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People say, some things are better left unsaid, which seems more true than ever when it comes to telling parents things you reeaaally don’t want them to know. Whether it’s questionable life choices, or quests you wish you never took part in, it often looks like it would be best to keep them to yourself for the sake of both yourself and your folks.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community have opened up about things they wouldn't want their parents to know after one of them started a discussion on the topic, and they got quite honest about it. Their stories ranged from petty theft and blaming their siblings to confessions way deeper and more emotional than that, so if you, too, have something you don’t want to share with your folks, scroll through the list below to see that you’re definitely not alone.
Below you will also find our interview with Associate Professor at Columbia Business School, author of The Secret Life of Secrets, Michael Slepian, who was kind enough to answer a few of Bored Panda’s questions on keeping secrets from parents.
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#1
When you guys went to Hawaii I put Milo (cat) down. He was sick, in incredible pain, couldn't eat or drink, couldn't even move to get to the litterbox. When you left on vacation he was too weak to even yowl in pain anymore. I couldn't stand to see that cat in so much pain and so afraid so I did the only thing I could do to help him- end his life humanely.
My parents were 100% against putting down a pet regardless of how much it is suffering so they'd be beyond mad if they knew this.
RELATED:
#2
(creating a throwaway since this is a little personal) That my little brother's car accident was a s*icide. My teenage brother had been struggling with OCD and social anxiety for awhile. It was something all of our siblings had dealt with growing up, but it was especially hard on him since the rest of us had moved away from our hometown years ago. Everyone wondered how it could have happened, and they just assumed that he was skipping class since he hated going to school. But I was the one who found the letter after his funeral, and instead of showing it to anyone I just got rid of it and covered up all the evidence (think search history of "fatal car crashes") The reason I didn't show them is because my dad used to be an alcoholic when we were much younger. The only reason he stopped drinking is because my mother threatened to divorce him and take us away, and he's been sober for almost 15 years now because of it. Also, at the time my mother was fighting stage II breast cancer, and was bedridden and ill with chemo during everything. My father was very attached to our youngest sibling, and they were devastated enough that I had to stay with them for several weeks after to make sure they would be fine. The possibility that my father could have been driven back to drinking, and potentially destroy my family further made my choice for me. No one knows but me and my therapist, and no one else will ever know. I made this decision for them, and I've accepted that its something I will have to carry for the rest of my life. It still hurts sometimes though.
#3
I searched Craigslist for "free kittens" and drove 1.5hrs to some podunk trailer home in the sticks to adopt a 5 week old kitten. I told my parents that my sister and I had found him outside of Burger King's trash bins. Three years later and he's still my boy, but my parents would flip out if they knew the truth.
Jay Scales 6 months ago
You still rescued him - just from a different place. They don't need to know :)
It’s no surprise that people’s secrets tend to change quite significantly with age, ranging from keeping a stash of candy hidden away at the age of 9 to keeping certain illnesses a secret at the age of 39, for instance, so family members don’t get sick with worry.
In a piece for the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Michael Slepian suggested that as many as “97% of people are keeping a significant secret at any given time, with the average person having about 13 secrets”, and added that children develop the ability to keep secrets at around the age of five.
#4
While at work i faked an athsma attack to get out of work early. Mom took me to urgent care center after the inhaler "didnt help" . . . the docs ran an EKG and found something peculiar, after a breathing treatment they advised that i follow up with a cardiologist and sent me home. Fast forward 3 months and countless doctors and specialists and we discovered that i have a hole in my heart that requires open heart surgery. yup, a lie to skip out on work saved my life.
StrangeOne 6 months ago
Wow. Sometimes BSing can pay off. But please don't make it a habit to fake asthma. It makes it harder for others with actual asthma to be believed.
#5
That many years ago I've found that cigarette pack in your drawer, dad.
I'll never tell anyone that you smoke once in a while when life is too much to handle, maybe when your 38-year-old patient dies of heart attack, or when a mother of three gets a very bad skin cancer, or when your daughter is depressed and seems to have lost any will to live. You've been good enough to stop smoking 20 smokes a day after thirty years of killer habit, and I'm proud of you.
I can never tell you because you always want to be perfect in our eyes. You're not perfect but you still are a great doctor and a great dad. Thank you.
#6
I was 10-ish and my dad had just painted the boiler room door orange in our basement. My younger brother and I were pushing each other around on a skatebaord in basement and my dad warned us, don't you dare hit this door with your skateboard. 15 minutes later I'm picking my brother up from the ground and looking at a hole in my dad's orange door caused by said skateboard. Definitely not telling dad. Instead I grab a piece of orange construction paper and a glue stick to "patch" the hole. It matched surprisingly well. 27 years later that construction paper is still holding strong and I have never heard a word about it from my pop.
Discussing the topic with Bored Panda, Slepian pointed out that in their early years, kids' secrets often deal with not only accidents and messes, but also mischief. “During the toilet training years, this often includes wetting their pants or the bed. These kinds of secrets are normal and inconsequential (except for having to clean up).
“Secrecy becomes a problem when children keep their struggles secret,” the secrecy expert continued. “If a child is struggling at school, with a substance, or with mental health, keeping the secret works against getting the very help that they need. If the secret deals with something smaller, a private possession or a secret joy, this is a normal part of childhood development, carving out a domain that separates oneself from one's parents and family.”
#7
So, when I was 6 or 7 we had Christmas with the extended family. One of my uncle's was there, and I was always a bit afraid of him because he had done some time for a d**g charge and just gotten out within the last year or two.
Anyway, I walk into the kitchen at one point, and he is there with this giant wedge of cheese. He looks up and asks if I wanted any. I nod, because I f*****g loved cheese. He says "ok, but you cannot tell your parents because you'll ruin your dinner they will get mad at me" and he slices me a few pieces. We eat in silence and then I leave, convinced that I was an accomplice in some terrible act with my ex-con uncle. To this day, I have never told my parents.
As to what would happen if they found out, well, then they would know that the reason I didn't eat that one Christmas dinner in the early 90s was because I had already filled up on expensive cheese.
#8
That I'm gay as f**k, family's homophobic.
I'm only 16 at the time and plan to come out when I turn 18.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
Blood is thicker than homophobia. It's 2024, we should have gotten further. Nobody should have to suffer for being gay.
Needless to say, opening up to anyone can be difficult, let alone to a mom or a dad, who are usually the people in charge of disciplining the offspring. However, fostering an honest relationship and being supportive can help kids open up to their parents easier.
“Angry outbursts and cruel punishments in response to disclosures may close the door on future confessions,” Slepian pointed out. “But when children believe that their parents will express understanding and compassion, they will be more likely to disclose, confide, and ask for help when they need it.”
#10
This will come too late to ever be seen.
That I was homeless for more than two years. During the recession from 2008 to some time in 2010, I lost my job, and eventually was kicked out of my apartment. I had a 10-year old car that was paid off, so I lived out of that until I found a series of jobs cleaning houses, working in a recreational center part time.
Parents lived 1,000 miles away and I managed to keep a mailing address at a friend's so they never realized. It would have killed them that I didn't want to ask for help, I wanted to do it on my own.
#11
Well, im a 20 years old son of a muslim family living in a western country. I am gay. The only reason I moved out into my own appartment was because I have a boyfriend. My mother knows I'm gay but says its a sin and doesnt wanna talk with me anymore until I go "straight" again, my father does not know, he would probably k*ll me If he knew :/ But I enjoy every minute with my boyfriend and I dont give a f**k about my parents.
#12
My "husband " is actually a woman.
#13
After my sis died I locked myself in her room and went through everything alone before her friends or my parents went through her stuff to pack it away or give it to her friends. I found naked pics, empty bottles of alcohol and a letter she had wrote, but I guess never gave, to her then boyfriend telling him the story of how she was r*ped as a younger teenager. I threw everything like that out but kept that letter. It's been 12 years and I just found the letter again as I was packing up to make room for baby. I can't bring myself to throw it away.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
When my youngest brother suddenly died, I did a lot of editing in his effects, too. Nothing bad - just stuff he would have wanted kept private.
#14
When I was in elementary school, I was at Target with my mom and sister. At the checkout counter I saw these cinnamon flavored tic-tacs, and I had to have them, because I hadn't fully developed the whole want/need function in my brain. I knew my mom wouldn't buy them for me, so I grabbed them (sneakily), and put them in my pocket (sneakily).
I felt pretty guilty the whole way home, and didn't make eye contact with anyone in case they could read my mind.
As soon as I was inside the safety of my home, I made my way upstairs (sneakily), and opened my hot goods.
They were awful.
Easily my least favorite tic-tac. I ended up throwing them in the garbage can outside (sneakily) to avoid any suspicion.
This is my shame, and I carry it alone. Except now with theoretically thousands of people.
TLDR: The only time I ever stole anything, the fruits of my victory turned rotten in my mouth.
#15
I was molested as a child by a babysitter 10 years older than I. My parents where trying to help her out because she was having issues in her abusive home. Her father was tossed in jail. This went on from what I can remember for at least two years. I was 4-5years old. I didn't tell anyone... until I stated dating at 14. My parents do not know because.. A. They were trying to help her, and I felt sorry for her. (I realize that her hurting me voids this, but for a preschoolers mind it didn't work that way.) B. By the time I felt I could say something, so much time had passed that all I could see happening was me hurting my parents, making them blame themselves. Why do that? I see this person from time to time in passing at the supermarket, we have mutual acquaintances. People bring her up. That bothers me, I don't care what is happening in her life. I think she was going though some f****d up s**t and passed it on. I feel sorry for her. When I see her I look her in the eye and stand strong. Almost to say "You know what you did and I am not broken because of it."
BoredPossum 6 months ago
What a sad sad text. It just shows that a horrible experience seldom stops at one experience. It destroys more than the victims life
#16
I am a swinger.
A funny thing is, a lot of non-swingers who know this about me ask, "how did you come out to your parents?". WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVER COME OUT TO MY PARENTS. It's not like being gay, where I would eventually introduce them to my significant other, so they would have to know. This would be more comparable to telling your parents that you're into a**l. They really don't need to know.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
Exactly. Your sexual preferences are yours to keep and yours to tell. How you have sex is none of their business.
#17
One time a dropped an entire roll of toilet paper into the bowl when trying to change it. I didn't want them to know I ruined an entire roll so I hid it in my closet and over a course of a few weeks I would rip away pieces and throw them away.
Edit: Since some people seem to be assuming my parents were horrible and I was frightened, that's definitely not the case. I was just a dumb kid that was embarrassed about dropping a whole roll in the toilet.
#18
The fact that I had a child and gave it up for adoption.
She hates my wife. Almost had me convinced to leave her, but I couldn't do it. When I went back to my wife, the last thing my mother said to me was, "Don't get her pregnant or she has you trapped forever!"
Doing the math, our child was conceived the very first day I came home.
We never wanted kids. It was never in our plan. We're both irresponsible and broke as s**t, with lots of emotional baggage from growing up in broken homes with criminal parents. We agreed that we'd never put a child through that.
Due to my wife's build, health conditions, and very irregular cycles, we did not discover she was pregnant until 7.5 months in, far too late to terminate. In one of the hardest moves of our lives, we placed our child for adoption with an incredible couple who wanted nothing more out of life than to raise a child.
She'll never know about it. Nothing good could possibly come from it.
Raven DeathShade 6 months ago
You did the right thing by your kid, nothing great would've happened if you had kept it.
#19
I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations are up on this one, so why not.
I was a Jr. in High School, and had some friends into LAN parties who were seniors. But I couldn't really join them because my family was pretty poor and neither them or I could afford a computer for me to use at that time. So one day my older friends gave me one of their older PCs (Pentium 3) with a couple parts missing (RAM, HDD) that I could build out for myself. Now about 15 years later its turned out to be a great jumping off point because now I'm a successful System Administrator and love working in the IT field. And I owe it in many ways to that first computer I learned to build back up from scratch and make my own.
Only they didn't give me that computer. We stole it from the high school. Sorry not sorry.
Michael Largey 6 months ago (edited)
Now that you're making reasonable money, buy some new computer equipment for your old high school to even things out. You kinda owe them.
#20
When I was like 11, I wanted to get out of school the next day, so on the way home from a superbowl party with my mom I started acting like my stomach hurt , she said she'd give me something at home for my stomachache. Knowing this wouldn't get me out of school, I started fake crying and said it really really hurts, by this time we were already in the driveway of our apartment, she looked at me and said I'm gonna take you to the hospital but if your faking ,I'm gonna beat your a*s! (mexican household ), so I stuck to my story and continued sobbing and saying it hurts, we get to the hospital and they don't know what's wrong with me so they wanna do a cat scan of me, my mom agrees and off I go, after the scan the doctor told us he thinks my appendix looked a little inflamed and that was probably the reason for the pain(I literally had no pain or discomfort anywhere ) and that they wanted to remove it which means surgery , my heart sank at the news, but I knew I couldn't confess now I was to deep. So they schedule the surgery for the next morning , the morning comes and about half my family is there for support and prayer.im super f*****g nervous at this point so when the nurse gave me a shot on my butt cheek I accidentally tensed up and felt one of the worst pains of my life , they take me into surgery and everything thing went fine,the surgeon even came to recovery and showed me my appendix which was awesome! I stayed in the hospital for about a day then I went home but before that the doc told my mom I couldn't go back to school for about two weeks while cuts healed which was also awesome! Even better my church royal ranger group visited me at my house and brought me this big basket filled with snacks and candy. It was the best two weeks of my life, my mom made my brother get me what I wanted cuz she didn't want me moving around ,I just played video games the entire two weeks,then I had to go back to school.
I'm 22 now and have not told a soul I was faking being sick, I like to think of it as one of my greatest achievements. The end....sorry ma.
TL:DR- faked being sick and went into surgery just to get out of school.
#21
I was brought up in a pretty religious home...
My family had me in theatre, choir, youth group, and all kinds of other extra-curricular activities to "keep me out of trouble", so they trusted me pretty well.
One night (I was about 15) my boyfriend at the time had come over to watch movies. The stipulation was that we could lay in the bed and watch the movie, but the door had to be open. After a while, my mom came in to check on us and everything was fine, so she thanked my boyfriend for being a gentleman and shut the door on her way out.
Immediately, as if the door shut had triggered some teenage hormone overload, we started making out and fooling around. He slid his hand up my shirt for a bit, but finally having some privacy, I soon directed his hand to my netherbits. Yay first (not self stimulated) orgasm!
We never got caught, which was considered a major triumph, and we found ways after that to hook up without my parents knowing.
It wasn't until a few months later at my youth's "Purity Ball"...yes, we signed pledges and wore rings to signify our abstinence for God and marriage...that my dad delivered this humiliating speech.
He told the congregation he was proud of the strong lady I had become. That regardless of having a boyfriend, I stood up to teen peer pressure and hormones, and that he witnessed me deflect an attempt at immoral behavior while watching movies with my boyfriend one night...
Apparently, the blinds had been open and my bed faced them from in the house. He happened to be walking in from the garage and caught a peek at me removing my boyfriend's hand from my boob.
I was mortified. The secret he must never know? The night I got my first orgasm, he thought I deflected my boyfriend from touching my boobs, when in reality I was actually directing him much much further south.
**TLDR: Dad thought I was sitting on the bench for God, when I was really rounding second with David.**.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
Young people need to discover their sexuality. They don't need to be forced into abstinence. Just make sure they use protection and don't have kids before they can give them a safe childhood. Where I come from, everyone over the age of 15 can decide over their own sexuality and noone, not even their parents has any right to interfere.
#22
That I'm planning on eloping in Disney in just a few months. My fiancé and I don't want to deal with the stress of a big wedding or my family.
#23
That I eat meat. Both of my parents are devout Hindus so if that got leaked it would be really f*****g bad. Specifically that I f*****g love steak and burgers. I'm pretty sure they would cut me off socially and financially.
#24
I can never tell them that my #1 goal as a parent is to handle relationship issues differently than they did. They went through an extremely messy divorce when I was 8 and my only memory of them together is them screaming at each other and my sister and I hiding in our rooms. Then it was 10+ years of them talking s**t about each other to us, putting us in the middle of all their arguments, and giving us a hug e guilt trip whenever they felt like we were spending more time with the other one than with them. It's been 20 years now and my mom will STILL talk s**t about my dad and stepmom every once in awhile, despite me asking her over and over to stop. I am happily married but if I were to ever get divorced I will never put my daughter in the middle of arguments, speak badly about her father to her, or make her feel guilty for having a relationship with him. It's the #1 thing I learned from my parents and I think they would be devastated to realize the true effect it has had on me.
#25
I'm in love with a black girl and my parents are mild racists. I'm waiting to save enough money to move out with her because I know when I break the news I'll be kicked out. I'm 23 so I guess this is good timing to move out anyways. It really sucks.
#26
That I was the one that blew up the toilet. To this day my stepdad thinks someone broke into my house, smashed the toilet, and left.
#27
My sister and I were reading through my mom's old high school yearbook, and we kept seeing everyone sign saying something along the lines of, "Congrats, you and X are perfect together!" X is not our dad, and we had never heard X's name mentioned before. After a little more digging we found out she had married X right out of high school, divorced, then married our father. Neither of us really cared, but it was still a huge shock she hasn't told us now that we're both in our mid twenties.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
Years after they both had passed on, we found out that my mom had not been my dad's first fiancée. He was engaged before, but his mother chased her away. We have to laugh when we think about her trying to do that with our mother. Not a person you could chase off from anywhere.
#28
Replaced bourbon from a priceless bottle of liquor with Evan Williams when I was 15. I found out later my parents were saving the bottle for their 50th Anniversary. It was given to them by my great grandpa at their wedding. Still have 23 years to break the news.
#29
My parents are massive anti-military hippies. They don't know I was an officer in the United States Navy. Six years. Fortunately my parents aren't facebook parents, so I had enough time that I could edit posts and pictures my friends posted so they didn't show up to family. I told them I had a busy job, or a girlfriend or whatever to avoid going home for the holidays.
I'm extremely surprised I pulled it off.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
What you think of what your government does with the military can be very different from what you think of those who serve in it.
#30
It was me who superglued the fridge shut. I just blamed it on my brother.
What do you think ?
GoodWolf 6 months ago (edited)
Told my mum I was going to a friend's birthday party. Went to a biker party 3 hours away instead. Almost got thrown off a Harley and then almost got into a shooting when the wrong gang turned up but was luckily stopped by police. Then I drank a bee that was in my cup. Mum will never know. Edit: also, the reason I didnt pick up the phone that one time was not that I didnt hear it. I did hear it. I was just sitting in a jail cell because they arrested me at a demonstration and couldnt reach my backpack 😬
megasmacky 6 months ago
I used to race bicycles. Not a pro, but fairly seriously. I once told my Dad, who grew up poor during the Depression, that I spent $600 on my bike and he lost his mind. It wasn't his money but still. Imagine if I'd been honest and said it was $7500. Or if the total of all my equipment/race wheels etc was likely over $12,000. This was 21 years ago. The same level of performance/quality today would run $15,000-$18,000.
Mike F 6 months ago
Depression parents were the most conservative people with their money. I suppose that comes from the fact that they didn't have the nickel it cost to go to a movie when they were young. My mom could pinch a penny till it wept.
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Ricardo Ferreira 6 months ago (edited)
I discovered that my parents marriaged with my mom already pregnant. What I don't know is if I was conceived by accident, or if I was a literal baby bait so my mom could marry my father. One of my aunts said to me when I was a child that several women wanted to be with my father. Detail: it was in the seventies, Brazil, a VERY conservative Catholic country back there.
V 6 months ago
Marriage anniversaries aren't really celebrated in my family, so no one had really thought about it, but we decided to throw my grandparents a party for their 50th. At the party my uncle got really quiet with a furrow in his brow, we asked him what's wrong? He said my 50th birthday is in 5 months. Lol. That might be why anniversaries were never celebrated before.
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GoodWolf 6 months ago (edited)
Told my mum I was going to a friend's birthday party. Went to a biker party 3 hours away instead. Almost got thrown off a Harley and then almost got into a shooting when the wrong gang turned up but was luckily stopped by police. Then I drank a bee that was in my cup. Mum will never know. Edit: also, the reason I didnt pick up the phone that one time was not that I didnt hear it. I did hear it. I was just sitting in a jail cell because they arrested me at a demonstration and couldnt reach my backpack 😬
megasmacky 6 months ago
I used to race bicycles. Not a pro, but fairly seriously. I once told my Dad, who grew up poor during the Depression, that I spent $600 on my bike and he lost his mind. It wasn't his money but still. Imagine if I'd been honest and said it was $7500. Or if the total of all my equipment/race wheels etc was likely over $12,000. This was 21 years ago. The same level of performance/quality today would run $15,000-$18,000.
Mike F 6 months ago
Depression parents were the most conservative people with their money. I suppose that comes from the fact that they didn't have the nickel it cost to go to a movie when they were young. My mom could pinch a penny till it wept.
Load More Replies... Ricardo Ferreira 6 months ago (edited)
I discovered that my parents marriaged with my mom already pregnant. What I don't know is if I was conceived by accident, or if I was a literal baby bait so my mom could marry my father. One of my aunts said to me when I was a child that several women wanted to be with my father. Detail: it was in the seventies, Brazil, a VERY conservative Catholic country back there.
V 6 months ago
Marriage anniversaries aren't really celebrated in my family, so no one had really thought about it, but we decided to throw my grandparents a party for their 50th. At the party my uncle got really quiet with a furrow in his brow, we asked him what's wrong? He said my 50th birthday is in 5 months. Lol. That might be why anniversaries were never celebrated before.
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