept her story as is. People, particularly women, have an automatic response to soothe angry people and minimize sexual assault. Its conditioned in us. I hope she can learn from this
Load More Replies...I kept thinking: perhaps he heard a sound upstairs and went to investigate? But then he should inform OP since he lives in the house (oi, what was that sound upstairs?). Perhaps he just intended to talk with the girl? But that doesn't justify him closing the door. Perhaps she looked more like 18-20yo and he didn't know she was 15? But again, he should have accepted her "go away!" and shut the door on his way out. And my brain kept doing these "perhaps" and "but that doesn't explain". And I'm surprised the gf insisted that the sister was overreacting when she, herself, is volunteering as someone who helps SA victims. I mean... she's very likely surrounded by stories of "they don't believe me" and then she acts just as bad. I hate that. I understand why OP is mad at himself for not doing more in the situation. But perhaps that's for the best so that he is not arrested for violence against the brother who can prove the violence when OP can't physically prove the attempted assault.
If it had been me, that POS would have "accidentally" fallen down the stairs.
I'm so thankful he stood up for his little sister. That could have been a negative turning point in her life if he had not.
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