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Teen Would Lose $7M If She Came Out As Gay, Uncle Asks If He Was A Jerk To Tell Her To Stay In The Closet
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Teen Would Lose $7M If She Came Out As Gay, Uncle Asks If He Was A Jerk To Tell Her To Stay In The Closet

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Our decisions are rarely black and white. They’re usually grey. Full of nuance. Even the ones that look straightforward at first can turn into real head scratchers and heart tearers.

(Un)fortunately, Reddit user ThrowAwayz201301 has just had to teach this to his 17-year-old niece.

You see, the teen revealed to her uncle that she’s planning to tell the whole world she’s a lesbian. As supportive as he considers himself to be of her, the man, however, advised her to wait a little while longer—as this would make her rich biggot grandpa remove her from his multi-million dollar will.

At first, the uncle was confident he made the right choice when informing the teen about the retaliation. But after talking to his wife, he’s no longer so sure about telling his niece she has to suppress her identity. So he told the whole story to the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, asking its members to share their take on it.

RELATED:

    This 17-year-old wanted to tell her family that she’s a lesbian

    Image credits:cottonbro (not the actual photo)

    But her uncle said it would cost her 7 million dollars

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    Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)


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    Image credits: ThrowAwayz201301

    Coming out is often portrayed as a one-time experience. The stereotype paints a picture of a young LGBTQ+ individual accepting themself and deciding to disclose it to everyone in their lives. They are then met with love and acceptance. Nowadays, they might even get a party.

    But this simplified view minimizes the complexity of the process, which, as we can see, in reality, can be a series of coming-outs.

    Mental health clinician, supervisor, educator, and advocate Shainna Ali Ph.D., said that LGBTQ+ people face a number of stressors when considering telling the world the truth, and are plagued by questions such as:

    • Will ____ understand?
    • Will ____ still treat me the same way?
    • Will ____ judge me?
    • Will ____ be angry?
    • Will ____ be sad?
    • Will ____ hurt me?
    • Will I lose my job?
    • Will I lose my home?
    • Will I be safe?

    Enduring these stressors, LGBTQ+ individuals feel lonely, disconnected, confused, sad, ashamed, fearful, angry, and vulnerable. These stressors help to explain the unfortunate statistic that LGBTQ+ folks are more than twice as likely as heterosexuals to experience a serious mental health concern.

    The original poster of the story (OP) joined the discussion in the comments to clarify some details

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    “I never thought I’d have trouble coming out,” Monnica T. Williams, Ph.D., ABPP, who is a licensed clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Ottawa in the School of Psychology, said.

    “I grew up in a relatively progressive American city, and in a time after many states had already legalized marriage equality — the right to marry regardless of sexual orientation. But sure enough, when I began my first relationship with another woman at the age of 26, I was feeling a lot of negative emotions I never thought I would experience. Coming out in a city smack in the middle of the Bible Belt and growing up Catholic really did a number on my newly gay self-identity. Thoughts like ‘this is wrong’ and ‘I’m a sinner’ would literally come into my head when just kissing my new girlfriend.”

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    Although some people had a hard time coming up with a verdict, most said that the OP did the right thing



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    Williams said internalized homophobia can be exacerbated by a number of factors. “Certain religious beliefs are a major key player in the impact of internalized homophobia. Some religions promote messages that express bias and animus toward LGBTQ+ people and condemn us as a group.”

    However, it’s important to mention that religion is not the only reason behind these negative feelings and not all religions condemn people for being LGBTQ+ in the first place.

    “Societal beliefs and social support definitely play a role as well,” Williams added. “Oftentimes, people develop internalized homophobia due to negative messages they received from society as a whole about LGBTQ+ people, from public debates on sex education to reports of discrimination.”

    According to the psychologist, many people are afraid of coming out due to rejection from their family members and friends based on media reports of family rejection, and these unfortunate realities can further exacerbate the experience of internalized homophobia.

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    Let’s hope the 17-year-old won’t lose the courage to be herself, no matter how she proceeds.

    LGBTQ+ folks also joined the discussion to share their perspective


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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

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    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

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    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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    Artsy Bookworm
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first time I read the post the heading was "Am I the jerk for making my niece stay in the closet" and I freaked out so bad! Like I thought the dude locked his niece in the closet😶

    Paul Richards
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, 7 million dollars and she is set basically for the rest of her life, hell she can be an activist. Coming out only hurts her, thus longterm security for shortterm impulse. Almost always going with short-term is a mistake

    CLG
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's not even saying stay in the closet from EVERYONE for another year - she could still tell all her friends, classmates, parents, potential new partners, etc (assuming none are the type to tattle on her to the grandfather). I'd call it less "staying in the closet" and more "keeping it secret from a bigot to get that payout."

    Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think they all missed a point. Her father is supposedly terminally ill. That is reason enough for not telling your dad, this kind of dad, you are a lesbian. It won't help either one of them to part in bitterness and sadness. The burden of knowing that she has a parent that would not accept her for who she is, is one that she will have to carry, regardless if she tells him about it or not. No need to add guilty feelings to that.

    Evil Little Thing
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I were her, I would rather avoid Grandpa hating me and get the money. Even if there wasn't money involved I probably wouldn't pick a fight fight with a dying man, no matter how much of a bigoted jackass he is. I am gay whether or not he knows or agrees.

    Load More Replies...
    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Two years is a LONG time, especially when you're young and afraid to be yourself lest somebody tattle, and when you don't know for sure that it will really only be 2 years. That said, it's 100% her choice, an extremely potent benefit, and she can change her mind at any point (say, if the man's health has improved and she meets someone she wants to marry, or needs to rush marriage for legal reasons, or whatever - the point is that it's her choice). No assholes here.

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my opinion the best way to one up the bigoted Grandfather, is to inherit his money despite being gay.

    Kusotare
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. It's easy to say that people should be free to be who they are irrespective of consequences, but when you start talking about real money and not just theoretical circumstances, well, $hit gets real in a hurry. Seven million dollars can make a closet seem less confining for a couple of years.

    J. F.
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think every person able to use logic would have given that advise, especially when it's such a life changing amount. What are 1 or 2 years of silence about the own sexuality when it can pay for education, healthcare (from a US perspective) and a life without financial trouble?

    random user
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should stay in the closet until he pass. Cuz if he do find out, she will probably never see that 7 mill and would likely have to work a job for the rest of her life. Whereas if she waits till he is gone, she can inherit it and will not have to work for a really long time and be well off and have some freedom

    SweetMamaP
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, keep quiet and get the money. Then give some of that homophobe's money to LGTBQ+ causes. I would derive a LOT of satisfaction from that alone.

    Austin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll let my grandparents think I'm a different sexuality for a fatFIRE sum of money.

    Leoninus Fate
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For 7.m....m...7 MILLON BUCKS? I would f*cking go back in that closet and date a chick for 20 years even after they died for that money! {I'm male/demi/gay}

    GenericPanda09
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone has a price....... £7 million is a decent price.

    Lizzie Lola
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My WHOLE family is Skittles People. 😁 You go get nice and comfy in that closet and as soon as that twat of a bigot is gone, you live your fabulous life! 🌈🌈🌈

    Bee she/her
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an out (mostly) bi person I would 100% stay in the closet for 7 mil.

    CrazyCatLady
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A fellow bi person!🎉 I would do the same as I’m not out yet and I’m not a 100% if I actualy am bi.

    Load More Replies...
    Ivana
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it is up to the girl herself. She is almost an adult and that is her choice to make. My family has a huge farm in Illinois that is worth millions but my family are also horrible racist whom I cannot stand to be in the same room with. I told my grandfather that if he said the n-word one more time I would hop on a plane and that would be the last time he ever saw me. He did so I did. Haven't talked to him in over a decade and even forgot his name, ironic since the last thing I said to him was "My children will never know your name." Anyway, I could have had a really substantial inheritance, I still could, if I go to Christmas with my family and pretend to like them. But that is not going to happen because I make enough to pay my bills and I would rather not have millions than speak to my terrible family. Also, I am happy to let them know that I find them so repulsive that they literally could not pay me to come see them.

    jolie laide
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely NTA! I would've told the niece to do the same thing.

    RJ
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Y'all ever see that old movie Brewster's Millions?

    Leslie Burleson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the ah . I'd turn gay for $7 million lmfao . I'm kidding , but honestly no point in her losing out on that money . I didn't tell my grandparents what I was doing or thinking sexually at 17 . It's not a matter of selling out or being ashamed ... it's a matter of outlasting some hateful people to get what you deserve. Then buy an airplane to skywrite your coming out

    RoanTheMad
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA - I've always said to people who ask me advice on coming out is that waiting until you know you have a safe space etc to fall back on if family doesn't accept you, is an absolute MUST. I had some issues with my father when I came out. (he's more accepting now, thankfully) but at least I was allowed to stay in my home. I know of other LGBTQIA kids that have been kicked out, outcast by their families. And whilst the situation is a little different here given that OP's parents are accepting even if their grandparents are not... millions of dollars is a crazy amount of money and if OP's daughter is sensible, she'll be set for life. Not to mention I love the idea of being petty and using said money first for the purchase of a luxurious rainbow or lesbian flag colour bouquet for the grandparents funeral ;) That said, it's ultimately the daughters choice, she can at the very least act her true self with her parents, just not around extended family just in case. It sucks, but I'd talk it over with her.

    Leoninus Fate
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could also wait till grandpa was taking his last breath and lean in and tell him "I'm gay" just as he goes, and we all would know those big wide eyes as he died is from seeing a rainbow coated grim reaper

    Zedrapazia
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't tell the old fart and let him twist in his grave when she finally comes out and can live her new, fabulous rich life.

    G e o r g i a
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yeah so im a lesbian and if i could choose one personally i would choose to stay in the closet for my own safety cause u never know how homophobes can be and 7 million dollars is a lot of money and most definitely can help you on later in life so i’d rather just keep it to myself, wait until they die and then i’d bring a bouquet of flowers in the lesbian flag colors to their graves every year just to spite them ngl so he is nta a*****e at all, the only people who are are the grandparents

    Brett Layton
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    answer here is simple - walk into a restaurant with 7M and you can eat anything you want. Walk in with your convictions and you go hungry. Not a hill worth dying on considering the stakes. Her coming out will have little if any effect on anyone but her ( losing a large sum of $) whereas with that money she could live well and even set up a scholarship endowment for other folks and actually do a bit of good in the world.

    Kate Jones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh hell no. First off, there's a difference between staying in the closet with your family and staying in the closet completely. She could still go out and enjoy her life as she pleases as long as she's careful not to tell homophobe gramps about it. It's not like she has to lie to literally everyone. Second, I understand there are issues with not being your authentic self, but gay people have to protect themselves from bigots and homophobes all the time and make choices to not announce they're gay in certain places and with certain people. Unfortunately that's just how it is in this country. She might as well gain something from it this time. From what I read, I don't think there's any benefit to coming out to him. He's not going to magically accept it. He's a homophobe, that probably won't change. I feel like the cost to benefit of coming out is too high. There's nothing noble about turning away an opportunity to make any financial choice you want in life.

    Axolotl King
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone who plans to stay in the closet until my parents pay for my college (currently 15) I fully endorse this plan. (My sister and mom are the only people who know I'm a lesbian, none of them know I'm Non-binary. My dad and his parents are the mainly homophobic/transphobic ones and my mom has agreed not to tell him or anyone else about my being a lesbian.)

    Lara M
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm gay and spent years closeted, and I'm not at all sure what I would have done in the niece's situation. I would have felt just a bit dirty taking that money under basically false pretenses. It is a lot of money, but money like this tends to come with lots of strings attached, most of which are injurious to one's dignity. At the same time, I'm not sure coming out to a bigot is ever a safe or preferable option.

    similarly
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's good advice, and well-intentioned advice. It's not the right advice for everyone. But it's definitely worth giving someone that advice and letting them decide what to do with it.

    Dave
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, if she had to be convinced to keep her mouth shut that she is gay until the oldtimers kick the bucket so she can be gay with 7 million, she is an idiot. I get it, some gay people need to tell the world that they are gay. However, except raging homphobes, nobody f*****g cares that they are gay.

    Julie C Rose
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This has already been resolved - the wife said she had a knee-jerk reaction at first but now agrees with his advice.

    Axolotl King
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yea but I'm assuming neither OP nor his wife are part of the LGBTQ+ community and he just wanted to make sure he wasn't out of line, I think it was good he was making sure his actions were ok

    Load More Replies...
    Nicely
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hold out then blow the lot on hot lesbian sex workers. The only way to spite a bigot.

    cody lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Just identify as 1 of the only two chromosomes xx or xy ... simple. You can mutilate your body but you can’t change chromosomes. A bloood transfusion between a xx ( girl ) and xy ( boy ) will result in rejection and death

    martin734
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What on earth are you gibbering about? This is about a person's sexuality and nothing to do with their gender identity or their sex. The OP is gay not trans, gender identity and sexual orientation are two totally separate things.

    Load More Replies...
    HurlWurk
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    So it's ok to steal from someone who you don't agree with, got it. This is no different than lying on an application for a loan to me. Give grampa the facts and let him make his decision.

    Artsy Bookworm
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first time I read the post the heading was "Am I the jerk for making my niece stay in the closet" and I freaked out so bad! Like I thought the dude locked his niece in the closet😶

    Paul Richards
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, 7 million dollars and she is set basically for the rest of her life, hell she can be an activist. Coming out only hurts her, thus longterm security for shortterm impulse. Almost always going with short-term is a mistake

    CLG
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's not even saying stay in the closet from EVERYONE for another year - she could still tell all her friends, classmates, parents, potential new partners, etc (assuming none are the type to tattle on her to the grandfather). I'd call it less "staying in the closet" and more "keeping it secret from a bigot to get that payout."

    Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think they all missed a point. Her father is supposedly terminally ill. That is reason enough for not telling your dad, this kind of dad, you are a lesbian. It won't help either one of them to part in bitterness and sadness. The burden of knowing that she has a parent that would not accept her for who she is, is one that she will have to carry, regardless if she tells him about it or not. No need to add guilty feelings to that.

    Evil Little Thing
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I were her, I would rather avoid Grandpa hating me and get the money. Even if there wasn't money involved I probably wouldn't pick a fight fight with a dying man, no matter how much of a bigoted jackass he is. I am gay whether or not he knows or agrees.

    Load More Replies...
    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Two years is a LONG time, especially when you're young and afraid to be yourself lest somebody tattle, and when you don't know for sure that it will really only be 2 years. That said, it's 100% her choice, an extremely potent benefit, and she can change her mind at any point (say, if the man's health has improved and she meets someone she wants to marry, or needs to rush marriage for legal reasons, or whatever - the point is that it's her choice). No assholes here.

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my opinion the best way to one up the bigoted Grandfather, is to inherit his money despite being gay.

    Kusotare
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. It's easy to say that people should be free to be who they are irrespective of consequences, but when you start talking about real money and not just theoretical circumstances, well, $hit gets real in a hurry. Seven million dollars can make a closet seem less confining for a couple of years.

    J. F.
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think every person able to use logic would have given that advise, especially when it's such a life changing amount. What are 1 or 2 years of silence about the own sexuality when it can pay for education, healthcare (from a US perspective) and a life without financial trouble?

    random user
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should stay in the closet until he pass. Cuz if he do find out, she will probably never see that 7 mill and would likely have to work a job for the rest of her life. Whereas if she waits till he is gone, she can inherit it and will not have to work for a really long time and be well off and have some freedom

    SweetMamaP
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, keep quiet and get the money. Then give some of that homophobe's money to LGTBQ+ causes. I would derive a LOT of satisfaction from that alone.

    Austin
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll let my grandparents think I'm a different sexuality for a fatFIRE sum of money.

    Leoninus Fate
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For 7.m....m...7 MILLON BUCKS? I would f*cking go back in that closet and date a chick for 20 years even after they died for that money! {I'm male/demi/gay}

    GenericPanda09
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone has a price....... £7 million is a decent price.

    Lizzie Lola
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My WHOLE family is Skittles People. 😁 You go get nice and comfy in that closet and as soon as that twat of a bigot is gone, you live your fabulous life! 🌈🌈🌈

    Bee she/her
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an out (mostly) bi person I would 100% stay in the closet for 7 mil.

    CrazyCatLady
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A fellow bi person!🎉 I would do the same as I’m not out yet and I’m not a 100% if I actualy am bi.

    Load More Replies...
    Ivana
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it is up to the girl herself. She is almost an adult and that is her choice to make. My family has a huge farm in Illinois that is worth millions but my family are also horrible racist whom I cannot stand to be in the same room with. I told my grandfather that if he said the n-word one more time I would hop on a plane and that would be the last time he ever saw me. He did so I did. Haven't talked to him in over a decade and even forgot his name, ironic since the last thing I said to him was "My children will never know your name." Anyway, I could have had a really substantial inheritance, I still could, if I go to Christmas with my family and pretend to like them. But that is not going to happen because I make enough to pay my bills and I would rather not have millions than speak to my terrible family. Also, I am happy to let them know that I find them so repulsive that they literally could not pay me to come see them.

    jolie laide
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely NTA! I would've told the niece to do the same thing.

    RJ
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Y'all ever see that old movie Brewster's Millions?

    Leslie Burleson
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the ah . I'd turn gay for $7 million lmfao . I'm kidding , but honestly no point in her losing out on that money . I didn't tell my grandparents what I was doing or thinking sexually at 17 . It's not a matter of selling out or being ashamed ... it's a matter of outlasting some hateful people to get what you deserve. Then buy an airplane to skywrite your coming out

    RoanTheMad
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA - I've always said to people who ask me advice on coming out is that waiting until you know you have a safe space etc to fall back on if family doesn't accept you, is an absolute MUST. I had some issues with my father when I came out. (he's more accepting now, thankfully) but at least I was allowed to stay in my home. I know of other LGBTQIA kids that have been kicked out, outcast by their families. And whilst the situation is a little different here given that OP's parents are accepting even if their grandparents are not... millions of dollars is a crazy amount of money and if OP's daughter is sensible, she'll be set for life. Not to mention I love the idea of being petty and using said money first for the purchase of a luxurious rainbow or lesbian flag colour bouquet for the grandparents funeral ;) That said, it's ultimately the daughters choice, she can at the very least act her true self with her parents, just not around extended family just in case. It sucks, but I'd talk it over with her.

    Leoninus Fate
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could also wait till grandpa was taking his last breath and lean in and tell him "I'm gay" just as he goes, and we all would know those big wide eyes as he died is from seeing a rainbow coated grim reaper

    Zedrapazia
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't tell the old fart and let him twist in his grave when she finally comes out and can live her new, fabulous rich life.

    G e o r g i a
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yeah so im a lesbian and if i could choose one personally i would choose to stay in the closet for my own safety cause u never know how homophobes can be and 7 million dollars is a lot of money and most definitely can help you on later in life so i’d rather just keep it to myself, wait until they die and then i’d bring a bouquet of flowers in the lesbian flag colors to their graves every year just to spite them ngl so he is nta a*****e at all, the only people who are are the grandparents

    Brett Layton
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    answer here is simple - walk into a restaurant with 7M and you can eat anything you want. Walk in with your convictions and you go hungry. Not a hill worth dying on considering the stakes. Her coming out will have little if any effect on anyone but her ( losing a large sum of $) whereas with that money she could live well and even set up a scholarship endowment for other folks and actually do a bit of good in the world.

    Kate Jones
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh hell no. First off, there's a difference between staying in the closet with your family and staying in the closet completely. She could still go out and enjoy her life as she pleases as long as she's careful not to tell homophobe gramps about it. It's not like she has to lie to literally everyone. Second, I understand there are issues with not being your authentic self, but gay people have to protect themselves from bigots and homophobes all the time and make choices to not announce they're gay in certain places and with certain people. Unfortunately that's just how it is in this country. She might as well gain something from it this time. From what I read, I don't think there's any benefit to coming out to him. He's not going to magically accept it. He's a homophobe, that probably won't change. I feel like the cost to benefit of coming out is too high. There's nothing noble about turning away an opportunity to make any financial choice you want in life.

    Axolotl King
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone who plans to stay in the closet until my parents pay for my college (currently 15) I fully endorse this plan. (My sister and mom are the only people who know I'm a lesbian, none of them know I'm Non-binary. My dad and his parents are the mainly homophobic/transphobic ones and my mom has agreed not to tell him or anyone else about my being a lesbian.)

    Lara M
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm gay and spent years closeted, and I'm not at all sure what I would have done in the niece's situation. I would have felt just a bit dirty taking that money under basically false pretenses. It is a lot of money, but money like this tends to come with lots of strings attached, most of which are injurious to one's dignity. At the same time, I'm not sure coming out to a bigot is ever a safe or preferable option.

    similarly
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's good advice, and well-intentioned advice. It's not the right advice for everyone. But it's definitely worth giving someone that advice and letting them decide what to do with it.

    Dave
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, if she had to be convinced to keep her mouth shut that she is gay until the oldtimers kick the bucket so she can be gay with 7 million, she is an idiot. I get it, some gay people need to tell the world that they are gay. However, except raging homphobes, nobody f*****g cares that they are gay.

    Julie C Rose
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This has already been resolved - the wife said she had a knee-jerk reaction at first but now agrees with his advice.

    Axolotl King
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yea but I'm assuming neither OP nor his wife are part of the LGBTQ+ community and he just wanted to make sure he wasn't out of line, I think it was good he was making sure his actions were ok

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    Nicely
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hold out then blow the lot on hot lesbian sex workers. The only way to spite a bigot.

    cody lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Just identify as 1 of the only two chromosomes xx or xy ... simple. You can mutilate your body but you can’t change chromosomes. A bloood transfusion between a xx ( girl ) and xy ( boy ) will result in rejection and death

    martin734
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What on earth are you gibbering about? This is about a person's sexuality and nothing to do with their gender identity or their sex. The OP is gay not trans, gender identity and sexual orientation are two totally separate things.

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    HurlWurk
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    So it's ok to steal from someone who you don't agree with, got it. This is no different than lying on an application for a loan to me. Give grampa the facts and let him make his decision.

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