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Making a character in a book seem realistic and interesting is no easy task. It’s not down to just your skills as a writer, though. You actually have to know a bit about who you’re writing about. In other words—do your research. Unfortunately, some male writers out there seem to have major problems writing female characters and seem shy about asking their female friends for advice.
The ‘Men Write Women’ page on X (former Twitter) documents these scary and cringe-worthy examples of men writing about women without having any idea about them or their anatomy. The project was started back in 2019 when Meghan Vondriska launched her version of the ‘Men Writing Women’ Reddit community. Now, the ‘Men Write Women’ X page has over 69k followers, and there are over 2k fans who follow their Instagram page.
“Women just want to be written as human. That’s it. There isn't some wild scientific equation to writing women, and it isn't difficult. Write them as human, with complex feelings, not as body parts that happen to be put together into a feminine form,” Vondriska told Bored Panda.
Let’s take a look at these examples of how men write women and see what Vondriska has to say about this annoying depiction.
More info: MegVondriska.com
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
This Is The Best One Yet
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
wow. so many weird misogynistic stereotypes here. Does this person also believe our wombs detach, fly about our bodies and make us crazy once a month?
RELATED:
#2
We Don’t Get Real Pockets In Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!!! (Stuart Woods, Desperate Measures)
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
This is horrifying. Has this man ever seen a vagina? I could not imagine jamming credit cards up it.
#3
"3 And A Half Milliboobs Per Handful"
What Does it Mean When a Woman is Written by a Man?
At times, male authors depict female characters as sexualized, unrealistic beings who are mere accessories that meet the desires of these authors. Men portraying women in this manner is called the male gaze. The male gaze or a woman written by a man tends to focus on the body rather than the character itself. When women are objectified without giving them a voice in the story, it’s typically said that the woman is written by a man.
#4
Yes, Men Would Be Amaaazing At Handling Pregnancy - Evolution Really Screwed This One Up. Bonus Points For “No Woman Gets Raped Unless She’s Looking For It.”
RaroaRaroa 4 years ago
Oo. This writer does not like the look of pregnant women, so has decided that women must hate it - you know, because he hates it and they surely all want to appeal to him because he's so awesome.
#5
Well Damn, Where Are All My Kids Then??
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Oh someone needs to tell this person men also get stretch marks and they are not ll from having kids. weightloss or gain does it too
#6
Let's Not Forget This Gem Either
Stephanie Did It 4 years ago (edited)
Just imagine the reverse: "every hair in my beard becoming a tiny penis"
Women Written by Men: What Does Vondriska Say?
“I’m an avid reader, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a novel my boyfriend lent me, where the female character was described by her breasts, and the male character was described by his personality.”
“Working in advertising, I tend to be Very Online, so taking my anger to Twitter seemed like a natural parallel. I was familiar with the Men Writing Women subreddit, but created a Twitter account in order to craft a consistent narrative and to build a community that wasn’t hidden behind anonymity,” Vondriska revealed what inspired her to create ‘Men Write Women.’
Vondriska, from Wisconsin, devours 3 to 5 books each week. (Meanwhile, our piles of started-but-unfinished books keep on growing.) According to her, a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the “founders of the literary canon” are continuous offenders. “John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive,” Vondriska said.
#7
Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]
#8
This Made My Breasts Frown
#9
That's Not How Any Of This Works
Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago
Oh dear, this guy just revealed himself to be a very very confused virgin.
Male Authors Writing About Women Actually Well
However, it isn't all doom and gloom in the literary world. There are male writers who can write women well, too. “Terry Pratchett is wonderful, and I’ve yet to see a submission from Michael Crichton,” Vondriska shared that she, like many of us, is a Pratchett fan. Vondriska also pointed out that, in her opinion, the best writers are well-read. So, she encouraged all of us to read more and (most importantly) read more widely.
“Pay attention to what you’re reading and who you’re reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn't made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, or authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school doesn't mean it’s good!”
#10
Unsurprisingly, The Book's Terrible Writing From A "Proclaimed" Writer Does Not End Here (The Wedding Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides)
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Boobs are testicles. They don't "withdraw" because there is muscle and a rib cage underneath and they are just mounds of fat and milk producing tissue. I feel like so many people here did not pay attention in health class. How can they be so clueless about the female body?
#11
Male Authors Writing Women Are Actually Just Horror Stories And Here's Why
#12
Ah Yes, Exactly How I'd Describe Myself (The Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson)
What is the Female Gaze Theory?
The female gaze theory refers to the female point of view in the story that focuses on the realistic depiction of the characters rather than objectifying their bodies. Usually, when netizens say, “written by a woman,” they are talking about this realistic female gaze that gives depth to the character rather than their physical appearance.
#13
I'm Sorry, Her Breasts Do What
#14
She's Eleven And Scared But Let's Talk About Her Nipples
#15
This Whole Book Has Both My Eyes And My Boobs Rolling
#16
Be Horrified With The Rest Of Us
Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago
Men like Conde should not be surprised that sexy women love other women, and he really should try to help that male chauvinism.
Neva Nevičica 4 years ago
Believe me, nobody loves Conde, just like Nursultan Tulyakbay.
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Annemarie Mattheyse 4 years ago
How did this ever get past a publisher? Besides the objectionable sentiments, it's just plain bad writing.
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
Ephemeral ethnicity? I don't think he knows what ephemeral means.
Zinti 4 years ago
Right, it only lasts a short time. Just long enough to make us all cringe while he's trying to describe 'missile boobs' 😂
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Nala 9401 4 years ago
homophobia, sexism, objectification, and a little sprinkle of racism to top it all off... what more could one ask for in a book?
Simone Olivier 4 years ago
Men like Conde are (in part) what make women love women. Because, the alternative.
Caitlin Dumke 4 years ago
Imagine a guy having so few brain cells that he genuinely thinks his male chauvinism "can't be helped"
Pamela Scott 3 years ago
Men like Conde are evolutionary throw backs. Hate to think what kind of evolutionary throw back actually thought this was good writing.
Bianca Du Toit 3 years ago
Women love other women because of fucktard chauvinistic protagonists like this.
Lisa Tetlow 4 years ago
Who wouldn't want to kiss those fattened merely by the nature of ephemeral ethnic mixtures lips?
Daniel Åsbjørnsson 3 months ago
Why is he describing her like she is Iraq and he's the US wanting to invade?
Nancy Doggett 3 months ago
He was threatened by small breasts? No wonder the woman loved other women lol
strawberry idiot 2 years ago
"a few drops of coffee in milk"?? bestie is looking like a vampire over here-
BananaAnna 3 years ago
Ephemeral: lasting one day or a short time. Breasts pointing at the sky? What a strange specter she must seem. Run, fool, run.
Leslie K Von Dell 4 years ago
I'm not sure I understand what he is saying, were her breasts armed? What was the caliber of the pistols they were carrying? Or did they have knives instead? I'm just so confused..
Stina Kolling 4 years ago
threatened by boobs pointing skyward??? honestly the thought of my boobs just yoinked up "skyward" is making 'em hurt.
Lunar Owo Potato 4 years ago
If she likes the same sex let her whats wrong with it i like the same sex as myself so what?
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
Imo, loving the same gender, even to the exclusion of other genders, is not an evolutionary waste, whether you're male female etc. I get what the author is attempting but we don't exist purely to make babies, but even so sometimes "variety" does help put one in the mood.
Colleen Hindson 4 years ago
Men like this are really not worth our time. They are shallow and empty.
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
I. just. can't... these are too ridiculous - and surface to air missiles is a distinctly penile reference.
Elizabeth Guiles 4 years ago
Wow. quite a description. Breasts don't actually grow like that. Also, too bad this author is SUCH a bigot toward lgbtq
WildBerry 4 years ago
In a very young woman, it's possible for the nipples to be 'on top'. Ask a doctor or any clinician who does physicals on women.
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Catherine Bartholome 4 years ago
Hope this is a comedy! Breasts like surface to air missiles?? And, chauvinism is not a good thing, man!!
Friedlander Rosenzweig 4 years ago
Pulitzer Prize in this man’s future. He’ll be buying it off eBay, but he’ll have it.
Ivy Ruonakoski 4 years ago
I have never in my life seen breasts that are pointing UP. Nipples maybe, but not boobs.
Georgia Namdets 4 years ago
Neat trick... I wonder how she got her small breasts to point skyward? Just can’t quite figure out the physics of it.
Cybele Spanjaard 4 years ago
Ooooo verbosity personified...did he miss any descriptive words for her looks and his ego?
François Carré 4 years ago
"...Is that what it takes to impress a bloke Whose brain is made up of promises of curvy size zeros And anti-gravity tits?" The Commandments of I, Saffiyah Khan
Niki Norway 3 years ago
I feel really bad for some guys... "This monsterous-she beast-alien is going to kill me with her cold razor sharp nipples then eat me whole with the black vortex off doom between her tempered hips"!
#17
Breasts Totally Get Scared
#18
The Count Of Monte Cristo- 1884
#19
Plz Put This On My Tombstone #submission (The Dogs, Scott Smith)
#20
*me To My Friend* Excuse Me, May I Please Borrow Your Eyeballs?
#21
She Was Flesh And Blood, Not The 2D Woman He Was Used To Objectifying On Television, And For That She Was All The More Special (A Time On Earth, Vihelm Moberg)
#22
Literally No Woman Would Ever Do This (Misterioso, Arne Dahl)
Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago
In the first place this whole soaking thing sounds like a dishcloth, this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the second place, pads stick to underwear, in my experience you don't just "fish them out", this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the third place, of course the only possible rational reason why a woman would refuse sex is because she's on her period!, this guy is obviously an effing asshole.
#23
Only Sluts Have Hairy Legs (The Things They Carried, Tim O'brien)
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
dry sounds like she just needs to use more lotion. dry skin is horribly itchy
#24
Thank God For The Bikini Wax.
#25
Wish I Had Pillowy Breasts! Taken From Ben Fountain’s Brief Encounters With Che Guevara
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I'm more concerned by the fact he seems to routinely check out boys' butts and uses that as the benchmark of sexy.
#26
The Rest Reads “Dad Is Looking Like He Made A Better Decision Every Year”. What?!?
#27
This Is A Totally Anatomically Normal Thing For Breasts To Do #submission (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, Philip Dick)
Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago
These male authors are making my breasts pulse with resentment. They're really pissed off.
#28
#menwritingwomen No Wonder Some Of Them Think Our Breasts Stop Us From Doing Stuff If They Think We’re As Obsessed As They Are. We Can’t Get Away From Them. Oh Must Do This Important Thing But Wait!
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Well this seems to reinforce every ugly stereotype of men being sex crazed horndogs
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What do you think ?
Miss Milinky 4 years ago
I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
Ms.GB 4 years ago
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
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Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
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Maeve O’Loughlin 4 years ago
Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
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Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)
I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.
Nomadus Aureus 4 years ago
Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.
Cori 4 years ago
I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.
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blugeagua 4 years ago
What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!
Bubbs Art 4 years ago
I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo
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Sara Rodrigues 4 years ago (edited)
How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...
rainforest 4 years ago
I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD
Monika Soffronow 4 years ago (edited)
I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.
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Charlotte 4 years ago
These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!
Michael Se 4 years ago
And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!
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Jo Choto 4 years ago
I usually come to BP for the feel-goods. Today I'm feeling really angry. So today I'm going to focus on describing the protagonist in my novel in ways that won't make people want to claw their eyes and brains out.
Channon Doughty 4 years ago
The first example you use is not an invention of Min Jin Lee. Rather it is a very clever reference to long-held, oft told rumor that a particular champagne glass was molded from Marie Antionette's breast. If you've ever seen anything set in the early 1900's, they were probably drinking champagne or cocktails from one of those glasses. It's hysterical, but most likely untrue. Champagne-...f4cf5a.jpg 
Glory The Rainwing 3 years ago (edited)
They also think boobs are: (______😡______) (______😡_____)
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Kevin Hickey 4 years ago
I loved Stephen King as a teenager, and I still do. But re-reading him as an adult is pretty cringey. Every single female character is described anatomically.
WildBerry 4 years ago
Agreed. I can't re-read his old stuff and his new stuff is far too wordy. Looks like his son, the author Joe Hill, is a chip off the old block with the wordiness too.
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Zenozenobee 4 years ago
You know what? France is on lockdown again, l needed a good laugh, this trend overkilled it for me. Thank you so much for the laugh
ispeak catanese 4 years ago
The comments on this post certainly improved the idiotic excerpts!
Marilyn Bojanowski 4 years ago
This makes my breasts laugh with toothy smiles, the left slightly more expressive than the other as my cleavage juts out in disgust. They talk amongst themselves in my bra, wondering if we should educate men. My right insists that the men of the world become competent, while the left argues that we wouldn't have as much reason to laugh at them. With which of my intelligent breasts do you agree?
Kelley Baltierra 4 years ago
I have to wonder if there's an equally bad women writing men ... I mean really, why should it be so one sided?
Alex_cat lover 3 years ago
There is some woman but some men think think that they are the dominant gender so usaly it’s men
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*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 4 years ago
Reading through this post was just... PAINFULLY hilarious
EchoRise 3 years ago
Why is it that I’m offended. I’m not like anything these idiots are writing about. I am in middle/high school and my breasts started developing in 3rd grade. Yet I seem to be offended. Most likely because I just kinda feel like men don’t pay attention to us and just our body. Like they see us as objects. I took a genius class. It was about the feminine and male genius and it wad incredibly enlightening. Women are supposed to protect the man’s heart and men are supposed to protect the woman. You should take one of those classes. It’s actually really helpful.
Tulasidharan V I 3 years ago
Even as a man I cringed at the utter ridiculous paragraphs,who writes such books??
Diane Aguilar 4 years ago
FYI, Michael Crichton studied to be a medical doctor but never actually practiced, just leapt into writing as a career. Which probably explains why he was able to get biological details about women so perfectly, and why I really wish he were still around to publish more novels. RIP.
Idk Katniss Potter 4 years ago
I hate how women are stereotyped like this and are a sexual object for men to observe.
Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago
This is as hilarious as it is horrific. We need the same thread for female authors talking about men. Romance novels are just as f'n ludicrous XD
Dorothy Cloud 4 years ago
I read the first 4 or 5. And as a female, I am just so offended. Are the male writers unmarried, virgins that they really know so little about women. And as I noted above, where are the proof readers? They must also be in the same category.!!
Fred and George Weasley 4 years ago
what the actual hell is wrong with men? why do they even WRITE this into their books?
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago
James Patterson's "Murder Club" reads like he's never known any women in his life. Um, women who have been friends for over 20 years DO NOT have such stilted and formal conversations. And even though my best friend prefers to be called "Patricia", when we're alone she's "Pats".
Becky Eimer 4 years ago
I had to ask myself how did some of these get past the publishers? Getting past that some of these may be self-published - these examples seem to show males in the publishing/editing profession(s) also barely know anything about women...
I zzi 4 years ago
Why on earth are theses thing published or not edited out. How I understand why Men know NOTHING about women....they only listen to over men
Stephanie L Thesing 9 months ago
Many years ago when I was a pre-teen, I snuck away with a couple of my mom’s dirty novels. One described a woman having her period as the blood pouring down her legs and having to soak it all up with several of her boyfriend’s t-shirts. Even at my young age I knew that was a bit much, unless the author planned on her visiting the emergency room for hemorrhaging.
Flo 4132 1 year ago
Guys, please write this down: breasts are not sentient in any way. They do not react to events or emotions. They grow the way they grow and then they stay that way. They might grow a little more during pregnancy and sag a little while ageing, but otherwise, they do nothing, I repeat, nothing. Also, nipples do not get hard when the woman is sexually aroused like your penis does.
Jared West 3 years ago
Males support feminists, you know (not the ones that hate on men like the idiots in the comments, the ones that preach equality to males and females). I feel like this article wont start good feminism, it will start bad feminism. Oh, wait, it already has..
Linda Ostreicher 3 years ago
My favorite thing like this is a movie, not a book. Blade Runner 2049. Must have been written by 10-year-old boys who think a robot could be built that accidentally had the ability to give birth. Like, there is nothing special inside women that makes this happen. Meanwhile, the outsides of women's bodies are everywhere in 50-foot-high holograms.
Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
She was tall, curvy, with wide, sumptuous thighs and tiny ankles. Her long, flowing hair, the color of a summer day, cascaded over her breasts. She was dandelion fluff, a raw sexual force, leaving nothing behind but the faint taste of chocolate on your lips. And damn, was she good with a knife. As I looked up at her, the knife in my chest, she flipped me off as only the most beautiful of women could.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
I think in some cases, the authors are trying to make their male characters come off as sexist, breast-obsessed, creepy, etc. "Breasts walked by ... he didn't even look at her face." Don't hate the writers; hate the men they describe.
Hazel Cornell 3 years ago (edited)
Sometimes, I think the best thing that could happen to the human race would be some kind of additive to the water that would drop the male sex drive by about 9/10. Then, maybe most of them could finally relate to women as something other than a pair of legs, a pair of tits, or a hole they want to stuff something into.
just your average introvert 3 years ago
i wish my breasts would be more like theirs and stop being breasts that don't move :-(
MALEC GWITTER🤩 3 years ago
😤😑By the Angel, thank Raziel THATS over. A couple of them, I had to go back and just stare at them for a little while to figure out what the HELL is going on. But most of them, I just stared off into the distance trying to figure out how they are so stupid! I hope these men don't describe real women like that. Or HAVE wives for that matter! I would NOT want to be married to an idiot like that! Hmph....sorry for my outburst. I am very passionate on writing and will try to not write at all like them. Dear Raziel they need help🥲
William Secoske 3 years ago
Im 12 and a boy and I know more about women than all of these people combined
CatWoman312 4 years ago (edited)
I’m assuming in most of these books are the product of incels who wrote this while living in their mom’s basement
Liz Sahlin 4 years ago
I am just totally stunned by the fact that no one have reacted before this sh-t went to print!!! Surely there must have been a proofreader, a publisher, a FRIEND, for haven sake, that could have said "Hey mate, I really don´t think it´s such good idea to write that that way..."
Jennifer Fredericksen 4 years ago
#19 is 9 perfect strangers by Liane Moriarty. She’s a woman, not sure why her book was included in this list.
Elizabeth Gardner 4 years ago
Good god I write and I can a describe a woman's body but these blokes have they got it so wrong I am so glad we do not fit their idea of women with BREASTS. I am never aware of my breasts unless showering or dressing and getting them to sit just right in my bra.
Alex_cat lover 3 years ago
F**k off lyone they are just trying to say that they are annoyed
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Latifa Shabnaz 4 years ago
seriously though looking at book writing for proof or disproof or an understanding of the female body, isnt is as stupid as looking at a scifi film for an understanding of the working of quantum mechanics.
Looloo 4 years ago
Lots of people. That's why Stephen King is an extremely rich and successful author maybe?
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TheDemonUnderYourBed 4 years ago
Damn, these men must be lonely enough that they feel the need to say this
Ottmar Straub 4 years ago
I guess that that is not "correct" but I need to say that too many women are not more intelligent. It is a tragedy that most of humans are conditioned so poorly.
Caroline Driver 4 years ago
Apart from the few named examples, most of these are crappy slash fic, self published. Just because you can get a book printed for you, doesn't make you an author
Stan Schmidt 3 years ago
If you wanted to make a point, you could have at least used examples that didn't completely miss it. Most of them aren't even on topic, the few ones that are are all clearly not the authors thoughts, so what's the point of this article?
IVAN KRAWEC 3 years ago
The writer needs to educate herself. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris. If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris — triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue,” Dr. O’Connell explained in an interview with the BBC in 2006. The clitoris has three major components: the glans clitoris, which is the only visible part of the organ, accounting for “a fifth or less” of the entire structurethe two crura, which extend, like brackets, down from the glans clitoris and deep into the tissue of the vulva, on either sidethe two bulbs of the vestibule, which extend either side of the vaginal orifice (not all researchers agree that the vestibular bulbs have a relation to the clitoris, however; researchers Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo, for instance, argue that the clitoris consists “of the glans, body, and crura” only) In its entirety, the clitoris may reach as many as 7 centimeters in length, if not longer, and the glans makes up about 4c
Teucer T 3 years ago
I could understand a lot of these comments when we're talking about male authors attempting to write from a woman's perspective, just like female authors completely failing while trying to write from a male's perspective... But most of these are the perspective of characters that are flawed or downright warped as part of the plotline... And then there's the complaints of "The Count of Monte Cristo" referring to 36 as "old." The book was published in 1844 when almost every woman was married by the age of 25. 36 would have been considered old for a woman to be unmarried.
Richard Henderson 4 years ago
It’s like no one has heard of metaphor or “the characters point of view”.
Banjo Peppers 4 years ago
I’m sure a lot of these examples are supposed to be funny, or that in context the CHARACTER is supposed to be gross rather than the author.
John Baker 4 years ago
To be fair (and at the risk of incurring the wrath of the BP downvote trolls), most female authors don't do a much better job of writing male characters. They tend to focus more on alleged male personality traits than anatomy, but they're often just as clueless as the guys who apparently think breasts are sentient beings. ;-)
Star 3 years ago
Good point, but it’s less of a problem then young girls and women alike being oversexualized.
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Arenite 4 years ago
These writers need to be named and shamed. Laugh in their faces and tell them what lousy writers they are.
Looloo 4 years ago
Yeah, Stephen King's awful isn't he? Hope that guy never makes it big! 😂
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shado 4 years ago
I always have to chuckle reading about articles that upset women so much for the way they are viewed by many ... I mean guys aren't popping ping-pong balls out of their privates for tips, or waving their junk around in hope that someone will buy them a drink ... ladies, just remember: your own kind most often give you all a bad rep for you actions, activities and just the simple things women take for granted (and NO, I am NOT saying ALL, but definitely a good portion of the female gender) ... so just think on this for a bit before getting your panties in such a bunch over so little ~ 'much ado about nothing'
fogharty 4 years ago (edited)
The Firm by John Grisham: “She was beautiful, much more so than when they were married. At twenty-four she looked her age, but the years were becoming very generous.” She’s practically decrepit!
blugeagua 4 years ago
No. Most of these are clearly just written by men with weird ideas about women's bodies. The obsession with breasts is just too weird.
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blugeagua 4 years ago
Most of these were still written by men who make horrible and misogynist depictions of women. And the romance ones by women, at least they still humanize the men. The ones about women never are.
Load More Replies... Miss Milinky 4 years ago
I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
Ms.GB 4 years ago
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
Load More Replies... Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
Load More Replies... Maeve O’Loughlin 4 years ago
Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)
I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.
Nomadus Aureus 4 years ago
Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.
Cori 4 years ago
I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.
Load More Replies... blugeagua 4 years ago
What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!
Bubbs Art 4 years ago
I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo
Load More Replies... Sara Rodrigues 4 years ago (edited)
How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...
rainforest 4 years ago
I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD
Monika Soffronow 4 years ago (edited)
I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.
Load More Replies... Charlotte 4 years ago
These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!
Michael Se 4 years ago
And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 4 years ago
I usually come to BP for the feel-goods. Today I'm feeling really angry. So today I'm going to focus on describing the protagonist in my novel in ways that won't make people want to claw their eyes and brains out.
Channon Doughty 4 years ago
The first example you use is not an invention of Min Jin Lee. Rather it is a very clever reference to long-held, oft told rumor that a particular champagne glass was molded from Marie Antionette's breast. If you've ever seen anything set in the early 1900's, they were probably drinking champagne or cocktails from one of those glasses. It's hysterical, but most likely untrue. Champagne-...f4cf5a.jpg
Glory The Rainwing 3 years ago (edited)
They also think boobs are: (______😡______) (______😡_____)
Load More Replies... Kevin Hickey 4 years ago
I loved Stephen King as a teenager, and I still do. But re-reading him as an adult is pretty cringey. Every single female character is described anatomically.
WildBerry 4 years ago
Agreed. I can't re-read his old stuff and his new stuff is far too wordy. Looks like his son, the author Joe Hill, is a chip off the old block with the wordiness too.
Load More Replies... Zenozenobee 4 years ago
You know what? France is on lockdown again, l needed a good laugh, this trend overkilled it for me. Thank you so much for the laugh
ispeak catanese 4 years ago
The comments on this post certainly improved the idiotic excerpts!
Marilyn Bojanowski 4 years ago
This makes my breasts laugh with toothy smiles, the left slightly more expressive than the other as my cleavage juts out in disgust. They talk amongst themselves in my bra, wondering if we should educate men. My right insists that the men of the world become competent, while the left argues that we wouldn't have as much reason to laugh at them. With which of my intelligent breasts do you agree?
Kelley Baltierra 4 years ago
I have to wonder if there's an equally bad women writing men ... I mean really, why should it be so one sided?
Alex_cat lover 3 years ago
There is some woman but some men think think that they are the dominant gender so usaly it’s men
Load More Replies... *sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 4 years ago
Reading through this post was just... PAINFULLY hilarious
EchoRise 3 years ago
Why is it that I’m offended. I’m not like anything these idiots are writing about. I am in middle/high school and my breasts started developing in 3rd grade. Yet I seem to be offended. Most likely because I just kinda feel like men don’t pay attention to us and just our body. Like they see us as objects. I took a genius class. It was about the feminine and male genius and it wad incredibly enlightening. Women are supposed to protect the man’s heart and men are supposed to protect the woman. You should take one of those classes. It’s actually really helpful.
Tulasidharan V I 3 years ago
Even as a man I cringed at the utter ridiculous paragraphs,who writes such books??
Diane Aguilar 4 years ago
FYI, Michael Crichton studied to be a medical doctor but never actually practiced, just leapt into writing as a career. Which probably explains why he was able to get biological details about women so perfectly, and why I really wish he were still around to publish more novels. RIP.
Idk Katniss Potter 4 years ago
I hate how women are stereotyped like this and are a sexual object for men to observe.
Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago
This is as hilarious as it is horrific. We need the same thread for female authors talking about men. Romance novels are just as f'n ludicrous XD
Dorothy Cloud 4 years ago
I read the first 4 or 5. And as a female, I am just so offended. Are the male writers unmarried, virgins that they really know so little about women. And as I noted above, where are the proof readers? They must also be in the same category.!!
Fred and George Weasley 4 years ago
what the actual hell is wrong with men? why do they even WRITE this into their books?
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago
James Patterson's "Murder Club" reads like he's never known any women in his life. Um, women who have been friends for over 20 years DO NOT have such stilted and formal conversations. And even though my best friend prefers to be called "Patricia", when we're alone she's "Pats".
Becky Eimer 4 years ago
I had to ask myself how did some of these get past the publishers? Getting past that some of these may be self-published - these examples seem to show males in the publishing/editing profession(s) also barely know anything about women...
I zzi 4 years ago
Why on earth are theses thing published or not edited out. How I understand why Men know NOTHING about women....they only listen to over men
Stephanie L Thesing 9 months ago
Many years ago when I was a pre-teen, I snuck away with a couple of my mom’s dirty novels. One described a woman having her period as the blood pouring down her legs and having to soak it all up with several of her boyfriend’s t-shirts. Even at my young age I knew that was a bit much, unless the author planned on her visiting the emergency room for hemorrhaging.
Flo 4132 1 year ago
Guys, please write this down: breasts are not sentient in any way. They do not react to events or emotions. They grow the way they grow and then they stay that way. They might grow a little more during pregnancy and sag a little while ageing, but otherwise, they do nothing, I repeat, nothing. Also, nipples do not get hard when the woman is sexually aroused like your penis does.
Jared West 3 years ago
Males support feminists, you know (not the ones that hate on men like the idiots in the comments, the ones that preach equality to males and females). I feel like this article wont start good feminism, it will start bad feminism. Oh, wait, it already has..
Linda Ostreicher 3 years ago
My favorite thing like this is a movie, not a book. Blade Runner 2049. Must have been written by 10-year-old boys who think a robot could be built that accidentally had the ability to give birth. Like, there is nothing special inside women that makes this happen. Meanwhile, the outsides of women's bodies are everywhere in 50-foot-high holograms.
Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
She was tall, curvy, with wide, sumptuous thighs and tiny ankles. Her long, flowing hair, the color of a summer day, cascaded over her breasts. She was dandelion fluff, a raw sexual force, leaving nothing behind but the faint taste of chocolate on your lips. And damn, was she good with a knife. As I looked up at her, the knife in my chest, she flipped me off as only the most beautiful of women could.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
I think in some cases, the authors are trying to make their male characters come off as sexist, breast-obsessed, creepy, etc. "Breasts walked by ... he didn't even look at her face." Don't hate the writers; hate the men they describe.
Hazel Cornell 3 years ago (edited)
Sometimes, I think the best thing that could happen to the human race would be some kind of additive to the water that would drop the male sex drive by about 9/10. Then, maybe most of them could finally relate to women as something other than a pair of legs, a pair of tits, or a hole they want to stuff something into.
just your average introvert 3 years ago
i wish my breasts would be more like theirs and stop being breasts that don't move :-(
MALEC GWITTER🤩 3 years ago
😤😑By the Angel, thank Raziel THATS over. A couple of them, I had to go back and just stare at them for a little while to figure out what the HELL is going on. But most of them, I just stared off into the distance trying to figure out how they are so stupid! I hope these men don't describe real women like that. Or HAVE wives for that matter! I would NOT want to be married to an idiot like that! Hmph....sorry for my outburst. I am very passionate on writing and will try to not write at all like them. Dear Raziel they need help🥲
William Secoske 3 years ago
Im 12 and a boy and I know more about women than all of these people combined
CatWoman312 4 years ago (edited)
I’m assuming in most of these books are the product of incels who wrote this while living in their mom’s basement
Liz Sahlin 4 years ago
I am just totally stunned by the fact that no one have reacted before this sh-t went to print!!! Surely there must have been a proofreader, a publisher, a FRIEND, for haven sake, that could have said "Hey mate, I really don´t think it´s such good idea to write that that way..."
Jennifer Fredericksen 4 years ago
#19 is 9 perfect strangers by Liane Moriarty. She’s a woman, not sure why her book was included in this list.
Elizabeth Gardner 4 years ago
Good god I write and I can a describe a woman's body but these blokes have they got it so wrong I am so glad we do not fit their idea of women with BREASTS. I am never aware of my breasts unless showering or dressing and getting them to sit just right in my bra.
Alex_cat lover 3 years ago
F**k off lyone they are just trying to say that they are annoyed
Load More Replies... Latifa Shabnaz 4 years ago
seriously though looking at book writing for proof or disproof or an understanding of the female body, isnt is as stupid as looking at a scifi film for an understanding of the working of quantum mechanics.
Looloo 4 years ago
Lots of people. That's why Stephen King is an extremely rich and successful author maybe?
Load More Replies... TheDemonUnderYourBed 4 years ago
Damn, these men must be lonely enough that they feel the need to say this
Ottmar Straub 4 years ago
I guess that that is not "correct" but I need to say that too many women are not more intelligent. It is a tragedy that most of humans are conditioned so poorly.
Caroline Driver 4 years ago
Apart from the few named examples, most of these are crappy slash fic, self published. Just because you can get a book printed for you, doesn't make you an author
Stan Schmidt 3 years ago
If you wanted to make a point, you could have at least used examples that didn't completely miss it. Most of them aren't even on topic, the few ones that are are all clearly not the authors thoughts, so what's the point of this article?
IVAN KRAWEC 3 years ago
The writer needs to educate herself. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris. If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris — triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue,” Dr. O’Connell explained in an interview with the BBC in 2006. The clitoris has three major components: the glans clitoris, which is the only visible part of the organ, accounting for “a fifth or less” of the entire structurethe two crura, which extend, like brackets, down from the glans clitoris and deep into the tissue of the vulva, on either sidethe two bulbs of the vestibule, which extend either side of the vaginal orifice (not all researchers agree that the vestibular bulbs have a relation to the clitoris, however; researchers Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo, for instance, argue that the clitoris consists “of the glans, body, and crura” only) In its entirety, the clitoris may reach as many as 7 centimeters in length, if not longer, and the glans makes up about 4c
Teucer T 3 years ago
I could understand a lot of these comments when we're talking about male authors attempting to write from a woman's perspective, just like female authors completely failing while trying to write from a male's perspective... But most of these are the perspective of characters that are flawed or downright warped as part of the plotline... And then there's the complaints of "The Count of Monte Cristo" referring to 36 as "old." The book was published in 1844 when almost every woman was married by the age of 25. 36 would have been considered old for a woman to be unmarried.
Richard Henderson 4 years ago
It’s like no one has heard of metaphor or “the characters point of view”.
Banjo Peppers 4 years ago
I’m sure a lot of these examples are supposed to be funny, or that in context the CHARACTER is supposed to be gross rather than the author.
John Baker 4 years ago
To be fair (and at the risk of incurring the wrath of the BP downvote trolls), most female authors don't do a much better job of writing male characters. They tend to focus more on alleged male personality traits than anatomy, but they're often just as clueless as the guys who apparently think breasts are sentient beings. ;-)
Star 3 years ago
Good point, but it’s less of a problem then young girls and women alike being oversexualized.
Load More Replies... Arenite 4 years ago
These writers need to be named and shamed. Laugh in their faces and tell them what lousy writers they are.
Looloo 4 years ago
Yeah, Stephen King's awful isn't he? Hope that guy never makes it big! 😂
Load More Replies... shado 4 years ago
I always have to chuckle reading about articles that upset women so much for the way they are viewed by many ... I mean guys aren't popping ping-pong balls out of their privates for tips, or waving their junk around in hope that someone will buy them a drink ... ladies, just remember: your own kind most often give you all a bad rep for you actions, activities and just the simple things women take for granted (and NO, I am NOT saying ALL, but definitely a good portion of the female gender) ... so just think on this for a bit before getting your panties in such a bunch over so little ~ 'much ado about nothing'
fogharty 4 years ago (edited)
The Firm by John Grisham: “She was beautiful, much more so than when they were married. At twenty-four she looked her age, but the years were becoming very generous.” She’s practically decrepit!
blugeagua 4 years ago
No. Most of these are clearly just written by men with weird ideas about women's bodies. The obsession with breasts is just too weird.
Load More Replies... blugeagua 4 years ago
Most of these were still written by men who make horrible and misogynist depictions of women. And the romance ones by women, at least they still humanize the men. The ones about women never are.
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