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Guy Shocked At GF’s Reaction To Him Defending His Mom And House: “Doesn’t Believe In Violence”
The possibility of an intruder breaking into your home is a truly terrifying one. In 2024, there were around 2.5 million burglaries in the U.S. It’s natural to want to protect your material belongings and loved ones, but people often disagree on the ways to do that.
This couple got into an argument after the boyfriend refused to apologize for the way he defended his home and his ailing mother. The girlfriend believed that violence was never the answer, and the guy was more of a realist. Both refusing to budge, they reached an impasse: who was actually right?
RELATED:
After one fateful night, a man and his GF found out they had differing views about protecting their home from intruders
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
As their conflict continued, the guy sought opinions online on whether he handled the attempted home invasion badly
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: FxllenWxaith
Image credits: freepik
It can be hard when couples disagree about political issues, yet they should still strive to find common values in their differing views
Couples have disagreements about lots of things: what to eat for dinner, whose parents to visit for Thanksgiving, and where to put that new artwork one of them just bought. However, some conflicts can be about their core beliefs, such as having children, the institution of marriage, or gun ownership.
A 2024 poll revealed that when dating, 27% of women think that owning a gun is a red flag. In contrast, only 13% of the respondents who were men thought the same. But would it be a deal-breaker? According to one survey, it might be, because it’s the fifth most popular interest that would be a deal-breaker for both men and women.
So, when partners disagree about ownership, it can become quite a strain on the relationship. Generally, experts recommend respecting each other’s views and opinions, however hard that might be. The partners don’t need to agree on the issue, they just need to respect one another’s opinion.
According to Gottman-certified therapist Dr. Kathy McMahon, it’s hard, maybe downright impossible, to change your partner’s political views. The same goes for such an issue as gun ownership. Yet you still should strive to understand your partner’s perspective.
“Couples can strive to find common values, such as a shared commitment to justice, compassion, or the well-being of their family, to bridge the gap between their differing beliefs,” Dr. McMahon writes.
Image credits: freepik
Men and women in the U.S. have very different views towards firearms
If we were to believe gender stereotypes, we would probably say that the conflict in the OP’s story is a classic one. Man believes he’s the protector of the house, hence, he gets a firearm and isn’t afraid to use it just like any other guy in an ’80s action movie. Interestingly, data shows that men are more likely than women to own guns; almost two times more likely!
According to a 2022 Gallup survey, there’s a pretty significant gender gap when it comes to gun ownership and attitudes towards its laws in the U.S. More men than women have been gun owners in the past 20 years, for example. In 2022, 43% of men said they own a gun, while only 22% of women admitted to being gun owners.
Men and women also have differing views when it comes to gun ownership laws. Women tend to have stricter opinions, thinking that the country needs to regulate gun ownership more. In fact, 62% of women respondents said that the sale of firearms should be made more strict. In contrast, 51% of men thought the same.
Interestingly, even if they’re gun owners, women would want to see stricter gun laws, as 40% of the women respondents said so. Men, on the other hand, seem to be more lax, as 32% of the respondents said they would like gun ownership to be more regulated.
Many people sided with the man: “I would take a very long look at my girlfriend”
Others blamed him for not taking gun safety seriously and possibly putting his mother and GF in even more danger
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What do you think ?
similarly 16 hours ago
What does GF seriously think these people are going to do if they get inside? Does she seriously think they'll all become friends and sit around and drink tea and talk about love and peace?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
I think the GF is one of those people who do not accept/understand that bad things can happen to you even in the safety of your own home (the "it'll never happen to ME!" mindset.) GF probably doesn't think that she could be raped and killed in her own home if someone broke in. Asking them to leave won't work, and sometimes the police won't show up in time even if you call them as someone is breaking in (not saying that the cops won't come immediately, but saying that one can be raped and killed within minutes - before the police arrive.) We had an ex-employee break into our home in 2020 and assault my elderly mother - my dad's caregiver called the cops and luckily a police cruiser was literally one block away, but it still took him ~3-5 min to arrive. The ex-employee wasn't armed (fortunately) and I had run downstairs when I heard noises, and all 5'5" of me was roar-screaming at the dude (he was at least 6'5", lol) to eff off, but my rage stunned him long enough for the cop to arrive.
Load More Replies...
Scott Rackley 15 hours ago
What world do some of these YTAs live in? Those guys weren't there to give you a copy of the Watchtower or talk to you about your car's extended warranty. I have a Taurus Judge with home defense loads, makes a mess of the intruder and I don't kill any neighbors. However, shooting through doors is an absolute no no.
Papa 5 hours ago
You mentioned not killing the neighbors. That's why when my daughter moved into an apartment by herself I bought her a shotgun instead of a pistol. Someone knocked on her door once in the wee hours, saying it was a pizza delivery. She didn't order a pizza, and told him so, but he said she should take it anyway, and wouldn't leave. She finally grabbed the shotgun and racked it. After hearing that distinctive sound he decided it was time to go.
Load More Replies...
Lantana Howell 16 hours ago
NTA unless you stay with her. You did the right thing and she is unlikely to change her mind. This is the epitome of an irreconcilable difference.
Ash 1 hour ago
Sadly, you can't fix stupid. (referring to gf in this situ)
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ThisIsMe 7 hours ago
I'll keep this short. Once upon a time, I was that GF. But then one day, still light outside and I'm home alone as my husband had just gone to run an errand. Someone starts trying to beat down the side door of my very suburban home. It continues while I yell at them, while on phone with police, stops shortly before police arrive. I didn't own a gun because I didn't believe in violence. I own a gun now, have a concealed carry permit (although I never carry the gun with me), have taken shooting lessons, and would not hesitate to shoot someone coming through a door into my home. PS. They found the guy a few houses away in a different subdivision, covered in blood from where he used a table leg to beat the doorknob - leg broken and cut him. Canine founds him easily. He was charged with aggravated vandalism and trespassing, served 90 days. Changed my life. Okay, I guess this wasn't short LOL
TribbleThinking 6 hours ago
In this discussion, your existence is invaluable. Thank you for posting what you did. Is there anything you can think of (other than a real life situation) that could have changed your mind.
Load More Replies...
Valerie Woods 16 hours ago
Sir, I suggest you get yourself a girl from a country setting. She'll have more common sense, life skills, and most likely a gun of her own.
Dusty's mom 14 hours ago
Do not have children with this woman. She'll hand the babies over to the first person across the threshold. You can do way better for your future progeny!
Nichole Harris 16 hours ago
Dude is seriously nta ....I don't even think I'd have been that lenient..... Y'all gotta leave or I'm shooting 😂 one warning..... In my county and state I just gotta drag them inside🤣
TribbleThinking 6 hours ago (edited)
Fantastic. Thank you for your service to the community 😄
Load More Replies...
Jessica S 7 hours ago
Dude used EOF. Escalation of force. Shout, (make the perps verbally aware you're armed.), show, (show your weapon), shove,(shove perp away), shoot to wound, shoot to kill. It a situation like this EOF is crucial. It's allowed to skip levels of the perps are not responding or continue the crime. True, laws are different all over the country but in that situation, id rather be ready than watch my loved ones suffer.
Sea Squirrel 15 hours ago (edited)
I once used my huge MagLite and a lot of noise to chase away a guy who tried to get in. The rushing adrenaline and anger made me so strong and aggressive that I didn't only scare him. I also scared myself. Could have ki!!ed him. It's a good thing that I don't own a gun. (and I should have called the police, but that didn't even cross my mind)
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
I took a firearms safety course years ago in order to at least familiarize myself with guns/how to shoot. I don't have any interest in owning a gun, but I didn't want to be scared of them. We did a "roleplay" session at the end of the course where they put up a big projector screen and gave you a laser-gun, and played a (random) filmed scenario that you had to participate in like a play/scene. The instructor could pause and choose different "endings", depending on how you acted/reacted. I got a scenario where I was an armed security guard and someone had climbed the fence. I apparently told him to freeze and said other things, but I was so full of adrenaline (and terrified, lol) that I didn't remember what I said 30 seconds afterwards. But apparently my voice dropped several octaves and was VERY intimidating (according to the instructor and the other students.) I now call that my Gun Voice XD But yeah, for most people, being aggressive and threatening is scary and can scare us too!
Load More Replies...
Just stopping by 15 hours ago
He needs to find someone else she's going to get him killed. Too naive.
CP 1 hour ago (edited)
Every person was too naive at certain points in their life. Is that a hard and fast rule you have?
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ElfVibratorGlitter 2 hours ago
I'm a white lady. I own guns and other less than lethal weapons. If you come into my house, I will shoot you. I do find the shotgun (and racking it) to be a lot more effective in scaring off people than the 9mm snub nose I have. Black, white, purple, green...we all deserve to be safe in our own homes. Period.
Schmebulock 5 hours ago
GF is a stupid twat. It's never going to work long term, break up and move on.
Disgruntled Panda 10 hours ago
"You're a p***y because you didn't shoot them". WHYYYYYY??? Because you didn't jump on the chance to shoot someone?
Je souhaite 4 hours ago
Maybe she'll feel differently about things if she ever finds herself fighting for her own life
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 16 hours ago
No blood spilled so NTA. He could have yelled at those guys without the gun and just lied and they would have ran. Thieves are cowards. They're looking for targets of opportunity. It doesn't take much to scare them off.
Robin Roper 15 hours ago
But he told them he had a weapon and they didn't leave. They only left when they heard the weapon c**k.
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 18 minutes ago
OMG OP dump this limp-wristed little girl and find a real woman worth her salt!
WorkAholic1 1 hour ago
Oh, definitely NOT the AH. I'm a white woman from a nice quiet town. I wholeheartedly agree with you! Someone trying to kick in the door to MY house at 3 a.m.?! Yes, sir, I'm calling the police and I'm grabbing a gun and doing exactly what you did. Your girlfriend is a sheltered soul. Bless her for believing that violence is not necessary or needed, but she needs a reality check. I wonder what her solution to what happened would be?
TheReader19 1 hour ago
I'm a black woman in the uk, we aren't aloud to have guns here. But believe me; I've given my daughters and myself a knife under our beds
The Starsong Princess 5 hours ago
You are far more likely to shoot a friend or family member than an intruder when you are waving a gun around. Also, as a black man, it’s unlikely to end well for you. You should defend your home but dial it way back.
Just stopping by 4 hours ago
As a black woman I disagree to an extent. There's a constant line to be toed but at some point there's a risk no matter what and a choice needs to be made. In this case either defend yourself or risk them getting in and doing something horrible to mom. No he did what was necessary and had been prepared accordingly with the right permits. I imagine though he took extra precautions before police arrived to look less threatening and it's sad that it's necessary.
Load More Replies...
FluffyDreg 9 hours ago
NTA but responses could have been better. I don't like guns but I have respect for people who use them as they are designed for. Obviously panicking isn't good, but since he seems genuinely understanding that his actions could have been better? That's not an AH thats someone frightened and trying his best, while learning to be better. Sometimes you DO have to defend yourself. It's not ideal, and violence shouldn't be where you go FIRST. But if someone is threatening you? Your life first. Then you can worry about theirs.
BookFanatic 5 hours ago
White chick from a sheltered background here. If somebody breaks into my house, far as I'm concerned they're fair game for however I can defend myself. That includes guns.
Crystalwitch60 6 hours ago
White woman here 60 yrs old I live out in the sticks in uk n im often alone when my kids are out at work they 23-20 n if anyone tried s**t here first they meet my dogs ! Then they meet me I know which one’s safer it ain’t the dogs !!! n the one is a rottie corso ! Other a staffie both lush soppy dogs wouldn’t recommend attacking any of us mind but if guns were legal in uk id have no problem having one for protection I am also housebound to and op def NTA your snowflake gf is ! She’s pathetic and I,ll bet she was in on it given her attitude sometimes just the threat of a gun is more than enough like hearing my bigger dog bark is no one said you would have used it just made it clear you would if needed you did what any sane person would do blessed be n I hope your mums ok x
Kathy Dragonfly 6 hours ago
Oh wow, has bp been taken over by the shoot-first-ask-questions-later gun lobby since yesterday? That was fast!
Nils Skirnir 16 hours ago
I really don’t believe this one. At least not the entirety of the gf’s supposed comments.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
There are a LOT of people who are afraid of guns (which is not a bad thing in and of itself) but do not realize/understand that bad things can happen to you even in the safety of your own home (the "It'll never happen to ME" mindset.) GF probably doesn't want to accept that she can be raped and killed in her own home if someone breaks in, and that asking them nicely to leave won't help, and sometimes the police won't show up in time even if you call them as someone is breaking in - not that the cops won't come immediately, but that you can be raped and killed within minutes. I honestly think the GF's comments are real - she is one of those people who blanketly thinks "all guns are evil" (they are inherently not evil, they are just things until someone uses them for crime.)
Load More Replies...
CP 1 hour ago
Liberals understand that guns aren't used enough like that to warrant the destruction they cause. Besides guns make being a criminal easier.
Load More Replies... similarly 16 hours ago
What does GF seriously think these people are going to do if they get inside? Does she seriously think they'll all become friends and sit around and drink tea and talk about love and peace?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
I think the GF is one of those people who do not accept/understand that bad things can happen to you even in the safety of your own home (the "it'll never happen to ME!" mindset.) GF probably doesn't think that she could be raped and killed in her own home if someone broke in. Asking them to leave won't work, and sometimes the police won't show up in time even if you call them as someone is breaking in (not saying that the cops won't come immediately, but saying that one can be raped and killed within minutes - before the police arrive.) We had an ex-employee break into our home in 2020 and assault my elderly mother - my dad's caregiver called the cops and luckily a police cruiser was literally one block away, but it still took him ~3-5 min to arrive. The ex-employee wasn't armed (fortunately) and I had run downstairs when I heard noises, and all 5'5" of me was roar-screaming at the dude (he was at least 6'5", lol) to eff off, but my rage stunned him long enough for the cop to arrive.
Load More Replies... Scott Rackley 15 hours ago
What world do some of these YTAs live in? Those guys weren't there to give you a copy of the Watchtower or talk to you about your car's extended warranty. I have a Taurus Judge with home defense loads, makes a mess of the intruder and I don't kill any neighbors. However, shooting through doors is an absolute no no.
Papa 5 hours ago
You mentioned not killing the neighbors. That's why when my daughter moved into an apartment by herself I bought her a shotgun instead of a pistol. Someone knocked on her door once in the wee hours, saying it was a pizza delivery. She didn't order a pizza, and told him so, but he said she should take it anyway, and wouldn't leave. She finally grabbed the shotgun and racked it. After hearing that distinctive sound he decided it was time to go.
Load More Replies... Lantana Howell 16 hours ago
NTA unless you stay with her. You did the right thing and she is unlikely to change her mind. This is the epitome of an irreconcilable difference.
Ash 1 hour ago
Sadly, you can't fix stupid. (referring to gf in this situ)
Load More Replies... ThisIsMe 7 hours ago
I'll keep this short. Once upon a time, I was that GF. But then one day, still light outside and I'm home alone as my husband had just gone to run an errand. Someone starts trying to beat down the side door of my very suburban home. It continues while I yell at them, while on phone with police, stops shortly before police arrive. I didn't own a gun because I didn't believe in violence. I own a gun now, have a concealed carry permit (although I never carry the gun with me), have taken shooting lessons, and would not hesitate to shoot someone coming through a door into my home. PS. They found the guy a few houses away in a different subdivision, covered in blood from where he used a table leg to beat the doorknob - leg broken and cut him. Canine founds him easily. He was charged with aggravated vandalism and trespassing, served 90 days. Changed my life. Okay, I guess this wasn't short LOL
TribbleThinking 6 hours ago
In this discussion, your existence is invaluable. Thank you for posting what you did. Is there anything you can think of (other than a real life situation) that could have changed your mind.
Load More Replies... Valerie Woods 16 hours ago
Sir, I suggest you get yourself a girl from a country setting. She'll have more common sense, life skills, and most likely a gun of her own.
Dusty's mom 14 hours ago
Do not have children with this woman. She'll hand the babies over to the first person across the threshold. You can do way better for your future progeny!
Nichole Harris 16 hours ago
Dude is seriously nta ....I don't even think I'd have been that lenient..... Y'all gotta leave or I'm shooting 😂 one warning..... In my county and state I just gotta drag them inside🤣
TribbleThinking 6 hours ago (edited)
Fantastic. Thank you for your service to the community 😄
Load More Replies... Jessica S 7 hours ago
Dude used EOF. Escalation of force. Shout, (make the perps verbally aware you're armed.), show, (show your weapon), shove,(shove perp away), shoot to wound, shoot to kill. It a situation like this EOF is crucial. It's allowed to skip levels of the perps are not responding or continue the crime. True, laws are different all over the country but in that situation, id rather be ready than watch my loved ones suffer.
Sea Squirrel 15 hours ago (edited)
I once used my huge MagLite and a lot of noise to chase away a guy who tried to get in. The rushing adrenaline and anger made me so strong and aggressive that I didn't only scare him. I also scared myself. Could have ki!!ed him. It's a good thing that I don't own a gun. (and I should have called the police, but that didn't even cross my mind)
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
I took a firearms safety course years ago in order to at least familiarize myself with guns/how to shoot. I don't have any interest in owning a gun, but I didn't want to be scared of them. We did a "roleplay" session at the end of the course where they put up a big projector screen and gave you a laser-gun, and played a (random) filmed scenario that you had to participate in like a play/scene. The instructor could pause and choose different "endings", depending on how you acted/reacted. I got a scenario where I was an armed security guard and someone had climbed the fence. I apparently told him to freeze and said other things, but I was so full of adrenaline (and terrified, lol) that I didn't remember what I said 30 seconds afterwards. But apparently my voice dropped several octaves and was VERY intimidating (according to the instructor and the other students.) I now call that my Gun Voice XD But yeah, for most people, being aggressive and threatening is scary and can scare us too!
Load More Replies... Just stopping by 15 hours ago
He needs to find someone else she's going to get him killed. Too naive.
CP 1 hour ago (edited)
Every person was too naive at certain points in their life. Is that a hard and fast rule you have?
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 2 hours ago
I'm a white lady. I own guns and other less than lethal weapons. If you come into my house, I will shoot you. I do find the shotgun (and racking it) to be a lot more effective in scaring off people than the 9mm snub nose I have. Black, white, purple, green...we all deserve to be safe in our own homes. Period.
Schmebulock 5 hours ago
GF is a stupid twat. It's never going to work long term, break up and move on.
Disgruntled Panda 10 hours ago
"You're a p***y because you didn't shoot them". WHYYYYYY??? Because you didn't jump on the chance to shoot someone?
Je souhaite 4 hours ago
Maybe she'll feel differently about things if she ever finds herself fighting for her own life
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 16 hours ago
No blood spilled so NTA. He could have yelled at those guys without the gun and just lied and they would have ran. Thieves are cowards. They're looking for targets of opportunity. It doesn't take much to scare them off.
Robin Roper 15 hours ago
But he told them he had a weapon and they didn't leave. They only left when they heard the weapon c**k.
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 18 minutes ago
OMG OP dump this limp-wristed little girl and find a real woman worth her salt!
WorkAholic1 1 hour ago
Oh, definitely NOT the AH. I'm a white woman from a nice quiet town. I wholeheartedly agree with you! Someone trying to kick in the door to MY house at 3 a.m.?! Yes, sir, I'm calling the police and I'm grabbing a gun and doing exactly what you did. Your girlfriend is a sheltered soul. Bless her for believing that violence is not necessary or needed, but she needs a reality check. I wonder what her solution to what happened would be?
TheReader19 1 hour ago
I'm a black woman in the uk, we aren't aloud to have guns here. But believe me; I've given my daughters and myself a knife under our beds
The Starsong Princess 5 hours ago
You are far more likely to shoot a friend or family member than an intruder when you are waving a gun around. Also, as a black man, it’s unlikely to end well for you. You should defend your home but dial it way back.
Just stopping by 4 hours ago
As a black woman I disagree to an extent. There's a constant line to be toed but at some point there's a risk no matter what and a choice needs to be made. In this case either defend yourself or risk them getting in and doing something horrible to mom. No he did what was necessary and had been prepared accordingly with the right permits. I imagine though he took extra precautions before police arrived to look less threatening and it's sad that it's necessary.
Load More Replies... FluffyDreg 9 hours ago
NTA but responses could have been better. I don't like guns but I have respect for people who use them as they are designed for. Obviously panicking isn't good, but since he seems genuinely understanding that his actions could have been better? That's not an AH thats someone frightened and trying his best, while learning to be better. Sometimes you DO have to defend yourself. It's not ideal, and violence shouldn't be where you go FIRST. But if someone is threatening you? Your life first. Then you can worry about theirs.
BookFanatic 5 hours ago
White chick from a sheltered background here. If somebody breaks into my house, far as I'm concerned they're fair game for however I can defend myself. That includes guns.
Crystalwitch60 6 hours ago
White woman here 60 yrs old I live out in the sticks in uk n im often alone when my kids are out at work they 23-20 n if anyone tried s**t here first they meet my dogs ! Then they meet me I know which one’s safer it ain’t the dogs !!! n the one is a rottie corso ! Other a staffie both lush soppy dogs wouldn’t recommend attacking any of us mind but if guns were legal in uk id have no problem having one for protection I am also housebound to and op def NTA your snowflake gf is ! She’s pathetic and I,ll bet she was in on it given her attitude sometimes just the threat of a gun is more than enough like hearing my bigger dog bark is no one said you would have used it just made it clear you would if needed you did what any sane person would do blessed be n I hope your mums ok x
Kathy Dragonfly 6 hours ago
Oh wow, has bp been taken over by the shoot-first-ask-questions-later gun lobby since yesterday? That was fast!
Nils Skirnir 16 hours ago
I really don’t believe this one. At least not the entirety of the gf’s supposed comments.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
There are a LOT of people who are afraid of guns (which is not a bad thing in and of itself) but do not realize/understand that bad things can happen to you even in the safety of your own home (the "It'll never happen to ME" mindset.) GF probably doesn't want to accept that she can be raped and killed in her own home if someone breaks in, and that asking them nicely to leave won't help, and sometimes the police won't show up in time even if you call them as someone is breaking in - not that the cops won't come immediately, but that you can be raped and killed within minutes. I honestly think the GF's comments are real - she is one of those people who blanketly thinks "all guns are evil" (they are inherently not evil, they are just things until someone uses them for crime.)
Load More Replies... CP 1 hour ago
Liberals understand that guns aren't used enough like that to warrant the destruction they cause. Besides guns make being a criminal easier.
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