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Man Asks If He’s A Jerk To Kick GF Out Of The House Because Of Her New Career
Interview With Expert
Romantic relationships are important, but, for some people, career is even more important. A survey from Zety revealed that 75% of people would choose their career over a relationship. For some, their career might be more important than their partner’s feelings.
For this woman, it was her partner’s privacy. As a budding influencer, she would make content at home and her BF would often be the subject of that content. The bad part is that she never asked for his consent. When he confronted her and suggested moving out, she went off about how he doesn’t support her career and is trying to control her.
To find out more about how important consent and respecting your partner’s privacy is, Bored Panda reached out to a seasoned dating and relationship coach, Marie Thouin, PhD. She details how important consent is in a relationship, and not just in a sexual setting. Read her expert insights below!
More info: Marie Thouin, PhD | Instagram | What Is Compersion?
RELATED:
A guy with a budding influencer GF started noticing she puts him in her videos without his consent
Image credits: alinabuphoto (not the actual photo)
So, he suggested she move out so he can finally have some privacy at home
Image credits: guyswhoshoot (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image source: Agatastic
The boyfriend in this situation did the right thing by communicating his needs clearly
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
Some people find it difficult to express their needs and set boundaries in a relationship. Yet the author of this story did it really well when he said he needed his privacy and suggested his girlfriend move out.
Dr. Marie Thouin, a dating and relationship expert, says that he expressed completely valid needs: “The need for privacy within his own home, and the need for consent to be given before posting his voice and image publicly,” Dr. Thouin told Bored Panda. “He did the right thing by voicing his concerns to his girlfriend and having a more serious conversation with her, including the suggestion that they live separately.”
“If she is not willing to take his needs into consideration, then he will have to enforce a boundary, meaning they will have to stop cohabiting whether she agrees or not. The longer this situation goes on, the more resentment is likely to build,” the relationship expert points out.
When to one partner a career becomes more important than the relationship, tensions will likely rise
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Dr. Thouin explains that sometimes work comes between couples. “When the needs of a person’s career seem to compete with the needs of the relationship, there will be some obvious tension in the relationship. Couples should address this early and openly.”
Sometimes, Dr. Thouin says, the lifestyles of both partners are so fundamentally different that they’re incompatible. “For example, if one person wants to center career over everything else in their life, and work 60 hours/week, but the other person wants a home life that includes large amounts of quality time with their partner – the gap between these two people’s needs might be too large to reconcile.”
However, that doesn’t mean that such a couple is doomed. With open communication, negotiation, and compromise many couples can move past this argument. “The situation could be fixed if his girlfriend recognized the boundaries she has crossed, apologized, and committed to respecting his privacy going forward,” the relationship expert says.
“However, if their expectations and perspectives around this topic remain fundamentally incompatible, this might be an unresolvable issue that leads to breaking up,” Dr. Thouin adds.
Consent is a crucial element in any relationship
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
A situation like this is a very good example of what consent is. We’re mostly used to seeing discussions about consent when we talk about sexual harassment or assault. But stories like these remind us that it’s also about respecting one’s privacy.
“For any relationship, consent is fundamental,” Dr. Thouin emphasizes. “We usually discuss the concept of consent in sexual settings, but this story shows that consent is about much more. Posting photos and videos online without a person’s consent is a basic disregard for their humanity.”
“Just like disregarding consent in sex would make someone feel used, the girlfriend in this scenario has used her boyfriend for her own gratification without respect for his ability to choose – which is very disruptive to relational trust and safety.”
“While people can have different needs and values in relationships, consent is fundamental for any partnership to be healthy, safe, and loving,” Dr. Marie Thouin reiterates.
The author emphasized that he didn’t want to break up, just to be able to relax in his own home
Many people supported the guy, saying that his wish for privacy was valid
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What do you think ?
Jules 2 months ago
"Influencers" shouldn't even be a thing and should just f**k off and get a real job
Lost Panda 2 months ago
Not trying to be an a** or anything, but is it just me or has "trying to control me" become a new scapegoat phrase in recent years?
Jennifer Clayton 2 months ago
Personal boundaries being talked about openly is still kind of new. Real people talking about real feelings is messy in reality. I just figure everyone is at a different place on a different journey than mine. You never really get to a place where you've figured it all out. I'm 48 years old and am learning a lot from younger generations about standing up for yourself. It often is communicated via disjointed extremes, but I think these are new lessons for a lot of us where we read these kind of meme statements and look over our lives like I kinda wish I'd known that a long time ago. Like now I can see OP just has really low self esteem, so he's not questioning his love for someone who is using him. I didn't see that in myself when I was married, but I have more words to describe it now and have done a lot of work on myself since. So it's common to say "you're trying to control me," but even being able to articulate that doesn't always come naturally.
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Papa 2 months ago
Since they unfortunately started getting paid to do it.
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Jules 2 months ago
"Influencers" shouldn't even be a thing and should just f**k off and get a real job
Lost Panda 2 months ago
Not trying to be an a** or anything, but is it just me or has "trying to control me" become a new scapegoat phrase in recent years?
Jennifer Clayton 2 months ago
Personal boundaries being talked about openly is still kind of new. Real people talking about real feelings is messy in reality. I just figure everyone is at a different place on a different journey than mine. You never really get to a place where you've figured it all out. I'm 48 years old and am learning a lot from younger generations about standing up for yourself. It often is communicated via disjointed extremes, but I think these are new lessons for a lot of us where we read these kind of meme statements and look over our lives like I kinda wish I'd known that a long time ago. Like now I can see OP just has really low self esteem, so he's not questioning his love for someone who is using him. I didn't see that in myself when I was married, but I have more words to describe it now and have done a lot of work on myself since. So it's common to say "you're trying to control me," but even being able to articulate that doesn't always come naturally.
Load More Replies... Papa 2 months ago
Since they unfortunately started getting paid to do it.
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