No door, and the phrase "what it takes for (kid) to be a man", caused serious red flags. Then came "This is how I was raised". Change locks, wave him good-bye, get counseling, IMHO. That may be extreme, but it's a symbol of trust, that door is. That would be wonderful for a kid, I'd think?

Disrespected his authority? Who is he Cartman ?

I have a super controlling step dad and grew up in exactly this situation. I used to get dressed in my closet. Literally. It was just one in a long list of damaging things from my childhood that I'm still recovering from 2 decades later. My experience was a clear case of a mother choosing her relationship over her children's well being. This situation though, seems like abuse and I really hope this woman has the support she needs and can find the strength to kick him to the curb.

There's a very important lesson for the son in here... about the limits of a man's authority in his own home. When he's wrong, he's wrong, even if he is the "man of the house", and sometimes it's right to "disrespect his authority". The OP should discuss this with the son at an appropriate time, ask him which is more important in a family or in general... maintaining authority, or admitting you're wrong when you're wrong.

This dude need some balls, to face himself. My nonexisting kids would have a door and a functional key for it. So you see here, when you take privacy away from your kid, all you get is trust issues and insecurities.

the moment someone says "this will make him a man" ... that's when they prove they are so wrong.

Husband sounds like he was raised in religious control-freak family, and he's perpetuating the unhealthy cycle. Either the husband learns to stop being such a backwards a-hole, or you hire a divorce lawyer and fight for full custody. A Guardian Ad Litem and a Judge would not look kindly on this, it would be viewed as mentally and emotionally unhealthy for the child's wellbeing and development. I wonder what other weird and crazy 18th century Mormon rules dad likes to impose.

Even my husband n I have our own private areas in our home. we share a bedroom. But we respect each others privacy despite being married and it being normal to share everything. It's not healthy to share every part of your life with someone. Not even your kids. Especially when they're teenagers. If you take away someone's right to privacy they're just going to find other ways to get it. Kids need structure... but they also need space to become their own person and to teach them that they're not trustworthy is only going to lead down a very negative path. That's a very unhealthy way to raise a child. My dad n I were SO close n I told him EVERYTHING. he was my best friend. He always gave me my privacy n respected it n in turn it created a very honest, open n trusting relationship for us both. I willingly shared my life w/ him n it's because he gave me the option to. We didn't have secrets. We never lied to him. But had he done the opposite I probably would have never been so close w/ him

People who take out their children's bedroom doors are sick.

What era is the dad from??

Omg. I heard that my grandfather was raised with 10 other children in a home without doors. But that was over 100 years ago. It was messed up then. It's still a messed up thing to do.

Take your son, get out of there and break the cycle. Because your husband is not right in the head. Even though he is a product of his upbringing.

Coercive Controlling Domestic and Child Abuser

Honey, just throw out the whole damn man and get the kid the Hell out of there

Hopefully she can get support for being in what is clearly a controlling and abusive relationship, for her and her son. And with any luck, she can leave and make a better life for the two of them.

Your husband has problems. Stop worrying about who's the ahole and start looking for a divorce lawyer.. something tells me he isn't a good dude.

The fact is, everyone needs privacy at times. The door should have been there from the get go. There could have been rules about when it could and could not be open, but it needed to be there. Believe me, your husband's behavior will drive a huge wedge between him and his son. Just because the hubby was raised that way, does not mean it was the right way. When it comes to raising kids, there are very few "one size fits all" rules.

I don't understand, what bedroom doesn't have a door on it already?

According my local child protective services, no door to a child's room is child abuse and grounds to remove the child from the parents' care entirely.

I certainly know what I was getting up to in my room at 14. Hint: "Getting up" was an intentional pun. Remember: If your teenage son is doing that in his room, then he's NOT out there somewhere getting some teenage girl knocked up.

How is that not child abuse? Privacy is a right. I knock before entering my 5-yr-old‘s room when she has her door closed.

Growing up, I had zero privacy and none of my boundaries had ever been respected. I have almost no relationship with my mother, developed extreme trust issues and I'm so obsessive with my privacy and so protective of my belongings, that my best friend of over 20 years can count on a hand how many times she's been in my house. As you can imagine, my relationships don't work out too well, I'm single af and will need therapy for the rest of my life. DO NOT F*****G DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! We are not your property!

We moved in a bigger flat when i was 12 and my sister 17 in order to have separate rooms for us, the daughters.No locks on those doors, but my parents always knocked, asking if we can open our doors to talk to each other.Yeah, also my mom talked to us about sexual education when we were 13 yo.(Now i am 51.)

Is not having doors an American thing? I have read about similar cases here, but never heard of it before. A house with missing doors sounds totally absurd to me. Is there also no bathroom key? Don't these kids freeze in the winter without a door?

Husband is a complete AH. Abusive too. I'd have divorced him long time ago so my kid wasn't exposed to his toxic masculinity. And EVERYONE deserves privacy.

That dad is violating some serious privacy. Poor kid. My dad’s taken off my door for short periods of time if I slam it, but it’s horrifying that this kid’s dad didn’t let him have a door. Teenagers deserve the same amount of respect as adults do, and we need our privacy and space.

my dad used to do this. I had to hide in a corner away from the door to get changed because hed make me get changed while he was in direct line of sight to the door. My family was...yikes.

Offcourse, havent thought off it like that. Western privilegie makes blind!

Some commentors are really focussing on the age gap and I don't think that's the problem. My parents were only three years apart in age and he was abusive and disrespectful and acted similar to this (and yes, she did leave him, taking us along). It has to do with respect and parent equality in the home. Major red flags!

The husband is clearly a narcissistic control freak and a moron. Full stop.