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Someone Asked “How Did You Lose Your Best Friend?” And 56 People Spilled The Tea
Love makes the world go round. And friendships make life more bearable and fun. Research shows that stable, healthy friendships are beneficial to our well-being and can even help us to live longer, healthier lives. Many of us would love for our friendships to last forever. But unfortunately, that's not always possible.
Best friends part for many reasons. Sometimes they drift apart, other times they cut ties after an argument, or one does something totally unforgivable. If you've ever lost a bestie, you might know the heartbreak can be similar to that of losing a lover. When someone went online and asked "how did you lose your best friend?", they were inundated with answers. From "blurred lines", to infidelity, to disability, Bored Panda has gathered the most raw and honest responses.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
It was October 16, 2015. I was working from home that day when I saw a call from him at around 9:15am. I had to ignore the call because I was in an online meeting.
At 2pm my Dad calls my phone, which is unusual since he knows I'm working. I answer it.
He is speaking quietly and very calmly. He says, "Son, I love you very much. I have some terrible news. Jared passed away this morning." Jared's wife was calling me from his phone to say she found him dead.
I couldn't process what he was saying. I said, "That's not funny. Jared, his wife and me and my wife were supposed to meet up next weekend for dinner."
Jared had sleep apnea surgery that same week. He had taken a painkiller and benadryl together. It stopped his heart.
He died 2 days before his 40th birthday.
We were friends since grade school. We did everything together, he was my brother. He was the best man at my wedding earlier that year. I had just shared my son's heartbeat with him via a text message 2 days before. Jared was so excited to be his crazy uncle.
I miss him every single day.
RELATED:
#3
Depression. I pulled away from everyone because I didn't want to inflict myself on them.
ETA: Holy c**p, I'm so sorry so many of us are in the same boat. ☹
Here's to hoping there's a light at the end of this tunnel.
John Mosley 2 months ago
I lost nearly all of my friends this way. The depression lasted several years so I understand. I'm doing better now and I really appreciate the two guys who checked in on me while I was going through it. It seemed like when I was in it deeply and feeling worthless and like no one loved me one or the other would call. Life savers!
Regardless of the reason, losing a best friend can be devastating. That person was likely part of your life for a while. Someone you shared your innermost thoughts, fears and secrets with. You might have laughed and cried together. And suddenly, they're gone.
Therapists say the brain interprets loss as emotional trauma. There are physical symptoms that come with it. You might not want to eat. Your memory, sleep, and general brain function could be affected. The trauma could last months, or even years.
#5
I started using a wheelchair.
I learned the hard way that most friends just can't deal with that. Almost all of my friends today never knew me as a walking person.
#6
Best friend/room mate and I were watching quantum leap (episode "So help me God") when he suddenly jumped up and yelled "OH F**K"! He promptly collapsed and hit the floor. I tried to catch him before he bounced off the coffee table but ended up going down with him. Realized when doing CPR he was dead. Hypertropic cardiomyopathy, a birth defect, his heart exploded basically. He had strep for a couple weeks and was struggling with it, this ultimately is what caused his heart to give. When he left the apartment that morning to goto class I remember thinking "Geez he looks horrible, he might die..." Drank for a year solid after that.
Edit: Just realized it has been 16 years to the exact day. No wonder why I'm not sleeping...
Display_Name 2 months ago
I was born with a heart defect as well. Any illness/infection is 3x as bad as someone without a heart defect. I've almost unalived from a kidney infection. I went to sleep feeling fine and woke up in the middle of the night with a high grade fever. Another time a brown recluse bit my lower leg. The infection ran straight through me and added a boil the size of a golf ball several feet from the the actual puncture wound. The nurse said if I waited one more day then there would be no use in them lancing it because I wouldn't be alive.
There are various symptoms of grief that go with the loss of a bestie. You might experience confusion, anger, guilt, sadness, shock, denial and even physical pains before you find yourself accepting the situation. It's important to note that acceptance doesn't mean you no longer grieve the loss, or miss your friend. It means you've decided to move on with your life and cope.
#7
Not me but my son. Him and his high school sweetheart broke up after 4 years together and his best friend immediately swooped in on the girl. Kinda a gut punch after my son had leaned on the best friend in times of trouble with the girl. Turned out he was simply setting up his own hustle. Then to top it all off, the now former best friend and former girlfriend went to work on the rest of the friend group to ice out my son. Damn teens can be cruel as hell. He’s got a great attitude about the whole mess though, he says “those were high school friends, on to better things”.
#8
I noticed that he never came to my place to catch up. I stopped going over to his place to see how long until he noticed....
It's been 5 years now 🤷♂️.
AtMostAFabulist 2 months ago
Been there. I realized I would always make the plans to get together. We even went to the same community College for a while. I stopped making an effort and that was pretty much it. I got a letter from them like 5 + years later after i moved out of state, saying it would be a shame to end our long friendship. I steamed open the letter to read it, sealed it back up and wrote return to sender on the envelope.
#9
Car accident in 1988. Still call her Mum on birthdays, Mothers Day etc.
She was 5 days younger than me. We always said we'd do a double 21st. She only made it to 19
Miss you, Tracey.
“Prioritizing self-care, revisiting positive memories, and leaning on your support network can help you navigate this challenging period,” reads one therapy website. It's not unusual for friendships to end. Friends will come and go throughout our lives. But when a friend becomes like family, it's a different story altogether. So it goes without saying that some friendships will take longer to get over than others.
#10
I got tired of it being all about her all of the time. I couldn't tell her anything in my life good
or bad because she would make it about herself.
Lynn Donovan 2 months ago
The same happened to me. We spent all college years talking about anything but serious stuff. She was very childish and fixated on a lot of weird things but I indulged her, because she was younger than me. When I had a burnout, she made it all about herself somehow. The straw that broke the camel back: we were hanging out at my place and I received a call from my partner. His grandmother had just passed. I was distraught and told my friend. Her answer? "Oh my god, it's my fault !" She had this weird thing going where she thought somebody she knew would die every year during her birthday month. No, she never met my partner's grandmother but still, it was her fault and she made it all about her. I told her I was driving her home (she didn't drive) so I could be with my partner. I ghosted her after that. I keep thinking about her sometimes and realized that she may have been on the spectrum and I felt guilty but I never found the courage to reconnect.
#11
Eh he stole my idea and took the credit. A*****e didn't even admit it to me. He got hit by a bus tho, and I lost my bus driving licence.
#12
He k*lled himself. i often go and meet up with his little brother and we play with his toy cars. i think it takes my mind off it as much as his.
"After losing a friend, allow yourself to grieve as you would for a family member," adds the site. "While some may not view the loss of friendship as equivalent to more accepted forms of grief, your experience is valid. Permitting yourself time and space to heal is essential.”
#13
I moved out of our apartment when I got tired of his boyfriend doing nothing but play League of Legends all day long. I was the one paying for the internet and transferred it to my new apartment, and decided not to share the login information so they could use the crappy xfinity open internet, and apparently that's all it took. From that moment on I was the enemy.
I learned my lesson in just how little I was valued in that friendship.
#14
Codependency. I became basically obsessed with her and it just became too toxic. I had to cut it off because it was eating me up inside and she didn’t deserve how I was treating her.
#15
I realized that I’m always the first one reaching out.. I stopped messaging them to see if they’d notice or try to reach out to me.. well it’s been two years.
Upstaged75 2 months ago
This is literally the exact same thing that happened to me. We were best friends since 5th grade. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She lives far away but I know she visits her family for the holidays - in the same town where I live. One year she just didn't reach out when she was here. So I decided to see how long it would take if I didn't contact her first. It's been over 2 years now. I've stopped caring. There are other people in my life who actually want to be there.
Sometimes you might think you've healed and moved on, only to be triggered by something that breaks your heart all over again. Birthdays, holidays, or even places could cause sadness. You should try plan ahead for those circumstances if you can. So that you're better able to manage your emotions.
If you ever feel like you can't cope, it's best to seek professional help from a therapist. Have you ever gone through a bad break-up with a bestie? What did you do to help you cope? Let us know in the comments.
#16
His wife tried to sleep with me. I didn’t let it happen and I told him about it. They reconciled and had more kids, then it got weird whenever I was around so we drifted apart.
Cooking Panda 2 months ago
Having kids doesn't fix your relationship. If anything, they add to the burden
#17
Best friend is gay. Known him for about 35 years. Marries a woman who is a total religious psycho. She even lied to him for years about her age before they married. Always tells him what to do and he’s the type who can’t say no. She finds gay porn on his phone and makes him delete all social media, cut off ties to everyone he knows (outside of family), get STD tested, confess to their preacher and his parents, makes him get a new phone and puts tracking software on it.
I haven’t seen or heard from him in nearly a year and have no idea how to contact him. He should have never kept secrets from her, but he should have never married her in the first place. I wish there was something I could do.
#18
He stayed up all night putting finishing touches on a senior term paper in high school. The deadline for the paper was unforgiving and at least one person missed the deadline every year. Paper was worth 50% of the term grade. He was a smart guy, top 5 in a class of 500.
Anyway, he didn’t show up at school the next day. Around mid day they announced his death due to a traffic accident on his way to school.
I’m not sure he was my best friend though he was a very good friend, but I’m pretty sure I was his best friend. Good guy, lousy ending. RIP RC.
#19
Best friends since we were 12.
Best Man at my wedding when we were 28.
Day after the wedding he never spoke to me again.
No explanation. Calls and texts went unanswered.
He would avoid being at any social event I would be at, which was a few because we had the same circle of friends.
Tried for two years to keep that friendship alive.
#20
I’m a Leo. My freind saw a STUPID A*S ZODIAC TIKTOKER saying that Leo’s are the most dangerous to be freinds with. Bam. Gone. M.i.a.
#22
My ex wife. Even after we split we stayed close, co-parenting, helping each other out. She died 3.5 years ago. I could have made peace I think but after her death and our daughter was living with me full time I found out about how abusive my ex had been to her when I was around and it felt like losing her all over. Like I thought I knew who she was in the 13 years we'd had both together and separated, but it turns out I knew nothing. Now I'm just angry about it, like how dare you get to do this s**t and then leave me to clean up your mess. How dare you have peace when my daughter has nothing but struggles and therapy. I fele like we were robbed of the good person, the good mother I thought she was.
Ciaran McK 2 months ago
As hard as it seems its best to let that stuff go and concentrate fully on your daughter which it seems you are doing anyway. Best of luck to you both going forward
#23
He married a girl who was a psychology major and she used that major to manipulate and control him. When they had a kid she was threatening him daily to take their daughter and leave forever if he so much as texted his friends. Its been about four years now and I miss the guy, but the poor sap made his decisions and I constantly wonder how miserable he is.
#24
I was six months pregnant at the time and all I could think was "do I really have the bandwidth to take care of two babies?" I haven't spoken to her since
#25
Honestly, they just expected more out of me than I was capable of giving. Just blurred lines and unrealistic expectations.
Orwell 2 months ago
As someone on the receiving end, this sucks. After 30 years of sharing, and several of giving every bit of emotional and financial support I could, when I had a complete breakdown, she was too busy 'cleaning her house' to even respond to my calls and messages. It's wrong to bail on people when things get hard.
#26
I met him on Fortnite, then we found out we only lived an hour away from each other's houses. He was my best friend for 2 years, then sadly he died from a car accident involving a moose.
#27
I finally realised she'd been treating me like s**t for years and I deserved better.
#28
She passed away aged 26.
Cancer's a b***h.
Edit: thanks everyone. My friend was the best person in the world. Was lucky to have her in my life even if that time was cut short. Sorry to anyone else who's had to deal with the loss of someone to cancer. Here's hoping that one day there will be a cure.
Also thanks for the silver. No idea what that actually means but appreciate it nevertheless (:.
DuckDuckGooseberry 2 months ago
It wasn't cancer, but I lost a very close friend suddenly a couple of years ago. It feels like the sparkle left my life then, it hasn't come back yet. The world feels a bit more grey... I'm not sad all the time or anything, but there's a definite difference looking at "me before" and "me now"
#29
No idea. He slowly stopped answering calls, texts, emails.... his wife, even more so. I'd occasionally stop by to see them and everything appeared to be OK. They never stopped to see us, even though his mother lived just a few miles away. I just quit trying.
The Cute Cat 2 months ago
A friend in need is a friend indeed. It is hard to keep up friendship when we have no similar thing to do..
#30
F*ck that b!!!
She stopped talking to me because I confronted her about the ways she was abusing my friendship.
I let her move in with me because she said she was in dire straits with her husband, even though my house was already crowded. She moved in, and would just party every weekend.
She would try to win over my friends, by embarrassing me in front of them.
I could go on and on, I’m so happy she’s out of my life!!
#31
No jokes.This guy was always naive as hell and I accepted it.But one day he asked me to talk with him without phones on street.Warning,dumbest part starts,he said that his grandma told him that he is Stalin grandson.Then he said he wants ro start a revolution against Putin and he wants me to participate in that.I refused,and he stoped being my friend.(Sorry for my bad english,as you could understand,Im from Russia)
P.S about the phones part.He thout goverment can listen to us through them and get rid of him if they hear the revolution part.
#32
He got married, and she doesn't allow him to hang out with anyone without her.
#33
Best friend/ love of my life. She took her own life and left me, month before we had a miscarriage and it took a toll on her mental and her demons just got the best of her. Can’t wait to see her and my unborn child after this.
#34
He stole from uh...everyone.
He took my money twice, once straight up taking the whole a*s wallet too. On another occasion he wanted to "borrow" my Gameboy Color and my extra copy of Pokemon Yellow. Important detail is the quotes around borrow. M**********r never brought it back, probably never played it.
Supposedly he did s**t like this for d***s. But on other occasions he has stolen things just for the f**k of it, so who knows.
I was not the only victim.
#35
Sudden brain aneurysm at 42.
Steve Robert 2 months ago
I lost my soulmate exactly the same way. We had know each other since I was ten and she was eight. Last thing she said to me was " You know I've always loved you.". Went to bed and she never woke up. But every day I say those last words.
#36
She went through a terrible depression and processing severe trauma, and I didn't understand how to truly support her.
I hope to be in touch with her again so I can apologize. Completely lost contact.
#37
Her boyfriend hit on me quite aggressively and I told her and she didn't believe me until he did it to another one of her friends a few months later.
#38
Got them a job at the place I worked for a long time. They made him a supervisor and it went to his head. Worst mistake I had made in a long time.
#39
I took her for granted. I figured that she would always be there. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I didn’t see how that was impacting her. She left because of it. We were in love but we were also each other’s best friend. I wish I didn’t lose her but it’s taught me so much about myself that I’m glad she did it. I’m doing really well now. I wish things could have been different but I wouldn’t have learned any other way. The hard road is s****y but it can be the best way to grow as a person.
#41
He passed away in a car accident in 2019 right before his first college football game, the only best friend i truly had. i was about to travel to his school to see him play..then i got the call that he passed.
#42
This was back when we where 13 or so
She wanted me to drop stuff I liked to do because it was to nerdy. Being involved with the scouts, reading, drawing all not cool apparently
We went to different high schools and she was embarrassed of me with her new friends.
I did not do that and I haven't seen her in years. We spend pretty much our whole childhood together.
#43
Every conversation and activity was them-centric. When I had a bad day, they would turn it to a story about themself; they wouldn't want to go for a hike but would goad me into paying $40 to see a (s****y) play; they had a crush on every opp-sex friend of ours and got upset if I hung out with the friends solo.
I told them a very gentle version of that after having been best friends for about 7 years and their reply was "Nope, I don't do that.".
#44
Friend moved to the other side of the planet, with their spouse, to be nearer to both their families. I never understood what real friendship was before friend was in my life; and now they're alive, but not here.
#45
He became a conspiracy theorist. I called him out on the horse s**t and told me to "F**k off! I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you! I'M F****N' DONE WITH YOU!!".
#46
I’d say I’ve had three “best friends” I’ve lost over my lifetime.
First one: I was the a*****e.
Second one: He was the a*****e.
Third one: Just drifted apart as our lives went our separate ways.
#47
Slowly everybody just grew apart.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 2 months ago
This is the suscinct version of half of these stories.
#48
Our parents got married for 3 years and then they divorced and now i don't have a best friend 🥲.
#49
Well, we just stopped talking. I guess I was a toxic guy and took her for granted.
Honestly, she listened to everything I just said and I barely asked how she was. And the main problem was that it was covid times so no meeting. I mean even if it weren't covid, she lived in an entirely different city. But ya, she was an extroverted person and liked to talk. We just never talked on the phone cause I really felt uncomfortable calling anyone but my dad. But when she did call me, we would talk for hours like literally 1 or 2 hours. And I would just be a s**t guy and just never bother to ask how she is or if everything is fine I did but I would forget stuff. Once I learned from my mistakes, she just stopped talking to me.
She constantly tried to pull me out of my comfort zone and be the most therapeutic friend possible, Praising me for everything i did. And I am not gonna lie, the second part is more true than the first one.
I actually have a constant reminder of her on me so I will never forget her. I have this small fine scar on my right hand that, she accidentally scratched me with her long nail. I thought it would heal but I never thought it would leave a mark. It did. I guess in a way even she did.
#50
He was already passed out drunk himself so he likely didn't feel anything, but it was still such a terrible senseless way to go. That was 10 years ago last June. He was barely 21, the nicest guy you'd ever meet, and one hell of a bassist. Miss ya, Jake
IDK_Something 2 months ago
This one confused me so I followed the link and found this: "Similar story here. He was the passenger in a single-car accident. The driver was drunk, showing off, and drifting on an unfamiliar dirt road in California. They found the car at the bottom of a 70-foot cliff. Everyone in the car walked away except my friend, who died instantly. He was already passed out drunk himself so he likely didn’t feel anything, but it was still such a terrible senseless way to go. That was 10 years ago last June. He was barely 21, the nicest guy you’d ever meet, and one hell of a bassist. Miss ya, Jake."
What do you think ?
Keith Lancaster 2 months ago
I was nineteen and very depressed. I told what I thought was my best friend that I was Gay and asked him not to tell anybody. He told everybody we knew and suddenly I had no friends at all. He tried to contact me on FB a couple of years ago as though nothing had happened. Don't think so, mate.
DC 2 months ago
None of these were your friends, actually. Let me have a guess ... strictly religious environment, with all the bigotry and sweeping-under that just seems to come naturally with it...?
Load More Replies...
J. Maxx 2 months ago
I was a newcomer to the friend group. Gregory was a charismatic, fantastic sweetie that everyone loved. Greg had HIV that turned into AIDS about a year into my being a part of the group. Everyone else had known each other for years. When Gregory was in the hospital the first time, he told his doctor, nurse me, and my best friend that should he get to the hospice stage, he wanted to die at my home. I was floored and a little overcome but so touched. I was living at home with my Mom, sister, and stepfather. All knew Greg, and all agreed that if he needed hospice, he was very welcome to come to our home. One of his oldest friends found out and called his estranged family. A family that Gregory had had no contact with (due to them throwing him out when he was barely a teen due to him being Gay) in many, many years. Gregory was furious, and the next thing I knew, I was shut out. Greg died alone in the hospital.
Kombatbunni 2 months ago
He had plenty of time for his gaming friends but no spare time to see me, for the last five years. This year I quit trying and said see ya later. Almost 20 years of friendship ended, right before my birthday :(
Keith Lancaster 2 months ago
I was nineteen and very depressed. I told what I thought was my best friend that I was Gay and asked him not to tell anybody. He told everybody we knew and suddenly I had no friends at all. He tried to contact me on FB a couple of years ago as though nothing had happened. Don't think so, mate.
DC 2 months ago
None of these were your friends, actually. Let me have a guess ... strictly religious environment, with all the bigotry and sweeping-under that just seems to come naturally with it...?
Load More Replies... J. Maxx 2 months ago
I was a newcomer to the friend group. Gregory was a charismatic, fantastic sweetie that everyone loved. Greg had HIV that turned into AIDS about a year into my being a part of the group. Everyone else had known each other for years. When Gregory was in the hospital the first time, he told his doctor, nurse me, and my best friend that should he get to the hospice stage, he wanted to die at my home. I was floored and a little overcome but so touched. I was living at home with my Mom, sister, and stepfather. All knew Greg, and all agreed that if he needed hospice, he was very welcome to come to our home. One of his oldest friends found out and called his estranged family. A family that Gregory had had no contact with (due to them throwing him out when he was barely a teen due to him being Gay) in many, many years. Gregory was furious, and the next thing I knew, I was shut out. Greg died alone in the hospital.
Kombatbunni 2 months ago
He had plenty of time for his gaming friends but no spare time to see me, for the last five years. This year I quit trying and said see ya later. Almost 20 years of friendship ended, right before my birthday :(
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