Growing up, most people were often not aware of other genders’ biology beyond some very vague generalizations. But part of being an adult is understanding more about the world around you, particularly if you are living with a person from another gender.

So one woman was surprised when her new boyfriend absolutely flipped out when he learned that she had disposed of her used pads in his trash. Setting aside the question of what else she was supposed to do with them, his reaction was so visceral that she turned to the internet for advice. Unsurprisingly, most people saw this as a huge red flag and recommended that she change boyfriends after changing her pads.

Changing pads or other sanitary products is a pretty normal and even optimal part of women’s hygiene

Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)

So OP was pretty confused when her boyfriend was absolutely shocked when he found her pads in the trash

Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ThrowAway568931

A period is already uncomfortable enough without a judgemental partner

To set aside the obvious, menstrual blood is not that far removed from “real” blood, because, for the most part, it is. About half is blood, with the remaining amount being other liquids that are normally present in a woman’s body. Nevertheless, there is a “rich” history of male disgust at women’s periods that dates back for thousands of years. None of this is an excuse to remain ignorant in the 21st century, particularly as a young adult. Humans do have an instinctive aversion to blood. Sociological theorist Emile Durkheim argued that for most humans, culturally, “All blood is terrible.” But, seeing as most women deal with blood regularly month after month, perhaps some men should take the cue and relax.

After all, men don’t have to deal with all the exhausting side effects of a period, including tiredness, heightened sensitivity, and outright pain. A little garbage seems like a more than fair trade-off. Less than a third of women experience cramps intensive enough to disrupt daily activities. So imagine, as a woman, going through multiple days of pain, then having your partner, who is supposed to be a support, get angry for changing a pad, as you should. OP was admirably calm and collected, asking for advice online when it seems, the vast majority of people would have dumped this guy on the spot. Unfortunately, both the boyfriend’s and brothers’ reactions are way too common, as menstruation still bears a lot of stigma and misinformation.

Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)

The stigma around menstruation is still quite widespread, despite some progress in recent years

The result is a vicious cycle, where women are shamed for discussing menstruation, as a result, they stay quiet and the lack of understanding continues. In the US, most young adults thought the topic was taboo, and would never discuss it with the opposite gender, including brothers and fathers. Almost 60% of US women still report feelings of shame whenever they menstruate, as the entire topic still carries a feeling of dirtiness. This is not to say that menstruation is secretly fun or that everyone should be doing it. But if women have to go through it literally multiple times a year, the least the world can do is be understanding.

Some countries are coming around. Scotland, for example, has made period products freely available, as they really aren’t a luxury by any means of the word. In a similar vein, Spain has recently approved menstrual leave for women whose periods are particularly painful. If that sounds excessive, I would invite you to find a way to induce cramping then try to work and report back with the results. While these initiatives might not immediately solve social stigma, they do provide necessary relief for women who have to and will continue to have to go about their lives while menstruating.

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Image credits: Annika Gordon (not the actual photo)

The woman gave some follow-up thoughts on the NTA verdict

Commenters very explicitly told OP to dump her boyfriend and that she was absolutely not at fault

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