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28
Girl Burns Match To Cover Up Smell Of Upset Stomach At Night, Wonders If She Was A Jerk After Entire Family Wakes Up To Berate Her
Ever hear that song by The Doors that goes: “Come on baby, light my fire Try to set the night on fire, yeah”? Well, this story is kind of about that – there’s fire involved, it happens at night, and a baby may or may not be present, depending on how you read it.
But really, it’s a story about how a girl was visiting her boyfriend’s parents and was having an upset stomach because of their dodgy cooking practices. After going to the toilet, she lit a match to mask the smell (yes, that actually works), and that would have been it, but all hell broke loose when the parents smelt it and came down on her.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Having an upset stomach can be super embarrassing, especially if you’re visiting someone important, for example, your partner’s parents
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual image)
The poster was wondering if she was a jerk for lighting a match to mask the smell of her diarrhea
Image credits: u/AmITheeA*s
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual image)
She would use fresheners to cover the smell, but the problematic father would say the smell made him sick
Image credits: u/AmITheeA*s
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual image)
She lit a match, which covered the smell, after which she put it under water and even wrapped it in foil, to be extra safe
Image credits: u/AmITheeA*s
The dad smelt the match and woke everyone up, everyone berating the poster, even her boyfriend
If you didn’t want to get your hands dirty reading the entire story or only skimmed it – here are the main points. The original poster (OP) was visiting her boyfriend’s parents’ house, and all was well – besides one thing.
That thing would be the father of the house, who would be very particular and controlling about others’ behavior. OP would frequently have an upset stomach at the house and would try to mask the unpleasant smells with fresheners or Just A Drop, but the dad asked her to stop as they were making him “feel sick.”
Her mom suggested a new method – burning a match, which actually works, because the sulfurous smell is far stronger and covers others up, but at the same time more pleasant for people.
Well, she tried using it late at night, taking all of the precautions to make sure it was extinguished, but the dad picked up on the smell and woke everyone up in a panic. They found out it was the GF and turned on her, and even her boyfriend lectured her for 15 minutes about how “embarrassing” it was and that she wasn’t using common sense.
There may be various reasons why OP’s stomach is constantly upset around the boyfriend’s parents. It may be something they eat that is unusual to her, could be the water, or any number of reasons alone or in combination.
But it could also be somatization – a psychiatric term describing the phenomena of how psychological distress may manifest itself as physical symptoms. Even if you don’t know the term, this has probably happened to you before, more than once. And if it hasn’t – you’re likely a very calm or lucky person.
It may manifest itself as a headache, chest pain, back pain, nausea, or fatigue. In OP’s case, being around the family, especially the dad, may make her stomach upset. The stomach issues then make her feel embarrassed and humiliated, which further feeds into her stress, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
Once you realize that you’re suffering from somatization, it’s important not to run from it and analyze it further. Your subconscious is likely trying to tell you that you’re trying to ignore something consciously.
A lot of people were talking about this issue in a Quora discussion, mentioning that it’s important not to ignore your body’s signs, especially if you’re feeling this around a person you should feel safe with.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual image)
The real reason why OP is feeling this way is hidden in the comments, and it seems that it’s not somatization at all. Apparently, there is a lot of cross-contamination (when a knife that cuts raw meat touches, say, salad) in the boyfriend’s parents’ kitchen, and if that weren’t enough, they also thaw out raw meat by leaving it out on the counter all day. They also don’t put leftovers in the fridge, and if they do – they do it too late.
If you didn’t know, cross-contamination is very serious, as it can cause food poisoning when bacteria are transferred from raw food to ready-to-eat food. This can happen if raw and prepared food touch or if you re-use the same utensils or cutlery without washing them. People can also transfer bacteria from their hands and clothes to prepared food, so exercising hygiene in the kitchen is super important.
Healthline mentions that minor side effects can be an upset stomach, a loss of appetite, nausea, and diarrhea – which seems to line up with OP’s case. In severe cases, cross-contamination may lead to organ failure or even death, so it is not something to be toyed with.
The comments were in support of OP, saying that next time she should let them smell her sh*t. Others were majorly aghast at the way the family prepares food, also suggesting that they either don’t visit each other’s families or just get a hotel next time. What are your thoughts about this story? Let us know down below.
The comments reveal that she may be getting an upset stomach because of stress at the parents’ place and supported her
What do you think ?
Penny Montgomery 1 year ago (edited)
Omg my boyfriend would've woken up alone and never ever heard from me again. Ever.
Beruthiel45 1 year ago
Run away girl. Your future is a lifetime of stress and being bullied by your boyfriend and his weird family if you stay in this relationship. You are being gaslighted, YOU are not the problem!
Marilyn Russell 1 year ago
What a bizarre family. Guess what people? Poop happens. Get over it. And c’mon - he smelled a match and thought it was fire? Idiot. I wouldn’t stay there ever ever ever again but what I would have done was brought a small candle - they make beeswax travel ones in metal containers and used a lighter.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
He would likely still complain. Seems the real issue with the old guy is he's a power-tripper and wants control over everyone. If it's not his idea, his items, his smells, his way of doing things, his personality then it's all bad.
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deanna woods 1 year ago
I have never heard of not flushing a toilet at night. That sounds incredibly disgusting to me. In fact, this family sounds incredibly strange period. You don't leave leftovers out and you don't leave raw meat out for a long time. If she is getting sick every single time that she goes to this house, she either needs to stop going or break off the relationship.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
Wow, the dad sounds very controlling. OP and her BF both give off "abused person vibes". After 10 years, I'm amazed OP hasn't suggested they get a hotel instead of staying at the house.
Marilyn Russell 1 year ago
That’s what I would do. I wouldn’t be staying in that house ever again after the first controlling uncomfortable experience. No one needs to be further embarrassed when they have digestive issues. I know I started going to a hotel at Christmas when SIL would relegate us to the basement on an air mattress and I would wake up stiff with my severe back and neck issues.
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Terry Tobias 1 year ago
I can sympathize with the OP. Stress always hits me in the digestion. If it was me, I wouldn't go back to the in-laws" house again. No one should have to put up with that kind of abuse.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
She needs to stop going there. I would. I would totally end the relationship. I've been to people's homes who were like this, usually seniors, and they were somewhat like this. The feeling really is like walking on eggshells and uncomfortable. She's not TA by a thousand miles. The in-laws are power trippers who enjoy control over others, and sounds like her boyfriend is on board that family train. Run.
Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago
She should dump him and run far and fast from that whole family. They clearly don't respect or care about her. Her boyfriend isn't standing up for her and clearly that won't change.
BeepBoop the Single Pringle 1 year ago
Same. Making my normal anxiety go off and my social anxiety go off. When I don't know a family customs I start to freak out and I turn off a lot of myself. I'll start to stop talking and I've started to breathe shallowly before. Last time I was at my best friend's house for the first time in a while I started mentally freaking out and she noticed and started whispering questions to me instead of asking louder so I didn't freak out more. It was just simple stuff like what I wanted to drink with dinner, if I needed a fork and stuff. She made me feel a lot better
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Ample Aardvark 1 year ago
You can't flush or use smellies? Ok, let they suffocate in the smell! And if they ask "oh I don't know, I get the shits every time we come here to visit, must be something I ate". My boyfriend is allergic to a lot of bathroom scents so we just light a tealight candle (unscented) for a couple of minutes, that gets rid of nasty smells!
Chucky Cheezburger 1 year ago
If these jerk-offs are so uptight that using odor control methods and flushing( WTF!?) when a rank deuce is dropped is forbidden, then they get what they ask for...a nice, big, stinking poo that's been fermenting in the toilet all night, ready to be seen by dawns early light...that is, if the odiforiousness doesn't wake them up and cause a commotion before then.
Load More Replies...
Venice 1 year ago
My question to you is..why are you with this guy again. Your claims are summarily dismissed and he does not care for your wellbeing. This could result in a significant gut health issue down the rd and you keep exposing yourself to it. Why?. I'm confused as to why you have to subject yourself to such an unhealthy controlling environment in a household that have little regard for sanitary measures in handling food, especially raw meat. You need a serious conversation with your boyfriend who needs to get out of his parents clutches and grow the heck up. Time for you to take a serious stand or say hello to more serious gut healrh issues. I hope this guy is worth your health sacrifices cause finding a way to mask the smell will be the least of your worries.
Ray Arani 1 year ago
Is it possible she's being intentionally poisoned? Just saying....I get the cross contamination and stress thing, but for this to be every time and with the dad being so extreme... Side note, lighting a match after a #2 was the norm in the house I mostly grew up in. We had match books sitting on the back of the toilet just for that. I knew at 5 to just run it under water and toss it or drop it into the toilet. Getting to light a match was my favorite part of takin a poo back then, I honestly don't see how this is a big deal.
Just me, myself, and I 1 year ago
I suffered from IBS for years. After the first or second complaint from dear old dad I would have said fine, have it your way. They can all suffer the smell and believe me, it stinks to high heaven! Enough to make you gag. And that boyfriend sounds like an unsupportive jerk. Tell him to come up with a workable solution.
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
Either hit up on Imodium before going there or tell them you have a chronic stomach bug and docs orders are limited veg and bread diet to get you through. Oh and as someone with IBS I use the flush as I go method outside my home, although that generally requires a 2nd flush for the toilet paper afterward.
Mary Rogers 1 year ago
I found out the hard way that while Immodium works really well it isn't appropriate to use in all circumstances. I once had the stomach flu and actually ended up keeping the illness going by taking it. Couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop vomiting and went to the Urgent Care. They told me to stop taking the Immodium because it was keeping my body from clearing out the virus. My concern is that she believes that she is basically getting low-key food poisoning from their food. Taking Immodium under those circumstances could make it difficult for her body to clear what ever is making her sick. On the other hand, if it's just stress then Immodium would be fine.
Load More Replies...
J. Maxx 1 year ago
I'm sorry but the father is a moron. Sulfur from a match doesn't come close to what a burning house smells like. He's an idiot and the whole family of food weirdos throws up some serious red flags. Run, sista, run!
Valaun 1 year ago
I'm going to add that this dad has a problem with fragrances and freaks out over a lot match but mishandles raw meat and doesn't properly refrigerate his leftovers? This guy sounds like a moron. The kind of moron that doesn't have a clue about how things work and refuses to learn. If you are 30 you should know how safely handle raw meat. Period. You can kill people with your ignorance. Dumb a*s
Load More Replies...
michele mbennett1010@att.net 1 year ago
Wait, let's go back to the dad constantly recites rules about expectations of behavior, etc. This is a complete control freak. BF lectures you about your "breaking Dad's rules"?!? Both are controlling a******s. Two choices, either end this questionable relationship or never go to visit these a******s again. BF can visit them alone. You can always let them know that every time you eat their food you get sick and have no intention on ever doing it again. Red flags all over...RUN!!
Cloudberry 1 year ago
NTA. This i a toxic environment. Think about what would happen if you have kids with this guy, and when the family is weird to your kids, your boyfriend sides with the family? What if the kids become ill from the food? Seriously consider if you really want to be with this guy. Without kids you can stand up for yourself and say you won't go there anymore. With kids it's so much harder.
msanchezym 1 year ago
I would be soooo out of there, I've been there, why do you need to suffer, hasta la vista baby!
White Sauce Hot Sauce 1 year ago (edited)
She should not have to risk salmonella poisoning to keep that family's delicate sensibilities intact.
Beachbum 1 year ago (edited)
Why is this guy still your “boyfriend “ after 10 years? Tell them all you have a medical problem and you were trying to be respectful so they can either smell poop, flowers or matches. End of story. No need to go into your theory of food safety as that probably isn’t the issue since no one else is affected. It is more likely the stress this man puts you under. You mentioned that he lectures everyone daily about expected behavior. I would tell him about his behavior and then your “boyfriend “. Sounds like he might be a little like dad.
Ash 1 year ago
That line about "am i giving off abused person vibes?" It's the buying the gaslighting and putting up with the b******t. Unfortunately a lot of us were emotionally abused and gaslighted as children, and it makes us more likely to question ourselves and put up with s**t as an adult. I agree with the other comments: Stop going to the in-laws' house, and quite possibly dump the boyfriend.
Cassandra Wilson 1 year ago
Throw the whole thing out. Crazy dad, bad meat, and the bf if he won't stick up for you. You don't have to endure a lifetime of this level of crazy.
Karen Startz Richardson 1 year ago
Ten year relationship 🤔...so, these weirdos are on the road to being your in- laws? Run...don't walk away...RUN.
Sarah nashold 1 year ago
Father sounds like a mean ocd kinda guy. She shouldn't have to expect what will upset him
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Never darken their door again. The dad has trained everyone in the family to tiptoe around him and spend a lot of time and effort to placate him. Your boyfriend doesn’t know how to live any other way and needs professional help. Your training is currently underway as he is diligently teaching you to walk on eggshells like the rest of the family. Bail now!
Mariko Fujita 1 year ago
This is like, fake story bizarre. On the off chance this isn't a creative writing experiment, get out. Get out of that family group and do not look back. Why can someone not use the bathroom fan when the only purpose for it is clearing the air in there? If they sleep so lightly that that's a problem, they're probably waking up from things like leaves blowing across the lawn, a squirrel climbing a tree in the backyard, maybe a neighbor watching a late night show seven houses away... Get out of there.
wv10014 1 year ago
It's not that bizarre. It sounds like the boyfriend's family comes from a different culture.
Load More Replies... sharonljeffords@gmail.com 1 year ago
Stay at hotel and tell them you have gone vegan. Or dump the guy at your age all you should be saying is next.
Firefly 1 year ago
This reminds me of a friend that would get extremely embarrassed if she had to poop in public. Once when she was working as a bank teller, she had to go. To cover the smell, she used a match. However, since it was a bank, they had very sensitive smoke detectors. Well, it went off and the bank was evacuated while the fire department was called. She never did confess.
Whitefox 1 year ago
Yeah, the gf definitely shows appeasement behavior probably from childhood trauma like not being allowed to pee until its convenient for her dad to stop. Not being allowed autonomy over ones own bodily functions is not cool. The BF is a major douchecanoe for never standing up for the gf beforehand. The dad is who he is and won't likely change, especially if everyone just blindly caters to him. I'd take a serious inventory over whether this relationship is a healthy one or not. yikes. Also, pepto is amazing stuff. you shouldn't have to suffer especially if you know this will happen.
Apps 1 year ago
Sometimes we honestly don't think a situation is uncomfortable or bad, but we have two brains that help us in this department. Our second brain is our intestinal tract and OP, your intestines have been trying to tell you that this family is not good for you - including your boyfriend. Use your anger as the motivating fuel you need to make a change. There is nothing like the joy and good mental health that you get when you're with people that are like you. Artsy? Find other artists. Outdoorsy? Find clubs that do group activities like hiking. Like being relaxed and pooping in peace? Hang out with easy going people - your stomach will thank you. (Former sufferer of toxic in-laws. 10 days, every year at their house with constipation. Then hitting the bathroom 3x at the airport on the way home. Yuck, so glad I don't live that way anymore!)
Casey McAlister 1 year ago
Poor soul is asking if she gives an abused person vibes. You tolerate this b******t for years, how else could it be explained? a person with healthy boundaries would leave this circus after the first time and never came back again.
IamMe 1 year ago
As much as she says she gets diarrhea every time she goes there from the food, I'm still more inclined to believe it's from stress. Because, that house sounds ridiculously stressful to stay in. I think the fact that they defrost their food on the counter is just a coincidence.
Adeline Bennett 1 year ago
Getting diarrhea EVERY time I stayed over alone would stop me from coming. That shxt (no pun intended) is not normal and is a warning. I really don't understand why people put themselves through unnecessary stress. I'd leave that weird boyfriend and his equally weird family to their weird a*s behavior and lifestyle and never look back.
Moezzzz 1 year ago
Wtf is up with this family? Can't flush a toilet at night? Can't run a fan at night? Bet they can't talk or use a phone at night either. Wow. This sounds so much like my NC father; as soon as I was old enough, I got away from him. Haven't heard anything from him in 10 years now and my life has been so peaceful since. I would never do that to my sons or their SO's. When they stay with me, it's THEIR house too. Insane
SillyPandaBunny 1 year ago
No, no, no. It was one thing when the family was acting weird but her boyfriend lecturing her is just proof this is not meant to be. Also, they’ve been dating to over a decade and he hasn’t proposed??? She needs to run. Lots of guys with normal families out there. She doesn’t need this
Spittnimage 1 year ago
Not allowed to flush at night? Next, dear ol' dad will be complaining about waking up to find sh!t in the toilet. I'd never darken their doorstep again.
Quinn Nix 1 year ago (edited)
Seriously, if I had been the boyfriend in this situation, I would've told my parents that *I* had lit the match, and thus taken the heat for it. (No pun intended.) It may not have been the most romantic form of chivalry, but it would have been chivalry nonetheless.
Barbara Williams 1 year ago
You get diarrhea when you're there? Do they live in the country and have well water. Or is it a good distance from where you live? The water is most likely causing the problem. Drink bottled water while there
Vira 1 year ago (edited)
One of her comments is that she's pretty sure it's food poisoning, because the family leaves meat out on the counter all day
Load More Replies... Mary Rogers 1 year ago (edited)
That's not unusual these days. I wonder why it bothers you?
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wv10014 1 year ago
Wow. OP is just doing her best to be polite to her boyfriend's parents! They may not be able to afford a hotel or perhaps the boyfriend really wants to stay at his parents' home. The boyfriend's parents sound like they're from a different culture where food safety standards are different. Poor OP is getting sick and trying her best not to embarrass herself or her boyfriend's family.
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Penny Montgomery 1 year ago (edited)
Omg my boyfriend would've woken up alone and never ever heard from me again. Ever.
Beruthiel45 1 year ago
Run away girl. Your future is a lifetime of stress and being bullied by your boyfriend and his weird family if you stay in this relationship. You are being gaslighted, YOU are not the problem!
Marilyn Russell 1 year ago
What a bizarre family. Guess what people? Poop happens. Get over it. And c’mon - he smelled a match and thought it was fire? Idiot. I wouldn’t stay there ever ever ever again but what I would have done was brought a small candle - they make beeswax travel ones in metal containers and used a lighter.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
He would likely still complain. Seems the real issue with the old guy is he's a power-tripper and wants control over everyone. If it's not his idea, his items, his smells, his way of doing things, his personality then it's all bad.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 1 year ago
I have never heard of not flushing a toilet at night. That sounds incredibly disgusting to me. In fact, this family sounds incredibly strange period. You don't leave leftovers out and you don't leave raw meat out for a long time. If she is getting sick every single time that she goes to this house, she either needs to stop going or break off the relationship.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
Wow, the dad sounds very controlling. OP and her BF both give off "abused person vibes". After 10 years, I'm amazed OP hasn't suggested they get a hotel instead of staying at the house.
Marilyn Russell 1 year ago
That’s what I would do. I wouldn’t be staying in that house ever again after the first controlling uncomfortable experience. No one needs to be further embarrassed when they have digestive issues. I know I started going to a hotel at Christmas when SIL would relegate us to the basement on an air mattress and I would wake up stiff with my severe back and neck issues.
Load More Replies... Terry Tobias 1 year ago
I can sympathize with the OP. Stress always hits me in the digestion. If it was me, I wouldn't go back to the in-laws" house again. No one should have to put up with that kind of abuse.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
She needs to stop going there. I would. I would totally end the relationship. I've been to people's homes who were like this, usually seniors, and they were somewhat like this. The feeling really is like walking on eggshells and uncomfortable. She's not TA by a thousand miles. The in-laws are power trippers who enjoy control over others, and sounds like her boyfriend is on board that family train. Run.
Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago
She should dump him and run far and fast from that whole family. They clearly don't respect or care about her. Her boyfriend isn't standing up for her and clearly that won't change.
BeepBoop the Single Pringle 1 year ago
Same. Making my normal anxiety go off and my social anxiety go off. When I don't know a family customs I start to freak out and I turn off a lot of myself. I'll start to stop talking and I've started to breathe shallowly before. Last time I was at my best friend's house for the first time in a while I started mentally freaking out and she noticed and started whispering questions to me instead of asking louder so I didn't freak out more. It was just simple stuff like what I wanted to drink with dinner, if I needed a fork and stuff. She made me feel a lot better
Load More Replies... Ample Aardvark 1 year ago
You can't flush or use smellies? Ok, let they suffocate in the smell! And if they ask "oh I don't know, I get the shits every time we come here to visit, must be something I ate". My boyfriend is allergic to a lot of bathroom scents so we just light a tealight candle (unscented) for a couple of minutes, that gets rid of nasty smells!
Chucky Cheezburger 1 year ago
If these jerk-offs are so uptight that using odor control methods and flushing( WTF!?) when a rank deuce is dropped is forbidden, then they get what they ask for...a nice, big, stinking poo that's been fermenting in the toilet all night, ready to be seen by dawns early light...that is, if the odiforiousness doesn't wake them up and cause a commotion before then.
Load More Replies... Venice 1 year ago
My question to you is..why are you with this guy again. Your claims are summarily dismissed and he does not care for your wellbeing. This could result in a significant gut health issue down the rd and you keep exposing yourself to it. Why?. I'm confused as to why you have to subject yourself to such an unhealthy controlling environment in a household that have little regard for sanitary measures in handling food, especially raw meat. You need a serious conversation with your boyfriend who needs to get out of his parents clutches and grow the heck up. Time for you to take a serious stand or say hello to more serious gut healrh issues. I hope this guy is worth your health sacrifices cause finding a way to mask the smell will be the least of your worries.
Ray Arani 1 year ago
Is it possible she's being intentionally poisoned? Just saying....I get the cross contamination and stress thing, but for this to be every time and with the dad being so extreme... Side note, lighting a match after a #2 was the norm in the house I mostly grew up in. We had match books sitting on the back of the toilet just for that. I knew at 5 to just run it under water and toss it or drop it into the toilet. Getting to light a match was my favorite part of takin a poo back then, I honestly don't see how this is a big deal.
Just me, myself, and I 1 year ago
I suffered from IBS for years. After the first or second complaint from dear old dad I would have said fine, have it your way. They can all suffer the smell and believe me, it stinks to high heaven! Enough to make you gag. And that boyfriend sounds like an unsupportive jerk. Tell him to come up with a workable solution.
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
Either hit up on Imodium before going there or tell them you have a chronic stomach bug and docs orders are limited veg and bread diet to get you through. Oh and as someone with IBS I use the flush as I go method outside my home, although that generally requires a 2nd flush for the toilet paper afterward.
Mary Rogers 1 year ago
I found out the hard way that while Immodium works really well it isn't appropriate to use in all circumstances. I once had the stomach flu and actually ended up keeping the illness going by taking it. Couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop vomiting and went to the Urgent Care. They told me to stop taking the Immodium because it was keeping my body from clearing out the virus. My concern is that she believes that she is basically getting low-key food poisoning from their food. Taking Immodium under those circumstances could make it difficult for her body to clear what ever is making her sick. On the other hand, if it's just stress then Immodium would be fine.
Load More Replies... J. Maxx 1 year ago
I'm sorry but the father is a moron. Sulfur from a match doesn't come close to what a burning house smells like. He's an idiot and the whole family of food weirdos throws up some serious red flags. Run, sista, run!
Valaun 1 year ago
I'm going to add that this dad has a problem with fragrances and freaks out over a lot match but mishandles raw meat and doesn't properly refrigerate his leftovers? This guy sounds like a moron. The kind of moron that doesn't have a clue about how things work and refuses to learn. If you are 30 you should know how safely handle raw meat. Period. You can kill people with your ignorance. Dumb a*s
Load More Replies... michele mbennett1010@att.net 1 year ago
Wait, let's go back to the dad constantly recites rules about expectations of behavior, etc. This is a complete control freak. BF lectures you about your "breaking Dad's rules"?!? Both are controlling a******s. Two choices, either end this questionable relationship or never go to visit these a******s again. BF can visit them alone. You can always let them know that every time you eat their food you get sick and have no intention on ever doing it again. Red flags all over...RUN!!
Cloudberry 1 year ago
NTA. This i a toxic environment. Think about what would happen if you have kids with this guy, and when the family is weird to your kids, your boyfriend sides with the family? What if the kids become ill from the food? Seriously consider if you really want to be with this guy. Without kids you can stand up for yourself and say you won't go there anymore. With kids it's so much harder.
msanchezym 1 year ago
I would be soooo out of there, I've been there, why do you need to suffer, hasta la vista baby!
White Sauce Hot Sauce 1 year ago (edited)
She should not have to risk salmonella poisoning to keep that family's delicate sensibilities intact.
Beachbum 1 year ago (edited)
Why is this guy still your “boyfriend “ after 10 years? Tell them all you have a medical problem and you were trying to be respectful so they can either smell poop, flowers or matches. End of story. No need to go into your theory of food safety as that probably isn’t the issue since no one else is affected. It is more likely the stress this man puts you under. You mentioned that he lectures everyone daily about expected behavior. I would tell him about his behavior and then your “boyfriend “. Sounds like he might be a little like dad.
Ash 1 year ago
That line about "am i giving off abused person vibes?" It's the buying the gaslighting and putting up with the b******t. Unfortunately a lot of us were emotionally abused and gaslighted as children, and it makes us more likely to question ourselves and put up with s**t as an adult. I agree with the other comments: Stop going to the in-laws' house, and quite possibly dump the boyfriend.
Cassandra Wilson 1 year ago
Throw the whole thing out. Crazy dad, bad meat, and the bf if he won't stick up for you. You don't have to endure a lifetime of this level of crazy.
Karen Startz Richardson 1 year ago
Ten year relationship 🤔...so, these weirdos are on the road to being your in- laws? Run...don't walk away...RUN.
Sarah nashold 1 year ago
Father sounds like a mean ocd kinda guy. She shouldn't have to expect what will upset him
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Never darken their door again. The dad has trained everyone in the family to tiptoe around him and spend a lot of time and effort to placate him. Your boyfriend doesn’t know how to live any other way and needs professional help. Your training is currently underway as he is diligently teaching you to walk on eggshells like the rest of the family. Bail now!
Mariko Fujita 1 year ago
This is like, fake story bizarre. On the off chance this isn't a creative writing experiment, get out. Get out of that family group and do not look back. Why can someone not use the bathroom fan when the only purpose for it is clearing the air in there? If they sleep so lightly that that's a problem, they're probably waking up from things like leaves blowing across the lawn, a squirrel climbing a tree in the backyard, maybe a neighbor watching a late night show seven houses away... Get out of there.
wv10014 1 year ago
It's not that bizarre. It sounds like the boyfriend's family comes from a different culture.
Load More Replies... sharonljeffords@gmail.com 1 year ago
Stay at hotel and tell them you have gone vegan. Or dump the guy at your age all you should be saying is next.
Firefly 1 year ago
This reminds me of a friend that would get extremely embarrassed if she had to poop in public. Once when she was working as a bank teller, she had to go. To cover the smell, she used a match. However, since it was a bank, they had very sensitive smoke detectors. Well, it went off and the bank was evacuated while the fire department was called. She never did confess.
Whitefox 1 year ago
Yeah, the gf definitely shows appeasement behavior probably from childhood trauma like not being allowed to pee until its convenient for her dad to stop. Not being allowed autonomy over ones own bodily functions is not cool. The BF is a major douchecanoe for never standing up for the gf beforehand. The dad is who he is and won't likely change, especially if everyone just blindly caters to him. I'd take a serious inventory over whether this relationship is a healthy one or not. yikes. Also, pepto is amazing stuff. you shouldn't have to suffer especially if you know this will happen.
Apps 1 year ago
Sometimes we honestly don't think a situation is uncomfortable or bad, but we have two brains that help us in this department. Our second brain is our intestinal tract and OP, your intestines have been trying to tell you that this family is not good for you - including your boyfriend. Use your anger as the motivating fuel you need to make a change. There is nothing like the joy and good mental health that you get when you're with people that are like you. Artsy? Find other artists. Outdoorsy? Find clubs that do group activities like hiking. Like being relaxed and pooping in peace? Hang out with easy going people - your stomach will thank you. (Former sufferer of toxic in-laws. 10 days, every year at their house with constipation. Then hitting the bathroom 3x at the airport on the way home. Yuck, so glad I don't live that way anymore!)
Casey McAlister 1 year ago
Poor soul is asking if she gives an abused person vibes. You tolerate this b******t for years, how else could it be explained? a person with healthy boundaries would leave this circus after the first time and never came back again.
IamMe 1 year ago
As much as she says she gets diarrhea every time she goes there from the food, I'm still more inclined to believe it's from stress. Because, that house sounds ridiculously stressful to stay in. I think the fact that they defrost their food on the counter is just a coincidence.
Adeline Bennett 1 year ago
Getting diarrhea EVERY time I stayed over alone would stop me from coming. That shxt (no pun intended) is not normal and is a warning. I really don't understand why people put themselves through unnecessary stress. I'd leave that weird boyfriend and his equally weird family to their weird a*s behavior and lifestyle and never look back.
Moezzzz 1 year ago
Wtf is up with this family? Can't flush a toilet at night? Can't run a fan at night? Bet they can't talk or use a phone at night either. Wow. This sounds so much like my NC father; as soon as I was old enough, I got away from him. Haven't heard anything from him in 10 years now and my life has been so peaceful since. I would never do that to my sons or their SO's. When they stay with me, it's THEIR house too. Insane
SillyPandaBunny 1 year ago
No, no, no. It was one thing when the family was acting weird but her boyfriend lecturing her is just proof this is not meant to be. Also, they’ve been dating to over a decade and he hasn’t proposed??? She needs to run. Lots of guys with normal families out there. She doesn’t need this
Spittnimage 1 year ago
Not allowed to flush at night? Next, dear ol' dad will be complaining about waking up to find sh!t in the toilet. I'd never darken their doorstep again.
Quinn Nix 1 year ago (edited)
Seriously, if I had been the boyfriend in this situation, I would've told my parents that *I* had lit the match, and thus taken the heat for it. (No pun intended.) It may not have been the most romantic form of chivalry, but it would have been chivalry nonetheless.
Barbara Williams 1 year ago
You get diarrhea when you're there? Do they live in the country and have well water. Or is it a good distance from where you live? The water is most likely causing the problem. Drink bottled water while there
Vira 1 year ago (edited)
One of her comments is that she's pretty sure it's food poisoning, because the family leaves meat out on the counter all day
Load More Replies... Mary Rogers 1 year ago (edited)
That's not unusual these days. I wonder why it bothers you?
Load More Replies... wv10014 1 year ago
Wow. OP is just doing her best to be polite to her boyfriend's parents! They may not be able to afford a hotel or perhaps the boyfriend really wants to stay at his parents' home. The boyfriend's parents sound like they're from a different culture where food safety standards are different. Poor OP is getting sick and trying her best not to embarrass herself or her boyfriend's family.
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