At the beginning of the war, we faced certain restrictions on freedom. During the curfew, we could not leave the house. After living through quarantines and their restrictions, we were depressed. Explosions, constant fear and air raids change the way we think and perceive time. Fear, fear and more fear – can you imagine that in today’s world? War limits freedom in almost everything.

I remember how it took me a long time to resume my artistic practices. But today I want to talk about the winter of 2022-2023. This is my personal story, by an artist from Ukraine, Oleksandra Malyshko.

It’s winter, darkness all around. Far outside the window I see a small point of light. It’s a man walking in the dark and lighting his way with a flashlight on his cell phone. What can I do in the dark, almost nothing, the apartment is cold. I’m wearing a few sweaters and an artist’s robe (covered in paint) because I’m painting.

In fact, darkness is not a desirable assistant in my work. I can hardly see the colors of the paint, and I run my knuckle over the cardboard intuitively. Next to me are the catalogs of my favorite artist colleague Oleksandr Samiilenko. We met in the spring in his studio, talking about exhibitions, plans, and paintings as if there were no war. I associate this artist’s paintings with my life, so I always have his catalogs with me. It has become a good tradition and gives me inspiration, as if he were giving me his friendly support.

You can see on the photo exactly how this happens and what we managed to write in the dark.

This does not happen every day, sometimes we leave the house to walk in the dark with a cell phone flashlight and at this time we resemble fireflies. My daughter goes to school, so sometimes we try to do mental math and multiply numbers while walking to keep our memory alive. When our memory can’t hold a math calculation, we try to count by drawing numbers in the snow with sticks.

Perhaps at this time we look like cavemen, but the desire for life and the struggle to maintain mental health and the ability to think sometimes give way to depression and a sense of exhaustion. We hold on and move on with the hope of improvement.

Perhaps at this time we look like cavemen, but the desire for life and the struggle to maintain mental health and the ability to think sometimes give way to depression and a sense of exhaustion. We keep going and keep going with the hope that things will get better.

There are nights when we can fall asleep almost in the morning. All night long, there are air raids and reports of missiles being launched. There is nowhere to hide, almost all the locals are in the same dangerous situation. In the apartment, there are thick columns in some places between the transitions to the rooms. At the beginning of the war, I moved all my paintings from the studio, so when we have “scary nights” we gather all the blankets, lay them on the floor and try to sleep somehow in the dark, cold and the sound of air raid alarms, completely exhausted.

So, looking at my life in Ukraine with different eyes, it looks too much for an artist. It seems to me that my work is the thin thread that connects me to people and recreates a person in me.

Write in the comments your stories of difficulties in your creative life, maybe you had other experiences and extreme stories. Write whatever comes to your mind, I will be interested to read your personal stories.

By the way, during this short period, I painted a lot of pictures of a happy life. This is the main motivation.

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