This. This is what he did. For 30 years. I realised too late but I know now.

ooooh this makes so much sense, my ex had the shortest fuse, ANY issue and he would scream the house down.

They'll blame it on you being "too sensitive."

My mother (47) never cooks for me (12) and my brother (14)

"Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about"

I love my mother but every time I tried to talk about my upbringing and how some aspects of it negatively affected me as an adult , she’d say “that never happened/you ate making it up/I remember it differently/ you have no idea how hard was for ME/ it’s because my mother never wanted me “

Took me until the age of 35 to realize this was my mom. It was so freeing afterwards. I was able to finally be who I wanted to be. Happy I'm in such a good place now, but pissed about how many years I felt like an ex-husband to my mom. No contact now....obviously.

My MIL always tried to convince me food was gluten free. "These are soy bagels, honey." Yeah if they made gf soy bagels that looked that good I'd know about it, Barb.

You ask your husband to pick up the kid from daycare. Your husband says he doesn't know how to because he's never done it before and it would just be easier if you did it....the "incompetence" conveniently excuses him from doing the work that you do all the time. Either via the suggestion of someone else doing the task OR sometimes the old acceptance of the task but requiring present, constant hand holding all the while emphasizing how difficult it is and making the process so painful that it's never asked of them again.

So most parents today who keep their kids locked up at home and never allow them to go anywhere alone.

That's torture

This is tricky because doing chores isn't parentification. My job as a parent is not to babysit my child and do everything for them, while they go play with toys and "be a kid". Rather, it's to teach my child how to be a fully functioning human being so he's not drop-kicked out into the world at 18 not knowing basic life skills like laundry, cooking, mending, cleaning, shopping for necessities, voting, and giving at least a hint of a thought about tending to another living creature's needs. I was cooking and doing laundry and changing my sibling's diapers when I was eight. The difference was that I was not the primary doer of those things, so no one absolutely depended on my doing them (well... I was dependent on doing my own laundry). Parentification isn't in the chores you're tasked with; it's in the level of responsibility instilled in those chores.

Honey throw the whole man out

I almost ended my life when I genuinely believed I had no one to turn to and no where to go

My father was always so proud that he never laid a hand on us (that should be the bare minimum), but he went into rages and caused property damage that scared the hell out of us

PET'S??????????

Wtf that sounds like some compulsive disorder.

Hubs mother would constantly throw out things like clothes he'd purchased with his own money, sentimental items he had carefully saved and put away, and collectors items. Because it was "garbage" to her. But her house is a nightmare hoarders space.

My mom has threatened that if the drawers in my sister’s room are messy, she’ll throw everything out.

Whoa, pets?! It's bad enough they did that with all that other stuff, but pets?! If I were OP, I would do everything in my power to make her mom's and sister's life a living hell from then onward. Ruining their most treasured possessions would be a good start.

I would have burned their entire house down, I'm not joking. I get very attached to things.

+ without their knowing and lie about it. This is the worst ever, if you find out that your parent/sibling took away something that you are searching for ages and don't find them, and you find them hidden from you (in the better case).

My mom's mom did this to her throughout her whole childhood and she is still scarred by it, at 63 years old, and ny grandmother died years ago. Every time they moved, she just made them leave almost everything behind.

My mother-in-law did this, and many other cruel things. Time has led us all to believe that she was schizo and bi-polar(undiagnosed), and just plain mean. Had six kids, all of which hated her. Funny story: at Xmas once after the mom passed, the daughters were swapping horror stories about her. I remarked that none of them ever had any nice or fun stories to tell about their mom, and one sister snapped "there's a reason for that!"

An acquaintance threw away things his wife ‘didn’t need’ according to him. Of course his goods were treasures. He really wanted to be close friends, thought our wives got along and could talk about nothing while we did ‘important man things’. The last straw was when he suggested swapping wives! I flat out said no and for several reasons like I wasn’t interested and I knew my wife would be repulsed at the idea. I didn’t tell him I already knew what my wife would say about it. His take? ‘Do what I do, tell her you want this, she’ll do it’. Bold? Outrageous was more like it! I second was I found his presence to be so negative I had to get him out of my life. Soon after my beloved mentioned why I don’t have him over anymore, I already was aware of her not caring for him. I went into detail.

This is theft!

absolutely, my parents would do this, as a punishment they would take everything out of my room or sell/throw away stuff. regardless of if it was something they had provided or something I bought with my own money. and over literally anything, they did this once because I locked my door to have a little privacy but I wasn't allowed to lock my door

As the youngest of five I was routinely abused. I made sure it didn’t happen with my kids.

You can't have light without dark. Why are the positive people seen as better?

Amen

Him:I have stopped drinking and took anger management classes.What have you done to improve yourself? I know there are things i could improve. But being constant reminded of every little failure ? I cant figure out the real issues.

This was my entire life. There was always an explicit threat of "or else"; it was *unimaginably* stressful, and I 100% blame the fact that I have an anxiety disorder on that.

My father didn't even pretend to hide his favoritism; he could, in the same breath, tell my sister he'd support her goals however he could, and then turn to me and tell me that my dreams were stupid and that I'd receive no help.

Hate that parents let kids get away with it.

NiceGuys do this all the time. “I’m just concerned about your mental health. How are you doing?” Then proceed to harass you mercilessly

Or using your diagnosis (or more likely self diagnosis) as an excuse to be an AH.

My mom out me on diet pills!

Thank goodness I grew up without internet

It's good to understand your emotions too and not just give into them either...if they are toxic especially. Not using them to manipulate others or as an excuse for not respecting others feelings too. Like, "you just have to accept and take my moods because it's who I am and I'm allowed to feel this way" and then not working towards ways to better yourself or your relationships.

Driving recklessly, period. They think they're the only ones who will get hurt if they crash but no, there are other people in the other cars, you're not the main character of a racing video game.