Dad Fights For Full Custody After Son Is Forced Out Of His Bedroom, Ex-Wife Faces Financial Ruin
Interview With ExpertThe end of a marriage can greatly impact finances, especially for spouses who were dependent on their partner throughout their relationship. That’s why sometimes one of them might receive continuous financial support after the fact to fulfill their and their child’s needs.
Like what happened in this family, where the ex-husband paid child support and alimony to help financially support his wife and kid. That is, until the ex-wife found a boyfriend and he moved in. Then he was able to end the alimony payments, which majorly pissed her off.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with New York Divorce Attorney, Kristen D. Farris, Esq., who kindly agreed to tell us more about spousal support after divorce.
Divorce can greatly impact finances. That’s why some spouses continue to receive financial support after their marriage is over
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, this woman lost hers when her boyfriend moved in and her ex-husband found out about it
Image credits: astreltsova (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Key-Dot-8409
10% of divorces in the U.S. involve alimony
“Alimony is a key part of a divorce where the non-monied spouse is dependent on the income of their spouse,” says New York Divorce Attorney, Kristen D. Farris, Esq.
“The party who makes significantly more is the person who mainly supports the household. Once the parties separate, you’re usually taking 1 income supporting 1 family to 1 income supporting 2 households. It’s hard for both parties. Hard for the payor, who would otherwise have to figure out how to live without that extra income and hard for the person receiving it, because they now have to figure out how to survive on only a little bit of money.”
Alimony can make all the difference in a divorced parent’s life, especially if they relied on their partner and had no income of their own throughout the relationship. The additional money helps to maintain the lifestyle they were used to before the marriage ended.
“The point of alimony is to avoid forcing one spouse to have to suddenly fend for themselves when they either haven’t worked or only worked a little. That spouse may have also dedicated years of their lives to the household and family, including child rearing, and now they’re thrown into the workforce with little to no experience, while their spouse was able to move forward with their career,” Farris further explains.
However, it’s not often that a spouse is awarded alimony by the court, as only 10% of divorces in the U.S. involve spousal support. The statistics reflect the selective nature of alimony. It’s typically awarded when there’s a significant disparity between spouses’ earnings.
Even though alimony was ruled gender-neutral in 1979, more women than men receive spousal support. In 2010, it was reported that 12,000 men received alimony compared to 380,000 women. However, due to evolving gender roles, the trend is changing, and the number of women paying alimony is slowly increasing. From 2000 to 2010, it was noticed that the number of men receiving alimony grew by 0.5%.
“While some women are making more money than men nowadays, some men refuse to accept the support, thinking they can support themselves. Also, men still tend to make more than women,” says Farris, explaining the alimony gap between men and women.
However, it’s worth mentioning tthat there’s no shame in accepting alimony when a person needs it. Spousal support is specifically designed to keep partners afloat when finances that were intimately tied with spouses are suddenly being torn apart in divorce.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
“Spousal support plays an important role in adjusting to life post-divorce”
How much a divorcee is paid can differ quite a lot. The law offices of Edgar & Dow in California explain it like this: “Take 40% of the greater-earning spouse’s net monthly income and subtract half of the lesser-earning spouse’s net monthly income from it. That final number is the amount of alimony that the lower-earning spouse will likely receive. It is up to the judge to decide if more or less is deserved.”
The payment can also depend on other factors, like the duration of the marriage, the basic needs of each spouse, occurrences of domestic violence, the ability to pay alimony, and the ability to secure a job while taking care of children.
The alimony length can also vary due to the court’s decision. On top of that, it can be susceptible to change if either party’s financial circumstances shift. The agreement can be terminated as well if the receiver starts cohabitating with someone or remarries.
“A lot of times, the person who is getting the support will not get remarried until they stop receiving alimony on purpose- just to avoid losing their alimony payments,” notes Farris.
“Spousal support plays an important role in adjusting to life post-divorce,” writes FindLaw. So if a person considers divorce and needs additional financial support or feels like they can’t reach a mutual agreement, they should speak to a family law attorney, who can help navigate this situation.
Image credits: Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
The author provided more details in the comments
The majority of readers believed that the father wasn’t jerk for taking care of his child
While some believed he might have been wrong about some things
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NTA. This happened to me. My ex's new boyfriend moved in and they tried to hide it. I had to depose him to prove it and she lost her alimony. Then they split up and she tried to get it back and lost. That went all the way to the state supreme court and is now case law.
I'm sorry that that happened to you. Did they backdate the alimony overpayment to the date he moved in? What kind of unexpected "trying it on" arguments did she put forward? And did they award you reimbursement of all legal costs?
Load More Replies...Has anyone else lost the ability to see their notifications on BP recently due to a change they've made?
Ok, you can get them if you use the drop down menu on the left.
Load More Replies...One interesting possibility is that the ex in this story got to live in the marital home because of the son. In some cases, the marital home is not awarded outright to the wife, but merely habitation rights until the child is 18, at which time the house has to be sold (or the wife has to buy him out).
It's not OP's fault the ex is making such poor life choices and he shouldn't have to fund them.
No issues with the alimony, but… boys can share a room. As one comment said you can’t expect a girl to share a room with a boy once they’re past a certain age. The boys are 10 and 12. Having a girl share would be inappropriate.
There’s no reason to support this guy’s common law wife and children. You paid what you were obligated to pay. Your obligation has ended.
SoFunkyMonkey making aspersions on future parenting skills - LMAO. The bitterness emanating makes me cast aspersions that this person had an acrimonious divorce and didn't get the alimony they expected and they are a failed parent too. Projection also tells an interesting story. Either that or they are the fireman.
You know what they say about assuming making an a$$ of yourself. You definitely proved that saying correct.
Load More Replies...NTA. I hope he gets full custody of his son and she has to pay him child support. My brother's ex decided to take him to court and try to get full custody and make him play child support when it was time for my nephew to start school. Up until then they had 50/50 custody where neither paid child support but there was an agreement that any medial expenses over a certain amount not covered by insurance would be evenly split. Well let's just say it didn't work out in her favor as her true colors where exposed and now my brother has full custody during the school year (they agreed to go 50/50 in the summer) and now she has to pay him child support.
NTA. She's struggling. You could be, too, but aren't. Maybe it's her fault? Not to get this wrong: I'm totally in on anything that requires parents to fulfill their obligations towards their children, and to some extent, supporting a divorced partner, who might have not worked by whatever sharing of duties they agreed on, but after seperating, this arrangement, of course, no longer is effective. If marriage doesn't last forever as intended, why would financial obligations continue permanently? Her struggling, however, likely doesn't impose the danger of starving or so on her, and if so, it's the social security systems of your country that is at fault.
This is frustrating to me for OP. From what I've seen in my state, alimony is for a set period of time. However, there is some paperwork that needs to be filed also, which costs additional money so everything ends when it's supposed to. My bf is going through this, and it's so frustrating.
The kid wants to live with his dad. The dad wants to live with his kid. End of story.
Load More Replies...NTA. This happened to me. My ex's new boyfriend moved in and they tried to hide it. I had to depose him to prove it and she lost her alimony. Then they split up and she tried to get it back and lost. That went all the way to the state supreme court and is now case law.
I'm sorry that that happened to you. Did they backdate the alimony overpayment to the date he moved in? What kind of unexpected "trying it on" arguments did she put forward? And did they award you reimbursement of all legal costs?
Load More Replies...Has anyone else lost the ability to see their notifications on BP recently due to a change they've made?
Ok, you can get them if you use the drop down menu on the left.
Load More Replies...One interesting possibility is that the ex in this story got to live in the marital home because of the son. In some cases, the marital home is not awarded outright to the wife, but merely habitation rights until the child is 18, at which time the house has to be sold (or the wife has to buy him out).
It's not OP's fault the ex is making such poor life choices and he shouldn't have to fund them.
No issues with the alimony, but… boys can share a room. As one comment said you can’t expect a girl to share a room with a boy once they’re past a certain age. The boys are 10 and 12. Having a girl share would be inappropriate.
There’s no reason to support this guy’s common law wife and children. You paid what you were obligated to pay. Your obligation has ended.
SoFunkyMonkey making aspersions on future parenting skills - LMAO. The bitterness emanating makes me cast aspersions that this person had an acrimonious divorce and didn't get the alimony they expected and they are a failed parent too. Projection also tells an interesting story. Either that or they are the fireman.
You know what they say about assuming making an a$$ of yourself. You definitely proved that saying correct.
Load More Replies...NTA. I hope he gets full custody of his son and she has to pay him child support. My brother's ex decided to take him to court and try to get full custody and make him play child support when it was time for my nephew to start school. Up until then they had 50/50 custody where neither paid child support but there was an agreement that any medial expenses over a certain amount not covered by insurance would be evenly split. Well let's just say it didn't work out in her favor as her true colors where exposed and now my brother has full custody during the school year (they agreed to go 50/50 in the summer) and now she has to pay him child support.
NTA. She's struggling. You could be, too, but aren't. Maybe it's her fault? Not to get this wrong: I'm totally in on anything that requires parents to fulfill their obligations towards their children, and to some extent, supporting a divorced partner, who might have not worked by whatever sharing of duties they agreed on, but after seperating, this arrangement, of course, no longer is effective. If marriage doesn't last forever as intended, why would financial obligations continue permanently? Her struggling, however, likely doesn't impose the danger of starving or so on her, and if so, it's the social security systems of your country that is at fault.
This is frustrating to me for OP. From what I've seen in my state, alimony is for a set period of time. However, there is some paperwork that needs to be filed also, which costs additional money so everything ends when it's supposed to. My bf is going through this, and it's so frustrating.
The kid wants to live with his dad. The dad wants to live with his kid. End of story.
Load More Replies...
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