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Teen Demands More Independence From Parents, Has Meltdown After 4 Minutes Alone On A Bus
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Teen Demands More Independence From Parents, Has Meltdown After 4 Minutes Alone On A Bus

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Ever found yourself in a situation where you’re torn between giving your kid freedom and making sure they’re safe? Welcome to the circus arena of parenting. It’s a juggling act that makes crossing a tightrope seem like a walk in the park. But what happens when that balancing act goes wrong, leaving you questioning if you’ve accidentally become the villain in your own child’s story?

This is what was on a 41-year-old mom’s mind when a regular bus trip with her 15-year-old daughter, Beth, turned into a storm of controversy.

More info: Reddit

Image credits: Jakob Scholz (not the actual photo)

RELATED:

    Rebellious 15 Y.O. teen refuses to sit next to her parents on the bus, blasting her headphones and completely oblivious to her surroundings

    Image credit: mynameissntsophia

    On a regular Saturday, our mom and her rebellious daughter were riding the bus. Just like on every bus ride with her parents, Beth always sat way behind her mom, lost in her own world, blasting her headphones and completely oblivious to her surroundings.

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    Beth’s parents had tried many times to explain to their daughter the importance of staying alert in the jungle of public transportation but, as teens do, Beth also ignored her parents’ warnings. “We’ve had talks with her about how dangerous it is to be completely unaware of your surroundings, especially on a public bus, but she refuses to pay attention,” says the frustrated mom.

    Every time they rode the bus together, she preferred to sit by herself in the back while her mom and dad sat in front. “I have to squeeze through the packed bus and get her attention, so she gets off the bus with us,” the mom relates.

    Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)

    Mom tries to teach teen daughter a lesson by leaving her alone on a public bus, planning to meet her a few minutes later at the bus stop

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    Image credit: mynameissntsophia

    Later, the freaked-out daughter complains to her grandparents that she was ditched by her mom, leaving her scared and alone

    Image credit: mynameissntsophia

    Saturday comes along – another day, another bus ride and another chance to teach the teen a vital lesson. As Beth had been requesting more freedom from her parents, the mom decided to give her just what she asked for. This is where our story takes an exciting turn, exploring a bold move made by our brave mom. In a split-second decision, Beth’s mom hops off the bus, leaving Beth solo for 1 bus stop, while planning to meet her at the terminal a few minutes later.

    Beth, understandably caught off guard by her sudden solo adventure, unleashes a storm of fear and frustration upon reuniting with her mom. From her perspective, it wasn’t a lesson learned – it felt more like being ditched. But was it really abandonment, or a daring parenting move fueled by concern?

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    According to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist and author of The Conscious Parent, “The only things we really ‘learn’ are the things we learn for ourselves. It’s when we learn something for ourselves that it becomes intrinsic to us. We just naturally do what it is we’ve learned, without having to be urged to do it or disciplined into doing it.”

    Image credits: Brett Sayles (not the actual photo)

    The teen’s family calls mom cruel and irresponsible for punishing her daughter in such a way

    Image credits: mynameissntsophia

    Our mom’s family sides with the young daughter, accusing the mom of being cruel and irresponsible to punish the teen by ditching her on the bus. “Anything could have happened in the 4 minutes she was alone, and it was completely irresponsible to leave her,” the mom recalls. Her family also said that she should have found a different method for teaching this lesson, or at least inform the girl that she was going to be alone for 4 whole minutes.

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    “When our children engage in less-than-desirable behavior, how are they to learn? If they are to learn for themselves, it can’t be because we impose the lesson on them. Imposing a ‘lesson’ on children is the opposite of them learning for themselves. Like ourselves as adults, our children learn best from consequences. What they don’t learn from is punishment,” Dr. Tsabary states. This raises the justified question that has us all scratching our heads: were our mom’s actions a teachable lesson or a form of punishment?

    Image credits: João Jesus (not the actual photo)

    According to experts, if you want to teach your kids independence, consider allowing them to make their own mistakes and offer them choices and freedom , but within limits. Children thrive when they encounter challenges that foster essential skills like resilience, determination, and self-sufficiency, preparing them for future independence. “Offering reasonable levels of freedom and allowing children to make choices is a great way to empower them, build confidence in their decision-making skills, and help build a sense of responsibility.” So, in a way, the mom’s test was a pretty good way to gauge whether her daughter is ready to be granted more independence in a (relatively) safe environment.

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    This concerned mom took to the internet asking if she was wrong to leave her 15-year-old daughter alone on the bus, trying to teach her a lesson. And, the court of public opinion has voted–this mom is not a jerk for leaving her teen daughter on the bus to teach her a lesson. People in the comments side with the mom on this one, saying that “a 15-year-old is certainly old enough to be on the bus by herself for one stop.”

    So, where’s the truth in this parenting pickle? Did mom go too far by leaving her daughter on the bus? What would you have done in her situation? Share your nuggets of wisdom in the comment section.

    People in the comments side with the mom on this one, saying that a 15-Y.O. is old enough to be on the bus by herself for 4 minutes

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    Monica Selvi

    Monica Selvi

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Hi! I'm Moni. I’m a globetrotting creative with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I’ve lived in 4 different countries, an visited 17, soaking up inspiration wherever I go. A marketer by trade but a writer at heart, I’ve been crafting stories, poems, and songs, and creating quirky characters since I was 7.

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    Monica Selvi

    Monica Selvi

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi! I'm Moni. I’m a globetrotting creative with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I’ve lived in 4 different countries, an visited 17, soaking up inspiration wherever I go. A marketer by trade but a writer at heart, I’ve been crafting stories, poems, and songs, and creating quirky characters since I was 7.

    Denis Krotovas

    Denis Krotovas

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    I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

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    Denis Krotovas

    Denis Krotovas

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

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    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What the hell? At 15 I used to get the bus and train across the country alone to visit and stay with friends. I'm assuming maybe the daughter has some developmental issues because this isn't normal.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep! I was born in the early 80s and I was walking or biking everywhere in my city by myself by the time I was 10. My city doesn't have great bus/public transportation or I'm sure my parents would have had me on that as well XD Even back then in the Dark Ages we had Walkman cassette players with headsets, and my father was adamant that I was NOT allowed to walk/ride my bike or otherwise be out in public with my headset on - and this was back in the 90s! It's even scarier and more dangerous now to walk "obliviously" with earbuds in/etc. I don't even like wearing earbuds while I'm driving in my car - it is WAY too scary and dangerous to not be able to hear the world around you.

    Load More Replies...
    ginshun
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's 15 FFS, she needs to grow up. 4 minutes on a bus that you have probably been on hundreds of times, and where the station is walking distance from your house should not be a reason to freak out. S**t, I grew up in the 80's. I used to leave the house in the morning on my bike when I was like 12 and come home when the street lights turned on.

    Melissa anderson
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At 15 I was going from the burbs to center city by myself. My parents taught me from kindergarten on up how to be safe and aware. If at the age of 15 , unless you’re developmentally challenged, if you can’t take public transportation be yourself, then your parents have failed you.

    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I completely agree my parents used to let me and my friends go shopping next city over from age 11. Rules were you staying together and if anything goes wrong we will drive and get you.It was an hour away. Loved shopping at Christmas with my friends in Chester.

    Load More Replies...
    Will Cable
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well before the age of 15 I was catching 3 buses to get from A to B. There seems to be something seriously wrong with her.

    The Doom Song
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FFS. She is 15 not 5. Get her the dang bus pass and she will learn to pay attention.

    Raven Hayden Rudnik
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet they were helicopter parents for all those years And at some point realised they have a child that is not able to navigate life alone. Weird way to change it tho.

    michelle s
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The OP did this in a controlled situation. 2nd to last stop of a termining route on a practically empty bus. A test to assess the "childs" ability to be aware of her surroundings which she was not. Had the daughter been paying attention, she would have seen the mother get off and followed or got off at the next stop anyway as it was the correct stop and just said something like how come you got off early this is our stop. The family saying OP is unreasonable is ridiculous, it was a valid learning experience in the daughters life.

    Historyharlot93
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was 10 years old, with my 8 year old brother, I got off the school bus, unlocked our house, made a snack, went out to play until our parents came home. Pretty much all the kids in the neighborhood did this. (I live in USA). Just how coddled is this brat that she runs crying to her grandparents and aunts and her parents get in trouble for it?

    Tracy Sellars
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    4 minutes alone at 15 and she gets upset. This kid would never have survived the 70's - 80's

    Zoe Duddle
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She’s not upset at being alone for 4 minutes, she’s upset that her mum, without warning, changed what had been their routine for years/months to ‘teach her a lesson’ by disappearing without warning. She’d have been fine if mum would have told her she had to get the bus alone today, or that she was going to get off at an earlier stop. It wasn’t the being alone that was the problem, it was mum purposely tricking her. Why would she need to be paying attention at a stop before her usual one and constantly looking down the bus in case her mum got off at a stop that wasn’t even theirs. If mum got off at the usual stop and didn’t tell the daughter and she missed it by not paying attention then fair enough, but mum got off early.

    Load More Replies...
    Wheeskers
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents lived overseas and I went to a boarding school. From 12 to 15 I was flying alone internationally, on school holidays to go see them. In the 70's there really wasn't a person to assist so I was on my own. I lived, I survived, I have great memories.

    JK
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How in the actual hell can a 15 year old not travel on a bus alone? Are they living in an active warzone or something? Jeez I was taking buses by myself at like 10, granted I'm old, but I'm not *that* old to be completely removed. My 12 year old bikes (30min+) or walks (50min+) to and from school every day. UNTIE THE APRON STRINGS PEOPLE!

    Natasha Clark
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA.. but clearly an enabler for a sounds like only spoiled brat child. There are plenty of 15 years old teens taking a public bus on their own with no issues. You & your husband are coddling her too much, keep in mind that she'll be 18 in THREE years.

    Cora C
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I flew across the vastness of China and Russia to go to school when I was 16 (no kidding, I was sent to a boarding school).

    moggie63
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an idea, your family can either chaperone her everywhere, or drive her everywhere. Otherwise they can stfu.

    moggie63
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For clarity. At 11 years old I was getting a bus to school 6 miles away. Not a school bus, a public bus which went where I needed to go. At 13 I had to get 2 buses in each direction. I managed.

    Load More Replies...
    Joann Hart
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm 15? Is she developmentally challenged or slightly autistic or are you a hovering parent. 15, most kids are out and about on their own,, hanging out with friends, riding the bus or their bike to get from point A to point B. I myself was riding all over town at 15.

    Kevinඞ
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 20 and while driving I have a habit of zoning out (not in a way that is dangerous to others I just get focused on driving and my own thoughts) I still manage to miss exits. Since this is somewhat on topic, any tips on how to not zone out?

    Ginger Winters
    Community Member
    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's an adhd thing. I do the same. Which is why I set GPS even for places I go to regularly cause I still follow it even while zoned out

    Load More Replies...
    meeeeeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can teens not do anything alone these days? How can a 15 yr old not get a bus by herself? yikes

    Pillowhead
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    15 is way too old to still be with the her parents riding a bus - that's not normal. I wonder where this person is from. I grew up in Asia and kids as young as grade schoolers can use public transport by themselves. One commenter said something about developmental issues maybe this girl needs constant help if that is the case then yes, she can't be alone riding public transports.

    Winnie Cho
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    U all stop saying she needs to grow up. And how u were mature & independent when u were her age. Either ur parents did a good job in raising u or u had parents whom didn't give a s**t. She is 15 and basically a kid. It is her parents's job to teach the children to be independent, to be able to regulate her emotions and Express herself well. Teaching ur kids isn't just one lesson only, it is an consistent effort. Parents should step up in educating themselves in how to parent her teenage daughter more effectively by talking with a parenting counselor or parenting coach or attending parenting courses.

    Cheryl Goodman
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother traveled alone on a ship from Ireland to America when she was 15. At 16, my mother got a job on Wall Street (she lived in NJ, across the river.) At 15 I had a job working in a credit union after school. When did 15 year old girls become such babies?

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Starting at age 12 I took the bus by myself to all my Orthodontic appointments.

    Aniela Mirea
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The "freak out" is a reaction to being bullied into submission, time and time again, then asked to dance a different dance, no warning. Parents like these, who don't understand the basis of human logic, should go to parenting classes, before "teaching".

    Aniela Mirea
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All knowing and always-talking parents like you don't see the simple fact that your kid zones out because of you incessantly being who you are around her. You then act out of character and don't acknowledge what you do. Great lesson, what can I say... Hope YOU parents learn it, for yourselves!

    Liz Meyer
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I grew up in the Diplomatic Corps. When my family lived in Thailand, I went to boarding school on the east coast of the US. When I was 14 years old I flew from New York to Tokyo. The plane had a problem, so I found myself a hotel, stayed overnight, caught the flight the next morning to Korea where I met with a Korean girlfriend to go hiking for a week, and after that I flew by myself to Thailand. No prob. I know those are unusual circumstances, but to be a teenager coddled to the point of paralysis is embarrassing. A girlfriend has a teen girl 16 and boy 14. They live on the first floor of a house with grandparents above. She and her husband can't go anywhere overnight because the kids, totally normal kids, "Would be afraid." Wtf.

    Vykx
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How disassociated from reality is the daughter that she is not aware of her surroundings? And at 15! She wants to feel like an adult but depends on mom and dad to tell her when? Is she even aware of her route? It just feels like something is seriously lacking here...

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I rode public bus by myself since age 10, what is wrong with this family?

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Criminy, drama queen indeed. I (f) rode public bus alone since age 10 or 11.

    Lynn Bean
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find it hard to believe that this kid is 15 and doesn't know how to ride a bus. My kids were travelling by bus alone to school from the age of 11.

    Raimondo Di guglielmo
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter (then 13) was the same and asked to travel alone. So I told her that if she can go to the bus stop, get the right bus, switch to the correct subway and get out correctly a few times I would let her. I stood further away and said I will just follow her. If she goes wrong we end up wrong and late.. After 3 times she went on her own for the first time. But this was in Singapore so quite safe with stewards at every stop (yea, I still worried lol)

    Chelsea McKee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think at 15 she is theoretically old enough to navigate public transport. The issue is that riding the bus alone isn't strictly a navigational issue, it's a "people are freaks" issue.

    Manana Man
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't agree with most of the posts I've read here. OP established a norm where she alerts the kid when to get off. Then they suddenly break that pattern without warning. This is not the way to teach a lesson, this is the way to destroy trust. The way to teach the lesson is to tell her in advance that you're not going to alert her anymore, that it's her responsibility to figure out when to get off the boss. Then let her handle it. That gives her a fair chance to prove that she's responsible.

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a YTA for 2 reasons: 1) disappearing from the bus without telling her. It's a dickish thing to do, not because she was in danger, but because she would be worried about where you were, and what might have happened to you. 2) not preparing your kid to be independent. She should be choosing what she buys with her money, including bus passes. Unless it's an unsafe area, she should have been taking the bus alone a couple of years ago, and missing her stop, and dealing with it herself.

    DustBunny
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Children younger than this ride my bus route by themselves to school all the time, but they pay attention. And we’re in a big city that is as safe/not safe as most big cities.

    Carl Roberts
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not a 15 year old. It's a coddled toddler in a 15 year old body.

    Jo Firth
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother was incredibly controlling and I was rarely left alone, even at home. That said, even I knew how to catch a bus to/from school on my own. Something else has to be going on here.

    Thomas Hunt, Jr.
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can't really relate. I grew up in the boonies. Driving tractors at a really young age - have to be responsible. It's not exactly a choice. A classmate of mine learned that the harsh way. He wasn't paying attention and ran over his baby brother. It's sad really. Took a city fam into the country and they thought they had it all figured out... First year in the country and THAT happened. They didn't stay in the country after that....

    Michael Fernandez
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was using public buses by myself at age 7 in NYC. It’s beyond absurd that a 15 year old says she can’t do it by herself, particularly whilst trying to convince her parents that she should be allowed to do that very thing.

    russel williams
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    seriously..15 years old...at 15 my parents were lucky to know where i was half the time. at 15, one should be able to fing ride a bus....no wonder kids are growing up useless. at 12 i received my first real gun ffs,,,and was working on a farm picking and changing pipes...just shaking my head....

    arthbach
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This child has not been taught to use a bus. It doesn't matter what you were doing when you were 15. THIS child has not been taught how to do it. The parents are at fault!

    Ace
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a 15-year-old, FFS. I was using buses, alone, from about 9 or 10. At her age, and using the bus as regularly as she does, she does not need to be taught anything except to stop being so entitled.

    Load More Replies...
    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What the hell? At 15 I used to get the bus and train across the country alone to visit and stay with friends. I'm assuming maybe the daughter has some developmental issues because this isn't normal.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep! I was born in the early 80s and I was walking or biking everywhere in my city by myself by the time I was 10. My city doesn't have great bus/public transportation or I'm sure my parents would have had me on that as well XD Even back then in the Dark Ages we had Walkman cassette players with headsets, and my father was adamant that I was NOT allowed to walk/ride my bike or otherwise be out in public with my headset on - and this was back in the 90s! It's even scarier and more dangerous now to walk "obliviously" with earbuds in/etc. I don't even like wearing earbuds while I'm driving in my car - it is WAY too scary and dangerous to not be able to hear the world around you.

    Load More Replies...
    ginshun
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's 15 FFS, she needs to grow up. 4 minutes on a bus that you have probably been on hundreds of times, and where the station is walking distance from your house should not be a reason to freak out. S**t, I grew up in the 80's. I used to leave the house in the morning on my bike when I was like 12 and come home when the street lights turned on.

    Melissa anderson
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At 15 I was going from the burbs to center city by myself. My parents taught me from kindergarten on up how to be safe and aware. If at the age of 15 , unless you’re developmentally challenged, if you can’t take public transportation be yourself, then your parents have failed you.

    Ru Bee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I completely agree my parents used to let me and my friends go shopping next city over from age 11. Rules were you staying together and if anything goes wrong we will drive and get you.It was an hour away. Loved shopping at Christmas with my friends in Chester.

    Load More Replies...
    Will Cable
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well before the age of 15 I was catching 3 buses to get from A to B. There seems to be something seriously wrong with her.

    The Doom Song
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FFS. She is 15 not 5. Get her the dang bus pass and she will learn to pay attention.

    Raven Hayden Rudnik
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet they were helicopter parents for all those years And at some point realised they have a child that is not able to navigate life alone. Weird way to change it tho.

    michelle s
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The OP did this in a controlled situation. 2nd to last stop of a termining route on a practically empty bus. A test to assess the "childs" ability to be aware of her surroundings which she was not. Had the daughter been paying attention, she would have seen the mother get off and followed or got off at the next stop anyway as it was the correct stop and just said something like how come you got off early this is our stop. The family saying OP is unreasonable is ridiculous, it was a valid learning experience in the daughters life.

    Historyharlot93
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was 10 years old, with my 8 year old brother, I got off the school bus, unlocked our house, made a snack, went out to play until our parents came home. Pretty much all the kids in the neighborhood did this. (I live in USA). Just how coddled is this brat that she runs crying to her grandparents and aunts and her parents get in trouble for it?

    Tracy Sellars
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    4 minutes alone at 15 and she gets upset. This kid would never have survived the 70's - 80's

    Zoe Duddle
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She’s not upset at being alone for 4 minutes, she’s upset that her mum, without warning, changed what had been their routine for years/months to ‘teach her a lesson’ by disappearing without warning. She’d have been fine if mum would have told her she had to get the bus alone today, or that she was going to get off at an earlier stop. It wasn’t the being alone that was the problem, it was mum purposely tricking her. Why would she need to be paying attention at a stop before her usual one and constantly looking down the bus in case her mum got off at a stop that wasn’t even theirs. If mum got off at the usual stop and didn’t tell the daughter and she missed it by not paying attention then fair enough, but mum got off early.

    Load More Replies...
    Wheeskers
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents lived overseas and I went to a boarding school. From 12 to 15 I was flying alone internationally, on school holidays to go see them. In the 70's there really wasn't a person to assist so I was on my own. I lived, I survived, I have great memories.

    JK
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How in the actual hell can a 15 year old not travel on a bus alone? Are they living in an active warzone or something? Jeez I was taking buses by myself at like 10, granted I'm old, but I'm not *that* old to be completely removed. My 12 year old bikes (30min+) or walks (50min+) to and from school every day. UNTIE THE APRON STRINGS PEOPLE!

    Natasha Clark
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA.. but clearly an enabler for a sounds like only spoiled brat child. There are plenty of 15 years old teens taking a public bus on their own with no issues. You & your husband are coddling her too much, keep in mind that she'll be 18 in THREE years.

    Cora C
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I flew across the vastness of China and Russia to go to school when I was 16 (no kidding, I was sent to a boarding school).

    moggie63
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an idea, your family can either chaperone her everywhere, or drive her everywhere. Otherwise they can stfu.

    moggie63
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For clarity. At 11 years old I was getting a bus to school 6 miles away. Not a school bus, a public bus which went where I needed to go. At 13 I had to get 2 buses in each direction. I managed.

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    Joann Hart
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hmm 15? Is she developmentally challenged or slightly autistic or are you a hovering parent. 15, most kids are out and about on their own,, hanging out with friends, riding the bus or their bike to get from point A to point B. I myself was riding all over town at 15.

    Kevinඞ
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 20 and while driving I have a habit of zoning out (not in a way that is dangerous to others I just get focused on driving and my own thoughts) I still manage to miss exits. Since this is somewhat on topic, any tips on how to not zone out?

    Ginger Winters
    Community Member
    3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's an adhd thing. I do the same. Which is why I set GPS even for places I go to regularly cause I still follow it even while zoned out

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    meeeeeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can teens not do anything alone these days? How can a 15 yr old not get a bus by herself? yikes

    Pillowhead
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    15 is way too old to still be with the her parents riding a bus - that's not normal. I wonder where this person is from. I grew up in Asia and kids as young as grade schoolers can use public transport by themselves. One commenter said something about developmental issues maybe this girl needs constant help if that is the case then yes, she can't be alone riding public transports.

    Winnie Cho
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    U all stop saying she needs to grow up. And how u were mature & independent when u were her age. Either ur parents did a good job in raising u or u had parents whom didn't give a s**t. She is 15 and basically a kid. It is her parents's job to teach the children to be independent, to be able to regulate her emotions and Express herself well. Teaching ur kids isn't just one lesson only, it is an consistent effort. Parents should step up in educating themselves in how to parent her teenage daughter more effectively by talking with a parenting counselor or parenting coach or attending parenting courses.

    Cheryl Goodman
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother traveled alone on a ship from Ireland to America when she was 15. At 16, my mother got a job on Wall Street (she lived in NJ, across the river.) At 15 I had a job working in a credit union after school. When did 15 year old girls become such babies?

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Starting at age 12 I took the bus by myself to all my Orthodontic appointments.

    Aniela Mirea
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The "freak out" is a reaction to being bullied into submission, time and time again, then asked to dance a different dance, no warning. Parents like these, who don't understand the basis of human logic, should go to parenting classes, before "teaching".

    Aniela Mirea
    Community Member
    5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All knowing and always-talking parents like you don't see the simple fact that your kid zones out because of you incessantly being who you are around her. You then act out of character and don't acknowledge what you do. Great lesson, what can I say... Hope YOU parents learn it, for yourselves!

    Liz Meyer
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I grew up in the Diplomatic Corps. When my family lived in Thailand, I went to boarding school on the east coast of the US. When I was 14 years old I flew from New York to Tokyo. The plane had a problem, so I found myself a hotel, stayed overnight, caught the flight the next morning to Korea where I met with a Korean girlfriend to go hiking for a week, and after that I flew by myself to Thailand. No prob. I know those are unusual circumstances, but to be a teenager coddled to the point of paralysis is embarrassing. A girlfriend has a teen girl 16 and boy 14. They live on the first floor of a house with grandparents above. She and her husband can't go anywhere overnight because the kids, totally normal kids, "Would be afraid." Wtf.

    Vykx
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How disassociated from reality is the daughter that she is not aware of her surroundings? And at 15! She wants to feel like an adult but depends on mom and dad to tell her when? Is she even aware of her route? It just feels like something is seriously lacking here...

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I rode public bus by myself since age 10, what is wrong with this family?

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Criminy, drama queen indeed. I (f) rode public bus alone since age 10 or 11.

    Lynn Bean
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find it hard to believe that this kid is 15 and doesn't know how to ride a bus. My kids were travelling by bus alone to school from the age of 11.

    Raimondo Di guglielmo
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter (then 13) was the same and asked to travel alone. So I told her that if she can go to the bus stop, get the right bus, switch to the correct subway and get out correctly a few times I would let her. I stood further away and said I will just follow her. If she goes wrong we end up wrong and late.. After 3 times she went on her own for the first time. But this was in Singapore so quite safe with stewards at every stop (yea, I still worried lol)

    Chelsea McKee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think at 15 she is theoretically old enough to navigate public transport. The issue is that riding the bus alone isn't strictly a navigational issue, it's a "people are freaks" issue.

    Manana Man
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't agree with most of the posts I've read here. OP established a norm where she alerts the kid when to get off. Then they suddenly break that pattern without warning. This is not the way to teach a lesson, this is the way to destroy trust. The way to teach the lesson is to tell her in advance that you're not going to alert her anymore, that it's her responsibility to figure out when to get off the boss. Then let her handle it. That gives her a fair chance to prove that she's responsible.

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a YTA for 2 reasons: 1) disappearing from the bus without telling her. It's a dickish thing to do, not because she was in danger, but because she would be worried about where you were, and what might have happened to you. 2) not preparing your kid to be independent. She should be choosing what she buys with her money, including bus passes. Unless it's an unsafe area, she should have been taking the bus alone a couple of years ago, and missing her stop, and dealing with it herself.

    DustBunny
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Children younger than this ride my bus route by themselves to school all the time, but they pay attention. And we’re in a big city that is as safe/not safe as most big cities.

    Carl Roberts
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not a 15 year old. It's a coddled toddler in a 15 year old body.

    Jo Firth
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother was incredibly controlling and I was rarely left alone, even at home. That said, even I knew how to catch a bus to/from school on my own. Something else has to be going on here.

    Thomas Hunt, Jr.
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can't really relate. I grew up in the boonies. Driving tractors at a really young age - have to be responsible. It's not exactly a choice. A classmate of mine learned that the harsh way. He wasn't paying attention and ran over his baby brother. It's sad really. Took a city fam into the country and they thought they had it all figured out... First year in the country and THAT happened. They didn't stay in the country after that....

    Michael Fernandez
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was using public buses by myself at age 7 in NYC. It’s beyond absurd that a 15 year old says she can’t do it by herself, particularly whilst trying to convince her parents that she should be allowed to do that very thing.

    russel williams
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    seriously..15 years old...at 15 my parents were lucky to know where i was half the time. at 15, one should be able to fing ride a bus....no wonder kids are growing up useless. at 12 i received my first real gun ffs,,,and was working on a farm picking and changing pipes...just shaking my head....

    arthbach
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This child has not been taught to use a bus. It doesn't matter what you were doing when you were 15. THIS child has not been taught how to do it. The parents are at fault!

    Ace
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a 15-year-old, FFS. I was using buses, alone, from about 9 or 10. At her age, and using the bus as regularly as she does, she does not need to be taught anything except to stop being so entitled.

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