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47
Woman Forced Out Of Her Home After Partner’s Last-Minute Sleepover Plans Wreck Surgery Recovery
“In sickness and in health” is a part of wedding vows so old that in this day and age it almost seems stuffy. After all, who out there would be surprised by the idea that it’s important to help your partner or, even more importantly, spouse, when they are sick? But as it turns out, there are still folks out there who somehow didn’t get the memo.
A woman asked the internet for advice when she came home after surgery to find that her husband had allowed his son to have five friends over for a sleepover. He did not seem to see the issue and suggested that she just go stay at her mother’s place.
RELATED:
Recovery after surgery tends to be hard and many people need some help
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
But one woman returned home after an operation to find that her husband had ok’d a sleepover
Image credits: jeannierv / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
She gave a few more details in a small update
Image credits: BoldBraveBroken
Expecting your partner to care about you seems like it should be a given
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that it’s very normal to expect your partner to help when you are injured, sick or down. Indeed, this has been a pretty important part of human relationships since the dawn of time, as we are pretty social creatures. Getting injured as a “lone wolf” would have simply been a death sentence for much of human history.
Setting aside the social advantages, it would also seem like a normal thing to do. After all, if you love your partner or even generally just like them, it seems like you would probably actually want to help out if they were suddenly sick or injured. Similarly, if your partner was getting pretty intensive surgery, the very least someone could do is prepare the home for their recovery.
Instead, this man seems to have either forgotten that his literal wife has surgery on this day, or, perhaps worse, he simply does not care. Indeed, he didn’t even consult her or mention it until it was much too late. It does look like they don’t communicate nearly enough and this just was the final straw.
Then, when she starts crying, he still somehow “doesn’t see” the issue, despite the fact that her reaction should have been enough. Similarly, him saying “if it bothers you so much, leave” is not behavior fit for a partner. He then doesn’t even offer to drive her. All in all, his behavior is ultimately so uncaring that it begs the question, why are they married?
The husband’s indifference speaks volumes
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Some commenters suggested that the sleepover should not actually be an issue. It’s curious to make such sweeping statements without actually knowing the extent of the surgery, how she feels and the logistics of the home itself. Similarly, in many ways the real issue isn’t just the sleepover, it’s how the husband reacted.
It would appear that at no point in the day did he think about how his wife will be feeling, he did not let her in on plans and then he refused to acknowledge that she is in desperate need of recovery. It’s a very human reaction to get defensive when someone tells you that you are wrong, but being an adult means moving past those emotions.
He does not, he simply says that he can’t even comprehend the issue and suggests that she leaves. The fact that this woman even needed to turn to the internet is evidence that he likely behaves like this all the time, to the point that she can’t even see the issue. The bottom line is that he should have consulted her, at the very least. Or perhaps immediately tried to fix the situation when it became clear that a sleepover was causing her distress.
Instead, he doubled down on being aloof and uncaring, which might spare his ego, but ultimately was enough to make her realize that he simply did not care. That might be acceptable in a roommate, but not in a marriage. As she discusses in the comments (some of which can be found below) this situation was enough to make her reevaluate her entire relationship.
Many people thought she was in the right
But some thought she overacted and the entire situation could have been handled better
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What do you think ?
Surly Scot 2 months ago
Does he also send her to the garden shed when she's on her period? Ridiculous and major red flag.
Nimitz 2 months ago (edited)
Imagine you had several holes poked into your stomach, then someone decided it was okay to expose you to a house full of kids during cold and flu season. Speaking from painful personal experience, getting sick while healing from something possibly similar (hernia) was a foretaste of hell. Those people are idiots to risk bringing other people into the house for at least 2 weeks. These YTA comments are from morons and psychopaths
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
Exactly! I am surprised only one person mentioned the possibility of bringing infection into the house. Schools are hotbeds of illnesses, and 5 extra sets of germs is way too much. Also one of the YTA said noise doesn’t slow down your healing, they are crazy! Of course it does, even if you don’t have issues with being overstimulated, loud noises when I’ve reached my limit cause me physical pain since I became ill 8 years ago. I guess they don’t have an appreciation for infection control.
Load More Replies...
Aussi Panda 2 months ago
All the people saying that you just have to tell the 5 teenage boys to keep it down have never been around teenage boys
Bette 2 months ago
There are always those who impose their own miraculous healing and coping powers on a situation - and this is no exception. The author had MAJOR abdominal surgery, requiring rest! She delayed taking medication and then drove herself to her mother's because no one else would! (some of the YTA need to learn how to read!) Given her partner's complete lack of understanding and concern, she should take this time, recovering her health AND reevaluating the relationship with this guy. When people's actions so blatantly demonstrate who they are to you; believe them!!
zububonsai 2 months ago (edited)
Yep, I'm flabbergasted the YTA people don't understand the concept of bedrest (bed plus resting). My GP told me -afterwards - that my Cesarian Section can roughly be compared to a "medium serious car accident" when you look at the physical impact on your body and the duration of your reconvalescence time. I imagine something similar here. If I were her I would stay AT LEAST the 2 "bedtime" weeks at my mom's ...1) to get the rest you really need and 2) to drive the message home. I bet he silently expects her to do all the shopping/cleaning... etc after week one otherwise.
Load More Replies...
Traveling Lady Railfan 2 months ago
"YTAs" being big gross A's themselves (as usual). Husband an A but honestly...I'm gonna go with a little side dish of ESH because you shouldn't keep the fact that you're having surgery (even if it's gynecological...ooohhhh sex related.... and your kids are younger) from them. It really pisses me off when parents do this. I know, you think they won't understand, or you're trying to spare them from being scared. No. A family that understands what's going on, has more empathy for each other.
Sera 2 months ago
He didn't know because he's only there every other weekend, not because they were hiding it from him intentionally.
Load More Replies...
Pittsburgh rare 2 months ago
We should give a cookie to that YTA commenter who has had several surgeries and "it's not a big deal". Such pick me energy
Orysha 2 months ago
This yta commenter said they had brain surgery : I think the surgeons juste removed it
Load More Replies... 
Apatheist Account2 2 months ago
Sadly my father wanted to "carry on as normal" when my mother was in bed at home dying from cancer. He was otherwise absolutely fine previously - I suppose some men can't handle certain situations very well.
Blue_Panda 2 months ago
Her: "I just got a major surgery and have to rest in bed for at least 2 weeks." Him: "No problem! I will just let 6 teenage boys shout and scream in the room next to you while your supposed to be resting, then let them have priority access to the toilet when you need to barf, without even asking for your opinion! If you feel bothered, you can just drive all the way to somewhere else right after your surgery because it's totally not my problem that I let them come despite knowing you needed to recover! See, I'm so considering and nice, and you have no reason at all to be mad!" Honestly, wow. I am impressed by the level of stupidity some people have.
Pandapoo 2 months ago
At first I thought she was overreacting until she got to the part about 1 bathroom, which means it’s a small place. If it was a large house, where they could be on opposite sides of the house it would be a different story. He was an AH for suggesting she go to her moms instead of postponing the sleepover.
Space Invader 2 months ago
Too many men belittle women recovering from surgery/illness, yet lay on the drama when they catch a mild cold...
Beth Wheeler 2 months ago
This man is an idiotic uncaring a*****e. If it was me I would have said no way to all those kids coming when I just got home from major surgery. Let's give him an inguinal hernia and have to do an orchiectomy (testicle removal) at the same time and let him come to 6 teenager boys. If they are playing video games there's no way in hell they are gonna be quiet!
notlikeyou1971 2 months ago
I would definitely stay with your parents longer. You said in your post that recovery time is 4- 6 wks and this jerk you call a husband doesn't even have the least bit of consideration for your health, comfort,feelings or well-being. He was nasty about it when you got upset. Realistically he has no clue about whether or not it will affect you because he's not the one who had the surgery and he's not a woman either. Also a house with numerous people and 1 bathroom is going to be a nightmare for someone who isn't well and in pain. You started crying and what did he do? Get rude, nasty and discount your feelings. What a jerk! He is and ignorant inconsiderate cruel pig. He's probably mad because he's stuck with a house full of kids now too. You shouldn't have been driving either. I am a woman and if it was me, I would have someone go over to your place and pick up more of your stuff and definitely stay longer and stay away from your husband for awhile. Not just because of the surgery though. Because he is an inconsiderate, cruel, nasty pig. My man wouldn't have even considered doing something as idiotic as that. If I had surgery he would have taken care of me and let me rest and considering that I am already disabled from the get go, he's amazing. If he plans something, he makes sure that it doesn't interfere with things. No last minute bs either. ( I had relatives that used to pull that nonsense and I think that's stupid and rude) . Stay away from him until he learns respect. You deserve better than that. I can bet anyone who said you are an AH in this story is obviously a man who doesn't understand a woman's surgery is. Kids or not, when someone has had major surgery, is still in pain and there is 1 bathroom in a house full of people it's unreasonable. Also when you get well if you decide to stay with this jerk he better have earned it or you're a fool
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 months ago (edited)
How is the 13 yr old unaware about the surgery edit: 1 spelling 2. Now i know i get lost when they're too many people
Bec 2 months ago
He doesn't live with them full time, but if your stepmom has surgery, you'd think someone would have told you
Load More Replies...
Trillian 2 months ago
I would have just told my son that sorry, today is a bad time no matter what his dad said. And then called the MOMS of the other boys to make sure no one would show up.
Ginger Winters 2 months ago
She didn't have their numbers or she would have
Load More Replies...
Bookworm 2 months ago
It sounds like for whatever reason (because of the mass removal?) this person's surgery was more involved than a standard hysterectomy and involved several larger incisions in addition to the laparoscopic incisions.
Load More Replies...
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
Steve, your asinine comments don’t even deserve a response.
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 2 months ago
Does he also send her to the garden shed when she's on her period? Ridiculous and major red flag.
Nimitz 2 months ago (edited)
Imagine you had several holes poked into your stomach, then someone decided it was okay to expose you to a house full of kids during cold and flu season. Speaking from painful personal experience, getting sick while healing from something possibly similar (hernia) was a foretaste of hell. Those people are idiots to risk bringing other people into the house for at least 2 weeks. These YTA comments are from morons and psychopaths
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
Exactly! I am surprised only one person mentioned the possibility of bringing infection into the house. Schools are hotbeds of illnesses, and 5 extra sets of germs is way too much. Also one of the YTA said noise doesn’t slow down your healing, they are crazy! Of course it does, even if you don’t have issues with being overstimulated, loud noises when I’ve reached my limit cause me physical pain since I became ill 8 years ago. I guess they don’t have an appreciation for infection control.
Load More Replies... Aussi Panda 2 months ago
All the people saying that you just have to tell the 5 teenage boys to keep it down have never been around teenage boys
Bette 2 months ago
There are always those who impose their own miraculous healing and coping powers on a situation - and this is no exception. The author had MAJOR abdominal surgery, requiring rest! She delayed taking medication and then drove herself to her mother's because no one else would! (some of the YTA need to learn how to read!) Given her partner's complete lack of understanding and concern, she should take this time, recovering her health AND reevaluating the relationship with this guy. When people's actions so blatantly demonstrate who they are to you; believe them!!
zububonsai 2 months ago (edited)
Yep, I'm flabbergasted the YTA people don't understand the concept of bedrest (bed plus resting). My GP told me -afterwards - that my Cesarian Section can roughly be compared to a "medium serious car accident" when you look at the physical impact on your body and the duration of your reconvalescence time. I imagine something similar here. If I were her I would stay AT LEAST the 2 "bedtime" weeks at my mom's ...1) to get the rest you really need and 2) to drive the message home. I bet he silently expects her to do all the shopping/cleaning... etc after week one otherwise.
Load More Replies... Traveling Lady Railfan 2 months ago
"YTAs" being big gross A's themselves (as usual). Husband an A but honestly...I'm gonna go with a little side dish of ESH because you shouldn't keep the fact that you're having surgery (even if it's gynecological...ooohhhh sex related.... and your kids are younger) from them. It really pisses me off when parents do this. I know, you think they won't understand, or you're trying to spare them from being scared. No. A family that understands what's going on, has more empathy for each other.
Sera 2 months ago
He didn't know because he's only there every other weekend, not because they were hiding it from him intentionally.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 2 months ago
We should give a cookie to that YTA commenter who has had several surgeries and "it's not a big deal". Such pick me energy
Orysha 2 months ago
This yta commenter said they had brain surgery : I think the surgeons juste removed it
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 2 months ago
Sadly my father wanted to "carry on as normal" when my mother was in bed at home dying from cancer. He was otherwise absolutely fine previously - I suppose some men can't handle certain situations very well.
Blue_Panda 2 months ago
Her: "I just got a major surgery and have to rest in bed for at least 2 weeks." Him: "No problem! I will just let 6 teenage boys shout and scream in the room next to you while your supposed to be resting, then let them have priority access to the toilet when you need to barf, without even asking for your opinion! If you feel bothered, you can just drive all the way to somewhere else right after your surgery because it's totally not my problem that I let them come despite knowing you needed to recover! See, I'm so considering and nice, and you have no reason at all to be mad!" Honestly, wow. I am impressed by the level of stupidity some people have.
Pandapoo 2 months ago
At first I thought she was overreacting until she got to the part about 1 bathroom, which means it’s a small place. If it was a large house, where they could be on opposite sides of the house it would be a different story. He was an AH for suggesting she go to her moms instead of postponing the sleepover.
Space Invader 2 months ago
Too many men belittle women recovering from surgery/illness, yet lay on the drama when they catch a mild cold...
Beth Wheeler 2 months ago
This man is an idiotic uncaring a*****e. If it was me I would have said no way to all those kids coming when I just got home from major surgery. Let's give him an inguinal hernia and have to do an orchiectomy (testicle removal) at the same time and let him come to 6 teenager boys. If they are playing video games there's no way in hell they are gonna be quiet!
notlikeyou1971 2 months ago
I would definitely stay with your parents longer. You said in your post that recovery time is 4- 6 wks and this jerk you call a husband doesn't even have the least bit of consideration for your health, comfort,feelings or well-being. He was nasty about it when you got upset. Realistically he has no clue about whether or not it will affect you because he's not the one who had the surgery and he's not a woman either. Also a house with numerous people and 1 bathroom is going to be a nightmare for someone who isn't well and in pain. You started crying and what did he do? Get rude, nasty and discount your feelings. What a jerk! He is and ignorant inconsiderate cruel pig. He's probably mad because he's stuck with a house full of kids now too. You shouldn't have been driving either. I am a woman and if it was me, I would have someone go over to your place and pick up more of your stuff and definitely stay longer and stay away from your husband for awhile. Not just because of the surgery though. Because he is an inconsiderate, cruel, nasty pig. My man wouldn't have even considered doing something as idiotic as that. If I had surgery he would have taken care of me and let me rest and considering that I am already disabled from the get go, he's amazing. If he plans something, he makes sure that it doesn't interfere with things. No last minute bs either. ( I had relatives that used to pull that nonsense and I think that's stupid and rude) . Stay away from him until he learns respect. You deserve better than that. I can bet anyone who said you are an AH in this story is obviously a man who doesn't understand a woman's surgery is. Kids or not, when someone has had major surgery, is still in pain and there is 1 bathroom in a house full of people it's unreasonable. Also when you get well if you decide to stay with this jerk he better have earned it or you're a fool
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 months ago (edited)
How is the 13 yr old unaware about the surgery edit: 1 spelling 2. Now i know i get lost when they're too many people
Bec 2 months ago
He doesn't live with them full time, but if your stepmom has surgery, you'd think someone would have told you
Load More Replies... Trillian 2 months ago
I would have just told my son that sorry, today is a bad time no matter what his dad said. And then called the MOMS of the other boys to make sure no one would show up.
Ginger Winters 2 months ago
She didn't have their numbers or she would have
Load More Replies... Bookworm 2 months ago
It sounds like for whatever reason (because of the mass removal?) this person's surgery was more involved than a standard hysterectomy and involved several larger incisions in addition to the laparoscopic incisions.
Load More Replies... Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
Steve, your asinine comments don’t even deserve a response.
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