Everyone’s different – some folks are natural-born empathizers, and others struggle to portray their emotions in a healthy manner.

Perhaps it’s the psychological damage and/or trauma that impacted your personality and perception of things, or maybe you’re just a person that inherited their parents’ bluntness – whatever it is, we’re social creatures, and a lack of sensitivity could seriously hinder our lives.

It concerns everyone and is a vital aspect of human life – it doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic connection or a bond you have with your next-door neighbor.

However, speaking strictly about relationships, empathy is a powerful force. Its absence could lead to constant friction, low self-esteem, and an overall decline in mental health, but what is the fine line between being unempathetic and pure toxic?

More info: Reddit | Charisse Cooke

There are certain signs that you should never ignore in a relationship

Image source: Michael Au (not the actual photo)

“AITA for going home after I overheard my husband say he didn’t want to bring me with him to his family vacation?” – this Reddit user turned to one of the platform’s favorite communities wondering whether she was wrong to fly back home after overhearing her husband trash-talking her with her mother-in-law. The post has managed to receive over 27K upvotes and nearly 5K comments discussing this rather ugly situation.

Woman eavesdrops on husband and MIL bad-mouthing her on a family trip, books a flight and leaves quietly

Image source: throwaway3743p9

The OP began her post by revealing that her husband and his family go on annual vacations, and although she’s on “okay” terms with them, there’s still a barrier that keeps them from being completely comfortable around each other because they’ve been only married for a short period of time.

The time arrived and his family arranged yet another trip, and the woman decided to ask whether she could join them.

The OP asked her husband whether she could join them on their annual family trip; although he was hesitant, he agreed to take her

Image source: throwaway3743p9

The man seemed hesitant, but the author told him that it’d be a great opportunity to connect with his loved ones, and he eventually agreed to take her. The relatives were surprised but welcomed her regardless.

On the third day of the vacation, everyone was sitting at a table outside while the OP was preparing some food – however, when she was making her way back, she overheard her mother-in-law wondering whether she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend, sort of implying that she didn’t want the author to be there.

At first, the woman didn’t understand that it was indeed about her, so she kept on walking until she heard her husband saying: “I know! And I didn’t want to bring her with me but what was I supposed to do?”, while also bringing up her supposed pushiness.

A couple of days later she overhears her spouse and mother-in-law gossiping about her presence while she was preparing food

Image source: throwaway3743p9

Naturally, the woman felt incredibly shaken up, apparently to the point where she almost dropped the fruit salad that she made. She said that the whole time she was there she cleaned, cooked, and helped with the kids, yet this is how they chose to treat her.

The author decided to quietly book a ticket and fly back home. Her spouse did text her but she didn’t respond to anything, apart from stating that she was at home.

Once the man got back, he went off on the OP, arguing that what she did was “disrespectful” and “juvenile.” Of course, she told the truth about overhearing that rather insensitive conversation, to which he responded by slamming her for eavesdropping. He also added that his family would eventually warm up to her, she just needs to stop pushing the idea of being around them when they don’t feel comfortable, basically hinting that the woman was to blame for coming along in the first place.

She flew back home without warning anyone and was called “juvenile”

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Image source: throwaway3743p9

Sadly, toxic relationships aren’t uncommon, which is why Bored Panda decided to reach out to a professional, hoping to get some information that’d be useful to folks who might be struggling. Charisse Cooke is a London-based psychotherapist with nearly 20 years of experience. She has worked in treatment centers, rehabs and has been in private practice for the last 10 years. The woman specializes in attachment theory, addictive relationships, intimacy issues and family work.

Since the OP’s story is mostly based around gaslighting, we’ve asked Charisse to tell us how to deal with it correctly: “Gaslighting relies on us feeling shame about our thoughts and feelings, and makes us assume more personal responsibility than a situation warrants. It turns every situation back onto us and manipulates and distorts our own perspectives. Recognizing when we are feeling shamed or blamed, can allow us to take an emotional step back from gaslighting. We have to stay firm in our self-esteem and resist falling into feeling bad about ourselves or questioning our reality. It is only by staying grounded, dignified, and calm, can we challenge gaslighting behaviour, or have the presence of mind to remove ourselves from it.”

Image source: Banzai Hiroaki (not the actual photo)

BP also wondered whether it’s possible to save a connection if your partner is a walking red flag: “As a therapist, I believe in change. But change only happens when a person is willing to do the work. We all may display red flag behaviour – however, if we are willing to work on it, grow and do better, then anything is possible. When in a relationship with lots of red flags, if there is no desire on the other person’s part to work on their unhelpful behaviour, we can see what is on offer with this person. They are clearly showing us, and we have to see that, even if it’s hugely disappointing. But, if someone knows they have issues, and is willing to work on them, then a connection has every opportunity to grow and flourish.”

Last but not least, we asked Charisse to offer some guidance to people who are currently involved in problematic relationships: “When relationships are toxic, we are not living in reality. We are either living in a fantasy, where we believe, despite all evidence to the country, that a good relationship is possible; or we are addicted to the toxic dynamics within the relationship, and can’t give it up. Either way we can feel psychologically trapped. This is an attachment issue, whereby we are so insecurely attached, we stay in, or return to, unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships due to our fear of emotional or sexual deprivation. Getting support is the best way to help us leave toxic relationships. Because we are stuck in fantasy, it is difficult for us to see the true destructive nature of these entanglements. Seek therapy, support groups like sex and love addicts anonymous, online forums or a doctor so you don’t feel alone.”

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