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Husband Tells Wife They Need To Leave The Party To Catch A Flight But Gets Ignored, Leaves Alone
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Husband Tells Wife They Need To Leave The Party To Catch A Flight But Gets Ignored, Leaves Alone

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As much as Hollywood might point to infidelity and big, blowout fights as the culprit, more often than not, relationships end up actually dying a slow death of a thousand cuts, from miscommunication, poor management, and just apathy.

A man asked the internet for advice about a fight he had with his wife, after he left her at a party when she was making him late for an important work trip. Despite working out a plan ahead of time, she insisted on staying late, making him risk missing his flight. But when he made the call to simply leave her, he ended up being bombarded with angry texts, so he turned to the internet for advice.

RELATED:

    Love isn’t necessarily enough to sustain a marriage

    Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)

    A husband got into an argument with his wife after leaving her at a party when she was making him late

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    Image credits: Danila Hamsterman (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Witty-Performance-76

    Maintaining a relationship is more than just being in love

    As mundane and possibly boring as it sounds, passion and romance can only get a long-term relationship so far. While they are absolutely necessary, they are just a few of the ingredients that make a marriage last. Like baking a cake, one needs eggs, sugar, flour, and generally a few more items. One can’t just skil sugar and add more eggs and expect the cake to be the same. A lot less glamorous is the fact that cohabiting means a decent amount of relationship maintenance. Some psychologists believe that the ratio of “bad experiences” to “good” needs to be about one in five. Even if the bad experiences are fewer in number, most people do not want to stay with a person who makes them feel bad consistently.

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    Daniel Canary wrote that “simply staying together is not sufficient; instead, the quality of the relationship is important. For researchers, this means examining behaviors that are linked to relational satisfaction and other indicators of quality,” in the International Encyclopedia of Marriage, arguing that a long-term commitment isn’t just a “fire and forget” sort of deal, it has to evolve, grow, and be sustained. The reality is that we have only so many hours in the day, even if all other resources are not constrained. And let’s face it, money and possessions are also something one has to factor in, meaning that relationship maintenance will, inevitably, force people to make compromises.

    While it might sound materialistic, being concerned about money is a legitimate fear that can erode trust and weaken a relationship. This is why having joint accounts, savings, insurance, and future prospects are all correlated with successful relationships, while income insecurity has been shown to have negative effects. This all leads us to OP and his decision to leave his wife. In a vacuum, leaving your partner out to dry without a warning is never a good look, but she put him in a position where he had to choose between effectively her having a good time at a party or losing his job. Sometimes ultimatums are necessary in a relationship, as boundaries and red lines are important, but it’s hard to see how another hour at a party is really worth it in this case.

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    Bad communication and mistrust will ruin a marriage

    Even worse, according to OP, there was a plan in place, but the wife simply chose to ignore it. While we’ll never really know why, none of the options are particularly pretty. Perhaps she did not care that he would lose his job, or, even worse, just had no idea that actions have consequences. Seeing that she went to medical school, the connection between action and reaction should have been clear, but the former doesn’t paint her in a particularly good light as well. It’s also possible that she thought they could still make it, and was happy to risk her husband’s career over socializing for another hour or so. All in all, she put him in the uncomfortable position of needing to rush and leave her behind.

    If the couple had better communication skills, the same actions could have happened without the subsequent drama. Perhaps she could have stayed longer and found alternative lodgings while he went on the trip, no doubt options were available. But the wife wanted her cake and to eat it as well and did not make her desires clear until the last minute. This is likely a symptom of a larger issue, a lack of trust and openness, and perhaps a difference in values. This is no minor point, shared values and goals are a cornerstone of a successful, long-term relationship. Without them, one party is constantly compromising, and arguing, which will ultimately turn to resentment, killing the marriage or relationship in the long run anyway, only after wasting everyone’s time.

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    Many readers thought the wife was simply wrong to make him risk his job

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Read less »
    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

    Read less »

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

    What do you think ?
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    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She sounds awful! I think he should go to therapy with her. That way the therapist will be able to explain to the wife how inappropriate her behavior was. Although she's probably too immature to admit she's the problem. Sounds like she doesn't even want to be married. Who the hell does that with another man right in front of her husband?? I bet they slept together after he left.

    Ken Beattie
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was my thought the moment I read her saying they should go to therapy. If it's a decent therapist they'll look at both sides of the story, and in this case it really looks like the majority of bad behaviour is on her side. So it'd actually be in his best interest. And yeah, her actions really make it seem like she just doesn't care about her husband, which definitely makes you wonder whether she's just using him til she's finished her residency.

    Load More Replies...
    Seth
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's 100% having an affair with med-school guy. He led her by the hand, then tried to tell off her husband like an edgy boyfriend confronting a bratty daughter's father (and her lack of response just says she wanted that confrontation to happen). Depending on how committed OP is to the marriage, they either need that couple's therapist or divorce attorneys.

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, that little bit of body language speaks volumes, especially the silence. Not only immature, but unfaithful. Lawyer up.

    Load More Replies...
    Alexandra
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder what the woman thinks therapy is for. "Learning to be a better husband"? That sounds incredibly condescending. Even worse, she doesn't seem to have a sense of self-awareness. Therapy is not about getting someone else to do what you want. It's better if they did couples' therapy, but as long as she doesn't acknowledge her role in this mess, good luck!

    Load More Comments
    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She sounds awful! I think he should go to therapy with her. That way the therapist will be able to explain to the wife how inappropriate her behavior was. Although she's probably too immature to admit she's the problem. Sounds like she doesn't even want to be married. Who the hell does that with another man right in front of her husband?? I bet they slept together after he left.

    Ken Beattie
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was my thought the moment I read her saying they should go to therapy. If it's a decent therapist they'll look at both sides of the story, and in this case it really looks like the majority of bad behaviour is on her side. So it'd actually be in his best interest. And yeah, her actions really make it seem like she just doesn't care about her husband, which definitely makes you wonder whether she's just using him til she's finished her residency.

    Load More Replies...
    Seth
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's 100% having an affair with med-school guy. He led her by the hand, then tried to tell off her husband like an edgy boyfriend confronting a bratty daughter's father (and her lack of response just says she wanted that confrontation to happen). Depending on how committed OP is to the marriage, they either need that couple's therapist or divorce attorneys.

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, that little bit of body language speaks volumes, especially the silence. Not only immature, but unfaithful. Lawyer up.

    Load More Replies...
    Alexandra
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder what the woman thinks therapy is for. "Learning to be a better husband"? That sounds incredibly condescending. Even worse, she doesn't seem to have a sense of self-awareness. Therapy is not about getting someone else to do what you want. It's better if they did couples' therapy, but as long as she doesn't acknowledge her role in this mess, good luck!

    Load More Comments
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