Not every kid's family life is like in The Brady Bunch. Some children grow up with pretty messed up people for parents. Research shows that 63.9% of U.S. adults report having at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE) – a potentially traumatic event.
But social media has made it easier for adolescents and adult children to share their childhood traumas and take comfort in the fact that they have many brothers and sisters of similar fates. This time, we have a compilation just for them – the moments when toxic parents acted particularly infuriatingly.
So, those who grew up in a healthy family might want to go kiss their mom and dad for some extra appreciation after going through this list!
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I'm 25, I Have Schizophrenia, And Have Zero Support From My Mom
I Cooked A Thanksgiving Meal From Scratch For My Family And No One Ate It
My mom and sibling decided at the last minute to eat at someone else's house. My dad brought his own food to eat for himself. At least my cat appreciates the turkey.
My Mom Just Asked Me For $600 When I Work A Minimum-Wage Job, Then Tells Me To Stop Spending
People may throw around the word 'toxic' nowadays when talking about almost anything. But when the topic is unsupportive and difficult parents, it's mostly fitting. As Psychologist Chivonna Childs, Ph.D., explains, toxic parents are those who put their own needs in front of the needs of their child. "They're more self-centered than other-centered," she says.
The most obvious signs are, of course, physical and verbal abuse. Emotional abuse might be harder to spot. Things like stonewalling, silent treatment, manipulation, blaming, etc. Not respecting your boundaries is also a common trait in toxic parents.
My Mom Made Me Throw Away This Good-Looking Cake Because It Was Given To Us By A Muslim Neighbor
That looks absolutely scrumptious - hope you hid it in your room and ate it anyway!
Showing Up Late To A Planned Dinner
My parents are notorious for showing up late. If a party is at 3, you can expect them at 4:30. We had dinner plans at 5 p.m. today, and it’s 7:39 p.m. and they are still not here. I want to pack everything up and tell them not to come over.
My Mother Asked Me If I Would Cut My Hair To Save Her Life
She's been guilt-tripping me about cutting my hair forever, and she’s not giving up soon.
My mother used to say the same about my beard... Her favorite thing was to say "what if died tommorrow" followed by attempts at guilt tripping. My usual answer to that was to tell her she's been trying to die tommorrow for thirty years now and yet she's still here. Usually shut her right up.
That sounds pretty narcissistic, doesn't it? Not all toxic parents are narcissists per se. But narcissistic parents share some toxic traits. Clinical Psychologist Ramani Durvasula distinguishes the most prominent six:
- They support you in public but criticize you in private;
- They create a space of mistrust;
- They treat you differently from your siblings;
- They treat their kids as extensions of themselves;
- They want their child to mirror their emotions;
- And they shame you for having or expressing your needs.
Last Year I Checked My Bank Account And Saw That My Mom Stole My Money, Almost $2,000
My Mother’s Response To Going No Contact
For context, my father is in prison for molesting me. Mom still denies that I was abused and insists that I had a great childhood. She wanted to have a better relationship with me, so she volunteered to watch my daughter once a week. Then she decided she needed a roommate. I asked her not to get a male roommate because I would worry about my child. She acted so offended that I would worry about such a thing. I got really upset.
Censoring 'abuse' now BP? Wtf! Talk about it, or its just the sponsor money that matters for you?
My Mom Took A Bite Of My Birthday Cake That I Bought For Myself
Yesterday was my birthday, and to celebrate it, I bought two slices of cake after work to enjoy, but because it was late, I put it in the fridge to eat later. I was a little stressed recently, so when I got off work today, I felt happy because I was about to enjoy some cake that I hadn't had in a while. However, when I opened the fridge, I saw that my mom took a bite out of them. Yes, she knew it was my birthday yesterday. No, I don't think she cared.
I might be a little overreacting, but I'm feeling more than a little upset over it. I know it's not a big deal, but it's just the principle of the thing, you know? My mood was immediately shattered.
Just to add the day of my birthday, she asked me to take her out for dinner. I think she's mixing up whose birthday it was.
I went through smth. similar while I was in college and still living with my parents. I had classes at the university all day long. With my very little money, I'd buy some cheap cheese to make sandwiches (the only lunch I could afford). Several times, my father and my brother found the cheese I had hidden in the fridge and ate it all (although there was cooked food available). I had no choice but to eat empty bread. I argued with them on this matter, but they didn't care.
In fact, narcissistic parents are only one type of toxic parent. The other most common three are helicopter, dismissive, and passive/permissive parents. Helicopter parents don't let their children experience the world on their own. By trying to shield them from even the most minor dangers, they rob them of developing their own identity.
I'm Allergic To Almonds. This Is All My Parents Will Buy. They Eat All The Cereal I Buy And Leave Me With This, Saying I Can "Pick Out The Almonds"
The fact they got the cereal with 25% more almonds just to make sure you have an allergic reaction. They want you to die.
My Mom Was 15 When She Had Me And Was Also Diagnosed With Manic Depressive Disorder/Bipolar
I’m currently in college and living with her again because rent is really expensive. I’ve been secretly going to therapy because of anxiety attacks from living with my mom. I’m now being treated for PTSD.
Shyt, that one should be locked away. Using such words about your kid... Demanding respect?! I wouldn't respect such a goblin , ever!
My Room Was Clean When I Left For My Dad's House For Spring Break. This Is What I Came Home To After My Mom "Looked For My Wallet"
Dismissive parents often reject and show disdain toward their children. Clinical Social Worker Kimberly Perlin explains that dismissive mothers, in particular, are not empathetic to their child's needs. "They often send the message to their child that they are too needy or clingy when the child is expressing developmentally appropriate needs."
My Mom's Response When I Came Out To Her. Haven’t Talked To Them For Two Weeks Now
My Mother Destroyed My Screen Because My Dogs Woke Her Up
Growing Up, My Parents Refused To Get Me Dolls Or Accessories. Now I’m In My 20s, And They Have Decided To Buy Doll Stuff Each Year And Laugh In My Face. This Was This Year's "Gift"
Permissive or passive parents fail to set boundaries for their children. They avoid confrontation at all costs, so the children may have difficulty with authority later in life. Jeff Nalin, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist, says that permissive parents "fail to teach their children to respect themselves and others, which can negatively impact the way they interact with teachers, peers, and authoritative figures."
After My Parent's Divorce, My Mother Ripped My Father Out Of My Childhood Photos. He Passed Away Over Two Years Ago, And We Don’t Have Many Photos Together
I’m A "Turkey" Because I Don’t Want To Download An App So My Mom Could Track Me
My Friend (Who Is Adopted) Posted One Thing On Instagram. It Also Appears That Her Mom Is Stalking Her
What happens to children of toxic or narcissistic parents, and how do they differ from those who grow up in healthy families? Most often, they're plagued by self-doubt. They constantly battle the anxiety that they're not good enough. Not good enough at their job, at being a parent, a friend, or even at being a good son or daughter.
My Mom Is Withholding My Unemployment And Took The Cares Act Grant Gave Out To The Students
My 16-Year-Old Sister Spent Two Hours Cooking Christmas Dinner And My Mom Won't Eat Because She's Mad That My Sister Didn't Like Her Present
Sis got a pink purse. She doesn't use purses, and she also hates the color pink.
My Mom Using Her Beliefs To Kick Me Out For Being Trans
But many children and adolescents have to live with their toxic parents. That's why one of the symptoms of having a toxic parent is feeling trapped. "It's not like a child can just get up and leave, to go live on their own. You're left at the mercy of the people who love and take care of us," Dr. Childs explained.
My Mom Threw My Monitor, But It Didn’t Work, So She Resorted To The Knife
My Mom Got Kicked Out Of Her Boyfriend's House And Decided To Break Into Mine And Start Sleeping On My Couch. I Didn't Know Until I Saw Her Complaining About My Cat On Facebook
If she's sleeping where she shouldn't and posting lmao on fb, then she's not allergic.
My Mom Kindly Promised She Would Maintain My Car While I Was Away Temporarily. Well, She Didn't. Now It Has A Dead Battery And A Moldy Interior
How does this even happen? What do you do that makes a car get mold inside?
For adult children of toxic parents, it might be easier to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Peg Streep, the author of "Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life," told HuffPost that the main thing people who grew up in a toxic family environment should remember is that the only person they can change is themselves.
My Parents Went Through My Phone, Deleted Over 1500 Different Images And Videos, And Emptied The Trash Bin. I'm 15, And They Haven't Found Anything Bad On My Phone Ever
I’m 17, And I Still Have Screen Time While My 14-Year-Old Sister Doesn’t
This is stupid. I’m not on my phone all day, while my sister is on it almost 24/7. Every evening, she is on a call with her friend for like 5 hours, and my parents don’t say anything about it. But if I’m on my bed for 5 minutes on my phone, I get yelled at. This is so stupid and annoying.
It’s My First Baby
Explanation: This is my first baby, and so far we have only told a few people (close family). We obviously included my mother-in-law in that. My partner has kids from a previous relationship, and we wanted to do a gender reveal for them. We sent a video of it to MIL because she asked to see it, and she posted it on Facebook. Announcing that not only am I pregnant, but the gender. I guess she’d had a few drinks. The worst part of it all was that once she sobered up nothing changed. This is the conversation. Am I really overreacting?
Licensed Mental Health Counselor Justine Carino gives an example of setting a boundary for adolescents and adults alike. "If your parents continuously invade your privacy, you may choose to set a boundary about knocking on your bedroom door before entering or calling you before they drop by your home."
My Mom Paused The Internet Because I Was Doing Homework And Forgot To Text Her Back. This Is Just One Example Of Her Holding The Internet Over My Head For Every Little Slip Up I Make
I Woke Up And Saw My Door Removed By My Parents. I Asked Them Why They Did That, And They Replied, "Privacy Isn't Necessary"
Decent nursing home or seeing their future grand children isn't necessary either.
My Mom Smashed My Phone
For some context, we have a rule in my house where my phone has to be upstairs plugged in at all times, and today I forgot to plug it in and had it in my pocket in my room. She came down, told me to give it to her, and threw it on the ground as hard as she could. I'm 19. She says if I don't follow the rules, I can live on the streets.
Sharon Martin, LCSW, says that a support system is crucial for those who grew up with toxic people. That means either a support group or a mental health professional. The term 'chosen family' also entered our collective lexicon for a reason. The people who love and support you don't necessarily have to be your family members, so don't be afraid to seek support and care from other people!
When Your Mom Calls You A Bottom
My Mom Gets Mad That I Still Wear Masks And Comes In My Room And Cuts All Of Them While I'm Gone
Getting Tracked At 20 By My Anti-Vax Conspiracy Theory Mom. I Finally Convinced Her To Delete The Tracking App Though
I Don't Get Why She's So Mad That I Let My Kid Sleep On The Recliner Or Couch Sometimes
Mom Destroyed My Ultra Wide Monitor The Day After I Called The Cops On Her Because She Threw Rubbing Alcohol In My Eyes
My Dad Sanded My Car's Hood Without Telling Me
My car did have some rust spots on the hood, I own the car and was looking into places to get my hood repaired. My dad said he would paint it himself a week ago, and I said NO very clearly. He is not trained in car repair, has no experience, and has no equipment. Today he stole my car keys and decided to sand it down without letting me know. Now I have to get the entire hood repainted.
So I Told My Mom I Was Voting For Biden, And She Told Me, "I Don’t Want You To Come Visit. Don't Talk To Me Anymore" And Hung Up On Me. Then She Sent Me These Crazy Texts
I’m 27, And My Mom Thinks It’s Okay To Still Spank Or Smack Me And Gets Mad When I Defend Myself
It doesn't matter how old a kid is, spanking, smacking, hitting is wrong.
My Mother Took It Upon Herself To Cut Up One Of My Favorite Pairs Of Jeans, Then Threw The Rest In The Bin Without Telling Me. Thanks, Mum
And she wonders why I don't hang out with her.
This is not the first time she has tried donating or binning my clothes. Most of the time, she just takes them and tries to do away with them without telling me. But I usually notice and call her out on it. Instead of being apologetic, she insists (forces) that I get rid of them. Her reasoning is usually, "They're ugly. I don't like them," "They're ratty," and "I don't like that color." This time, it was "They're worn thin (they were manufactured thin)."
Just Trying To Make Plans For My Birthday With My Stepdad. We Don't Go Out Much, We Maybe Go Out To Eat Once Every Month
I invited him and my mom to one concert this year, and the train ride was a suggestion for my mom’s birthday. All of those things he always insists on paying himself even though I offer money.
My Dad Today
I mean, when you cheat on my mom more than three times, maybe you will start to reflect and wonder why.
The Subtle Way My Mom Shows Anger When Needing To Reschedule Lunch Plans
I’ve Been At College For One Day. My Dad Dropped Me Off Yesterday. It Hasn’t Even Been 24 Hours Since He Dropped Me Off. I’m Four And A Half Hours Away, And I Still Can’t Escape This
This Is What My Partner Has To Deal With Daily. Classic Narcissistic Mom
My Dad Will Often Park In Or Over Handicapped Spaces. This Is At A Medical Facility. The Parking Lot Was Mostly Empty
My Dad Volunteered Me To Read At Church Tomorrow With A 5-Hour Notice And Has Refused To Call Me By My Name (I'm Trans)
My Mom Thinks I'm A Substance Addict Because I Left The Toilet Seat Up And Got A "C" In One Class
I leave the seat up (I am female) because sometimes my husband is in a "bit of a hurry." I just call it being considerate.
My Mom Adopted A Cat And Kept Her For Less Than 48 Hours Before Deciding The Poor Thing Was Too Much To Handle. Now She Wants Me To Buy Her A Dog?
Parents Who Lit Cigarettes Inside Their Car While Their Kids Are Inside The Car
My Parents Have Installed Software On My Phone Without My Consent That Disables The Ability To Clear History And Streams My Web History And Activity To Their Phone
When you need some reassurance that your parenting style is solid and logical simply revisit this page and you’ll soon be back to confident parenting 😂 if any of your behaviour echoes these fruit loops then reassess your priorities and start a new way.
I keep wondering you need a license to drive a car, schooling for most career choices, but any Muppet can have children. Some of these people should have never had kids
Not fair. Muppets are more generous and loving than any of these.
Load More Replies...Good grief. I'd ditch the lot of them in a heartbeat. Felt much happier when I went no contact with my mother and sister.
Too many narcissistic and crazy fathers and mothers out there.
Load More Replies...When you need some reassurance that your parenting style is solid and logical simply revisit this page and you’ll soon be back to confident parenting 😂 if any of your behaviour echoes these fruit loops then reassess your priorities and start a new way.
I keep wondering you need a license to drive a car, schooling for most career choices, but any Muppet can have children. Some of these people should have never had kids
Not fair. Muppets are more generous and loving than any of these.
Load More Replies...Good grief. I'd ditch the lot of them in a heartbeat. Felt much happier when I went no contact with my mother and sister.
Too many narcissistic and crazy fathers and mothers out there.
Load More Replies...