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My husband is in the military. We’ve been married for three years. He’s getting out next year. I recently left to teach a summer camp and left a dish on the counter. He freaked out and started blasting my phone, asking how I could be so careless and how I could not take care of the house. He didn’t even mention the fact that the floors were swept and mopped, the bedding and laundry were washed and put away, and all the clutter and trash had been cleared. Everything was fine except for a dish on the counter.

Me: It’s a dish. Want to talk about your dirty underwear on the floor constantly? Or your starting venture of how many empty soda cans you can have on your desk? I have no problem cleaning up dinner dishes and doing laundry as well as vacuuming and sweeping. But I draw the line at picking up dirty underwear when it’s two feet from the laundry basket. No, it’s the dish that is the issue.

Then he started going on and on about how I’m supposedly a child and he’s a parent, and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life taking care of me

Image credits: Afif Ramdhasuma (not the actual photo)

Then he brings up my supposed “temper tantrum” last month. Last month we were getting an apartment. I’ve never lived in an apartment, so I was excited and genuinely curious about how it worked. Aren’t I lucky I’m 26 years old and I’ve never needed a money order? So I had a lot of questions about it. He said, “If you’re so stupid, Google it.” I said, “Please stop calling me stupid.” Then he yelled at me, “Oh, you’re just stupid. Just shut up while I get this done.” I got really angry and raised my voice (wasn’t yelling) and said, “I am not stupid. Just because I’ve never done something doesn’t make me stupid.” Ever since then, he’s been saying I’m a child and I’m stupid.

Supposedly, he’s getting out next year. Recently, he’s been saying he wants to move to my mom’s property

Image credits: Phil Hearing (not the actual photo)

She has around 20 acres. One acre is the lake, five acres are her house and garden, another is a big storage shed, and the rest is forest. I said if he wants to move there, we both need to talk to my mom and figure out a rent schedule, and I’m not living in her spare bedroom.

He had a school before we got to this new station, and instead of sending me to the station early like most spouses do, he sent me to Kentucky with his cat. He got mad at me for buying groceries, freaking out that we “can’t afford this” again. Bank statements say 17 grand… Don’t they get paid extra to house and feed wives? Anyway, he sent his cat with me. I hate cats, but it’s his. All of mom’s cats are outside cats. His cat was an inside cat. The cat decided to use the bathroom in mom’s bed despite having a litter box. Mom said the cat had to stay outside from now on. So we set up a box with a blanket, food, and water for the cat. Within a week, the cat was run over. My husband freaked out and said my mom murdered his cat. Also, she’s six miles from town. The town has a hospital, a sheriff, and some city buildings. The school is in a different town further away. This is a small country.

My husband says we will not be paying rent, will be living inside the house in her spare bedroom, and mom has a car and a truck we can use.

Me: Have you spoken to my mom about this?

Him: You’re her daughter. We don’t have to ask.

Also, he wants to work for the sheriff, which I think is a terrible idea for someone with a domestic violence history.

He spent thirty minutes talking about how he hates my mom

Image credits: Eric Ward (not the actual photo)

I said, “If you hate my mom, why on earth do you want to live near her?” Then he got all mad and said, “We’ll just get a divorce and I’ll sue you for everything since I’m not contributing to the bills.” I take care of everything in the house. I was under the impression as an E5, he makes a paycheck plus a housing allowance, which confuses me when I look in our bank and see over 18 grand, not to mention his investment account. Most 25-year-olds don’t have 300 in the bank. Why is he acting like we have nothing? That’s plenty to rent a room out in town. I suggested, “Why don’t we buy a house with his VA loan?” His response was, “Why should we buy a house when your mom has a house?”

I’ve been trying to find a job, but I just don’t want to do fast food or retail. I have a master’s degree and I’d like to do something with my degree. I apply to 5-10 jobs a day. The last four jobs I’ve had were the county fair, childcare, and customer service. I hate customer service. He’s freaking out we don’t have money and tells me I should work at Burger King and sent me the application. I’d like to join the service, but he tells me no, I can’t because we need to wait till he’s done with his contract, then he can be a “trophy husband.”

I’m upset and angry and could use some unbiased opinions.

Moderator’s note:

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

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