Dad Brings Mac And Cheese To Family Dinner So His Picky-Eater Son Eats Something, Mom Throws It In The Trash
Parents generally want the best for their children but can leave them blind to what their kids actually feel. Sometimes children have a difficult relationship with food, so it’s up to the adults to help them work through it, with guidance and patience. But parents are only human and might not see eye to eye on how best to help their offspring.
A dad wanted a second opinion on whether he was a jerk for leaving a St. Patrick’s party with his son who was a particularly picky eater. In preparation, he had brought a portion of mac and cheese for the child. Unfortunately, his wife had other plans and tried to force the kid to eat some dishes he absolutely did not want to.
Kids are notoriously picky eaters so parents sometimes go overboard trying to get them to eat new things
Image credits: Kyle Nieber (not the actual photo)
A father shared a story about leaving a party with his son after the mother tried to make him try a dish he didn’t like
Image credits: Waste_Loan_655
The kid did not want to eat the corned beef at all and asked to be taken home
Image credits: Terje Sollie (not the actual photo)
Children do need a balanced diet to keep them healthy, but not at the cost of their mental health
While it’s easy to imagine some examples of a picky eater, researchers don’t actually have a solid, unified definition of what it means. Is it an unwillingness to try new dishes in general? An aversion to, say, broccoli and brussels sprouts, that unholy, green duo that seems to inspire fear among children? Science, apparently, can’t actually say. Nevertheless, kids in particular need a balanced diet as they are growing, since studies show that insufficient minerals like zinc and iron are associated with a variety of diseases and conditions. So the child’s parents had the right idea to try to help him break out of his culinary shell. Though personally, I would not have attempted to present corned beef as some great new experience to try.
Forcing a kid to eat something they find disgusting is likely a ‘good’ way to induce an eating disorder later in life. Some commenters suggested small amounts of new dishes, as sides. Scientists also advise parents to also avoid being picky with their food in front of their children. Growing up, our parent’s behavior is one of the most important ways we learn how to interact with the world. This is just as true for eating. Other solutions include cooking and even grocery shopping with your offspring to create a more familiar relationship with food. Unfortunately, many adults also suffer from eating disorders or have inherited picky eating habits from their own childhood, leaving them poorly equipped to help.
Helping a picky eater is a balancing act between getting them the nutrients they need and still allowing for some independence
Other studies indicate that parents might even be to blame for most instances of picky eating. A survey of research on the subject found that multiple studies identified authoritarian parenting to be correlated with a child having a bad relationship with food. Punishing a child for not finishing a dish and pressuring them to eat all create a negative ecosystem where food is now a chore. As strange as it sounds, parents can create so much pressure around eating that the child will no longer see it as a way to satiate hunger, but as a responsibility like cleaning one’s room or mowing the lawn. Now, I remember the deep-seated dislike of chores I had as a kid, so parents really need to make sure their offspring’s nutritional needs aren’t neglected because they made eating a carrot seem as bad as homework.
As stereotypical as it sounds, kids do actually have an almost instinctive dislike of vegetables. This is particularly bizarre since veggies have the vitamins and nutrients they need most while growing. Comparison is partially to blame, as what child will pick lettuce over ice cream after they have tried the latter? But in general, it’s somewhat unclear why a kid would hate, for example, peas. The bottom line is parents do need to sometimes get creative and make sure their kid eats some fruits and vegetables. But they have to be careful to not force it and create a psychological distaste for these foods.
Some readers thought the dad was absolutely not the jerk for standing up for his son
Others thought his heart was in the right place, but everyone could have been a bit more diplomatic
227Kviews
Share on FacebookI have sensory issues and can't handle a lot of tastes and textures. My parents tried the "eat what's in front of you or don't eat at all" approach. I found that the feeling of gnawing hunger was more tolerable than trying to gag down the food, so I simply didn't eat and waited for the next meal (or the one after that). That lead to 20 years of battling an eating disorder. It's dangerous to try to "fix" a psychological disorder with brute force or bullying.
I don't have taste issues, but I definitely have some visual and texture issues. The two that I can't deal with are slimy (Yuk okra) or a cartilage-like texture. Either make me gag. Another that gets me is boiled chicken skin (like from soup). Even if I love the flavor of something, I can't deal with it if it is one of those textures. Sometimes my own brain gets in the way. I am not doing internal organs. My (62m) grandparents were big on that stuff.
Load More Replies...I've been a picky eater my whole life (I'm 68 now). My mom told me that when I was very little, she'd offer me a variety of foods, but if I didn't like it, she never pushed the issue.I don't think the dad was the AH, the wife shouldn't have grabbed the plate and tossed it.
I agree. Even if she did want to try and encourage the son to try the corned beef, throwing away the food he had in front of him that he knew he liked was a horrible move. I hope the kid got a nice plate of mac-and-cheese when he got back home.
Load More Replies...the esh people - They have a professional working on it. Leave it to the professional, mom shouldnt have done that. Even if you want him to try that stuff you dont throw away rhe other food, and if the kid feels sick? take him homw
Hopefully the OP talked to about this incident. Then informed his wife that they could go to concealing or he would be starting divorce proceedings. With there son's doctors backing for primary custody.
Load More Replies...This is basic body autonomy. You don't force anyone to eat something they don't want. Kids are picky. It's a pain, I know, I have three kids. I've found that the best way to do this is to have something your child will eat on the plate and to add a little of everything else. Tell them you'd like them to taste it but if they don't like it they don't have to eat it. Eventually they'll try it, especially if they see others enjoying it, but it may take many attempts. Most kids eventually grow out of it at their own pace. And if they don't like it, who cares? Even if they only like 5 or 6 foods, with how much we fortify foods now and the availability of vitamins, the chances of malnourishment are very low. There are far more important things to worry about with your kids than turning this into a power struggle that everyone stresses over at every meal.
This is the wife's mother I bet. The private conversation before the meal was served, I guarantee this was her idea and that she encouraged the wife to remove the plate. I hope OP and his wife have an honest conversation about this, and lay some groundwork for future public eating situations. Especially for when the MIL is around.
It's so hard to know, though, right? These AITA posts never share the full story.
Load More Replies...That is not picky. That's ARFID. Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I've had it my whole life. I'm in my 50s. It's not a choice.
Thank you! I never knew it had a name. This describes exactly what I went through, especially, in elementary school where I was picked on a lot. Fortunately, after entering high school, where I was around a different group of people, I was able to relax and expand my palate though, even to this day, at 56 yrs old, there are still some things that, die to the odor, texture,etc.., I simply cannot eat.
Load More Replies...Why couldn't she put a tiny portion of corned beef & cabbage on his plate of Mac & cheese and ask him to try them? He doesn't have to eat it all, but he does have to try a tiny bite. And - they have sneaky foods now that mix veggies into the chicken nuggets and such. Might want to invest in some of those, and/or give him vitamins every meal.
Our kids were in a phase where they weren't eating any vegetables or fruits and only wanted mashed potatoes and Mac n cheese as side dishes. We started making mashed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes. We got away from it for months until my daughter questioned why we never had potatoes in the house, but always had cauliflower. We made up some reason that she believed...until she walked into the kitchen while I was making the mashed cauliflower. She told her brother and they refused to it...until we told them they had been eating it almost every night for months and loved it. They swore it tasted different that night. Ha!
Load More Replies...Used to be a tight picky eater. My step dad once sat me down at the kitchen table and put broth in front of me. I didn't outright refuse to have any but I did only have a couple of spoon fulls. I said that I didn't like it but he said it that or nothing and I had to sit at the table til it's eaten. I sat there for about 2 hours ish and didn't touch. My mum can home from work and asked why I seemed so upset. Oh man her face when I told her what happened. She verbally f*****g destroyed him lol.
I too, was a picky eater. My parents even asked my doctor about any harm it might cause. My doctor told them to leave me be, tastes change and I would likely grow out of it. He was right, I now enjoy trying new things. If you force someone to eat something, chances are good they will always refuse to try new foods
Same conclusion my pediatrician came to only after subjecting me to several gastro tests. I can still taste the grit from those barium shakes lol!
Load More Replies...I had 5 children & 2 stepkids. They all picked at certain foods. My approach was to have them taste something new- they didn't like it? Leave it on the plate, eat around it, & be polite ( no eeewww, no yucky, etc.) I often kept carrot sticks, cuke slices & they could go get that instead. It just wasn't a hill I was gonna die on. Most everyone doesn't like something. NTA & this was more about the wife looking good to her mum than it was about what the lad ate.
I have sensory issues and can't handle a lot of tastes and textures. My parents tried the "eat what's in front of you or don't eat at all" approach. I found that the feeling of gnawing hunger was more tolerable than trying to gag down the food, so I simply didn't eat and waited for the next meal (or the one after that). That lead to 20 years of battling an eating disorder. It's dangerous to try to "fix" a psychological disorder with brute force or bullying.
I don't have taste issues, but I definitely have some visual and texture issues. The two that I can't deal with are slimy (Yuk okra) or a cartilage-like texture. Either make me gag. Another that gets me is boiled chicken skin (like from soup). Even if I love the flavor of something, I can't deal with it if it is one of those textures. Sometimes my own brain gets in the way. I am not doing internal organs. My (62m) grandparents were big on that stuff.
Load More Replies...I've been a picky eater my whole life (I'm 68 now). My mom told me that when I was very little, she'd offer me a variety of foods, but if I didn't like it, she never pushed the issue.I don't think the dad was the AH, the wife shouldn't have grabbed the plate and tossed it.
I agree. Even if she did want to try and encourage the son to try the corned beef, throwing away the food he had in front of him that he knew he liked was a horrible move. I hope the kid got a nice plate of mac-and-cheese when he got back home.
Load More Replies...the esh people - They have a professional working on it. Leave it to the professional, mom shouldnt have done that. Even if you want him to try that stuff you dont throw away rhe other food, and if the kid feels sick? take him homw
Hopefully the OP talked to about this incident. Then informed his wife that they could go to concealing or he would be starting divorce proceedings. With there son's doctors backing for primary custody.
Load More Replies...This is basic body autonomy. You don't force anyone to eat something they don't want. Kids are picky. It's a pain, I know, I have three kids. I've found that the best way to do this is to have something your child will eat on the plate and to add a little of everything else. Tell them you'd like them to taste it but if they don't like it they don't have to eat it. Eventually they'll try it, especially if they see others enjoying it, but it may take many attempts. Most kids eventually grow out of it at their own pace. And if they don't like it, who cares? Even if they only like 5 or 6 foods, with how much we fortify foods now and the availability of vitamins, the chances of malnourishment are very low. There are far more important things to worry about with your kids than turning this into a power struggle that everyone stresses over at every meal.
This is the wife's mother I bet. The private conversation before the meal was served, I guarantee this was her idea and that she encouraged the wife to remove the plate. I hope OP and his wife have an honest conversation about this, and lay some groundwork for future public eating situations. Especially for when the MIL is around.
It's so hard to know, though, right? These AITA posts never share the full story.
Load More Replies...That is not picky. That's ARFID. Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I've had it my whole life. I'm in my 50s. It's not a choice.
Thank you! I never knew it had a name. This describes exactly what I went through, especially, in elementary school where I was picked on a lot. Fortunately, after entering high school, where I was around a different group of people, I was able to relax and expand my palate though, even to this day, at 56 yrs old, there are still some things that, die to the odor, texture,etc.., I simply cannot eat.
Load More Replies...Why couldn't she put a tiny portion of corned beef & cabbage on his plate of Mac & cheese and ask him to try them? He doesn't have to eat it all, but he does have to try a tiny bite. And - they have sneaky foods now that mix veggies into the chicken nuggets and such. Might want to invest in some of those, and/or give him vitamins every meal.
Our kids were in a phase where they weren't eating any vegetables or fruits and only wanted mashed potatoes and Mac n cheese as side dishes. We started making mashed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes. We got away from it for months until my daughter questioned why we never had potatoes in the house, but always had cauliflower. We made up some reason that she believed...until she walked into the kitchen while I was making the mashed cauliflower. She told her brother and they refused to it...until we told them they had been eating it almost every night for months and loved it. They swore it tasted different that night. Ha!
Load More Replies...Used to be a tight picky eater. My step dad once sat me down at the kitchen table and put broth in front of me. I didn't outright refuse to have any but I did only have a couple of spoon fulls. I said that I didn't like it but he said it that or nothing and I had to sit at the table til it's eaten. I sat there for about 2 hours ish and didn't touch. My mum can home from work and asked why I seemed so upset. Oh man her face when I told her what happened. She verbally f*****g destroyed him lol.
I too, was a picky eater. My parents even asked my doctor about any harm it might cause. My doctor told them to leave me be, tastes change and I would likely grow out of it. He was right, I now enjoy trying new things. If you force someone to eat something, chances are good they will always refuse to try new foods
Same conclusion my pediatrician came to only after subjecting me to several gastro tests. I can still taste the grit from those barium shakes lol!
Load More Replies...I had 5 children & 2 stepkids. They all picked at certain foods. My approach was to have them taste something new- they didn't like it? Leave it on the plate, eat around it, & be polite ( no eeewww, no yucky, etc.) I often kept carrot sticks, cuke slices & they could go get that instead. It just wasn't a hill I was gonna die on. Most everyone doesn't like something. NTA & this was more about the wife looking good to her mum than it was about what the lad ate.




















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