Janelle Collard

Janelle Collard

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If OP's wife isn't charging SIL for daycare, she should start. $XX per day, payable IN CASH at the time of drop off or - "So sorry! Busy today! See ya!" then - door slam. :)

Yeesh. Since babysitting wasn't just for the "vacation" this is worse. Like I seldom see my niece and a vacation for me would actually include watching her, but these guys watch kids who are not their own REGULARLY. That is super different.

Children are NOT WEAPONS to be used to manipulate others, ughhhhfffffppppp

The parents not wanting to be with their own kids is a red flag. My husband and I enjoyed being with our kids on vacations. We didn’t want to get away from them. We have two grown and a later in life one who is still in HS. We still pay for and enjoy being together as a family on vacations. The parents need to get their priorities straight.

Time to set some boundaries, even if your wife enjoys babysitting you are getting some of the entitled backlash from your bro and sil. I HIGHLY doubt they would withdraw contact with your nieces/nephews because loss of free childcare would greatly impact their lives and finances. 3 days a week is tons, and I would definitely put a stop to random drop offs. Maybe take a 2-4 week complete break, visit kids but don’t watch them so your bro and his wife will realize how grateful they should be. They are not respecting your wife, even if she doesn’t mind it, you should.

If the mom and dad can't deal with being full time parents then they need to find an activity other than procreation smfh

This is why I can't stand people. There is no way on God's green earth that I am going to allow somebody to one drop their kids off at any given time and not pay me, two it's a vacation that no one really had to pay for since they were staying in the family's lake house. They should have brought a babysitter if they wanted to do things Solo or leave the kids with the babysitter but they assumed that your wife would resume her normal duties so in a sense it's your fault and her fault for letting the sister-in-law and brother-in-law treat her and you like servants. That's why they acted up. Please get your mind right and set boundaries.

Those parents are masters of gaslighting. His wife should decline watching the youngest from now on.

Happened to me when I was a teen. Boyfriend's family invited me along. I just thought it was a great opportunity to get to know his mom, aunt, and little cousin (about 6). We get to vacation spot, go to an amusement park, and it's obvious that his mom and aunt are PISSED when we went off on our own. I'm unsure if they asked us outright but we wanted to ride coasters which she couldn't have done. Later, his mom confronted me and said that I had been paid for for the trip and it would have been nice to show some gratitude. I was so confused b/c no one said anything about paying my way back by babysitting a kid who I had just met (I also had no experience babysitting so it would have been awkward anyway). People freaking suck when they invite others with ulterior motives.

People don't value what they get for free. Better to charge them a rate cheaper than they can get elsewhere, because at least then they won't abuse your time as much.

My Wife actually has happily (and I mean Very happily on my part, too) forbidden us to attend perfunctory gatherings when certain family with certain kids gather as well. She would get bossed by her cousin, and we ended up being the "children's entertainment providers", or their minders. We had t blatantly say that IF we want to entertain their children, we would do it out of our own volition. We became so acutely aware of this that we began to find ways to worm out of any responsibilities regarding children. "Give it a try, maybe you'll want to have some" .... riiight

The only reason OP was asking if he was the AH was because of the guilt trip from SIL sending pictures of the kids saying they were upset that OP and his wife left. NTA. But the sad thing is that it’s probably true that the kids were upset that they left because they are stuck with their parents who are miserable now that they don’t have free babysitters and they can see that their parents aren’t enjoying their family holiday. If I was OP and his wife I would tell them to make other arrangements for their youngest child in future. I would even turn SIL’s messages back on her and say that if her children are unhappy with their parents and only want to be with his wife then the childcare arrangements are harming their relationship with their children.

I agree NTA. You definitely need some clear concise boundaries. And let them know if they keep expecting you to be their daycare they need to start paying your wife. CHILDCARE is not free unless you come to an agreement, however when they abuse that agreement they are taking complete advantage and don't even seem contrite having been found out. BIL and SIL can pay for your wife's time if they think they haven't done anything wrong. Knowing how much your wife loves the time with them doesn't mean she shouldn't be compensated if they want to be ungrateful. We are no longer accepting bad behavior. Good Luck

Wow I can't imagine just expecting someone to just drop everything and look after my kid. I have a almost 10 months old and yes it's difficult and I get a lot of help off my mum (only grandchild on my side and my mum absolutely adores spending time with her) but I didn't expect it and am really appreciative when she helps out and I wouldn't dream of just dropping her off without asking first that is just completely disrespectful

Start charging standard childcare rates per child with late and early drop off/pick up fees

I agree that it is best to stop the free babysitting. Being nice to those who treat you like s..t is only enabeling their bad behavior. It will continue unless you nip it in the bud. And yes, they will be upset, but hopefully they will see the errors in their thinking process and feel the guilt that they are only using you. Nothing wiil be gained if this keeps going as it is.

Doormats, watching SIL's kids for free. Absolute doormats. Suckers.

The least you can do is to start charging for the food the kids eat at your place, or for activities that cost money that you do when the kids are there.

I am sorry but most parents are like this. They assume everyone else is charmed by their kids and wants to spend time with them. They also expect everyone else to chip in with help and/or money, despite it being their lifestyle choice to have kids. They think they have done something heroic because being a parent is hard and they are therefore entitled to help.

You are late to the party on setting up boundaries. But better late than never, expect push back since you trained them that your wife is their doormat