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Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

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When you meet a new person, it’s not unusual to check out their social media or google their name to see what will come up. But it gets weird and creepy when it doesn’t stop there and you do a proper background check of a person you are planning to marry.

Finding out that a person you trusted your life to was compiling a file on you, your family and childhood friends may shock you and there is no way of telling what that reaction would be. When redditor sherlockholmes498 realized that exact thing happened to her, she kind of lost it and is asking the internet if she might have overreacted.

More info: Reddit

The OP went on a vacation with her husband’s family and accidentally found out he ran a background check before they got engaged

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: Alessandro Valli (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) has been married to her husband for three years and they’d been together for 2.5 years before getting married. They were on a vacation with her husband’s family and she wasn’t really interested in joining their activities a few times, so she wanted to stay home.

Because sherlockholmes498 didn’t bring her computer with her, her husband let her use his so that she wouldn’t be bored. While using her husband’s computer, the wife made a folder with her own name to keep her activities organized.

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Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: sherlockholmes498

The husband gave her wife his computer as she didn’t bring hers so she would have something to do while she didn’t want to go out with the rest of the family

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: sherlockholmes498

One time she was searching for that folder and typed in her name to find it and didn’t expect there to be another one. However, it had beencreated by her husband and not her. When the OP opened it, she found that there was a full report not only on her, but her family and friends.

At first she felt betrayed, but when she saw that there was information about her family that she didn’t know herself and the husband never mentioned it, sherlockholmes498 started to get angry.

While typing in her name, she found a file containing a report of an investigation done on her, her family and two childhood friends

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Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: sherlockholmes498

The woman read as much as she could before the husband and his family came back and in her own words, she exploded on him in front of everyone. The husband immediately tried to calm down his wife saying that it was no big deal and his cousin thought that it was completely normal because the husband was not the only one who did that.

The husband wanted to talk in private and talk more calmly, but the wife was done and wanted to leave. She didn’t want to stay in that house anymore or make the husband leave because it was owned by his parents.

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: sherlockholmes498

The report contained information that she didn’t even know about her family and friends which made her get mad that her husband would keep it a secret

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

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Image credits: sherlockholmes498

The vacation was cut short and both the wife and the husband returned home. The OP gives us more information in the comments, answering some people’s questions. We learn that the husband’s family is wealthy and that he explained that he did the background check “so that there weren’t any surprises in the future.”

The husband got the report a few days before he proposed and he also showed it to his dad as it was partially his idea. Interestingly, the OP’s MIL suggested her son tell his then-future wife about the investigation, but it seems that he didn’t listen to his mom.

What bothers the OP the most is that he didn’t warn her about this and wasn’t planning to. She said in the comments that one of the things that the report found was a major thing she didn’t know about her family and her husband not telling her anything about it really upset her.

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: sherlockholmes498

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The OP had quite a strong reaction but the family didn’t think it was a big deal so she asks the internet if she was too sensitive to react in that way

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Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Image credits: sherlockholmes498

In the question the OP is asking if she reacted in an inappropriate way, so we would like to hear your opinions. Was she being overly dramatic or was her reaction to the news justified? Also, what do you think of the husband conducting an investigation on his wife’s life and not planning to tell her anything? Do you think it’s normal and not a big deal as he believed? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

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Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

Wife Stays Separately In A Hotel During A Family Vacation When She Finds A Detailed Report On Her In Husband’s Computer And Asks The Internet If She Overreacted

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235Kviews

Jurgita Dominauskaitė

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

What do you think ?

Debbie 2 years ago

I doubt her outrage is solely because of the background check. It is because he didn't tell her. He didn't trust her enough to tell her? Also, it hurts her that he found out something about her family she didn't know. And he didn't trust her enough to share it with her (at least I would assume that is how it feels). I guess it would feel like he cheated on her. He is not the guy she thought he was.

23points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Yep he's a liar and he's untrustworthy. Her whole relationship is based on a lie. He also tried to gaslight her and discount how she felt for his own benefit. I would never believe a word he said ever again. It's not hard to ask for consent and if she said no he could move on at least he'd be an honest person not a conniving liar.

4points

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Rose the Cook 2 years ago (edited)

Probably going to get a lot of hate but among the wealthy in China it is pretty normal for a man's mother to have a future daughter -in- law investigated especially if he is an only child. Parents don't want their hard earned money eventually passing to a grandchild who may not be their son's if the woman has a reputation for being promiscuous. Conversely, my first husband and his extended family were a bunch of parasites and petty crooks from another country I wish my parents had been able to have them investigated.

18points

Debbie 2 years ago

If everyone involved knows about this, then sure. But don't do it secretly.

16points

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K Witmer 2 years ago

The fact that he never told her and didn't give her an option and he didn't ask her friends or family is a disgusting violation of trust. He kept it a secret for years and kept the evidence. Why? To use it against her if he didn't like her friends? If my friend stayed w her lying untrustworthy husband after he violated my privacy I would never speak to her again. This is a huge violation and it's downright stalking which is criminal in the US. He's a liar. He wanted to find dirt on her and her family only to be the one that's dirty. Her whole relationship is based on a lie. She doesn't know him even a little bit. He's a lying sociopathic stranger. And then he tries to gaslight her and tell her it's no big deal totally discounting how she feels. He's a vile pos. Consent!! How does no one understand what the F consent is. Honesty is not a part of his world. Who wants to be w a conniving liar.

4points

Scott T Brynildsen 2 years ago

No hate from me. I agree with you. I'm sure he had a reason that she made absolutely no mention of in her tirade. I should have done one on my ex husband and saved myself a lot of time and money.

4points

ForgotMyPWSendHelp 2 years ago (edited)

This situation is so weird that I find it hard to even form an opinion on it. If I found out someone ran a background check on me, I don't think I'd care because I have nothing to hide. I guess if they ran one on my family and friends, I would find that strange, but tbh, I wish I could run background checks on some of my ex's friends because I don't trust them around children (I have legitimately considered running checks on them actually, but he promises he never leaves our daughter alone with any friends I don't know and trust; I'll straight up kill him if he's lying and something happens to her). But I'm convinced there's more to this story and this guy is maybe Chinese like you mention or he's stinking rich, and this is normal for people with that kind of money. I don't know. I just don't see myself getting that mad about it.

2points

Frannie Kaplan 2 years ago

"A reputation for being promiscuous" and what would that be? Many Chinese women are no longer marrying Chinese men due to their antics. And what does it have to do with money?

0points

Rucha Vanarase 2 years ago

NAH - no asshole here. Both were right and wrong. Husband was right to do a background check. I have heard of multiple cases where people should have done background checks, and YIKES. Husband was wrong to not tell her he checked on her once he knew there was nothing sus and he really loved her. If not then, at least before getting married? He was also wrong to not delete the folder! If everything is fine why keep the stuff? Wife was right to be upset that this was kept from her, and also right to leave. But it would be wrong to leave him or something drastic just because he ran a background check. It's called being careful.

11points

Tamora Spiller 2 years ago

I'm pro background checking everyone I date. I'll tell you if you ask, but I expect you to do the same of me. Though I don't see a need for extended family and friends. But the person themselves? Totally checking, because I've found some seedy stuff that saved me in the long run.

11points

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Aria Whitaker 2 years ago (edited)

No when you are checking on people that have nothing to do with their relationship...like her FRIENDS, her mom, her dad....that is WAY past "being careful". That is a full on invasion of privacy and completely unacceptable.

5points

Brian Michael 2 years ago

Nah all those people have an affect on a person. You can be with someone who is normal and a good background but a very criminal family. It could take years but eventually that family may have a negative affect on your partner and your life. These are fair things to think about, I have personally seen friends bypass obvious issues with their partners based on the crappy family only to be financially and emotionally damaged by the partners family affecting their lives.

1point

K Witmer 2 years ago

He lied to her. The whole relationship is a lie and he ran background checks in everyone she knew. That is not normal. He did not get consent. She could not make an informed decision about him. Now she's blindsided w a conniving liar. He's a sociopath. Why couldn't he be honest? Bc he was afraid she'd leave him. That's her very right if she did. He gave her no choice for his own benefit it's selfish and manipulative. He's a liar and she's well rid of him.

0points

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Debbie 2 years ago

I doubt her outrage is solely because of the background check. It is because he didn't tell her. He didn't trust her enough to tell her? Also, it hurts her that he found out something about her family she didn't know. And he didn't trust her enough to share it with her (at least I would assume that is how it feels). I guess it would feel like he cheated on her. He is not the guy she thought he was.

23points

K Witmer 2 years ago

Yep he's a liar and he's untrustworthy. Her whole relationship is based on a lie. He also tried to gaslight her and discount how she felt for his own benefit. I would never believe a word he said ever again. It's not hard to ask for consent and if she said no he could move on at least he'd be an honest person not a conniving liar.

4points

Load More Replies...

Rose the Cook 2 years ago (edited)

Probably going to get a lot of hate but among the wealthy in China it is pretty normal for a man's mother to have a future daughter -in- law investigated especially if he is an only child. Parents don't want their hard earned money eventually passing to a grandchild who may not be their son's if the woman has a reputation for being promiscuous. Conversely, my first husband and his extended family were a bunch of parasites and petty crooks from another country I wish my parents had been able to have them investigated.

18points

Debbie 2 years ago

If everyone involved knows about this, then sure. But don't do it secretly.

16points

Load More Replies...

K Witmer 2 years ago

The fact that he never told her and didn't give her an option and he didn't ask her friends or family is a disgusting violation of trust. He kept it a secret for years and kept the evidence. Why? To use it against her if he didn't like her friends? If my friend stayed w her lying untrustworthy husband after he violated my privacy I would never speak to her again. This is a huge violation and it's downright stalking which is criminal in the US. He's a liar. He wanted to find dirt on her and her family only to be the one that's dirty. Her whole relationship is based on a lie. She doesn't know him even a little bit. He's a lying sociopathic stranger. And then he tries to gaslight her and tell her it's no big deal totally discounting how she feels. He's a vile pos. Consent!! How does no one understand what the F consent is. Honesty is not a part of his world. Who wants to be w a conniving liar.

4points

Scott T Brynildsen 2 years ago

No hate from me. I agree with you. I'm sure he had a reason that she made absolutely no mention of in her tirade. I should have done one on my ex husband and saved myself a lot of time and money.

4points

ForgotMyPWSendHelp 2 years ago (edited)

This situation is so weird that I find it hard to even form an opinion on it. If I found out someone ran a background check on me, I don't think I'd care because I have nothing to hide. I guess if they ran one on my family and friends, I would find that strange, but tbh, I wish I could run background checks on some of my ex's friends because I don't trust them around children (I have legitimately considered running checks on them actually, but he promises he never leaves our daughter alone with any friends I don't know and trust; I'll straight up kill him if he's lying and something happens to her). But I'm convinced there's more to this story and this guy is maybe Chinese like you mention or he's stinking rich, and this is normal for people with that kind of money. I don't know. I just don't see myself getting that mad about it.

2points

Frannie Kaplan 2 years ago

"A reputation for being promiscuous" and what would that be? Many Chinese women are no longer marrying Chinese men due to their antics. And what does it have to do with money?

0points

Rucha Vanarase 2 years ago

NAH - no asshole here. Both were right and wrong. Husband was right to do a background check. I have heard of multiple cases where people should have done background checks, and YIKES. Husband was wrong to not tell her he checked on her once he knew there was nothing sus and he really loved her. If not then, at least before getting married? He was also wrong to not delete the folder! If everything is fine why keep the stuff? Wife was right to be upset that this was kept from her, and also right to leave. But it would be wrong to leave him or something drastic just because he ran a background check. It's called being careful.

11points

Tamora Spiller 2 years ago

I'm pro background checking everyone I date. I'll tell you if you ask, but I expect you to do the same of me. Though I don't see a need for extended family and friends. But the person themselves? Totally checking, because I've found some seedy stuff that saved me in the long run.

11points

Load More Replies...

Aria Whitaker 2 years ago (edited)

No when you are checking on people that have nothing to do with their relationship...like her FRIENDS, her mom, her dad....that is WAY past "being careful". That is a full on invasion of privacy and completely unacceptable.

5points

Brian Michael 2 years ago

Nah all those people have an affect on a person. You can be with someone who is normal and a good background but a very criminal family. It could take years but eventually that family may have a negative affect on your partner and your life. These are fair things to think about, I have personally seen friends bypass obvious issues with their partners based on the crappy family only to be financially and emotionally damaged by the partners family affecting their lives.

1point

K Witmer 2 years ago

He lied to her. The whole relationship is a lie and he ran background checks in everyone she knew. That is not normal. He did not get consent. She could not make an informed decision about him. Now she's blindsided w a conniving liar. He's a sociopath. Why couldn't he be honest? Bc he was afraid she'd leave him. That's her very right if she did. He gave her no choice for his own benefit it's selfish and manipulative. He's a liar and she's well rid of him.

0points

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