Parents generally want the best for their children but can leave them blind to what their kids actually feel. Sometimes children have a difficult relationship with food, so it’s up to the adults to help them work through it, with guidance and patience. But parents are only human and might not see eye to eye on how best to help their offspring.

A dad wanted a second opinion on whether he was a jerk for leaving a St. Patrick’s party with his son who was a particularly picky eater. In preparation, he had brought a portion of mac and cheese for the child. Unfortunately, his wife had other plans and tried to force the kid to eat some dishes he absolutely did not want to.

Kids are notoriously picky eaters so parents sometimes go overboard trying to get them to eat new things

Image credits: Kyle Nieber (not the actual photo)

A father shared a story about leaving a party with his son after the mother tried to make him try a dish he didn’t like

Image credits: Waste_Loan_655

The kid did not want to eat the corned beef at all and asked to be taken home

Image credits: Terje Sollie (not the actual photo)

Children do need a balanced diet to keep them healthy, but not at the cost of their mental health

While it’s easy to imagine some examples of a picky eater, researchers don’t actually have a solid, unified definition of what it means. Is it an unwillingness to try new dishes in general? An aversion to, say, broccoli and brussels sprouts, that unholy, green duo that seems to inspire fear among children? Science, apparently, can’t actually say. Nevertheless, kids in particular need a balanced diet as they are growing, since studies show that insufficient minerals like zinc and iron are associated with a variety of diseases and conditions. So the child’s parents had the right idea to try to help him break out of his culinary shell. Though personally, I would not have attempted to present corned beef as some great new experience to try.

Forcing a kid to eat something they find disgusting is likely a ‘good’ way to induce an eating disorder later in life. Some commenters suggested small amounts of new dishes, as sides. Scientists also advise parents to also avoid being picky with their food in front of their children. Growing up, our parent’s behavior is one of the most important ways we learn how to interact with the world. This is just as true for eating. Other solutions include cooking and even grocery shopping with your offspring to create a more familiar relationship with food. Unfortunately, many adults also suffer from eating disorders or have inherited picky eating habits from their own childhood, leaving them poorly equipped to help.

Helping a picky eater is a balancing act between getting them the nutrients they need and still allowing for some independence

Other studies indicate that parents might even be to blame for most instances of picky eating. A survey of research on the subject found that multiple studies identified authoritarian parenting to be correlated with a child having a bad relationship with food. Punishing a child for not finishing a dish and pressuring them to eat all create a negative ecosystem where food is now a chore. As strange as it sounds, parents can create so much pressure around eating that the child will no longer see it as a way to satiate hunger, but as a responsibility like cleaning one’s room or mowing the lawn. Now, I remember the deep-seated dislike of chores I had as a kid, so parents really need to make sure their offspring’s nutritional needs aren’t neglected because they made eating a carrot seem as bad as homework.

As stereotypical as it sounds, kids do actually have an almost instinctive dislike of vegetables. This is particularly bizarre since veggies have the vitamins and nutrients they need most while growing. Comparison is partially to blame, as what child will pick lettuce over ice cream after they have tried the latter? But in general, it’s somewhat unclear why a kid would hate, for example, peas. The bottom line is parents do need to sometimes get creative and make sure their kid eats some fruits and vegetables. But they have to be careful to not force it and create a psychological distaste for these foods.

Some readers thought the dad was absolutely not the jerk for standing up for his son

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Others thought his heart was in the right place, but everyone could have been a bit more diplomatic

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