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People Who Didn’t Try Dating Until Later In Life Share How Their Lives Turned Out (30 Stories)
The world of dating is so fast-moving, varied, and chaotic, that many never stop to ask “What is it like to date as a late bloomer?” From less FOMO to adorable meet-cutes, there is something to be said for romance at a more mature age.
“Late bloomers” who dated later in life were asked to share their stories online. People shared the why, how, and what of dating at a higher age, the ups and downs, successes and failures. So get comfortable and prepare to read through these stories, upvote the ones that you thought were the most interesting, and be sure to comment your own thoughts and experiences below.
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#1
Did not date/kiss anybody until I was 24 - now we're married. In high school and college I would have told you this was because I was unattractive and unlovable. In retrospect, I was extremely shy and was always more interested in "true love" than flings or casual relationships. I met my husband in grad school and we really hit it off. He never cared about my lack of experience, and the timing was perfect because we were both mature enough for a long term relationship and marriage. Which is pretty much what I wanted all along.
Tempest 1 year ago
I’m like this too. Totally agree with OP’s views! I’m in my mid twenties and still have never even kissed or had a relationship. And I’m really happy about it because I don’t want to have those experiences with just about any person that comes along. I’m also more focused on building my career and becoming independent right now so I anyway don’t have time to prioritise relationships.
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#2
I was 35 before my first relationship. I was working and traveled and didn’t see the need. Also for me I wanted an attraction to my partner and didn’t find it till then. We now have 2 kids.
While dating itself is a somewhat modern invention, compared to the more traditional “courtship” and arranged marriages of old age, there is already a whole lot of research on its dynamics, including age ranges. For example, one study conducted in the 2010s, when online dating was just starting to become popular, found that people thirty and older tended to find most of their potential dates on the internet.
The researcher, Michael Rosenfeld, made the argument that "Young people actually have a lot of access to people their own age. Once they are way past school, it's harder to find a partner.” “Late bloomers” often have to turn to the internet like any adult to find companionship, as there is simply less access to peers on the lookout for romance or friendship. After all, it’s easier to date in university compared to the workplace.
#3
I was a late bloomer but I don't feel like I was behind or that I was the problem. I just knew what I wanted. As a teen I didn't date because I watched my peers jump in and out of relationships like it meant nothing and I didn't want that. I had my first boyfriend at 23 but that didn't last long. About a year later I met my SO and we've been together since.
Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
I feel this. I remember being the sole girl in my class that had never had a boyfriend but I also remember hearing constantly about my friends having pregnancy scares at 15/16, boyfriends cheating on them, etc etc and realized that sounded awful so I just never went out with anyone. Had my first boyfriend at 21 and met my husband at 24.
#4
Got my first girlfriend last year at the ripe age of 25. The meeting and attracting part is mostly luck, but you have a better chance at holding on to a girl if you have your life handled better. While I was single, I focused on getting my life together, so when luck came my way I had more of my half of the equation down.
#5
I didn't date until I was 21. I often felt self conscious about it. Didn't have my first kiss until I was 20, didn't have sex until I was 22, etc.
But here's the thing-only I cared. Everyone I've talked to has not cared a bit.
I do regret not having a teenage love or just getting some of the relationship awkwardness out of the way earlier. I had to learn how to be in a mature adult relationship as my first relationship, which was difficult at times.
The “king” when it comes to finding dates still remains friends, regardless of age category. Most people, from teens to pensioners still say that in most cases they are introduced to a date by a mutual friend. This makes a lot of sense, as this sort of meeting is less risky than an internet stranger since there is a third party that has “verified” that both people are “normal.”
#6
I was a shy, black teen in a mostly all white town, so when I was younger none of the guys I grew up with were checking for me, to be blunt. In early college I started dating and entered into a long term relationship, but I still struggled to get over the feeling that I was behind my peers because I felt so undesirable in my teen years. I am now in my late twenties, and the guy I am currently seeing started dating in early high school, has had several short and long term relationships and is much more sexually experienced than me. Sometimes it really makes me feel insecure, and like I missed out on a lot. Thanks for reading and for asking this question! I feel like the experiences of female late bloomers, especially those who were late bloomers for reasons other than religion-motivated abstinence, are often overlooked in the popular narrative of love and dating.
#7
I was in my mid twenties when I started dating. Looking back, what was the rush? Everyone I knew who dated back then earlier than me never spoke to their exes again. Lots of teenaged angst. Never mind college, same thing. I was near my thirties when I met my soulmate, like everyone said, there is no timeline.
#8
First kiss at 25, first date at 29. I've only dated two people, but I was honest with them about being inexperienced (though I didn't straight-up say "This is the first date I have ever been on in my life"), and they seemed fine with it. I still feel self-conscious about it though, especially now that I'm 30. It can be very isolating to be inexperienced, because when your friends are talking about their experiences, you don't have much to contribute to the conversation.
Of course, as most people well into their thirties report, finding friends at this age is just as hard, which has the unfortunate side effect of cutting off this avenue of finding a date. The silver lining, as many of these posts note, is that at a certain age, a person has a better idea of who they are, and what they want and have in general more emotional maturity, all of which are deeply important to a successful relationship and a lot harder to fake.
#9
For me it's like being stuck in a cycle. The older I get without dating experience, the more embarrassed I feel about it and it makes me reluctant to start. I'm afraid that my lack of experience will be obvious or I will have to disclose it at some point to the person I'm dating. Also, in my city dating seems to entail casual hookups and seeing multiple people at once until you eventually become exclusive with someone. I can't even imagine myself doing something like that. I'm used to seeing nobody at all...the whole concept's just strange. But that's how people meet these days. It makes starting to date all the more daunting.
athornedrose 1 year ago
this. this is me exactly. once you're 30+, it feels like you've waited too long and you don't know how to act or participate correctly anymore
#10
Hell no, I don’t feel behind in life. More time to work on myself. I’m 20 and I’ve never in my life been in the headspace to date, it wouldn’t be at all fair to the other person. I know I’m the reason why I’ve never had a date because it was my decision.
contre kems 1 year ago
Is dating as teens that important? Maybe it's because we were a staggering number of het girls in my high school compared to the number of het guys but pretty much none of my friends dated back then. Of course we talked about it a lot, because US TV series made it look like we were missing out on something cool and glamorous but clearly real life could not compare ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#11
I developed anxiety and depression around nine years old. Couldn't put myself out there in middle school and high school. Had terrible acne that just ripped apart any shred of self esteem I had.
I had my first kiss at 26. That guy ghosted me but found another guy a few months later. Started dating; got married at 28. I am 30 now and things are great. I don't regret not getting more experience or anything, cause I love my husband a lot and he's my best friend. We started as friends first because I wasn't into him romantically.
It's certainly been a challenge learning to be close and open with someone after keeping to myself for 26 years but he's patient about it and tries to be helpful as much as he can. Being inexperienced was embarrassing though and I tried not to talk about it a lot.
In other cases, the “late bloomers” are not novices to dating, but simply divorced later in life and are trying to “put themselves out there.” English journalist, broadcaster, and novelist suggested that people look through their contact list for old friends, flames, and acquaintances and give them a call or text, saying "I'd love to get back in contact," as a way to jumpstart the dating game.
#12
I was 31 when I started properly dating (36 married now) and you just gotta dive in. Go on as many dates with as many different people as you can and don't worry about outcomes because your goal isn't anything other than to experience as much of the world and as many different kinds of people as you can.
It'll be hard at times and you'll be tempted to get bitter and jaded if you get hurt but resist it. The key to success is positivity, persistence, and a refusal to judge people. Feel free to reject them if you want, but do not judge them. Everybody has reasons for being who they are that make sense to them, and it's unfair to judge anybody without fully understanding those reasons.
Dating is a skill, like any other, and only practice will improve that skill, nothing else. You'll never get any better at it if you don't accept that rejection is part of the process.
contre kems 1 year ago
Whoa, I really don't like that way of seeing things. What's the point of honing a "dating' skill? To go on as many dates as possible for the sake of going on dates? What's "success" to them? Having a good date? Finding a life partner? Is dating a sport? What a different perspective! I can't wrap my head around that one.
#13
I started dating at 22. I was a self proclaimed commitment-phobe and didn’t see the point in dating around because I didn’t want to be in a relationship anyway. Essentially, I thought it was a bit cruel to go on dates when guys ask if I’ll only end up leading them on. Anyway, once I turned 22, a switch flipped and I found that I might want to try dating. My friends changed my perspective on this actually. Everybody told me to think of dating as just meeting someone new, kind of like networking, but more fun. If there’s a spark, great! If not, that’s also great. You put yourself out there and that’s what counts.
Anyway, my birthday is in December. After I turned 22, I decided that one of my New Years resolutions would be to go on dates and meet new people. I ended up going on my first ever date back in February with this wonderful guy. In a few days, it’ll be 10 months for us!
I wish you the best of luck! Remember to have fun and be yourself
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I love this one. I relate very hard. If you can't see yourself being long-term, why would you lead someone on if they are looking for long-term?
#14
I didn't start dating until my late 20's and I'm okay with that now that I look back. But at the time I did feel major FOMO because I'd never been in love or had a serious relationship. I did feel like I was behind or perhaps somehow stunted compared to my peers. I tend to throw too much of myself into a relationship so I'm glad I wasn't dating when I was a student because my grades would've tanked lol.
Most of my friends are only just getting married in their 30's so I think that helps to not feel like I'm behind. Now that I've experienced some relationships, it's confirmed that I'm happy to be solo too. I feel like I've adequately experienced both sides. Younger me had trouble keeping boundaries and standing up for herself, so I'm glad I got into it when I was a little older.
Of course, dating traditionally starts in the mid-teens, so a “late bloomer” can simply mean a twenty-five-year-old. Many report FOMO, a feeling of being the odd one out, until they find the right person. The important thing is to not give up and do not define yourself by what you don’t have. As these stories demonstrate, just being open to opportunities is often enough.
#15
It sucks because I haven’t had the time or experience to build up a tough skin, in terms of how toxic and needlessly cruel the dating world can be. However, I understand that there is value in being someone authentic who wants a genuine and meaningful connection, amongst a sea of people who like to play games and/or are not emotionally available. I like to think that even when it doesn’t work out, maybe I’ve sparked hope and optimism in someone.
#16
When I was in middle & high school, I was extremely shy and closed off. I had crushes on several guys but that’s the extent that they went. A lot of people would ask me why I didn’t date. It wasn’t something I was pulled to do. I would have loved to have someone around but I was too scared to initiate anything because anyone I liked clearly didn’t feel the same way. And I had never been asked out. So why bother.
I didn’t have my first date and first boyfriend until I was 26. It lasted a year but never got physical. He was really odd about it, and come to find out, was gay after all. No wonder he didn’t like to make out. Lol.
The first time I ever got physical with someone I was extremely nervous and felt so dumb cause I didn’t know what to do. And I felt so out of loop cause he was very physical, like that’s all he seemed to want to do while we were dating for a month, whereas I was like, “can we do anything else?” Cause i just wasn’t ready. He didn’t pressure me or anything. He just seemed to want to get in my pants more than just do anything else together.
I had a couple long distance things that didn’t really amount to much. We never actually dated in person.
Then I met my current partner in 2018 and it’s been magic. I’m glad I waited. And I’m extremely lucky to have found someone who didn’t judge my lack of experience.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago
If they judge your lack of experience, then they’re not worth dating!
#17
This was me! Didn't get into dating or kissing etc until my mid twenties. I think I knew myself pretty well and was happy with who I was alone, so I didn't feel as desperate as I was to date when I was younger and in college. I wanted someone to add to my life, but the time alone actually made me not are as much. I would have still liked myself if dating didn't work out.
Ended up meeting my partner of 8 years or so and we're still happy and having fun.
#18
first dates, first kiss then sex all at 24. i was really anti commitment at the time and only wanted a sexual relationship. i was super picky about who i spent my energy on, a lot of dates i went on at the time weren’t really fulfilling. i was so inexperienced but wanted to feel like i was taking a risk for once in my life. all of the dates were from dating apps. eventually, i met someone and the chemistry was instantaneous. i was floored but i still kept my guard up. i have borderline personality disorder so i needed to take care of myself and keep my obsessive tendencies under control. we ended up taking a break from our friends with benefits because i was a commitment phobe but we got back together less than six months later. i’m now engaged to said person and truly feel that we are soulmates in many ways.
#19
I didn’t start dating until early/mid twenties and always felt like I was missing out and still sometimes wish I had had more experience, but on the flip side I’m thankful for the time I had to grow on my own and spend with friends, and I wouldn’t trade that to have had a high school or college boyfriend. I’ve had difficulties accepting the fact that guys I have dated now have much more experience than me since they were dating in HS and college, but I guess I just have to get over that, and it’s nothing they seem to mind.
#20
I was a late bloomers because I was very shy growing up and had an overprotective family (highschool guys were afraid of my dad and older brothers). So no one asked me out or expressed interest until I went away to college. Once there, I realized that actually I am conventionally attractice and men do like me and I was beating them off with sticks because I was so inept and scared. I was so far behind emotionally I just wasn't ready at all. After college I had to take care of a sick family member for a few years, so I didn't really get to start dating until my mid-late twenties.
I was really unaware of things like how to weed out bad guys, red flags, emotional manipulation, and didn't have great self esteem so I had a few terrible relationships with guys who didn't deserve me. After a few years of that I took a multi-year break from dating to focus on myself and learned to establish boundaries, get right with loving myself, and figuring out what I wanted and didn't want in a man. Then I met my husband in my thirties. I never really wanted kids so I took my time. I think if I had of wanted kids I probably would have pushed through my insecurities and dated like crazy in college and in my mid twenties like my peers who wanted kids.
I didn't feel judged because I didn't really care what others thought, but I also didn't really volunteer this info to many people
#21
Not the best advice probably but I just kinda like got over it. Started dating at like 22 or 23 after having lost a bunch of weight, I had no confidence and even when girls showed interest I had no idea what to do. I was always shocked that they were even interested in the first place and my lack of confidence was glaring and so prior to this I had very limited success. Eventually I lost around 60 lbs and suddenly started receiving a lot more attention. I dated a few girls got rejected a few times, rejected a few myself. That fear just kinda goes away after awhile. Now after a bad breakup with the love of my life for the last 3 years I'm kinda finding myself again in the dating world and it's really difficult finding a true connection.
Bored Birgit 1 year ago
But you will find someone - with a little bit of patience. Enjoy life until then!
#22
Nah, I was late bloomer as were a lot of my friends (and husband) and I don't think it really made a big difference. A lot of people are bad at dating even with years and years of experience and it didn't take much time to catch up. Take an honest look at your situation and think about what you feel you need to do differently if you want a different result than what you're getting. Relationships can happen spontaneously but dating is a skill. Maybe ask some honest friends or family members for feedback if you think it would help - from the inside it can be difficult to identify exactly what the "problem" is, if there is one at all.
#23
I'm 28(f) and just initiated my first relationship type thing recently. I have never been with someone longer than 2 months. I started dating about 2 or three years back, which includes that 2 month thing. I think a huge part of it was because I needed to know myself before I could know someone else or let someone in.
How can you be with someone if you are uncomfortable with yourself and don't even know what you want? I learned about me and that helped me to become more comfortable with rejection because I could also easier identify what I wasn't looking for, and typically I was rejected by people I wouldn't want to be with anyway.
#24
I only started dating at 25 (last year) and have been in a wonderful relationship for just over 1 year now! I actually got into dating through dating apps (Tinder and Bumble). Before last year, I had low self esteem and was very set in thinking that nobody would want to date me. I was very surprised when guys started showing interest, and it helped me gain a lot of confidence.
My approach was getting to know people as friends first and foremost, and only seeing a relationship as a potential. I normally chatted to people for a long while (roughly a month) before meeting them in person, because I am pretty introverted and am more comfortable talking online than face-to-face. Also, I really value interesting conversations, and it helped me to build a connection to the people I was talking to! Chatting about common interests, etc, would lead to messages that went on for paragraphs. I made some cool friends from this, and it's also how I met my current boyfriend.
I know dating apps aren't everyone's cup of tea - but I think it does help to find out how and where you feel most comfortable talking to people. And getting to know others as friends first helped take the pressure off. Be genuine and have fun learning about new people!
#25
I'm dealing with this right now. 22 years old. I've certainly had crushes and have been out on a few "dates" but never had a boyfriend. Between my strict AF parents, my general shyness, and the fact that I was very overweight through most of High School, guys weren't lining up to date me. Since then, I've lost a lot of weight, finally "bloomed" physically, and I learned how to dress in more flattering styles for my body. But I still feel like the outcast that I was back in HS.
And now I'm 22. Single. And I feel like I don't even know HOW to date. When I go out with friends, they try to get me to open up and make myself more approachable but I simply find myself being unable to do so. And with each year I feel like I am falling more behind when it comes to dating, which makes me more anxious. Like any guy that does show interest in me might reconsider if he learns that I have no experience being in a relationship. And I won't even get into all the concerns I have regarding sex.
So yeah, I would say I'm probably not coping well.
Robin Childers 1 year ago
Don't jump into sex before you're ready. Been there, done that, have the guilt t-shirt. Talk to someone, a therapist, trusted person. Don't bottle up.
#26
Well I’m 22 now and I’m definitely a late bloomer.. I’ve never dated anyone, never even had my first kiss,… nothing. And well, how I feel about it depends. Sometimes I feel really terrible like I see other people my age, and younger, in relationships and I feel like I’m falling behind in life like there’s something almost everyone else my age has experienced but I haven’t. I feel like I’m missing out on something. I kinda feel younger bc of that too bc I don’t have any experiences with guys. And when I see people in their early 20’s getting married I feel so weird and distanced from them.. like they’re my peers and yet we have such different lives. But then other days… I don’t feel as bad about it. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even really want a relationship yet. And I think about how good of a family I have, the good friends I have and I focus on uni and traveling and having fun with my friends. Luckily many of my friends are in a similar boat as me when it comes to dating so I don’t feel as alone. But sometimes a wave of sadness hits me and I feel bad about it..
#27
No relationship part doesn't upset me at all. But the fact that I've never ever been intimate with a man in any way, not even a kiss, at the age of 25, does. I'm not ugly, men like me and ask me out. But I am sort of embarasses of my inexperience amd I can never relax enough, I'm just thinking how I'llbe awful at it. I know people will say I probably haven't met the right person, but come on. It's been 25 years.
#28
I didn't start seriously dating anyone until I was 23 (now 26f) for reasons similar to yours. While I would have agreed (and did a few times) if asked out, I just had no interest in the dating scene. Then, I just kinda wanted to see what it was about.
After this, I waited a while to see if anyone (specifically the guy I was interested in) would ask me out. Alas, it didn't happen, so I just said heck with it and decided to ask him. He said yes to the first date, which was a wonderful elating feeling, but after said he had no interest in anything farther. I thought I'd have been sad, and for a moment I was, but then I realized that I could finally put this guy behind me. Obviously he wasn't the one. I did my part and it didn't work out. And instead of feeling sad at being rejected, I felt free that I could move past whatever silly ideas I'd had about him.
I've gone on many other dates after the above mentioned, and while I haven't found 'The One' yet, dating had given me the chance to discover things about myself that I wouldn't have known otherwise. I've gone on several good dates, a whole bunch of bad dates, one where I had to sneak into the bathroom to call my friend for advice because the guy didn't respect boundaries, one with a perfect walked-me-to-my-front-door kiss, and a whole bunch in between.
It's true that dating can be scary. You're going to have to put yourself out there, be vunerable and more than likely, you'll get rejected. And in many cases there will be moments of extreme awkwardness. But there will also be those moments when someone you feel truly connected with says yes. You'll feel like floating and all those stupid cheesy romantic sayings will make sense. And ultimately it'll be worth it, even if you don't find 'The One' dating helps you find yourself in ways that friends, family, and the mirror just can't.
I heart Boo-BI-es 1 year ago
This makes sense to me. I was married at one point to a man for all the wrong reasons. We have been divorced for over 5 years and in this time I've been single but I've learned a lot about myself, my worth, wants and needs, ect. I now feel like I'm ready to date again but honestly it's not going to be as easy for me to meet potential dates because I do not like dating sites/apps, I'm not one to consume alcoholic beverages very often at all and not the biggest fan of coffee either so the combination of just these things puts quite the hindrance on the amount/population of potential daters. I guess if something happens and I just happen to meet someone randomly one day then great, I'm just not into most places one goes to meet potential dates.
#29
I didn’t even go on a single date until I was 23, that guy was then first everything. He turned out to be very emotionally abusive and even when I knew at first I should leave I didn’t and it lasted 4 years.
I definitely regret not doing anything in high school or college. I actually feel sad whenever I get reminded of it which is often. In high school I just wasn’t friends with any boys and if any guy liked me he probably wouldn’t have tried with me when I was shy lol. I wanted college to be a change, but I had no idea how to put myself out there and I still never had any boy friends. I do feel I missed a lot in getting to date and experience things when it was so much easier.
Now I’m 31, single and dating is the worst. It’s been way too long and it’s scary that I’ve spent so much of my life single overall. Im definitely more picky especially after that horrible ex, but sometimes it feels like I’ll never meet anyone.
#30
I was totally a late bloomer- came from a religious family too. Both of those things combined and I didn’t date anyone till I was 25. I felt ultra behind throughout my 20s and still in my 30s. I had to deal with some judgy ass people who didn’t get it. In hindsight, i felt a little more mature as I was making relationship decisions though. But the ignorant comments from others didn’t help.
What do you think ?
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I'm 55 now, and I would like to have a date once.
Ash 1 year ago
The number of answers on this thread who think they're late bloomers at 25... Like, I get it, I was 25 once, and it seemed like everybody else had had relationships ages ago. But I'm 37 now and I'm still single, and 25 seems like nothing. I'm sure 37 seems like nothing to somebody who's 55, and that seems like nothing to somebody who's 74... It's just that this thread seems to be full of 20-somethings lol
Saint Tim the Godless 1 year ago
I met my wife at 31, on a day I was thinking of standing her up to go cycling. Been together 12 years, 3 kids. Never give up on random dumb luck.
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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I'm 55 now, and I would like to have a date once.
Ash 1 year ago
The number of answers on this thread who think they're late bloomers at 25... Like, I get it, I was 25 once, and it seemed like everybody else had had relationships ages ago. But I'm 37 now and I'm still single, and 25 seems like nothing. I'm sure 37 seems like nothing to somebody who's 55, and that seems like nothing to somebody who's 74... It's just that this thread seems to be full of 20-somethings lol
Saint Tim the Godless 1 year ago
I met my wife at 31, on a day I was thinking of standing her up to go cycling. Been together 12 years, 3 kids. Never give up on random dumb luck.
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