Recently I decided I want to illustrate my personal frustrations and voice my suicidal ideation and experience with dark thoughts. When I began, I thought I might share them with my friends but got the courage to share them with everyone that I knew. When other people saw the work, they connected with the stories from their viewpoint.
Talking about suicide and people's experience is very important. I want to continue creating my images to hopefully be able to help and reach out to others struggling with dark and suicidal thoughts. If you're interested, you can find the whole project on Facebook. I hope you enjoy it.
More info: Facebook
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Many Days I Feel Like I'm Just Watching Everyone Else Go By
Getting Up Is The Hardest
I'm On A Different Planet
So I Spend A Lot Of My Energy Hiding My True Feelings
It's A Struggle To Get Out Of This Thinking
And The Fog Just Takes Over So I Can't See At All
I Just Deal With The Bizarre Ways They Make Themselves Feel Like They're Doing Something To 'Help'
They want to help, don't know how and hate feeling helpless (but knowing that still doesn't really help or make a big difference)
Looking back and having hindsight and empathy for peoples weird responses has been helpful... but peoples lack of understanding and knowing how to respond has been sooo damaging for me... its. Like people ‘do their bit’ and dust. Their hands
Load More Replies...For me now it is like a litmus test of potential friends, admitting to depression. If they come up with the standard !@#$ t, then ( when i have the energy) I attempt to educate them, send them to good info. What happens next decides how much effort I will put into this "friendship". Sometimes none, sometimes a lot. # I start from my personal distrust / fear of everyone: cos of reasons.
My cat helps me from suicide. pretty much because everyone comments bad things to me here WIN_201910...4dbaeb.jpg
glorytherainwing, you are amazing the way you are. The people who do things like that just don't know you personally. (I don't either, but innocent until proven guilty, right?)
Somedays, I Wonder How I Survive Them
If I'm Doing Ok.... I'm Sure To Be Reminded That I'm Actually Not
And Don't Get To Close. If You Do, I'll End Up Pushing You Away
So I Feel A Bit Stuck In My Own Thoughts
When I Have Braved People To Talk, I Realise There Isn't A Lot Of Point To It
People Meaning Well Hurt Me More Than They Could Ever Imagine
If I Don't Hide My Feelings, I Have This Magical Gift Of Draining Everyone Around Me
You won't drain people if you show your feelings, trust me. I know it's hard but talking to people helps, and one of your friends or family might actually be going though the same stuff as you and might be able to tell you ways they deal with it :).
The World Moves Without Noticing Me
yes. I, too, feel like a useless speck on earth with no use whatsoever
I Reach Out For Help But No One Really Has Interest Or Time
So I Keep Up The Lies
They Really Have A Way Of Making Me Do What They Want
Sometimes I Just Can't Stop What's Going To Happen
@Foxxy I am so disappointed in your words and hate. Certainly not the person I thought you were.
I Feel Trapped And Enticed
Blankness And Emptiness
It's Just A Mess...
Somedays I Do Things Better
That was some heavy stuff. Trust me, you're not the only one who feels that way (even if it often feels that you are)
Just saying, that wasn't the real Foxxy. The real foxxy has "james foxx" in his username, and his troll has "pokemonsa" in his username. It's just a troll, and you know how they be. But I really am sorry how pokemonsa treated you.
Thank you John Lauren’s/Gay Turtle, The REAL Foxxy (me) cares very much and is also a sufferer of depression. I find comfort in a lot of these posts because it makes us realise we are not alone. I am sorry for my trolls vile comments but that is not a reflection of ME. They are obviously trying to ruin my reputation and seeing some of the hate towards “Me” because of their comments on here proves that they have done their job. I believe most of you know by now that I am not a hateful person and the attitude my troll had is not the attitude I have. I hope you can see that. If you go to both of our profiles you will see a difference. I have put up with my troll for months now and most of the comments have been pretty tame but after reading the ones on this post and enough is enough, I have reported them.
Painfully accurate, recognized a lot of my ex in this. Tried to help her for many years, she still managed to push me away in the end though.
Thankyou :0]. It is a shame about your ex. Depression is cruel in how. Isolating it is. Hopefully she find her way... You're a good sort for trying to help her. :0]
Load More Replies...Thank you so much. I'm sure my ex will pull through. I know she is stronger then she thinks herself. I didn't know how strong I was until I had to face life alone.
look, i know how you feel in these pieces of art. i feel like every single one of the. even as a teen. my parents try to help. my physiologists try to help. but the only one who helps is my cat, and I know that one day, he will pass away. so I try to make the most of it, giving all the love I have in my heart. so that he knows HOW MUCH I really REALLY care about him for being there for me. I'm planning of taking his ashes and making a necklace out of them, so his soul will forever be with me when times are hard for me. cause I know he loves me more than anyone has ever loved me. so...bless Thistle for being my cat WIN_201910...03bfa3.jpg
@glorythrainwing - that sounds like a beautifl way to memorialise your cat and keep his spirit with you. Animals are amizing in how they love and support you selflessly.
I know I have talked a lot on this thread. It is because I live with depression and I want to share what has helped me. I see it as a life time disease. Kind of like diabetes, or asthma. ( I have asthma) 1--We need to learn several strategies, 2--Monitor conditions constantly, 3--Protect ourselves from toxic situations /people. 4-- Know our personal warning signs. 5 --Recognise how far we have come. 6--Find good professionals who know what they are doing and are a good fit with us.
Please remember that it just feels like no one is willing to help, and that you are the only one going through it. Please remember that it's so hard to try to help and yet be repeatedly lied to and pushed away. That most of us don't want to make you feel worse, in fact we try so hard to help you get better. We know it's the illness and not you but that doesn't stop it hurting us when you blame us or when we see you suffering. We know that we aren't to blame for your suicide attempts but it feels like we've failed you, that we should had done more and that sometimes you and other people us blame for not doing enough when we feel we could not do any more. Loving someone with depression and suicidal thoughts m is really hard too
All of this. I felt all of this. I'm getting help through a therapist/counselor but someday's it doesn't feel like enough because the people around me just don't under stand what goes through my head or how I feel inside. I can put on a smile, that's easy. But to actually FEEL okay is another thing.
@kaykay I totally agree... i think a lot of my struggles have been from people not understanding what going on in my head. Feeling ok is the hard part. i know there are certain triggers for me that I will struggle to pull through... Its weird... sharing my journey.... and creating a MASS of strategies that I’m always sifting through.. a lot of trial and error and trying new things...it what keeps me moving... I dont think it will ever leave me... It just learning how to manage ‘me’ . Thanks for sharing and the support =0)
Load More Replies...I've struggled with Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I can relate to all of these posts. I've gone through 14 different therapists, and none of them helped, so now I rely on my dog, Dakota, to help me through it. It's kinda like @glorytherainwing, but with my dog. She's the only one that keeps me going. I've failed my family and friends. So Dakota is the one thing I live for.
Thank you for sharing John. Things have really been tough for you. My understanding of ADHD and Schizophrenia is that they are mostly genetic and life time conditions. Treatment is aimed at managing the most comfortable way we can. Hold on ! And please check out this site >>>https://www.metanoia.org <<<<<<<<<< If you give any human enough pain physical or mental we WILL think about suicide. The trick is to move past that. I still think about it, but now i have 3 drs who want much better for me. Just knowing that helps. ( psychologist , phyciatrist, gp )
Thank you Chrissy I can relate to so much of this. This is my favourite site that taught me a way to turn around in a new direction. If it is not your cuppa , maybe someone you know would like it. >>>>>>https://www.metanoia.org/
Thanks for sharing @magpie - the site looks good - im just exploring it now.
Malgorzata Grief is hard and different from depression , though kindof related. We all do grief a bit the same and a bit different. Part of the process is that things will NOT " return to normal" . It is all about adjusting to a new normal that we don't like. Please be patient with yourself , and do something kind for yourself daily if you can. Think what would you do for a friend who was grieving? Now do that for yourself.
I lost my ex to depression and now I am struggling with it. Therapy doesn't seem to work.
I’m so sorry to hear.... Sometime support groups - or meeting up with others who have experienced similar loss can help you process what’s happened and the whirlwind that takes over...Grieving is a normal part of losing someone you care about - It takes a long time to settle and piece the world back together again.... Being around other grieving people can help you feel less alienated in your experience...
Load More Replies...🙃... I used to be at these phases before and still struggling with my overthinking things when I make a mistake. I already succeed in exiting my safe zone. It doesn't feels alone because I have myself! I surround myself with good people. Sometimes I will hurt them especially when my emotions are not good. ☹️😞 Half of them started to make my emotions badly and I exposed all of my feelings about it. I never even been that satisfied before.. 🥲😭 it such a good reliever!
This is my sister. Right now. I really want to help her. I noticed some of the things I say make it worse. So what should I say? Please enlighten me because the last thing I want is to make her feel worse. I am polar opposite. And sometime I think she resents me because I'm a happy person and she isn't. Anything you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hey Lara, often the best thing is to just listen and allow the expression of how c**p they are feeling. You may not be able to stop or change the feelings but being present and accepting that she is in a dark place may help. It’s hard, because there is nothing wrong with you being happy but that happiness may highlight and make her struggle seem more apparent to her. You could look at seeking professional support for yourself - a counsellor May be able to help direct you in the specifics of your sisters situation and give you a space to vent how hard being a support person can be... 😊
That was some heavy stuff. Trust me, you're not the only one who feels that way (even if it often feels that you are)
Just saying, that wasn't the real Foxxy. The real foxxy has "james foxx" in his username, and his troll has "pokemonsa" in his username. It's just a troll, and you know how they be. But I really am sorry how pokemonsa treated you.
Thank you John Lauren’s/Gay Turtle, The REAL Foxxy (me) cares very much and is also a sufferer of depression. I find comfort in a lot of these posts because it makes us realise we are not alone. I am sorry for my trolls vile comments but that is not a reflection of ME. They are obviously trying to ruin my reputation and seeing some of the hate towards “Me” because of their comments on here proves that they have done their job. I believe most of you know by now that I am not a hateful person and the attitude my troll had is not the attitude I have. I hope you can see that. If you go to both of our profiles you will see a difference. I have put up with my troll for months now and most of the comments have been pretty tame but after reading the ones on this post and enough is enough, I have reported them.
Painfully accurate, recognized a lot of my ex in this. Tried to help her for many years, she still managed to push me away in the end though.
Thankyou :0]. It is a shame about your ex. Depression is cruel in how. Isolating it is. Hopefully she find her way... You're a good sort for trying to help her. :0]
Load More Replies...Thank you so much. I'm sure my ex will pull through. I know she is stronger then she thinks herself. I didn't know how strong I was until I had to face life alone.
look, i know how you feel in these pieces of art. i feel like every single one of the. even as a teen. my parents try to help. my physiologists try to help. but the only one who helps is my cat, and I know that one day, he will pass away. so I try to make the most of it, giving all the love I have in my heart. so that he knows HOW MUCH I really REALLY care about him for being there for me. I'm planning of taking his ashes and making a necklace out of them, so his soul will forever be with me when times are hard for me. cause I know he loves me more than anyone has ever loved me. so...bless Thistle for being my cat WIN_201910...03bfa3.jpg
@glorythrainwing - that sounds like a beautifl way to memorialise your cat and keep his spirit with you. Animals are amizing in how they love and support you selflessly.
I know I have talked a lot on this thread. It is because I live with depression and I want to share what has helped me. I see it as a life time disease. Kind of like diabetes, or asthma. ( I have asthma) 1--We need to learn several strategies, 2--Monitor conditions constantly, 3--Protect ourselves from toxic situations /people. 4-- Know our personal warning signs. 5 --Recognise how far we have come. 6--Find good professionals who know what they are doing and are a good fit with us.
Please remember that it just feels like no one is willing to help, and that you are the only one going through it. Please remember that it's so hard to try to help and yet be repeatedly lied to and pushed away. That most of us don't want to make you feel worse, in fact we try so hard to help you get better. We know it's the illness and not you but that doesn't stop it hurting us when you blame us or when we see you suffering. We know that we aren't to blame for your suicide attempts but it feels like we've failed you, that we should had done more and that sometimes you and other people us blame for not doing enough when we feel we could not do any more. Loving someone with depression and suicidal thoughts m is really hard too
All of this. I felt all of this. I'm getting help through a therapist/counselor but someday's it doesn't feel like enough because the people around me just don't under stand what goes through my head or how I feel inside. I can put on a smile, that's easy. But to actually FEEL okay is another thing.
@kaykay I totally agree... i think a lot of my struggles have been from people not understanding what going on in my head. Feeling ok is the hard part. i know there are certain triggers for me that I will struggle to pull through... Its weird... sharing my journey.... and creating a MASS of strategies that I’m always sifting through.. a lot of trial and error and trying new things...it what keeps me moving... I dont think it will ever leave me... It just learning how to manage ‘me’ . Thanks for sharing and the support =0)
Load More Replies...I've struggled with Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I can relate to all of these posts. I've gone through 14 different therapists, and none of them helped, so now I rely on my dog, Dakota, to help me through it. It's kinda like @glorytherainwing, but with my dog. She's the only one that keeps me going. I've failed my family and friends. So Dakota is the one thing I live for.
Thank you for sharing John. Things have really been tough for you. My understanding of ADHD and Schizophrenia is that they are mostly genetic and life time conditions. Treatment is aimed at managing the most comfortable way we can. Hold on ! And please check out this site >>>https://www.metanoia.org <<<<<<<<<< If you give any human enough pain physical or mental we WILL think about suicide. The trick is to move past that. I still think about it, but now i have 3 drs who want much better for me. Just knowing that helps. ( psychologist , phyciatrist, gp )
Thank you Chrissy I can relate to so much of this. This is my favourite site that taught me a way to turn around in a new direction. If it is not your cuppa , maybe someone you know would like it. >>>>>>https://www.metanoia.org/
Thanks for sharing @magpie - the site looks good - im just exploring it now.
Malgorzata Grief is hard and different from depression , though kindof related. We all do grief a bit the same and a bit different. Part of the process is that things will NOT " return to normal" . It is all about adjusting to a new normal that we don't like. Please be patient with yourself , and do something kind for yourself daily if you can. Think what would you do for a friend who was grieving? Now do that for yourself.
I lost my ex to depression and now I am struggling with it. Therapy doesn't seem to work.
I’m so sorry to hear.... Sometime support groups - or meeting up with others who have experienced similar loss can help you process what’s happened and the whirlwind that takes over...Grieving is a normal part of losing someone you care about - It takes a long time to settle and piece the world back together again.... Being around other grieving people can help you feel less alienated in your experience...
Load More Replies...🙃... I used to be at these phases before and still struggling with my overthinking things when I make a mistake. I already succeed in exiting my safe zone. It doesn't feels alone because I have myself! I surround myself with good people. Sometimes I will hurt them especially when my emotions are not good. ☹️😞 Half of them started to make my emotions badly and I exposed all of my feelings about it. I never even been that satisfied before.. 🥲😭 it such a good reliever!
This is my sister. Right now. I really want to help her. I noticed some of the things I say make it worse. So what should I say? Please enlighten me because the last thing I want is to make her feel worse. I am polar opposite. And sometime I think she resents me because I'm a happy person and she isn't. Anything you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hey Lara, often the best thing is to just listen and allow the expression of how c**p they are feeling. You may not be able to stop or change the feelings but being present and accepting that she is in a dark place may help. It’s hard, because there is nothing wrong with you being happy but that happiness may highlight and make her struggle seem more apparent to her. You could look at seeking professional support for yourself - a counsellor May be able to help direct you in the specifics of your sisters situation and give you a space to vent how hard being a support person can be... 😊