Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
33
Burned-Out Woman Asks For Advice After Refusing To Cook Thanksgiving Lunch After 15 Years
Traditions are a lovely thing to have, and arguably, they’re the glue that keeps families and communities together. However, if you find that the Old Ways of Doing Things constantly leave you feeling exhausted, stressed, and unappreciated, it might be time for some new traditions. Or, to put it bluntly, it’s unfair if the entire weight of hosting your loved ones for the holidays falls on your shoulders—and yours alone. You’re supposed to enjoy yourself, too!
Redditor u/SaltFall5312, a mom-of-four who has been cooking Thanksgiving lunch for the entire extended family for the past 15 years, has finally had enough of the pressure. She went viral after asking whether she was in the wrong for enforcing some boundaries and deciding that she didn’t want to be responsible for all the food and hosting this year. You’ll find the story in full as you read on. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to u/SaltFall5312, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
RELATED:
The holidays are meant to be enjoyed by everyone. Unfortunately, in some cases, the role of the host falls on the shoulders of just one person
Image credits: Photo By: Kaboompics.com (not the actual image)
A mom-of-four opened up online about how she’s had enough of Thanksgiving being solely her responsibility, so she started establishing some boundaries
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
Image credits: prostock-studio (not the actual image)
She later shared an update about how the pre-Thanksgiving argument developed within her family
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Image credits: pch.vector (not the actual image)
Image credits: SaltFall5312
Many people find themselves stressed out during the holiday season for a variety of different reasons, from social to financial
The holidays are—rather unsurprisingly—a very stressful period for many people. A lot of this anxiety is social. Not only are you potentially hosting your loved ones and cooking for a small army, but you’re also actively avoiding any sensitive discussions about religion, politics, the economy, and why your favorite sports team is so much better than everyone else’s.
According to the American Psychological Association, based on data collected in 2023, 49% of American adults described their stress levels as ‘moderate’ during the holiday season spanning from November to January. Meanwhile, 41% of respondents admitted that their stress increases compared to the rest of the year.
43% of Americans revealed that this stress interferes with their ability to enjoy the holidays. Moreover, over a third of adults (36%) said that the holidays feel like a competition to them.
Some of the most common sources of holiday stress included not having enough money (as indicated by 58% of respondents), looking for the right gifts (40%), missing family or loved ones during the holidays (38%), having too much to do (32%), and feeling pressured to make the holidays something special (30%).
Other causes of stress were issues related to food or alcohol and not being able to spend time with loved ones (both 25%), experiencing family conflict (22%), feeling excluded (20%), and traveling (19%).
The CEO of the American Psychological Association, Arthur C. Evans Jr., Ph.d., said: “The holiday season can be both a happy and stressful time of year in part due to expectations to spend time with family and friends, navigate family conflicts, and uphold important traditions.”
He continued: “At this hectic time of year, it is important that people take care of their mental health, especially in communities whose members feel disproportionately burdened or excluded from what is traditionally considered the holiday season.”
Hosting Thanksgiving can cost a pretty penny. While some food items have gotten cheaper recently, others are getting jaw-droppingly expensive
All of that anxiety isn’t just social, though. Being the holiday host year after year can be quite expensive. CNN reports that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner for 10 people has decreased 2 years in a row. However, the cost is still nearly a fifth (19%) higher than it was before the pandemic, as per the American Farm Bureau Federation. Meanwhile, Deloitte notes that around half of Americans are worried about the cost associated with hosting others.
According to CNN, the average price for a 16-pound (7.3-kilogram) turkey in the US is $25.67. This is a ray of sunshine because it is 6% lower than last year. Furthermore, whole milk costs around 14% less than last year, frozen peas are 8.1% less costly, and celery and carrots are both 6.4% cheaper.
Unfortunately, the same thing can’t be said about eggs. (Yes, eggs are expensive again. Cue the second egg-pocalypse.) Due to high demand—thanks to holiday cooking—combined with a spike in avian flu, eggs were around a third (30.4%) pricier in October compared to a year prior.
The mom’s story went viral on the AITAH online community, garnering 5k upvotes and over 2.6k comments at the time of writing. Naturally, the vast majority of readers thought that she was completely in the right to establish some healthy boundaries. After all, it’s exhausting constantly being the person who’s responsible for most of the work. Everyone deserves to rest during the holidays. It’s unfair to burden a single person at the expense of everyone else.
According to the author of the story, the main issue isn’t her husband (who does his fair share of the chores at home), but rather his family. “His family keeps insisting the others can’t cook or host because they’re ‘incompetent.’ But the real problem is that my in-laws coddle them and never let them take responsibility for anything. That’s not my problem to solve.”
Relationships are a two-way street. There has to be a give-and-take dynamic, as well as mutual respect for basic boundaries
The fun thing about cooking and baking is that it’s great as a communal activity. But this requires a shift in perspective. The point isn’t to create some ‘perfect’ lavish feast meant to impress everyone so much you could slap the photos on the cover of a popular food critic magazine. The point is to bond, help each other out, and—dare we say—have fun.
All that’s required is a bit of willingness from the entire family to pitch in. Sure, someone will need to take the lead in the kitchen. But it can be a breath of fresh air if you break the family traditions a bit and have someone else at the helm for a change. That way, the hostess gets to rest, the family will get a novel experience, and there’s going to be a very different energy at the gathering.
Again, just because someone’s not used to cooking shouldn’t stop them from trying or wanting to learn. With a bit of guidance from everyone, they can get there! Besides—and let’s be blunt here—when you take on new responsibilities and help your nearest and dearest in a meaningful way, you show them that you respect and love them. It’s not just words; you’re physically showing how much they mean to you.
On the flip side, if all you ever serve up at the Thanksgiving table are excuses about why you couldn’t help with the turkey and sides, well, you may need to rethink what the holiday is all about. It’s easy to be grateful when you don’t have to lift a finger.
How would you handle the situation if you were in the mom’s shoes, dear Pandas? What advice would you give her for this holiday season and all the ones to come?
What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Do you have any holiday traditions? How do you typically help the hosts? How do you avoid holiday stress? We’d love to hear your thoughts, Pandas. Grab a snack and share ‘em in the comments section below.
The author interacted with some of her readers in the comments, sharing a bit more context
The internet had various ideas on what the mom could do next. Here’s what they shared with her
Some folks had a different point of view than others
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Phoebe Bean 1 month ago
Ah, family drama, the essential dish in every Thanksgiving menu... I would just get fried chicken and tell everybody "there, that's your bird, now leave me alone (husband included)"...🤣
Tabitha 1 month ago (edited)
Hubby can cook the damn turkey. He ain’t helpless, and he might just enjoy it. The first couple years we were married, I cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal for my British husband and I. He fell head over heels in love with the meal and the holiday. Our families are all over the world, and the logistics of bringing them together would take a professional to figure out, so we all do our own thing with any family members who may live close by. About the third or fourth year, my husband asked if I’d let him cook the turkey and roast the potatoes with it. I said YES before he even got all the words out of his mouth. So for the last twenty or so years, he’s been cooking the main dish and one of the sides. The nice part is that I do all the casserole sides the night before, to free up the oven for the bird, so my Thanksgiving Day is relatively easy in comparison to when we were newly married. The evening before, not so much, but the holiday itself is. Same goes for Christmas dinner. If we decide to have turkey again, we just repeat the Thanksgiving menu. But even when we have something else, my husband likes to cook the main dish. Last year it was a standing rib roast (found one at a really good price a couple weeks before the holiday), and in other years it was a goose (only once, just to try the traditional British Christmas meal. It was a wild goose, so was gamy and greasy, in my opinion), or prime rib, or another big special main dish. Believe me when I say the man can cook, and is so proud when the main dish comes out really tasty.
Ms.GB 1 month ago (edited)
Yeah I don't see why hubby can't cook the turkey? The first year I hosted Thanksgiving by myself I was nervous so hubby got up early with me and we rinsed, buttered and seasoned that bad boy together and it was the best tasting turkey either of us had ever had so that became our tradition! Of course I'm more confident now but my husband was so proud of how good our turkey came out that he always pops in to help me season it up and get it ready.
Load More Replies... Phoebe Bean 1 month ago
Ah, family drama, the essential dish in every Thanksgiving menu... I would just get fried chicken and tell everybody "there, that's your bird, now leave me alone (husband included)"...🤣
Tabitha 1 month ago (edited)
Hubby can cook the damn turkey. He ain’t helpless, and he might just enjoy it. The first couple years we were married, I cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal for my British husband and I. He fell head over heels in love with the meal and the holiday. Our families are all over the world, and the logistics of bringing them together would take a professional to figure out, so we all do our own thing with any family members who may live close by. About the third or fourth year, my husband asked if I’d let him cook the turkey and roast the potatoes with it. I said YES before he even got all the words out of his mouth. So for the last twenty or so years, he’s been cooking the main dish and one of the sides. The nice part is that I do all the casserole sides the night before, to free up the oven for the bird, so my Thanksgiving Day is relatively easy in comparison to when we were newly married. The evening before, not so much, but the holiday itself is. Same goes for Christmas dinner. If we decide to have turkey again, we just repeat the Thanksgiving menu. But even when we have something else, my husband likes to cook the main dish. Last year it was a standing rib roast (found one at a really good price a couple weeks before the holiday), and in other years it was a goose (only once, just to try the traditional British Christmas meal. It was a wild goose, so was gamy and greasy, in my opinion), or prime rib, or another big special main dish. Believe me when I say the man can cook, and is so proud when the main dish comes out really tasty.
Ms.GB 1 month ago (edited)
Yeah I don't see why hubby can't cook the turkey? The first year I hosted Thanksgiving by myself I was nervous so hubby got up early with me and we rinsed, buttered and seasoned that bad boy together and it was the best tasting turkey either of us had ever had so that became our tradition! Of course I'm more confident now but my husband was so proud of how good our turkey came out that he always pops in to help me season it up and get it ready.
Load More Replies... You May Like “Find Another Babysitter”: Aunt Quits After Nephew Throws Full Dinner Plate At Her "I Cried Myself To Sleep": Woman Devastated By MIL's Actions At Thanksgiving Dinner Woman Escapes Poverty Unlike Her Family, They’re Upset She Won’t Share Money With Them
Justinas Keturka
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Jonas Zvilius
Related on Bored Panda
30
43