Dating is messy. Especially for the busy. Many of them, including medical resident and Reddit user ResidentThrowRA, are so into their careers, hobbies, and other responsibilities that it leaves little room for creating and maintaining personal relationships.

So when the resident’s “friends” told him that they’d set up a blind date for him, the guy obliged. However, little did he know, it was supposed to be a prank—the girl they had matched him with was, in their mind, so not his type that the fella was bound to have a bad time.

After the date (which went really well) and learning about the scheme, he turned to r/AITAH to vent his frustrations and seek advice on how to navigate the situation.

Continue scrolling to learn what happened and don’t miss the chat we had with psychotherapist Dr. Erin Leonard that should help make sense of the whole ordeal.

This guy was set up for a blind date, but when it ended, he learned it was supposed to be a prank

Image credits: Katerina Holmes (not the actual photo)

AITA for going on a second date with the girl my friends set me up with as a prank?

“I (28M) am a medical resident, so I barely have time to sleep, let alone date. My friends (also in med school) have been pushing me to go out more, insisting that I need a break from the grind. A few weeks ago, they set me up on a blind date. They wouldn’t stop talking about how ‘perfect’ this girl was for me, so I thought, why not?

I met Emily (26F Fake name) at the restaurant, and right away, I could tell she wasn’t what my friends probably expected me to go for. Emily’s not super skinny—in fact, she’s a little chubby—but honestly, I thought she was really cute. She had this amazing smile, and the way she laughed just made me want to keep the conversation going. She’s studying geology, and she was so passionate about her work, talking about volcanic rock formations like it was the coolest thing ever (and by the end of the night, I agreed, it was a lot more fun to talk about than cadavers).

The best part was how comfortable the date felt. We both found out we’re autistic, both late diagnosed, and we mask a lot—meaning we’re used to putting on a social ‘act’ to fit in. But with each other, it felt like we didn’t have to pretend so much, and that made the whole evening feel easy. It wasn’t like most dates where you’re constantly trying to impress the other person. We just clicked.

Physically, Emily wasn’t the type my friends thought I’d be into, but I didn’t care at all. She’s sweet, funny, and I had an amazing time with her. By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, and we’ve been texting pretty regularly since.”

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)

“A few days later, though, I got a really sad message from Emily. Turns out, my friends told her that they set us up as a prank. That they set me up with her because they thought she wasn’t ‘my type’ and that they picked her specifically because she’s chubby and not what they’d call ‘conventionally attractive,’ thinking it would be funny to see how I’d react. Emily was obviously hurt and texted me, apologizing if she wasn’t what I expected. She said she understood if I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She was wrong. I think she’s beautiful. Body and spirit. To be honest, she’s my new type.

I was furious when I found out what my friends had done. I immediately apologized to Emily, telling her my friends were idiots and that I genuinely enjoyed our date. I reassured her I wasn’t texting her out of pity and that I thought she was awesome. After we talked it out, I asked her if she’d like to go on another date, just the two of us, with no pranks or games this time. She said yes.

Now, my friends are pissed at me. They’re saying I ruined the joke and that I’m being ‘weird’ by asking her out again. They’re acting like the whole thing was just harmless fun and can’t believe I’m going on a second date with someone who, to them, was supposed to be the punchline. They even joked that I’m only doing it because I feel bad, but that’s not it at all. I actually like Emily. I’m looking forward to seeing her again, and I don’t see why I should let their prank dictate how I feel.

So now I’m getting all this backlash, and my friends think I’m the a**hole for continuing to see her. I’m so confused. They keep saying it’s my autism and that I just don’t get it. AITA?”

Credits: ResidentThrowRA

Fake friends take more than they give

Some data suggests that in the United States, about 43% of adults have been on a blind date at least once.

However, the success rate doesn’t sound good. In a 2006 survey, only 1% of those who were married or in a serious long-term relationship said they had met on a blind date or through a dating service.

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Recent numbers are hard to find, but confessions from people who go on a hundred of them a year indicate the situation might be similar.

But this story is the perfect example of why people bother. The actual return, some say, on blind dates has little to do with the success rate and more to do with the prize.

Even if three blind dates don’t end well, you only lose one evening each time. However, one fantastic blind date could more than make up for those three wasted evenings.

The blind date often gets a bad rap, but at the end of the day, it’s just another format and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Unless, for instance, it’s supposed to be a prank.

Some people may talk about how much they care about us, but they’re only around for the fun parts and, as we can see, sometimes the fun comes at our expense.

“A certain type of personality (narcissistic) is nice or charming at first to you to win your trust because they want to exploit you for something,” Dr. Erin Leonard, who has been a practicing psychotherapist for two decades, told Bored Panda. “It is a form of grooming.”

“They may also be extra nice because they want a ‘minion.’ They may have an ax to grind with someone else and wish to recruit you to their side. Instead of handling difficulties with another face to face, they choose to wage a war behind this person’s back by aligning people against them behind the scenes.”

In the long run, fake friends take far more than they give. “A narcissistic person damages your self-esteem because they unfairly attack your character in subtle ways,” said Leonard, author of How to Outsmart a Narcissist: Use Emotional Intelligence to Regain Control at Home, at Work, and in Life. “These toxic comments are often disguised as a joke or a weird compliment, but they get under your skin and make your head swim.”

According to the psychotherapist, narcissists also gaslight us. “They purposely try to hurt you so you react emotionally. Then they point to your escalated response and call you ‘crazy.’ This causes people with a conscience and self-awareness a lot of grief because they then feel as if they are the problem.”

Sometimes, we feel guilty about cutting ties with people even though they are toxic to us. In these cases, Leonard advises getting emotional space through diplomacy. “Do not overtly sever the relationship,” she suggested. “Simply spend a lot less time with these people and invest in healthier relationships.

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At least the guy from Reddit weeded them out sooner rather than later.

Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)

While people felt sorry for the guy having to go through this, they were glad he realized who his friends really weren’t

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