"Kid's aren't confused by love; they're confused by people acting like it's something to hide." I love that his dad said this. Exactly right.

NTA. The sister is a BIG AS! I think she is a homophobic AHat and I would just cut her out until an apology. It's not a life style choice, it's who you are. OP, you are loved and know that your love matters!

I grew up with a gay uncle who had a partner my whole childhood and I didn't find out he was gay until I was about 14 (and I'm still flabbergasted that I didn't see it, because looking back, and I don't mean any offense because I loved him to bits, but he was so obviously gay!! It was the 80s/90s and the man used more hairspray than I did lol). But it just didn't occur to me because no one in my family talked about it or made a big deal about it. And since my family isn't the touchy-feely huggy type, their hands-off behavior was the same as everyone else's. Children aren't born racist or homophobic or prejudiced- they are created. Anything is natural to them until the adults around them screw it up.

Why would the 4 year old have any real questions? Growing up in the 80s in a European household, hetero men kissed and hugged and girls cuddled the female best friends etc all the time every where. I never grew up with questions, it was just love and affection. When you discover sex however, then you never want to think about parents, aunts or uncles or anyone they hang out with as sexual beings anyway so again hardly noticed any dynamic going on. I had female friends at every event, same besties for years. I happen to be hetero but realistically they could just as easily have been my partner as far as any observer knew. She had no need to discuss sexual issues at all, just generic special friend or someone he loves would have covered it. It's what's inside her own mind that made her uncomfortable.

So brother's boyfriend is or isn't an issue depends on what use she has for her brother.

If (and that's a big if) she had trouble explaining she could buy a book about explaining it to children. There are tons of books on the topic for small children. Seems she doesn't want to.

You tell children things in an AGE-APPROPRIATE MANNER. Where do babies come from? The answer at age 4 will be different to the answer at age 11. I'm a teacher and we had to do a full HIV/AIDS programme with our 6th graders when our department was doing OBE. Some of the words confused the kids, but it was mandated. Notebook says: You get the virus in s3m3n. "Ma'am, what's s3m3n?" "You know how it takes a sp3rm an an egg to make a baby?" "Yes?" "Well, s3m3n is the liquid the sp3rm lives in." "Oh, okay". Just be frakking age-appropriate.

"My homophobic sister Amanda (28F)..." There, fixed it

All the kid needed was a short "Uncle and his boyfriend love each other the same way mommy and daddy do." Short, sweet, to the point. That would have ended it, but Mom let her latent homophobia cloud the issue and now it is a Big Thing. And then the family got involved. NC ALL of the ones who are critical of who you are.

A child’s natural state is confusion. They are new to this world, so very much of it confuses them much of the time. It’s normal for children to be confused from time to time. It’s not harmful or a hardship. They do just fine. People use kid’s “confusion” as a proxy for their own bigotry and discomfort. She’s not doing what’s best for her child, open honest communication is best for her child, she’s doing the opposite. She’s doing what’s best for her own bigoted feelings and trying to use the child as an excuse. THIS IS NEVER ABOUT THE KIDS. It’s about the adults. The kids are perfectly situated to take it in stride. The attempts to shove these boys in the closet is what will be confusing. Amanda wants a chance to raise a bigot, and she wants everyone to pretend the subject of gay is too complicated for kids. It's not. Kids understand better than adults.

The awkwardness isn't about the son, it's about the sister and her inability to accept her brother. She can't talk about it, that's on her. If you are just honest with a kid but keep it simple, they'll accept your explanation. Kids are more understanding than many adults, so it's not your child's problem sister, it's your.

NTA and ditch your toxic sister. Your dad is awesome.

When my little brother was 4, he was really into castles and knights, and he wanted adults to read him the same book again and again. When I came home for holidays, he decided I was the one to read him so here we are, looking at drawings of castles and kings and all. When we get to the part about hunting habits, they'd put the king and men on one side with horses, and queen and women on the other with falconry. That's when my brother asked "is she her husband ?". I raised an eyebrow and he showed me the queen and one of the women next to her. "Is she her husband ? Are they married ?". I told him I thought she was married to the king but if he wanted them to be 2 married women I was ok with that. He was ok too and we turned the page. He was 4, had never seen any gay couple in his life (I'm a lesbian but single), but there were 2 people together so they had to be married. It IS so simple.

Kids don’t have preconceptions, if he’s “confused” it’s because he’s already received some messaging about how relationships should be from his homophobic parents. Poor jack :(

grandma came into that chat with the big guns ready to go! she supported the OP and burned the aunt at the same time! the OP is totally in the right. im happy he had members of his family supporting him. while it wasnt everyone he had supporters which is something everyone should have gay or not. wen me and my husband have kids one member of our family my uncle in law (who is gay) is totally someone id ask to babysit and id tell him his husband is more then welcome to help him babysit. my husbands uncle is a sweet caring guy with alot of energy and fun to b around. his husband is a bit shy but super kind and caring. so wat if my kid asks about it id tell them exactly wats going on. better for them to learn about it sooner then later. i do disagree with teaching kids about it in school since i believe its something for a parent to teach their kid but i do believe sooner is better then later. i kno a few kids who still dont kno and have hurt the feelings of adults cuz they see it as gross or watever. u dont need to explain it in full detail just that some ppl have different realtionship prefrences and that love is love no matter who ur with. id say my husband uncle loves his husband the same way me and my husband love each other. thats all the kid needs to kno.

"forrest, now that you're a boy, does this mean you are gonna marry a girl?" "no, i'll probably marry a guy." "but i thought boys like girls?" "yes, sometimes they do, but other times they like boys. its like how some people are left-handed instead of right-handed. it may be a bit different, but theres nothing wrong with it. you get it?" "ohhh ok... so can i use your switch to play pokemon violet?" <---that was the actual convo i had with my little brother when i (secretly) explained to him (behind my mothers back) what gay was. all those people who were saying that it would be hard to explain what gay was to a 4 year old are wrong. kids are pretty smart and can understand stuff really well. maybe they're just really bad at explaining things

How hard is it to say to a kid "People love who they love and as long as they're happy, we're happy for them"?