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Woman’s “Stupid Lawsuit” Empties Couple’s Savings, Husband Can’t Move Past It
Interview With Expert
When you get married, you agree to support your spouse through thick and thin. Every day won’t be easy, but your love and commitment should be enough to get you through tough times. In fact, facing adversity can sometimes bring you even closer together!
But some issues are just too big to overlook, and one man is wondering if his marriage will be able to survive the stress it’s been under. Below, you’ll find a story that was shared on the Relationship Advice subreddit, where a man detailed the nightmare he’s been experiencing since his wife got sued for harassing her former best friend. Keep reading to learn all of the details and to find a conversation with President and Founder of Couples Therapy Inc., Dr. Kathy McMahon.
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Spouses are always supposed to have each other’s backs
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
But when this man had to drain his savings to get his wife out of legal trouble, he began to wonder if their marriage was salvageable
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image source: suedwifeacct
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
Later, the husband shared a detailed update on the situation and responded to some of the most common questions he received
Image credits: Andres Ayrton (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image source: suedwifeacct
“If your wife were truly remorseful, you wouldn’t be the one stressing that she needs to work more to make up for what she’s done”
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
To gain more insight into this complicated situation, we got in touch with Dr. Kathy McMahon, President and Founder of Couples Therapy Inc., who was kind enough to respond to the husband’s concerns.
“You are resentful because your wife did a very destructive thing and feels no remorse. You focus on your resentment about having to pay money for her destructive actions. Still, I am guessing that you are resentful because she has put you in an untenable situation,” Dr. McMahon told Bored Panda.
“It is clear that you love your wife, but you no longer trust her. You want her to be the type of person who can accept responsibility for her actions, but she either can’t or won’t. As a result, you are stuck married to a person you can’t trust,” the expert explained. “In fact, you fear her. You believe she is capable of doing this again, even to you, because she hasn’t accepted any true ownership of her actions.”
“Money comes and goes. It is the legal system’s way of punishing people who do bad things. In this case, you are being punished because you are associated with her. Her wrong actions reflect on you,” the therapist continued. “If your wife were truly remorseful of what she did to Laura, herself, and yourself, you wouldn’t be the one stressing that she needs to work more to make up for what she’s done. Or that she needs help. Or that the marriage needs help. That’s your issue, not, unfortunately, hers.”
Dr. McMahon noted that a responsible person would recognize that nothing someone did years ago would warrant what this woman did to Laura. “She would feel genuine remorse. She would feel bad that she put you in that situation and apologize to Laura and to you. It was all senseless and unnecessary, and the only one to blame for it was her,” she explained. “That’s how a responsible person would react to their own inexplicable behavior. But she has an explanation for it. She feels justified in her actions.”
Image credits: Cody Portraits (not the actual photo)
“Couples therapy is for motivated couples to work on their relationship mutually; but this isn’t a ‘couples’ issue”
“Therefore, you realize that your wife is not a responsible person. She can’t accept responsibility for her actions and the damage she’s done, and she doesn’t want to go to therapy to examine herself more carefully. She wants you to move on,” the therapist says, noting that it’s natural to feel scared and resentful given the situation.
“Scared that someone you thought you knew and loved was capable of that. And capable of repeating that very action. If you feel no remorse, it’s likely because you can’t see what you did was wrong,” Dr. McMahon says.
“And you feel resentful. Resentful that she accepts no responsibility, even though you have repeatedly pushed the issue. She doesn’t feel she did anything wrong and fears someone else (like a therapist) might disagree. Hey, even a court’s ruling hasn’t convinced her. You are unlikely to,” she pointed out.
Unfortunately, the expert noted that the couple is likely beyond help from therapy at this point. “As a psychologist, I specialize in helping troubled couples. Couples therapy is for motivated couples to work on their relationship mutually. But this isn’t a ‘couples’ issue. It impacts you, pains you, and upsets you, but the problem is a ‘garlic’ problem, not an ‘onion’ problem,” she shared.
“Garlic problems impact other people, while the person who ate it feels great! They wish the people impacted by their behavior would stop whining and deal with it. Onion problems make the person who eats it feel bad inside. They know something is wrong and want to work on it, so they don’t feel so much internal pain,” the therapist explained. “You are the one with an onion problem. You are married to someone with a garlic problem. You don’t trust her because she lacks a conscience. Now, you get to stay married to that person if you accept them on those terms.”
“She may do the same to you if you divorce her; you have to make that possibility acceptable if you decide to go that route”
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
“You can realize she may do the same to you if you divorce her. You have to make that possibility acceptable if you decide to go that route,” Dr. McMahon added. “People stay married to drug-addicted people, unfaithful people, or chronically lying people. That is their choice. And it is your choice to stay with a woman you resent and fear who has no conscience. That’s your adult choice.”
The therapist strongly recommends that the husband give up his quest to make his wife’s “garlic” problem into an “onion” problem. “That’s a fool’s errand. Instead, seek out your own psychotherapy because this issue is profoundly upsetting you (as it should),” she noted. “Explain the situation and the dilemma you face to a therapist: ‘How do I make this alright with me when I don’t feel it IS right?’ Then, you could explore the answer until you understand yourself better.”
And while therapy can certainly be expensive in the United States, Dr. McMahon noted that health insurance covers mental health with the price of a co-pay. “Public community mental health centers also care for those with little or no income,” she added. “With some digging, you can find a trained professional you can afford. It’s an effort well worth making for yourself.”
“And let your inlaws know that you are saving their generous offer to pay for their daughter’s therapy if she ever decides to go. But don’t hold your breath,” she added.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Feel free to share, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda piece discussing marital issues, look no further than right here.
Readers were shocked by the situation, and many warned the man that his wife is in need of professional help
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What do you think ?
Pollywog 4 months ago
She's not sorry for terrorizing those poor people. It's a shame she didn't get jail time. That may have been the only way she actually realized the gravity of her actions. Hopefully she decides to get some counseling. Otherwise with as angry as she is for Laura pressing charges and sueing there's a chance she'll go after her again.
Ms.GB 4 months ago
She definitely should have done jail time, that's some sick and disturbing behavior.
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TribbleThinking 4 months ago (edited)
That is one very jealous woman. The crying shame is that all that focus and energy, directed elsewhere could make her a superfit gym bunny, or master baker, or superfit gym bunny who bakes, or so many other things so that she would have absolutely no need to be jealous.
Sophie 4 months ago
Yes, but it seems she have some serious mental illness, he explained she imagines that the ex-friend is fraud and doesn't deserv anything and she just wanted to expose. She might be jealous, but this whole story seems like more than that. Also she refuse the therapy, I think because she think she was right and she doesn't need it. I personally knew someone who clearly needed one but always was like "I won't be the guinea pig of the psychologist", and when I ended every contact with them, they started to a**use me via emails telling me I'm the one who has mental issues and needs therapy..After those daily ab*using emails for months until I changed my email address I felt like I really would need some therapy... Sometimes I still feel like because I'm not able to forget and forgive the whole what I went through. It was a year ago, not serious like this but still made pretty big damages. We don't know what is going on their mind.
Load More Replies...
dremetrius 4 months ago
Oof, I remember this one. Thought at the time he's an idiot for staying. My opinion has not changed.
Ace 4 months ago
Yeah, she's clearly a psycho. His belief that she had never done anything like that before is naive, or he's just in denial as his following statement suggests "I knew she could be a little petty and jealous of others, especially people she used to be friends with in the past, but t was only talk, no action". Yeah, right.
Load More Replies...
Pollywog 4 months ago
She's not sorry for terrorizing those poor people. It's a shame she didn't get jail time. That may have been the only way she actually realized the gravity of her actions. Hopefully she decides to get some counseling. Otherwise with as angry as she is for Laura pressing charges and sueing there's a chance she'll go after her again.
Ms.GB 4 months ago
She definitely should have done jail time, that's some sick and disturbing behavior.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 4 months ago (edited)
That is one very jealous woman. The crying shame is that all that focus and energy, directed elsewhere could make her a superfit gym bunny, or master baker, or superfit gym bunny who bakes, or so many other things so that she would have absolutely no need to be jealous.
Sophie 4 months ago
Yes, but it seems she have some serious mental illness, he explained she imagines that the ex-friend is fraud and doesn't deserv anything and she just wanted to expose. She might be jealous, but this whole story seems like more than that. Also she refuse the therapy, I think because she think she was right and she doesn't need it. I personally knew someone who clearly needed one but always was like "I won't be the guinea pig of the psychologist", and when I ended every contact with them, they started to a**use me via emails telling me I'm the one who has mental issues and needs therapy..After those daily ab*using emails for months until I changed my email address I felt like I really would need some therapy... Sometimes I still feel like because I'm not able to forget and forgive the whole what I went through. It was a year ago, not serious like this but still made pretty big damages. We don't know what is going on their mind.
Load More Replies... dremetrius 4 months ago
Oof, I remember this one. Thought at the time he's an idiot for staying. My opinion has not changed.
Ace 4 months ago
Yeah, she's clearly a psycho. His belief that she had never done anything like that before is naive, or he's just in denial as his following statement suggests "I knew she could be a little petty and jealous of others, especially people she used to be friends with in the past, but t was only talk, no action". Yeah, right.
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