What do plumbers and teachers have in common? They both gotta deal with little cr*p all day.

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What does a plumber say in a library?

"Pipe Down!"

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What vegetable do plumbers hate?

Leeks.

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What do plumbers and economists have in common?

They both deal with gross domestic product.

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Why was the plumber tired after a day's work?

Because the work had been too draining!

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What happens when Chuck Norris becomes a plumber?

The toilet fixes itself!

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Whats a plumbers favourite holiday?

Sink-o de mayo.

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What kind of movies do teenage plumbers like to watch?

They love watching plumbing-of-age movies!

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What is the main plumbing issue that Eskimos face in their igloos?

They have the problem of frozen pipes!

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What is the similarity between a plumber and a bodybuilder?

They both like to pump irons!

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Why did the three plumbers walk into a restaurant?

This was because there was a hazard sign!

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Why are plumbers terrible at hiding secrets?

Because they are known to crack!

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Plumbers have a great eye for picking the best tea. They always pick the first flush!

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Why did the plumber visit the restroom?

Because his dooty calls!

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"Hanging outside trying to catch some do-it-yourself tips from the plumbers only convention. So far, no leaks."

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What is the musical instrument that plumbers can play?

Plumbers can play the pipe very well!

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When the plumber had a near-death experience, he almost saw his entire life flush before his eyes!

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Did you hear about the Jedi who gave up all his training to become a plumber?

He went over to the Darkside of the faucet.

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Why don't plumbers ride bikes?

Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack.

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What can make an atheist believe in God?

Finding a plumber on a sunday to fix the plumbing of the full house!

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Why were the police trying to catch the plumber?

Because he had broken the International Plumbing Code!

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What do you call someone who is great at picking plums?

You call him a plumber!

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Why was the wrestler so good at plumbing?

He was known for dropping pipe bombs!

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Why would the plumber always insist on fitting new toilets personally?

Because he always wanted to go where nobody else has ever gone before.

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There is a movie that plumbers love to see whenever they have a chance. It is called the 'Drain Man'!

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The plumber was sad as the pandemic had caused his business to go down the toilet!

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When plumbers use their computers, their favorite program on the pc is the Adobe Flush Player!

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What is the similarity between a plumber and an espresso machine?

They both know how to drain.

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How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb on Sunday?

None, because you won't find any plumbers on a Sunday!

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Normally, how many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It will usually take three because the main plumber tells his helper and the helper tells his electrician buddy, who finally changes it!

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What does a plumber say to the toilet after using it?

He says, "See you at work, buddy!"

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What do you call it when a plumber becomes a superhuman?

Flush Gordan!

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What’s the difference between a doctor and a plumber?

A doctor washes his hands after he has gone to the toilet, but a plumber washes his hands before.

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“A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.”

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Why was the plumber depressed?

His career was going down the toilet.

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What did the plumber say to the lady when he was standing on front of her sink?

"I am at your disposal."

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What do you get when you cross a plumber with a jeweler?

"A ring around the bathtub."

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"The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high."

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Why didn't the plumber's girlfriend want to get married?

She couldn't take the plunge.

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"I asked the plumber to install a garbage disposal on the bathtub drain... he looked at me like - I - was the psycho."

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What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?

An asphalt.

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What do you call a funk band composed of only plumbers?

George Sinkton and the P-Trap All Stars.

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What's a plumbers dream?

To work on Farrah's Fawcett and Olivia Newton's John.

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People whose jobs require them to enter someone else's house, such as plumbers and electricians, what is the weirdest thing you've seen at a customer's house?

My wife.

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What is the most disgusting thing you can see while a plumber is plumbing?

A plumber about to bite his nails.

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Where do plumbers keep all their stuff?

They keep them in the water closet!

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Why are plumbers so good at being friends with the pipes?

Because they are electrically bonded!

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Why did the teacher call the plumber to school?

He was called to pipe the class that was being noisy!

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What was it that the plumber found in the NFL player's restroom?

He found a Superbowl!

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Why does the United Kingdom need so many plumbers?

This is because they are surrounded by water!

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Why are plumbers addicted to tobacco?

Perhaps, because they have an easy supply of pipes!

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The plumber was offered the role of a submarine captain. This was because he was good at sink-ing things!

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Whenever a plumber visits a house where he has to take off his shoes, he starts to unclog!

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"Almost all the plumbers I have come across are overweight. This is because they are plump-being!"

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"The plumber had come to fix my water problem in the kitchen. He told me not to worry because it was all water under the fridge!"

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The plumbers were protesting for better pay. One of their slogans read, "If it weren't for us, you all would have nowhere to go!"

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In the middle of the hurricane, because of a lack of proper equipment, the surgeon used a sterilized plumbing tool to operate. It really was a gut-wrenching experience!

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My plumber dad used to have a saying for his customers, "every time you flush, it results in food in my family 's mouth!"

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When the plumber had an argument with the lady regarding the sewage works of the client's house, the plumber angrily exclaimed, "I am going to sewer, I am!"

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The out-of-work plumber started growing onions. Very soon, his onion patch was leeking!

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"Even after spending a fortune on my house's plumbing, it still wasn't fixed. Guess all my money went down the drain!"

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"I had once called an Italian plumber named Mario. Instead of fixing things, he jumped on my turtles and ate all my mushrooms!"

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What do you call a plumber who has become super and has his own game?

Super Mario!

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What is the difference between a normal person and a plumber?

The normal person washes their hand after going to the restroom every time, while the plumber washes his hands before going to the restroom every time!

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What do plumbers use to store their data in?

They use the USB Flush Drive!

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Why are the plumbers in the country of Holland so wealthy?

This is because everyone has clogs!

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What is the favorite fruit of plumbers all around the world?

They absolutely love having plumbs!

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Why do programmers hate plumbers?

Because they always promise to get a sync but never do!

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Why do yoga teachers hate plumbers?

Because plumbers are flexible even without doing yoga!

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Why did the man stop himself from becoming a full-time plumber?

Because he did not have the courage to take the plunge!

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What did the plumber say to the all the people living in the hotel when the pipes burst?

"Listen up, this is not a drill!"

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Why did people find the new plumber so friendly?

The new plumber always went with the flow!

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Where does a redneck plumber usually live?

They usually live in wranches!

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Why don't the plumbers ever get wealthy?

Because all they have are pipe dreams.

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Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.

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Just call an electrician, plumbers don’t screw around with light bulbs.

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What would a plumber like for their birthday?

A pipe cleaning.

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Do you know how a doc­tor and plumber are both alike?

They both bury their mis­takes.

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Did you hear about the miracle of the blind plumber?

He pick up a hammer and saw.

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“Modern cynics and skeptics… see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.”

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How did the plumber feel when he gave blood?

Drained.

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Why’d the plumber retire early?

He was flushed with success.

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Why do Scottish men never call a plumber?

Because they are pipers themselves.

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A group of plumbers is called a flood of plumbers.

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What do Italian Plumbers use to contact the dead?

A Luigi board.

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Why did the walrus become a plumber?

Cause he loves a tight seal.

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How did the plumber die?

He committed sewercide.

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Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers?

Because they're always looking for drains.

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There must be a special discount store for plumbers... there pants are always 50% off.

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Why don't plumbers like to work on instant hot water heaters?

It's a tankless job!

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A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said: "I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas."

The Texan said: "Nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it."

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Contrary to popular belief, plumbers are not good lovers, they are emotionally draining.

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Xbox: "We have a new console with tons of good specs, VR support and a bad*ss name." Sony: "We have Kojima, God of War, Crash Bandicoot and Spider-Man." Nintendo: "We have plumbers and bunnies."

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What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers?

A skeptic tank.

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"Video games have never made me feel violent, but they have made me respect plumbers and hedgehogs."

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If bricklayers can lay bricks... can plumbers lay plumbs?

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Why was the tap dancer's sink not working properly?

Because the sink was clog-ged!

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Why are plumbers so bad at submission moves?

Because they are good at making the tap!

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How does a plumber capture his enemies?

He used the p-trap to capture the enemies!

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What kind of stalls would plumbers open at a fair?

They would always open shower stalls!

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Why are plumbers always tired while working?

This is because they get exhaust-head easily!

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Why was the plumber not liked by his neighbors?

Because he had a reputation of being a potty-mouth!

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Which animals are great at clearing out clogged sewers?

They are sewer alligators!

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Why shouldn't we ever ask a plumber about the pipes?

Because they might mis-lead us!

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Why was the plumber irritated with the client?

Because the client was throwing all his ideas down the drain!

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In the local police station, a thief stole all the toilets. Now, the cops have nothing that they can go on!

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The plumber was called by the local authorities to fix the road damaged by the flush floods!

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Plumbers from all over the world were going to California. It was a classic case of the Gold Flush!

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"I knew a plumber who took his work very seriously. He would always plunge into it!"

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When the underdog won the competition to determine the best plumber, it came as a massive shock to the cistern!

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The plumber was seriously injured when he took part in the war. Upon further inspection, the doctor said that it was just a flush wound!

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The two plumbers got into a massive argument regarding the boiler. Things got very heated between them!

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"After many tries, I finally called the plumber to replace my faucet, because I couldn't get a handle on it!"

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All the intelligent people in the community were turning to plumbing work for themselves. Well, it was a great example of a brain drain!

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Why are plumbers so unique?

Because they are the only people in this world who can take a leak and fix it as well!

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What did the plumber say when he became head of the army?

He said that all cisterns were ready to go!

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How does one differentiate between a plumber and a chemist?

You can simply request them to pronounce 'unionized'!

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What do you call when all the plumbers come together to have an impromptu dance?

You call it the flush mob!

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What do plumbers have up their sleeves in their elbows?

They have sleeve joints!

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Why are plumbers excellent at playing golf?

This is because they know all about straight tees!

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What rocks while it flushes?

Well, a rocking chair toilet, of course!

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How did everyone know about the misfortunes of the plumber?

Well, the news had leaked out!

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What is the simplest way to make a plumber smile?

You just get him some overtime pay!

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Why are so many plumbers Australians?

This is because they love going down under!

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What did the plumber tell his girlfriend while breaking up with them?

"I'm sorry, but it's over, Flo!"

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Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.

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What’s the difference between a body builder and a plumber?

A plumber’s pipes always stay hard.

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Why do plumbers wear green suspenders?

To keep their pants up. Why else?

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Some plumbers wanted to have a sleepover, they held a slumber potty.

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Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers?

Because they only use half pipes.

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What do plumbers, Pizza Delivery guys and teachers all have in common?

Ron Jeremy.

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A company has developed a piece of technology that is putting plumbers out of business. A pair of boots that get sewage all over carpet by themselves!

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How can you tell that plumbers are drug addicts?

They're always cracked out.

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Why are plumbers bad a poker?

Because they think a flush beats a full house!

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Which event in the DC Comic's universe was dedicated to plumbers?

It was the "Flush Point Paradox"!

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Why was the inexperienced plumber in the washroom with a scissor?

Because he was told to cut off the water!

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Why did the plumber always carry a few wrenches to work?

Because they were known to turn heads!

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How can one tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber?

We just need to ask them how to pronounce the word 'sewer'!

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When the basement flooded and we called the plumber, he curtly said that he couldn't come, but he had put us on the wading list!

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I was surprised by the new tagline at the plumbing shop next to my shop. It simply said, "you can flush the rest because we are the best!"

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When the plumbers faced off in a competition, the announcer exclaimed: "Something is about to go down over here!"

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"Whenever a plumber comes to my house, I can tell they are there before they knock on the doors. This is because they have a bell mouth!"

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What was the reason for the shoe showroom calling the plumber?

They had found a clog in their drain!

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A local doctor called a plumber out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked. He insisted that it was urgent and needed to be attended to immediately. Upon arrival the plumber lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said ‘If it’s still there in the morning, give us another ring.’

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A dog goes into a Plumbers Merchants and says, “I’d like a job please”.

The owner says: “We don’t hire dogs, why don’t you go join the circus?”

The dog replies, “What would the circus want with a plumber?”

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"If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber."

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“If I waited for inspiration every time I sat down to write a song I probably would be a plumber today.”

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I used to be a plumber, but now I’m a missionary.

I bless the drains down in Africa.

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"I knew an Australian plumber in our neighborhood who when faced with a difficult challenge would always say, 'Nah mate, I conduit!'"

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