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51
Parents Make Sure Wife’s Husband Knows They Hate Him, Are Shocked He Won’t Help Them
When you agree to be with your partner for the rest of your life, you’re not only agreeing to stand by their side in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. You’re also signing on to welcome their relatives into your own family, whether you actually like them or not.
But that didn’t stop one man from immediately putting his foot down when his fiancée asked if they could take in her parents and help with their medical bills. Below, you’ll find the full story that the man shared on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left him.
RELATED:
After his fiancée’s father was diagnosed with cancer, this man’s in-laws reached out asking for help
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But he immediately refused to take them in or help cover their medical bills
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Baptista Ime James / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Later, the author clarified some details about the situation
Image credits: Otherwise_Leg286
Many people struggle to become close with their in-laws
Planning a wedding can be an incredibly stressful endeavor. The event can easily be the most expensive day of your life, so it’s understandable for the bride and groom to want everything to be perfect. But it also often becomes complicated thanks to other issues in the couple’s personal lives or family drama that suddenly appears.
We all know it’s cliché to have conflicts with in-laws, but it’s usually assumed that these problems pop up after the couple is already married. In reality, however, they can begin long before the couple even ties the knot. The author of this story noted that his in-laws have never been welcoming towards him, and they’ve made it very clear that they would prefer their daughter stay with her ex.
According to psychologist and author Terri Apter, a whopping 75% of couples admit that they’ve had in-law issues in their family. And when it comes to men not feeling accepted by their in-laws, Fatherly notes that this is very common.
But where does it come from? Licensed Clinical Social Worker Nancy Tramontana says that part of the reason why parents are hesitant to accept their child’s partner sometimes stems from outdated stereotypes. For example, if the man isn’t the breadwinner or taking on a traditional, masculine role, the parents might be less willing to embrace him.
It’s also possible that their personality just doesn’t mesh easily with the family, and it might take time for them to adjust to the family dynamic.
Image credits: Jordan González / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s important to be patient and understand that it might take time to grow the relationship
“Every family is kind of like its own country, with its own set of rules,” Tramontana told Fatherly. “And you don’t know what it’s like to live in that country at the outset. You have to survey the land.”
Now, there’s no guaranteed way to make your in-laws like you. As people say, “You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world, but some people just don’t like peaches.” But if you’re interested in trying to get on your in-laws’ good side, Families for Life has some tips.
First, they recommend being realistic and understanding that it might take them time to warm up to you. Don’t take it personally if they don’t love you upon your first meeting. It’s also a good idea to make sure you show interest in them. Ask them about their hobbies, strike up conversations that they’ll be interested in, and perhaps even find time to hang out with them without your partner around.
It’s important to also listen to what they have to say. You’re not obligated to agree with everything or take unsolicited advice they may give you, but be respectful and make them feel seen and heard. And if they’re interested in learning something new, offer to help them! This can be a great way to grow closer, especially if it makes them start to appreciate having you around.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was right for refusing to take in his in-laws, or should he have been more willing to help them out? Feel free to weigh in. Then, if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article discussing in-law drama, look no further than right here!
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Many readers agreed with the man’s choice, and he joined in on the conversation
However, some thought that it was unfair for him to refuse to help
Later, the author came back with an update detailing where he and his fiancée stand now
Image credits: Chris Lynch / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Thomas / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Otherwise_Leg286
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What do you think ?
Alexandra 1 day ago
Well, that's in some ways fr more than then in-laws deserve. Also: good on the fiancee that's she's able to acknowledge what her fiance told her. This should be a stable couple.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 day ago
I don't think so. There's a lot of me, mine statements, and I have this and she has that comments. I think it's totally fine to keep your finances separate (in fact I recommend it), it's another thing to state that 70% of our living space is mine. NO, 100% of your living space is shared. If you don't want her parents there because of how they treat you, that's fine, and you can have that conversation with your partner and the rest. But talking about what is yours and hers is a recipe for future resentments.
Load More Replies...
Bernd Herbert 1 day ago
Why would oyu help someone out who treats you like s**t? And OP wasn't good enough for a Son-in.law, but his money is welcomed? F**k that. OP is definitely NTA and the Update clearly showed that
Ben Aziza 1 day ago (edited)
As much as the parents are a******s... The one part that stayed with me is the last sentence. Sell your house for medical care... The dude mentioned this is in America... These are the personification of statistics we see in those graphs as to why the middle class is dying... Do everything right in your work life. Get randomly sick... See the insane medical bill.Deal with Insurance refusing to pay for everything for no reason.Sell your house that you inherited from parents to afford care... A politician Who just passed a bill that makes that disgusting s**t easier to do. Is preaching on the media how Luigi is sympathetic BUT still a terrorist... But right now you and your family are downgraded to a renter and probably in the poor socioeconomic tier... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here is the mental image I have: The Insurance heads, The bankers, The Lobbyists and Politicians get together to reap the spoils and divy up the 3165163 house and/or loan they got from families like this just this week! I picture they are in a dimly lit smoky room atop a skyscraper! The smoke is because Jeff the banker loves his comically large Cuban cigars! Monika the insurance worker just powdered her nose with another Cuban import! Darius the politician is on his phone accepting the invite to the diddy party forwarded to him by his best teammate the lobbyist and mentally prepares a speech where he can spin this as a good thing to the Black American community he grew up in! How accurate am I? I would say pretty close as I experiences the same kind of corruption back in the third world. It was a "known secret" That our president/dictator was just the head of a mafia comprised of the kind of ppl i mentioned... In the case of the USA it is much more convoluted and hidden. BUT it is DEFINITLY there as this type of exploitation of people via the abuse of the medical system does not JUST HAPPEN on it's own... And not a single insutitution can make it this corrupt... It must have taken YEARS of backroom deals for things to become this bad...For it to be so well hidden that i used to question the validity of it... I don't anymore btw as i dont think the whole Luigi event is something made up... Americans need to rise up somehow... I suggest you don't waste the next Bernie or maybe Go all the way like my ppl did in the arab spring! result may vary on that last suggestion XD it worked for some and made things WAY worse for others!
tl gmc 1 day ago
A reverse mortgage is usually better for medical care, just because they get to live there until they die. They're losing their equity either way, just won't feel it with this option.
Load More Replies...
Uncle Schmickle 1 day ago
A difficult situation, especially if the OP is the kind of person who ordinarily would help out those less fortunate. However, 2 things jump out ; the girl's parents have treated him badly, and they are NOT his "in-laws" because he's not yet married to the "fiancee".
ॐBoyGanesh 1 day ago
My aunt, her husband, their two daughters, their daughters spouses/kids moved to Florida in 2014. Within the year they all turned very anti-gay, anti-immigrant and eventually became Trump/MAGA/QAnon supporters, having fallen right into that BS. 20 years prior I inherited the vast majority of my grandparents wealth (90%+) & their home in airtight, non-contestable transfers, trusts & finally their wills after they passed on within 6 months of each other. Aside from my mom & me (my sibs all live outside of our country & have for many years so weren’t at all close to them) our entire family (my aunts/uncles/cousins) abandoned them for personal/selfish pursuits. I was in their lives daily & cared for them both. I’m also a gay guy & married to a man. I’ve gotten nothing but vitriol, hate & wishes of death from these relatives. Even being told they hope we both die of AIDS for our “unnatural lifestyle.” Mom/I went fully no contact by 2016 given their hatred to us & everyone who wasn’t a MAGA
ॐBoyGanesh 1 day ago (edited)
sheeple. In 2017 uncle retired while aunt worked until 2019 when she found out she had metastasized breast & cervical cancer. Their son-in-law had a prescription d**g abuse related brain aneurysm. By 2020 none of them had stable employment or could pay their bills. Guess who they reached out to for financial support?! I had just finished building my primary home in Hawaii & was starting renovations to my inherited SF home, which I rent out & is next door to my mom’s home. I didn’t responded to their repetitive requests & constant harassment for $$$. They tried to smear me to anyone they could. Old family friends, their neighbors, on social media, even their gofundme pages. My lawyers file cease & desist letters. My other uncle tired to contest (25 years later) parts of my inheritance on their behalf in a no contest state. We finally served 3 of them for defamation of character & settled for removal/retractions. These people vilified & bullied me. Family doesn’t matter if it’s toxic.
Load More Replies...
JayWantsACat 1 day ago
At least with the update things looked to have resolved well, at least for OP and his fiance. People were pointing out that all these issues weren't worth it but it seems she's actually a decent person, so I'm happy for them.
Schmebulock 1 day ago
Fiance: My parents openly hate you and are bad with money (like me), but since my dad is sick can they stay at the house you own and you pay for his treatments? OP: Get the f**k out of my house right now. - Problem solved.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago (edited)
Why is it some people don't get: "You do not reward people for their bad behavior"? By giving the *almost* in-laws $$$, OP is telling them it's ok to be AHs to him. If I were OP, I'd have a looong engagement. He's only 24!
Babs McGurk 1 day ago
If you are not yet married (she is your fiancee), then they are not your "in-laws".
brandyy17 1 day ago
the OP is deff not an a*****e. the fact his fiance learned he was in the right is awesome. i understand her reaction completely tho. she was blinded by worry and fear for her parents who she loves. i never had the best relationship with my parents and my husband witnessed alot of the bad treatment. the worst part was wen my mom got stomach cancer and thought it was best to hide it from me. after my dad came into my room at 7am saying he was taking my mom in for surgery i got curious. i asked him about it but hed never tell me. so wen my mom was home id listen in on their conversations until i finally heard wat i had been waiting for. i confronted them about it and it caused a huge fight cuz their excuse was that they didnt want to trigger my anxeity disorder. my husband had to explain to them that not telling me triggered it worse then it wouldve if they told me. i ended up helping my mom alot while she was going thru chemo and my husband who was my boyfriend of 4 years at the time asked me y i was helping. he was an a$$hole about it but i didnt argue cuz he made alot of good points about how they treated me and if i never found out id b overwhelmed with panic attacks wondering about the changes to my moms energy and looks while being lied to by them. he calmed down after a few days and his parents reminding him about my fear of anyone i love getting cancer. my grandpa who was my hero died at 91 bc of lukemia that appeared out of no where. so ever since then ive been concerned about it happening to others. he came over a bunch of times after that help out as well. after we were married my parents moved to florida. 2 years after moving i get a call from my mom saying my dad has kidney cancer. she said he said to hide it from me since im not there and would never kno but she remembers wat happened wen she hid hers so she told me. luckily my dad didnt have to go thru chemo like my mom cuz they caught it super early thanks to a case of kidney stones. his original purpose for going to the hospital earlier in the week. my worst fear came to life pretty much. one of my uncles died of blood cancer, cousin from ocular cancer and another uncle is currently dealing with heart disease and blood cancer. my husband told me hed never question how i feel about my family again even if they can b unbareble like my uncle with the heart disease and blood cancer. my husband plays nice for my sake. but ya OP deff not the a*****e. i didnt consider my husband an a*****e wen i was blinded by worry and the unknown and the OP shouldnt b labeled an a*****e. ive been in the OP's fiance's place i get it but u gotta respect ur significant others feelings regardless of being blinded.
Karl 1 day ago
My in-laws treated me like s**t from when I started dating my wife. We lived in near poverty for years while trying to establish our home with no support whatsoever. When we decided to get married, there was a bit of a thaw and we paid for the wedding but, 35 years in, we realise that we know we’ll never ask them for anything and the bad feeling has never really healed. As they’re now in their 80s we have no intention of supporting them financially in any way. They’ve made their bed and they can bloody well lie in it. They lost us long ago.
elionsantos1970 1 day ago
Produção d vírus pra comer câncer tem menos desgaste físico mental econômico
Patty Panda 1 day ago
I'm stuck that he is only 24, owns his own home, financially comfortable, works from home at a "boring" job. What part of what country do they live, because maybe I should move there! Or, maybe he has inherited wealth
Breadcrumb. 1 day ago
Someone must have paid for his college and helped with the down payment on the house. Because even if he managed to pay for university he'd have dept and wouldn't be able to make the next step, buy a home.
Load More Replies...
René Sauer 10 hours ago
Wait, she is african american, he is japanese? Impossible! In bi-racial couples one of them HAS to be white! (that´s a joke, just to make sure)
Feelings are fake 11 hours ago
I am convinced BP makes up these stories to see if they are of interest so they can sell them to Hallmark for more bad movies.
Heather Menard 1 day ago
I'm not saying she's a gold digger. She found a younger guy to be her sugar daddy
XenoMurph 1 day ago
Read the updates, parents were so hateful they still don;t want her to be with him.
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 1 day ago
Well, that's in some ways fr more than then in-laws deserve. Also: good on the fiancee that's she's able to acknowledge what her fiance told her. This should be a stable couple.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 day ago
I don't think so. There's a lot of me, mine statements, and I have this and she has that comments. I think it's totally fine to keep your finances separate (in fact I recommend it), it's another thing to state that 70% of our living space is mine. NO, 100% of your living space is shared. If you don't want her parents there because of how they treat you, that's fine, and you can have that conversation with your partner and the rest. But talking about what is yours and hers is a recipe for future resentments.
Load More Replies... Bernd Herbert 1 day ago
Why would oyu help someone out who treats you like s**t? And OP wasn't good enough for a Son-in.law, but his money is welcomed? F**k that. OP is definitely NTA and the Update clearly showed that
Ben Aziza 1 day ago (edited)
As much as the parents are a******s... The one part that stayed with me is the last sentence. Sell your house for medical care... The dude mentioned this is in America... These are the personification of statistics we see in those graphs as to why the middle class is dying... Do everything right in your work life. Get randomly sick... See the insane medical bill.Deal with Insurance refusing to pay for everything for no reason.Sell your house that you inherited from parents to afford care... A politician Who just passed a bill that makes that disgusting s**t easier to do. Is preaching on the media how Luigi is sympathetic BUT still a terrorist... But right now you and your family are downgraded to a renter and probably in the poor socioeconomic tier... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here is the mental image I have: The Insurance heads, The bankers, The Lobbyists and Politicians get together to reap the spoils and divy up the 3165163 house and/or loan they got from families like this just this week! I picture they are in a dimly lit smoky room atop a skyscraper! The smoke is because Jeff the banker loves his comically large Cuban cigars! Monika the insurance worker just powdered her nose with another Cuban import! Darius the politician is on his phone accepting the invite to the diddy party forwarded to him by his best teammate the lobbyist and mentally prepares a speech where he can spin this as a good thing to the Black American community he grew up in! How accurate am I? I would say pretty close as I experiences the same kind of corruption back in the third world. It was a "known secret" That our president/dictator was just the head of a mafia comprised of the kind of ppl i mentioned... In the case of the USA it is much more convoluted and hidden. BUT it is DEFINITLY there as this type of exploitation of people via the abuse of the medical system does not JUST HAPPEN on it's own... And not a single insutitution can make it this corrupt... It must have taken YEARS of backroom deals for things to become this bad...For it to be so well hidden that i used to question the validity of it... I don't anymore btw as i dont think the whole Luigi event is something made up... Americans need to rise up somehow... I suggest you don't waste the next Bernie or maybe Go all the way like my ppl did in the arab spring! result may vary on that last suggestion XD it worked for some and made things WAY worse for others!
tl gmc 1 day ago
A reverse mortgage is usually better for medical care, just because they get to live there until they die. They're losing their equity either way, just won't feel it with this option.
Load More Replies... Uncle Schmickle 1 day ago
A difficult situation, especially if the OP is the kind of person who ordinarily would help out those less fortunate. However, 2 things jump out ; the girl's parents have treated him badly, and they are NOT his "in-laws" because he's not yet married to the "fiancee".
ॐBoyGanesh 1 day ago
My aunt, her husband, their two daughters, their daughters spouses/kids moved to Florida in 2014. Within the year they all turned very anti-gay, anti-immigrant and eventually became Trump/MAGA/QAnon supporters, having fallen right into that BS. 20 years prior I inherited the vast majority of my grandparents wealth (90%+) & their home in airtight, non-contestable transfers, trusts & finally their wills after they passed on within 6 months of each other. Aside from my mom & me (my sibs all live outside of our country & have for many years so weren’t at all close to them) our entire family (my aunts/uncles/cousins) abandoned them for personal/selfish pursuits. I was in their lives daily & cared for them both. I’m also a gay guy & married to a man. I’ve gotten nothing but vitriol, hate & wishes of death from these relatives. Even being told they hope we both die of AIDS for our “unnatural lifestyle.” Mom/I went fully no contact by 2016 given their hatred to us & everyone who wasn’t a MAGA
ॐBoyGanesh 1 day ago (edited)
sheeple. In 2017 uncle retired while aunt worked until 2019 when she found out she had metastasized breast & cervical cancer. Their son-in-law had a prescription d**g abuse related brain aneurysm. By 2020 none of them had stable employment or could pay their bills. Guess who they reached out to for financial support?! I had just finished building my primary home in Hawaii & was starting renovations to my inherited SF home, which I rent out & is next door to my mom’s home. I didn’t responded to their repetitive requests & constant harassment for $$$. They tried to smear me to anyone they could. Old family friends, their neighbors, on social media, even their gofundme pages. My lawyers file cease & desist letters. My other uncle tired to contest (25 years later) parts of my inheritance on their behalf in a no contest state. We finally served 3 of them for defamation of character & settled for removal/retractions. These people vilified & bullied me. Family doesn’t matter if it’s toxic.
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 1 day ago
At least with the update things looked to have resolved well, at least for OP and his fiance. People were pointing out that all these issues weren't worth it but it seems she's actually a decent person, so I'm happy for them.
Schmebulock 1 day ago
Fiance: My parents openly hate you and are bad with money (like me), but since my dad is sick can they stay at the house you own and you pay for his treatments? OP: Get the f**k out of my house right now. - Problem solved.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago (edited)
Why is it some people don't get: "You do not reward people for their bad behavior"? By giving the *almost* in-laws $$$, OP is telling them it's ok to be AHs to him. If I were OP, I'd have a looong engagement. He's only 24!
Babs McGurk 1 day ago
If you are not yet married (she is your fiancee), then they are not your "in-laws".
brandyy17 1 day ago
the OP is deff not an a*****e. the fact his fiance learned he was in the right is awesome. i understand her reaction completely tho. she was blinded by worry and fear for her parents who she loves. i never had the best relationship with my parents and my husband witnessed alot of the bad treatment. the worst part was wen my mom got stomach cancer and thought it was best to hide it from me. after my dad came into my room at 7am saying he was taking my mom in for surgery i got curious. i asked him about it but hed never tell me. so wen my mom was home id listen in on their conversations until i finally heard wat i had been waiting for. i confronted them about it and it caused a huge fight cuz their excuse was that they didnt want to trigger my anxeity disorder. my husband had to explain to them that not telling me triggered it worse then it wouldve if they told me. i ended up helping my mom alot while she was going thru chemo and my husband who was my boyfriend of 4 years at the time asked me y i was helping. he was an a$$hole about it but i didnt argue cuz he made alot of good points about how they treated me and if i never found out id b overwhelmed with panic attacks wondering about the changes to my moms energy and looks while being lied to by them. he calmed down after a few days and his parents reminding him about my fear of anyone i love getting cancer. my grandpa who was my hero died at 91 bc of lukemia that appeared out of no where. so ever since then ive been concerned about it happening to others. he came over a bunch of times after that help out as well. after we were married my parents moved to florida. 2 years after moving i get a call from my mom saying my dad has kidney cancer. she said he said to hide it from me since im not there and would never kno but she remembers wat happened wen she hid hers so she told me. luckily my dad didnt have to go thru chemo like my mom cuz they caught it super early thanks to a case of kidney stones. his original purpose for going to the hospital earlier in the week. my worst fear came to life pretty much. one of my uncles died of blood cancer, cousin from ocular cancer and another uncle is currently dealing with heart disease and blood cancer. my husband told me hed never question how i feel about my family again even if they can b unbareble like my uncle with the heart disease and blood cancer. my husband plays nice for my sake. but ya OP deff not the a*****e. i didnt consider my husband an a*****e wen i was blinded by worry and the unknown and the OP shouldnt b labeled an a*****e. ive been in the OP's fiance's place i get it but u gotta respect ur significant others feelings regardless of being blinded.
Karl 1 day ago
My in-laws treated me like s**t from when I started dating my wife. We lived in near poverty for years while trying to establish our home with no support whatsoever. When we decided to get married, there was a bit of a thaw and we paid for the wedding but, 35 years in, we realise that we know we’ll never ask them for anything and the bad feeling has never really healed. As they’re now in their 80s we have no intention of supporting them financially in any way. They’ve made their bed and they can bloody well lie in it. They lost us long ago.
elionsantos1970 1 day ago
Produção d vírus pra comer câncer tem menos desgaste físico mental econômico
Patty Panda 1 day ago
I'm stuck that he is only 24, owns his own home, financially comfortable, works from home at a "boring" job. What part of what country do they live, because maybe I should move there! Or, maybe he has inherited wealth
Breadcrumb. 1 day ago
Someone must have paid for his college and helped with the down payment on the house. Because even if he managed to pay for university he'd have dept and wouldn't be able to make the next step, buy a home.
Load More Replies... René Sauer 10 hours ago
Wait, she is african american, he is japanese? Impossible! In bi-racial couples one of them HAS to be white! (that´s a joke, just to make sure)
Feelings are fake 11 hours ago
I am convinced BP makes up these stories to see if they are of interest so they can sell them to Hallmark for more bad movies.
Heather Menard 1 day ago
I'm not saying she's a gold digger. She found a younger guy to be her sugar daddy
XenoMurph 1 day ago
Read the updates, parents were so hateful they still don;t want her to be with him.
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