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Recently I decided I want to illustrate my personal frustrations and voice my suicidal ideation and experience with dark thoughts. When I began, I thought I might share them with my friends but got the courage to share them with everyone that I knew. When other people saw the work, they connected with the stories from their viewpoint.
Talking about suicide and people's experience is very important. I want to continue creating my images to hopefully be able to help and reach out to others struggling with dark and suicidal thoughts. If you're interested, you can find the whole project on Facebook. I hope you enjoy it.
More info: Facebook
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Many Days I Feel Like I'm Just Watching Everyone Else Go By
Final score:
38points
RELATED:
#2
Getting Up Is The Hardest
Final score:
37points
#4
So I Spend A Lot Of My Energy Hiding My True Feelings
Final score:
35points
#5
It's A Struggle To Get Out Of This Thinking
Final score:
27points
Chrissy - Illustrator (Submission author) 5 years ago
Yeah... defifinately.. I think a huge part of my not seeking help is fear of how people respond... fear of a bad response.. fear of rejection.... and previous bad or unhelpful responses...
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Sheila Weila 5 years ago
You do know that brain chemistry is causing this. Right? Brain chemistry can be sinister. It doesn't ask permission. It just causes toxic thinking/emotions. If only there was an easy way to figure out which treatment would work best without all of the trial and error. For me, kittens and music helped a lot.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Submission author) 5 years ago
im not sure its always brain chemistry... Sometimes it life situation... hopelessness, repetitive failure, trauma and abuse..lack of hope or relief... sometimes things are out of balance but i think more often than not its a symptom of a sick and unhealthy society... Depression and suicide is an. Epidemic of these last few generations... —> have our brains all short circuted or is it a sign of something else thats fallen out of sync... Animals are always the best therapy.. the amount of times its my dog who has been the saving grace
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Sheila Weila 5 years ago
I had two cats, but I didn't start to snap out of depression until I was caring for 7 motherless kittens 24/7.
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Charlotte-Louise Troman 5 years ago
Sometimes I don't even want to be pulled out of the rabbit hole.
#6
And The Fog Just Takes Over So I Can't See At All
Final score:
27points
#7
I Just Deal With The Bizarre Ways They Make Themselves Feel Like They're Doing Something To 'Help'
Final score:
27points
#9
If I'm Doing Ok.... I'm Sure To Be Reminded That I'm Actually Not
Final score:
25points
#10
And Don't Get To Close. If You Do, I'll End Up Pushing You Away
Final score:
25points
#11
So I Feel A Bit Stuck In My Own Thoughts
Final score:
24points
#12
When I Have Braved People To Talk, I Realise There Isn't A Lot Of Point To It
Final score:
24points
#13
People Meaning Well Hurt Me More Than They Could Ever Imagine
Final score:
23points
#14
If I Don't Hide My Feelings, I Have This Magical Gift Of Draining Everyone Around Me
Final score:
22points
PastelHope 5 years ago (edited)
You won't drain people if you show your feelings, trust me. I know it's hard but talking to people helps, and one of your friends or family might actually be going though the same stuff as you and might be able to tell you ways they deal with it :).
#15
The World Moves Without Noticing Me
Final score:
21points
glorytherainwing 5 years ago
yes. I, too, feel like a useless speck on earth with no use whatsoever
#16
I Reach Out For Help But No One Really Has Interest Or Time
Final score:
21points
#18
They Really Have A Way Of Making Me Do What They Want
Final score:
19points
#19
Sometimes I Just Can't Stop What's Going To Happen
Final score:
18points
CaughtInTheRain 5 years ago
@Foxxy I am so disappointed in your words and hate. Certainly not the person I thought you were.
#22
It's Just A Mess...
Final score:
15points
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Night Owl 5 years ago
That was some heavy stuff. Trust me, you're not the only one who feels that way (even if it often feels that you are)
Dirk Aarden 5 years ago
Painfully accurate, recognized a lot of my ex in this. Tried to help her for many years, she still managed to push me away in the end though.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
Thankyou :0]. It is a shame about your ex. Depression is cruel in how. Isolating it is. Hopefully she find her way... You're a good sort for trying to help her. :0]
Load More Replies...
Magpie 5 years ago
I know I have talked a lot on this thread. It is because I live with depression and I want to share what has helped me. I see it as a life time disease. Kind of like diabetes, or asthma. ( I have asthma) 1--We need to learn several strategies, 2--Monitor conditions constantly, 3--Protect ourselves from toxic situations /people. 4-- Know our personal warning signs. 5 --Recognise how far we have come. 6--Find good professionals who know what they are doing and are a good fit with us.
Magpie 5 years ago
1-- have an emergency plan. Those do not go in that order, you will have to personalise it and put them in order that works for you. Or just dump the lot and move on to YOUR way of coping.
Load More Replies...
Sarah Kate Lamming 5 years ago
Please remember that it just feels like no one is willing to help, and that you are the only one going through it. Please remember that it's so hard to try to help and yet be repeatedly lied to and pushed away. That most of us don't want to make you feel worse, in fact we try so hard to help you get better. We know it's the illness and not you but that doesn't stop it hurting us when you blame us or when we see you suffering. We know that we aren't to blame for your suicide attempts but it feels like we've failed you, that we should had done more and that sometimes you and other people us blame for not doing enough when we feel we could not do any more. Loving someone with depression and suicidal thoughts m is really hard too
KayKay 5 years ago
All of this. I felt all of this. I'm getting help through a therapist/counselor but someday's it doesn't feel like enough because the people around me just don't under stand what goes through my head or how I feel inside. I can put on a smile, that's easy. But to actually FEEL okay is another thing.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
@kaykay I totally agree... i think a lot of my struggles have been from people not understanding what going on in my head. Feeling ok is the hard part. i know there are certain triggers for me that I will struggle to pull through... Its weird... sharing my journey.... and creating a MASS of strategies that I’m always sifting through.. a lot of trial and error and trying new things...it what keeps me moving... I dont think it will ever leave me... It just learning how to manage ‘me’ . Thanks for sharing and the support =0)
Load More Replies...
John Laurens/Gay Turtle 5 years ago
I've struggled with Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I can relate to all of these posts. I've gone through 14 different therapists, and none of them helped, so now I rely on my dog, Dakota, to help me through it. It's kinda like @glorytherainwing, but with my dog. She's the only one that keeps me going. I've failed my family and friends. So Dakota is the one thing I live for.
Magpie 5 years ago
Thank you for sharing John. Things have really been tough for you. My understanding of ADHD and Schizophrenia is that they are mostly genetic and life time conditions. Treatment is aimed at managing the most comfortable way we can. Hold on ! And please check out this site >>>https://www.metanoia.org <<<<<<<<<< If you give any human enough pain physical or mental we WILL think about suicide. The trick is to move past that. I still think about it, but now i have 3 drs who want much better for me. Just knowing that helps. ( psychologist , phyciatrist, gp )
Load More Replies... Magpie 5 years ago
Thank you Chrissy I can relate to so much of this. This is my favourite site that taught me a way to turn around in a new direction. If it is not your cuppa , maybe someone you know would like it. >>>>>>https://www.metanoia.org/
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
Thanks for sharing @magpie - the site looks good - im just exploring it now.
Load More Replies...
Magpie 5 years ago
Malgorzata Grief is hard and different from depression , though kindof related. We all do grief a bit the same and a bit different. Part of the process is that things will NOT " return to normal" . It is all about adjusting to a new normal that we don't like. Please be patient with yourself , and do something kind for yourself daily if you can. Think what would you do for a friend who was grieving? Now do that for yourself.
Load More Replies... Malgorzata Margo 5 years ago
I lost my ex to depression and now I am struggling with it. Therapy doesn't seem to work.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
I’m so sorry to hear.... Sometime support groups - or meeting up with others who have experienced similar loss can help you process what’s happened and the whirlwind that takes over...Grieving is a normal part of losing someone you care about - It takes a long time to settle and piece the world back together again.... Being around other grieving people can help you feel less alienated in your experience...
Load More Replies...
Sunny Topia 2 years ago
🙃... I used to be at these phases before and still struggling with my overthinking things when I make a mistake. I already succeed in exiting my safe zone. It doesn't feels alone because I have myself! I surround myself with good people. Sometimes I will hurt them especially when my emotions are not good. ☹️😞 Half of them started to make my emotions badly and I exposed all of my feelings about it. I never even been that satisfied before.. 🥲😭 it such a good reliever!
Lara 5 years ago
This is my sister. Right now. I really want to help her. I noticed some of the things I say make it worse. So what should I say? Please enlighten me because the last thing I want is to make her feel worse. I am polar opposite. And sometime I think she resents me because I'm a happy person and she isn't. Anything you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 4 years ago
Hey Lara, often the best thing is to just listen and allow the expression of how c**p they are feeling. You may not be able to stop or change the feelings but being present and accepting that she is in a dark place may help. It’s hard, because there is nothing wrong with you being happy but that happiness may highlight and make her struggle seem more apparent to her. You could look at seeking professional support for yourself - a counsellor May be able to help direct you in the specifics of your sisters situation and give you a space to vent how hard being a support person can be... 😊
Load More Replies... Night Owl 5 years ago
That was some heavy stuff. Trust me, you're not the only one who feels that way (even if it often feels that you are)
Dirk Aarden 5 years ago
Painfully accurate, recognized a lot of my ex in this. Tried to help her for many years, she still managed to push me away in the end though.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
Thankyou :0]. It is a shame about your ex. Depression is cruel in how. Isolating it is. Hopefully she find her way... You're a good sort for trying to help her. :0]
Load More Replies... Magpie 5 years ago
I know I have talked a lot on this thread. It is because I live with depression and I want to share what has helped me. I see it as a life time disease. Kind of like diabetes, or asthma. ( I have asthma) 1--We need to learn several strategies, 2--Monitor conditions constantly, 3--Protect ourselves from toxic situations /people. 4-- Know our personal warning signs. 5 --Recognise how far we have come. 6--Find good professionals who know what they are doing and are a good fit with us.
Magpie 5 years ago
1-- have an emergency plan. Those do not go in that order, you will have to personalise it and put them in order that works for you. Or just dump the lot and move on to YOUR way of coping.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kate Lamming 5 years ago
Please remember that it just feels like no one is willing to help, and that you are the only one going through it. Please remember that it's so hard to try to help and yet be repeatedly lied to and pushed away. That most of us don't want to make you feel worse, in fact we try so hard to help you get better. We know it's the illness and not you but that doesn't stop it hurting us when you blame us or when we see you suffering. We know that we aren't to blame for your suicide attempts but it feels like we've failed you, that we should had done more and that sometimes you and other people us blame for not doing enough when we feel we could not do any more. Loving someone with depression and suicidal thoughts m is really hard too
KayKay 5 years ago
All of this. I felt all of this. I'm getting help through a therapist/counselor but someday's it doesn't feel like enough because the people around me just don't under stand what goes through my head or how I feel inside. I can put on a smile, that's easy. But to actually FEEL okay is another thing.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
@kaykay I totally agree... i think a lot of my struggles have been from people not understanding what going on in my head. Feeling ok is the hard part. i know there are certain triggers for me that I will struggle to pull through... Its weird... sharing my journey.... and creating a MASS of strategies that I’m always sifting through.. a lot of trial and error and trying new things...it what keeps me moving... I dont think it will ever leave me... It just learning how to manage ‘me’ . Thanks for sharing and the support =0)
Load More Replies... John Laurens/Gay Turtle 5 years ago
I've struggled with Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I can relate to all of these posts. I've gone through 14 different therapists, and none of them helped, so now I rely on my dog, Dakota, to help me through it. It's kinda like @glorytherainwing, but with my dog. She's the only one that keeps me going. I've failed my family and friends. So Dakota is the one thing I live for.
Magpie 5 years ago
Thank you for sharing John. Things have really been tough for you. My understanding of ADHD and Schizophrenia is that they are mostly genetic and life time conditions. Treatment is aimed at managing the most comfortable way we can. Hold on ! And please check out this site >>>https://www.metanoia.org <<<<<<<<<< If you give any human enough pain physical or mental we WILL think about suicide. The trick is to move past that. I still think about it, but now i have 3 drs who want much better for me. Just knowing that helps. ( psychologist , phyciatrist, gp )
Load More Replies... Magpie 5 years ago
Thank you Chrissy I can relate to so much of this. This is my favourite site that taught me a way to turn around in a new direction. If it is not your cuppa , maybe someone you know would like it. >>>>>>https://www.metanoia.org/
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
Thanks for sharing @magpie - the site looks good - im just exploring it now.
Load More Replies... Magpie 5 years ago
Malgorzata Grief is hard and different from depression , though kindof related. We all do grief a bit the same and a bit different. Part of the process is that things will NOT " return to normal" . It is all about adjusting to a new normal that we don't like. Please be patient with yourself , and do something kind for yourself daily if you can. Think what would you do for a friend who was grieving? Now do that for yourself.
Load More Replies... Malgorzata Margo 5 years ago
I lost my ex to depression and now I am struggling with it. Therapy doesn't seem to work.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 5 years ago
I’m so sorry to hear.... Sometime support groups - or meeting up with others who have experienced similar loss can help you process what’s happened and the whirlwind that takes over...Grieving is a normal part of losing someone you care about - It takes a long time to settle and piece the world back together again.... Being around other grieving people can help you feel less alienated in your experience...
Load More Replies... Sunny Topia 2 years ago
🙃... I used to be at these phases before and still struggling with my overthinking things when I make a mistake. I already succeed in exiting my safe zone. It doesn't feels alone because I have myself! I surround myself with good people. Sometimes I will hurt them especially when my emotions are not good. ☹️😞 Half of them started to make my emotions badly and I exposed all of my feelings about it. I never even been that satisfied before.. 🥲😭 it such a good reliever!
Lara 5 years ago
This is my sister. Right now. I really want to help her. I noticed some of the things I say make it worse. So what should I say? Please enlighten me because the last thing I want is to make her feel worse. I am polar opposite. And sometime I think she resents me because I'm a happy person and she isn't. Anything you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Chrissy - Illustrator (Post author) 4 years ago
Hey Lara, often the best thing is to just listen and allow the expression of how c**p they are feeling. You may not be able to stop or change the feelings but being present and accepting that she is in a dark place may help. It’s hard, because there is nothing wrong with you being happy but that happiness may highlight and make her struggle seem more apparent to her. You could look at seeking professional support for yourself - a counsellor May be able to help direct you in the specifics of your sisters situation and give you a space to vent how hard being a support person can be... 😊
Load More Replies...
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