For many of us, the first time we experience living with a roommate is when we move out of our parent’s house around the age of 18. We might move away to university or start renting a place with friends to have some privacy and learn how to live on our own. This time can be a great learning experience for many people. If your parents always washed your dishes, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, did your laundry for you and cooked every meal for the entire household, you might have been in for a rude awakening when you first did these things by yourself.

And don't get me wrong, it's perfectly normal and healthy to learn many things when you live alone for the first time. Personally, I spent hours on end watching cooking videos, so I would feel inspired and competent in the kitchen, as I had only mastered the basics prior to moving to university. Plus, it’s expected to learn some things through trial and error. You might get excited at the grocery store and buy too much produce at once only to see half of it growing mold by the end of the week. We all make mistakes, but what is important is to learn from these mistakes. Toss out that produce at the first sign of mold! Don’t let it fester until the whole fridge is a biohazard and your roommates start holding grudges against you.

To gain more insight on the topic of difficult roommates, we reached out to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Ashleigh Edelstein. First, we wanted to know if Ashleigh could explain why living with roommates is often so hard. "Living with roommates is challenging because of differing, and often unspoken, expectations," she told Bored Panda. "For some, their parents may have handled too many things for them, preventing them from being self-sufficient enough to be a good roommate. This might look like expecting others to pick up after them or invading their roommate’s privacy by entering without knocking. It doesn't have to be this way! One of the quickest ways to prevent these kinds of problems is to set expectations before moving in together, or reset them if you’re already living together. Each person needs to consider what they expect and what’s expected of them to prevent unnecessary issues."

We also asked Ashleigh what is important to disclose before agreeing to live with someone. "One important thing to know about yourself is how much solitude and social time you need on a regular basis," she noted. "Being surrounded by people all the time can be overstimulating, so it’d be important to set boundaries around how available you are. There should also be boundaries around inviting friends or partners to hang out or stay over so no one feels taken advantage of."

But if you've had a hard time finding the perfect roommate, don't be discouraged. Ashleigh says it's totally possible for two very different people to mesh well when sharing a living space, as long as they're both clear on what's considered respectful behavior.

"For example, if one person is a night owl and the other a morning person, they’d both need to respect 'quiet hours' while the other sleeps," Ashleigh explained. "This might look like not using loud appliances first thing, or using headphones to listen to music or watch TV when it's late. You can have different interests, hobbies, or passions, and still live together peacefully. The key is that you both hold similar values, like respect, honesty, and cooperation."

Ashleigh also shared her best tip for approaching conflicts with roommates. "Have a proactive conversation before you reach a boiling point," she told Bored Panda. "Find a time when you’re both likely to be in a good mood to prevent them getting mad or defensive. Start by talking about what needs to change as specifically as possible and why it matters.

"For instance, 'I need you to wash your dishes at night, so they don't pile up and make the sink unusable.' Then, let them know what you'll do if this keeps happening. 'I'll put your dishes elsewhere if they're not clean by the next day.' Letting them know ahead of time means you're not being passive aggressive, you're simply setting a limit," Ashleigh explained.

If you'd like to hear more wise words from Ashleigh or learn about her business, Austin Therapy and EMDR, be sure to check out her website right here.

After viewing this list, I realized just how lucky I have been with roommates in the past. I was fortunate enough to become great friends with all of my roommates, and the worst issues I ever encountered were messes in the kitchen that seem like nothing compared to the photos featured here. I do consider myself a neat freak, so I understand that not everyone requires the same standard of cleanliness as I do. But one of the most important things to remember when you have roommates is that you have to consider them. 

If you have your own bedroom, that space is yours to do with what you like (assuming you’re not putting everyone else in danger, making excessive noise or letting out disgusting smells). But shared spaces like kitchens, bathrooms, living rooms, and corridors should be kept neat and tidy. It’s selfish and unfair to subject roommates to messes. And when roommates share appliances, dishware and furniture, those items should also be treated with respect. What always hurt me the most when I found messes in my apartment was the fact that I would never do that to my roommates, because it would feel disrespectful to make them clean up after me. But I know I’m preaching to the choir here, pandas. I’m sure we’re all equally horrified by these photos. Yet somehow, there are so many people out there living like this…  

In theory, living with another person should be easy. We all want to reside in a clean space, and it seems like keeping an apartment tidy is intuitive. When there’s a mess, clean it up. When the trash is full, take it out. If it’s late at night, don’t make loud noise. Yet it appears that some people just don’t have the self-awareness to take care of themselves and their living space. Many of the photos on this list are concerning for a variety of reasons (some being health hazards, some being extremely questionable judgment and many being both), but I want to try to understand how people come to live like this in the first place. One possible explanation is that they simply were never taught otherwise. Not everyone needs to have their hand held when it comes to “adulting”, but some people do. If their parents or previous roommates never said, “Hey, you have to clean your bathroom once a week, or dirt, hair and germs will pile up” they might just never consider it.   

Unfortunately, another potential reason someone might not be an ideal roommate is if they’re struggling with mental health issues. If someone is battling depression, for example, even the simplest tasks can seem like impossible feats. Depression can suck a person’s energy, motivation and care about life in general, so dishes piling up or clothes all over the place might not seem to bother them at all. If you’re concerned that your roommate might be struggling, don’t be scared to reach out and see if there's any way you can help. Sometimes the best course of action would be for them to stay with a family member or loved one who can help take care of them for a while until they are in a healthier place.

And as Gaby Teresa, associate marriage and family therapist at Kindman & Co. in Los Angeles, told PsychCentral, “If mess occurs exclusively with your depression, making steps to clean can feel hopeful. It can remind you that you are capable of doing hard things and promote feelings of accomplishment and capability which in turn, begin to improve your mood.”

Another possible reason your roommate seems to be an actual monster might be because they’ve never been held accountable for their actions. If their parents always cleaned up after them, they might not realize that messes don’t magically disappear. If no one has ever called them out for leaving dishes in the sink for weeks or leaving wet clothes in the washing machine for days, they might just need a harsh reality check. Being an adult is not always fun, and it seems like my to-do list grows longer and longer every day. But part of being an adult is being responsible. We can’t just throw away dishes every time they get dirty or hope our roommate doesn’t notice that we ruined their expensive pots and pans. We all need to be held accountable, especially roommates from hell. 

According to Moving.com, some of the most common conflicts between roommates are uncleanliness in shared spaces, taking things without asking, having difficulty splitting up the costs, gaining an unexpected “third roommate”, and complaints about noise. I once had a roommate who would play her guitar and sing until 1am in the living room which shared a wall with my bedroom. Yet if I wanted to make a smoothie at 11am, I was yelled at because it was too early to be using the loud blender. We all have different lifestyle habits and living preferences, so to prevent any of these common disputes between roommates, it’s best to lay it all out on the table before you move in together.    

Before agreeing to move in with a new roommate, it’s important to understand how they live and whether or not the two of you will actually be a good match. Some people are early birds, and others are night owls. If you work from home 5 days a week, you roommate must understand that they can’t be too noisy during the day. If you work late shifts at a bar and come home at 4am, you might not want a roommate who’s a light sleeper. If you’re vegan, it might be important to know if your roommate plans to cook lots of meat in your pots and pans. And if you live in a place where marijuana is legal, it’s best to have a conversation making sure you won’t come home to an apartment that smells like a reggae festival.  

Although you should have many honest conversations with a person before deciding to live with them, it can be hard to prevent a “roommate from hell” situation 100% of the time. I would guess that most of the monsters from this list do not have the self-awareness to warn prospective roommates of their living habits, or no one would ever agree to live with them. But if you do find yourself in a living situation that’s causing you anxiety or stress, remember that you can always get out. If you’re signed onto a lease, talk to your landlord. If you live in university housing, speak with your RA. And if you have to go stay somewhere else, see if your parents or a friend will take you in for a while until you figure out your next steps. We all deserve to feel at peace in our homes, and it’s unfair for one bad roommate to dominate an entire space.