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When it comes to insults without swearing, they are as rare as gems in the ground. Since they don't use curse words, they can hit quite hard. When it comes to these kinds of funny insults, you have to be funny and somewhat smart to create them. However, not everyone would understand them right away. So if you are one to shoot out creative insults without swearing, you should understand their impact.

Insults are made to attack a person verbally instead of using punches or kicks. The more complex they are, the harder these rare insults hit. The punchline is hidden behind words that take some time to figure out. For this reason, the funny part of these insults is the period till the person figures it out and laughs or gets angry. However, some creative insults replace the profanity with more family-friendly words. They are easy to understand, so the period of waiting is removed. But if you want to insult someone with or without swearing, be prepared to receive some hate in return.

If you want to insult your friends or enemies without using profanity, the internet is here to help. User Beadiest_Cape had an interesting question in the popular group of AskReddit — “What’s the best insult you’ve heard without swearing?” We compiled the best ones in the list below. Be sure to upvote the funniest insults and share your own in the comments below.

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#1

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "I hope your sleeves slide sown while washing your hands."

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#2

"Somewhere, a tree is crying because it worked so hard to make that oxygen you're wasting."

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#3

“I don’t have the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”

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#4

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "I refuse to fight a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."

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MotherofGuineaPigs
MotherofGuineaPigs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reminds me of my daughter and her father. They were having an argument, I was listening from the other room, Told him that he was in a battle of wits with a 5 year old and she was winning.

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#5

"Someone once called me "weapons grade stupid". That made laugh pretty good."

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#6

"So a thought crossed your mind? It must have a long and lonely journey."

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#7

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "I hope your pillow is warm on both sides tonight!"

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#8

Commenter said: "You've got a great face for radio."

LawlessNeutral replied: "And a voice for silent film."

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#9

"You are the reason why shampoo has instructions."

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#10

"He couldn't empty the water from a boot if the instructions were printed on its sole."

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#11

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity “If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.”

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Headless Roach
Headless Roach
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And run from the train? I didn't expect such wise decision from you.

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#12

"I envy the people who haven't met you."

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#13

"I'd call you dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open..."

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#14

"You have the personality of a slightly tilted picture frame."

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#15

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "Wisdom has been chasing you. Unfortunately, you have always been faster."

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#16

bigglassjar said: “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”

CAPreacher replied: "Lol I have this on a shirt! Always get a comment on it when I wear it out and about."

shisoumofo answered:"I wanted to get one at my old job, but the faculty might take offense. Especially since I had to explain things to them all the time."

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Jan Dunn
Jan Dunn
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could explain it to you but I haven't got the lifespan to make you understand.

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#17

"If you're a spice, you'd be flour."

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#18

"You look like you fight racoons for the good trash."

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Bonesko
Bonesko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, there's some good trash to fight for don't judge 😁

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#19

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?”

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Thegoodboi
Thegoodboi
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hold on hold on...if it's a twig, you're gonna have to do better than that. And I want a good heave, not just a toss. Make me work for it!

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#20

"In a world full of soup you would eat with a fork."

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#21

“I appreciate your absence.”

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#22

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "They’d need a recipe for making ice cubes."

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#23

"As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?"

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#24

"I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing."

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#25

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "If I offered a penny for your thoughts, you'd owe me change."

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#26

"You are as useless as the wh in why."

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#27

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "You play the victim so much I’m surprised you don’t carry around your own body chalk."

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#28

BlckAlchmst said: "The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel."

give_it_a_vodkashot replied: "That reminds me of one comment i read saying: "the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil.""

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#29

6bytesunder said: "I'd insult you, but I'm afraid you won't notice it."

obscureferences replied: "I can see how you'd confuse feedback for insults."

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#30

""He was the sort of person who viewed hygiene as something that only happened to other people." Great line from the second Caiphus Cain novel, and a great insult I use to describe our customers."

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#31

"I stole this from Triumph but I love this one:

"If you're here, who's home disappointing your parents?""

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#32

“You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave.”

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#33

"I'm genuinely excited to never interact with you again."

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#34

“You dense cabbage.”

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#35

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "Yer lad has only two brain cells left fighting over third place."

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#36

"God really chose the "randomize" option on you."

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#37

"You remind me of someone I would like to forget."

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#38

"I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you."

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Headless Roach
Headless Roach
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wasn't that a bunch of pandas are an embarrassment? 🙃 I read it on another article recently.

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#39

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "Bless your heart."

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Sami-Jo Ross
Sami-Jo Ross
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When a granny tells you this, you know there's no hope for you.

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#40

"She'd catch the bouquet at a funeral.

He keeps a fork in the sugar jar.

Hasn't had a wash since he was baptized.

Still has his communion money in credit union.

Brings a ruler to bed to measure how long he's slept."

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#41

xkulp8 said: "You are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence - Time Bandits."

my_best_space_helmet replied: "I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an over-abundance of schooling - Firefly."

hesmistersun replied: "My days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle."

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#42

Commenter said: "Stop playing hard to get when you're hard to want."

WatchingInSilence replied: "A universally applicable version of Tom Tucker's best insult against Meg: "Thank you, Meg. I guess beggars can be choosers.""

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#43

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "You’re so dense, light bends around you."

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#44

"Your eyes, they remind me of stars... Not because they're beautiful, no... but because they're so far apart."

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Nurichwersonst
Nurichwersonst
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's similar to "You have teeth like the stars. So yellow and far apart." 😅

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#45

"You look like you drop common loot."

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#46

""Your face makes blind kids cry" idk where I heard it but its gold."

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Dak Janiels
Dak Janiels
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also like this one, "Does your face hurt? Cause it's killing me!"

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#47

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta."

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#48

"Someone told me I was shorter than the sleeves on a bikini."

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#49

BlueAndMoreBlue said: "You sound like a pizza cutter — all edge and no point."

The_Presitator replied: "Oooo! This is good! I'm a teacher so there are a lot of teenagers I could apply to."

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#50

"Boys as sharp as a bowling ball."

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#51

"In response to telling a story where the person did something dumb his friend says "I bet you ran through the house with scissors growing up didn't you" and not gonna lie it made my day."

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Dak Janiels
Dak Janiels
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In this situation just say "I bet you use floaties in the bathtub."

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#52

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "I believe I read this one in a Conan the Barbarian book many years ago."You illegitimate offspring of questionable parentage!""

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#53

"You first slice of bread."

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#54

"Your presence is as enjoyable as a wet pair of socks."

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#55

obert-wan-kenobert said: “Having been born an infant, realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever.”

bartleby_bartender replied: "This is so perfect. Who're you quoting?"

obert-wan-kenobert replied: "Pretty sure I read it in a Michael Chabon book! Paraphrasing though."

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#56

macho_estimation said: ""I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that" - Groucho Marx."

zerbey replied: "He had a few savage insults, another one is "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it"."

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Apatheist Account2
Apatheist Account2
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your name is Gertrude? I'll call you Gert, and leave out the rude part.

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#57

"Your inner child needs to grow an outer man."

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#58

"When I was younger I used to watch this movie “the great race” with my family. There was this insult that one of the antagonists used towards his counterpart by calling him a “thimble headed gherkin.” Which was essentially and indirectly calling him a d*ck-head. It took me YEARS to make that connection."

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#59

""You would somehow lock yourself in a motorcycle." It was one of mine I think. I think I heard it from somewhere and in a great moment, I just blurted that out. I was arguing with a child."

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#60

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "I don't believe in God, but if there's a Hell down there, it's full with people like you."

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#61

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity “It’s so nice that they let people like you work here.”

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#62

"If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."

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#63

Milinka1793 said: "A favorite I read somewhere, "I envy those who have yet to meet you.""

WhatDaufuskie replied: "Bob Dylan: "One day, I wish you'd be in my shoes, so you could know... what a drag it is to see you.""

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#64

Commenter said: "You are not a mistake, you're a regret."

Mrjohnjohn12 replied: "You've lost toilet paper privileges. Have fun getting creative!"

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#65

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity “I bet when a family friend brings you up to your parents your parents change the subject.”

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#66

"Pretty sure it was in a movie that was a book series - can’t remember the name of the series or the EXACT quote but it was something like:

“If you were half as funny as you think you are, you’d be twice as funny as you are now.”"

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A girl
A girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My boss to me in a situation meeting the morning after an evening team bonding over bowling. "You're much funnier when I've been drinking"

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#67

"I’ve used play doh with a stronger core than you."

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#68

"You insolent lump of butter!"

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jmdirks
jmdirks
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These are starting to get downright hateful. Kinda like the things bad parents say to their poor children.

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#69

"“You would have been better as a stain between the bedsheets” or any variation of it."

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One Hires
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least I have a birth certificate rather than an apology letter from the condom company?

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#70

"My mother allways told me to be nice or be quiet. I presume you've not heard from yours in years?"

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#71

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "You're about as useful as the 9 on a microwave."

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#72

"I had a teacher tell some kid "Nothing you have to say is of any consequence... to anyone." He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison."

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#73

FlashforGordan said: ""If you were the prize at the end of my race, I would walk backwards" - Judge Judy."

TBroomey replied: ""Beauty fades, dumb is forever." Another good one from Judge Judith Sheindlin."

Puzzleheaded_Rate_73 answered: ""Listen to me. I'm older, smarter. If you live to be a hundred and fifty, you're not going to be as smart as I am in one finger!" From the infamous Ebay Cellphone Scammer episode."

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#74

lexmattness said: "Sharp as a marble, that one..."

TheRiverOtter replied: "So, just needs to be broken first?"

DinoHunter64 answered: "Sharp as mashed potatoes was a good one I heard."

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#75

"The way you act you must really hate yourself."

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#76

"Adapted from Bob Dylan's "Positively 4th Street",

I wish that for a moment you could stand in my shoes, then you'd know what a drag it is to see you."

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#77

"I hope your children grow up to know to be ashamed of you."

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#78

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "Wouldn't get up on him to get over a wall."

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#79

"Your mother buys you megablocks instead of Legos."

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#80

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "May God overlook you - Ambrose Bierce"

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#81

"You cranberry numbnut."

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#82

"You are so blessedly free of the ravages of intelligence."

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#83

Barl0we said: "Anyone who ever loved you was wrong."

IAmBard76 replied: "I say this to myself."

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#84

Taiganattsu said: "You're impossible to underestimate."

DeltaHuluBWK replied: "Made me think of "my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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#85

"From The Women, “There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel.” Gotta love Joan Crawford’s delivery of that line."

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#86

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity "How do you not wear a helmet?"

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#87

"If he’d two brains he’d be twice as thick."

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#88

"She was poured into that dress and forgot to say when."

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#89

"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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#90

These 90 Creative Insults Are Already Brilliant Without The Use Of Profanity “I know 10 fat people, you’re 6 of them.”

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Bud Burke
Bud Burke
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Read in a newspaper while I was in Ireland: "He is a ninnyhammer of the first water".

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